Tuesday, August 10, 2010

A short story?!

After I post something deeply personal on this blog-- like my entry about depression, or yesterday's about weight loss-- it almost takes me a while to recover. I've spent full hours today reading comments and emails, and I can't force myself to stop thinking about your stories. Your responses have made me laugh out loud, and think about my own life, and some of them have nearly brought me to tears. What's even more amazing is that every time I get to the end of the comments and refresh the page, ten more have appeared. It means the world to me that so many of you are daring enough to open up to a stranger, and that you trust me and this community with such personal testimonies. You are a beautiful group, and that's not something I say lightly, because the word "beautiful" is often annoyingly misused. But this is not a misuse. In fact, I'm pretty sure the entire internet's beauty quotient is currently being occupied in my blog comments. Don't even bother navigating away from this page; everything else you find will be ugly in comparison. You're all so beautiful, you make Tina Fey look like Carrot Top.

Anyway, I'm not quite ready to jump back into normal blogging tonight-- I think I need another day or so to mediate on the last one, and to continue reading your comments as they come in. I am, however, going to do something totally out of character. I'm going to take a faithful leap into my friend Kristina Horner's footsteps, and since she dared to post a short story yesterday, I'm going to dare to do the same. Keep in mind that I never do this, and that I'll probably keep my eyes partially closed in self-defense as I read your comments, but I guess it's about time.

I just opened my laptop's Short Stories folder, weeded out the ones with adult content (I mean like mild swearing and topics less relevant to this audience, you pervs; you would not want to see me attempt to write porn*), and then I pretty much looked away and pointed at a random file. This is a little vignette I once wrote for a class. We were prompted to tell a story with emphasis on a specific amount of time, and it had to be under a thousand words. But we weren't instructed to be melodramatic and predictable and utterly unremarkable. I just took that upon myself. So. Uhh. Here you go. You're allowed to laugh at me if you want... just don't tell me about it, okay?

" The toilet flushed, and so did my face. It sounded different. Even girls' toilets are different.

I didn't want to be staring hopelessly at the stall door when Claire came out, so I busied eyes to the best of my ability. I glanced at my reflection in the large mirror, splattered with the soap scum of strangers. I looked as out of place as I felt-- a six-foot hairy beast, standing next to a tampon dispenser and digging his fingernails into his palms. It occurred to me that I should say something. I opened my mouth, but my tongue was too dry and my heart was beating too hard.

The latch clicked, and Claire walked slowly out, her bottom lip bitten and her eyes closed. We stood in silence for some time, before she cleared her throat gently. "Are you going to say anything?"

Weird. Her tone was so unlike her-- flat, expressionless, almost intimidating-- but she looked like a sallow little version of the very same Claire. I don't know what I had been expecting. It had only been two months.

"I'm trying," I admitted.

"Yeah, well," she breathed, and I think I heard something like a gasp in the back of her throat. "I didn't wait for you to drive here so I could do this alone."

With a squeak of the heavy wooden door, a middle-aged woman entered the room. Seeing me in my big gray hoodie, the woman's eyes bulged. Claire turned her head sharply and stared at the sink counter, embarrassed.

"Uh... excuse us," I managed to say in a somewhat normal voice, sending a startling baritone echo off the tile floor and walls. The scandalized woman parted her lips and turned quickly to leave, muttering something containing the words "public rest stop" and "indecency." I watched the woman exit and felt another pang of anxiousness when I spotted the blue cardboard box in the trashcan by the door. The same box I'd concealed inside my sweatshirt on my way out of CVS, and the same box whose contents were now being held between Claire's forefinger and thumb, calculating the answer to the question I'd been meditating on ever since she called and asked me to drive over, immediately.

Claire stayed frozen with her eyes cast downward. She was wearing a little white dress, and there were goosebumps up her exposed arms. It was June. I unzipped my sweatshirt-- mostly to buy time before I had to think of something else to say-- and I placed it over her shoulders. She looked for a second like she wanted to slink her arms into its sleeves, but she kept both hands steady on the little blue stick she held.

How have you been? I imagined her asking. Then I could reply, and say something like, I've thought about you. I still care about you enough to be here. I'm here, aren't I? I had to give my mom an excuse, and I had to pay for gas, and I'm here. In a girls' bathroom on the side of the highway, so you didn't have to do this at home, and you didn't have to do this alone. I'm here.

But she didn't say anything, or further acknowledge the sweatshirt, or give me any meaningful glances to let me know that she didn't blame me. She just stood there. Blaming me.

Finally, she said, "You stopped calling me."

"I didn't think you wanted me to. I saw pictures of you with that guy--"

Claire pushed a puff of air out through her nose. "On Facebook?"

"Uh." My shoes looked muddy. Had it been raining outside? Had I walked into the highway rest stop in such a nervous stupor that I hadn't noticed rain? "Yeah, I guess I saw them on Facebook."

Claire opened her eyes a little wider, as if to suggest that she would have found this funny, if she were currently capable of feeling anything but fear and disdain. She might have said, I guess we came full circle, then. I might have nodded and mused that, several months ago, when I saw a pretty girl on a mutual friend's profile, I never would have guessed that I'd spend spring break driving an hour back and forth between Pittsburgh and New Castle every available day, just to feel her against me, or that those short weeks when we were a We would bring us... here.

Because Claire said nothing, I dared to ask the question I'd been harping on all morning, alone in my mom's SUV. "Did... did you want me to keep calling you?"

But just as the words left my mouth, the phone timer in her dress pocket dinged. We looked at the little blue stick in her hands, and then at each other. For as out of sync as we had been in the past two months, Claire and I quietly gasped in unison, as she turned the little blue stick over in her shaking hand. "

So... that's, like, a story. It's no masterpiece, but I don't think it's terrible. Whether you like it or not, I hope you appreciate that I just took a serious risk in showing you. Lucky bitches. On to the sensing!

Today, I saw: about six episodes from the third season of 30 Rock. Ugh, I want to be Liz Lemon.
Today, I heard: "Freebird" playing over the grocery store loudspeaker, which was enough for me to momentarily forget that I don't play guitar. There may have been some rocking out in the shampoo aisle.
Today, I smelled: my own sweat in mass quantities, when I took a psychotically long and grueling cross-country run. Seventy minutes! It felt good. And also awful. Runners know what I mean.
Today, I touched: a fresh blister on my foot. Ooooww.
Today, I tasted: two servings of my favorite dark chocolate, because when you run, you're allowed to consume twice as many calories, right?

Once again, I'm looking forward to reading your comments on today's post, as well as any more on yesterday's. I hope you all have a lovely Wednesday, and I'll see you tomorrow night!

Chipotle burritos this year: 23
Subscribers: 32,595
Nail color: Gasp! Blank. I'm in the process.

*Alright, if you INSIST. It was a dark and stormy night. Two people were in a house, and then they got it on and stuff. It was exciting and undignified and kind of gross, and everyone was really into it. Now pay me lots of money for that thrill I just provided you.


Jordiekins said...

You little trickster, you. I thought you weren't going to make the deadline.

Now, onto reading the rest of this blog.

Jordiekins said...

Wait, I'm so confused. It says this was posted at 10:15 yet I didn't see anything until just before midnight your time. Oh well. Now back to reading. =p

Alessandra said...

1. This is amazing. It is not melodramatic, although I must admit upon first reading I thought the first line was a thinly concealed "your face" joke. My mistake.

2. I veel pay you much monies for your porns. Eet is smexy.

3. <3

Hannah said...

Oh my gosh!!! The story is amazing!!! It left me gasping for more. I think you're definitely on the John Green level. ;)

And the 'mature content' was hilarious. Oh my gosh, Hayley.

Have a great night!


Leslie said...

Hey Hayley!

First, that was fantastic. Even under a thousand years, I was reading quickly and paying close attention, and the suspense built throughout was excellent. Show us more, please!

I've run off and on for the past year, and I was wondering of you could share any tips that help you build endurance/enjoy cross country runs? (and anything else you care to share) I can barely make it thirty minutes without getting bored or discouraged. :))))

Leslie said...

Woah meant a thousand words, not years. Lol.

Anonymous said...

As a fellow runner under Coach Howard strict thumb I know how you feel exactly.
And the story slightly depressed me a little, because it was discouraging to read something so good and know it is unlikely my writing will ever rock that much... when I want to write as a career. sigh.

to_thine_own_self said...

I love your short story! You really are a wonderful writer and I can't wait for you to be published.

P.S. Your "porn" story was so funny. Ahaha.

Anyway, senses!
Today, I saw: the season finale of Pretty Little Liars. I love that show. Don't judge me. Lol.
Today, I heard: my dog whine in a way I swear sounds like he's saying, "Mom". Again, don't judge me. XD
Oh! And I also heard the lady who interviewed me last week tell me over the phone that I got the job! So yay.
Today, I smelled: scalloped potatoes fresh from the oven, made by my mama.
Today, I touched: this cool, pink-like matte nail polish as I did my nails. Btw, what is your opinion on matte nail polish, Hayley? It seems like your nails are always shiny...I was just
Today, I tasted: those scalloped potatoes I mentioned before. I put a little too much pepper on them, though, so they were kind of super spicy.

Sarah said...

I thought it was really great. Short stories, I feel, are always kind of hard to get the story there with just enough background information and I thought you did it very well and with really beautiful (gasp!) writing too! and i wanna know if she's pregnant or not!
and I lol'd at the "adult content" scene
(sorry i dont have correct grammer and punctuation, it's bothering me, but it's kate so blah)

Morgan said...

I love a story that leaves the reader to imagine an ending :)

Katie said...

You should really stop posting such awesome stuff because now I want a Hayley weight loss blog, a Hayley's creatve writing blog, and a Hayley's normal bloggy stuff blog. Your story really was amazingly written. Now tell us what the freakin' stick said!

Also, please write more short porn stories. And incclude the phrase "I want you, I need you, ooh baby, ooh baby." in it. K, thanks!

Michael said...

I really liked the story. A Very interesting perspective.

Jordiekins said...

Wow. Hayley, I know you won't agree with me (or the hundred others who are going to say the same), but you are an incredibly talented writer. I mean, you definitely have the potential to be published. Well, published AGAIN.

Today, I saw: my dog have a spaz-attack upon realizing my mom was home, but not inside the house in an adequate amount of time.
Today, I heard: the Situation's song, "Abby Never", while watching his video. Eight times. On repeat. I need to hurry up and buy his album.
Today, I touched: my hair far too many times. I'm a guy who doesn't usually even comb his hair, so this was weird.
Today, I smelled: my grandma's peach cobbler. I love the smell, but I really don't like peaches.
Today, I tasted: popcorn, fir what I believe was the first time this year. Yum.

Tara said...

Today I saw the many different party supplies that one can buy when shopping at Party Packagers.
Today I heard the funniest line ever from my sister, "Who needs to watch Y&R, my life is a soap opera."
Today I smelled polish food.
Today I tasted baked perogies, pork shish kabobs, and cabbage rolls.
Today I touched a soft baby blanket.

tranquilily said...

You are a great writer! And Free Bird was my class song. Now for the sensing:

today I saw: the website,
heard: that I get to move into my new house early!
smelled: the river
tasted: cold hot chocolate with a twist
touched: my pencil to paper as I (gasp!) attempted to do homework for my summer class

Stefan said...

nice. more stories please.

You the funny thing about this short story is that people don't really read short stories anymore. If people do even read these days they read novels. Short story collections are few and far between and don't even sell very well.

Short stories are almost only dominant in academia. And that's only because it lets you both start and finish something.

I think if people put more short fiction online then it might become more of a goal then a means to one day get published.

Kinda like how youtube's 10 minute limit created a Renaissance of short video.

anyway. I guess I'm just really asking for more short stories. Though I get why people are guarded about them. I know you put your heart and soul in them. I like to think the people here at least have seen a glimmer of your heart and will be as welcoming as you'd like them to be (without gushing like a mom).

we're all friends here.

Kelly said...

Honestly Hayley, sometimes I think that how you feel about John Green is exatcly how I feel about you. Only worse, because you and I are practically the same age, so there's no reason that your writing should be so superior to mine, except that you're more talented than I am.

That story was so good. It simultaneously makes me want to sit down and do nothing but write for the next several hours and give up writing all together. Also, it really makes me want to know if she was pregnant or not. Which is the mark of a successful short story, I would say.

Today I tasted: Lunch at Red Robin. It was delicious. I had a chicken caeser wrap with clam chowder on the side. Yum.
Today I saw: My coworker's adorable neice, which made me all like, "I want a baby, I want a baby," despite the fact that I'm only a junior in college.
Today I heard: "Abby Never" as I watched The Situation's new music video.
Today I touched: The cinnamon sugar stuff from a soft pretzel at Auntie Ann's.
Today I smelled: The leathery smell of a new pair of shoes.

PS You shouldn't worry about showing us your writing. We all love you, plus you rock.

Renae said...

This was purely amazing.

Leah said...

I find it VERY interesting that only Claire gets to have a name. Was this the story you were going to show me but never did?

"Today, I smelled: my own sweat in mass quantities, when I took a psychotically long and grueling cross-country run. Seventy minutes! "


Scott said...

1. Never again will I agree to go on a holiday during a month that starts with the letter A. Because if I have to miss another 10 BEDA posts from you, I'm'a' lose it. I missed this community!

2. That was quite brilliant, your dialogue feels so real!

3. Hayley Hoover's Paypal Porn Incorporated. Seriously, capitalise on that.

Kelly said...

I really enjoyed your short story! You have a flawless style and the characters felt real and fleshed out, despite the brevity. I particularly liked the part when he wondered if it had been raining, because I've noticed that when writers have their characters have random thoughts like that, it always makes it more realistic. The tension in it reminded me of the short story Hills Like White Elephants, by Kate Chopin. One of my favorites :) I hope I didn't sound pretentious in this comment as if I know what I'm talking about, because I don't. I just wanted to give you some detailed compliments to show you how thankful I am that you put yourself out there for us in so many ways :) You my dear, are beautiful too :)

Allison said...

You're a very talented writer. When I got to the end of the story, I was the one left gasping - I didn't want it to be over yet! I read quite a few blogs, but I've got to say, none of them are as articulate as you. I'll keep my fingers crossed that you'll share another story with us soon :)

Dana said...

Gosh, Hayley. That story was really, really good. Stop being so awesome, it makes us all look bad. :) Your blog and posts like this encourage me everyday to keep writing. Thanks for that.

Today I saw: the reassuring sight of 165 high schoolers willingly assembled at campus, during the summer, at 7:30 in the morning.
Today I heard: the surprisingly intense sound of a jazzy, almost trashy rendition of Amazing Grace.
Today I tasted: the crisp, cool, deliciousness of frozen grapes after eight hours of band camp.
Today I touched: the warm, rubbery flakes of Turf on our school's football field.
Today I smelled: the sweat of an entire marching band as we worked our asses off...doing yoga.

I started band camp yesterday, in case you couldn't tell. :)

Afton said...

This might be awkward but I LOVE YOU! Sorry for my outburst, but that was really good and you have way more talent then I can dream of.

Cassie said...

That's not what I expected, but it was lovely. It was so real and emotional. I liked it. It was good, but simple.

Holly said...

Is Claire pregnant?!

Ease my pain here, I'm dying to know!

Krazy_4_Kelly said...

Damn you and Kristina both spoiling us; what did we ever do to deserve all this awesomeness?!

This story was great. Even though it was short I feel invested into both characters and want to know what 's going to happen next. And I can't believe all of that happened within only a few minutes and I felt so much from it. Seriously great work, Hayley. Thank you for sharing this with all of us. <3

Anonymous said...

I have to second commenter Hannah. You are totally on a John green level of writing! And to think you already have hundreds to thousands of people who want to buy your unwritten and unpublished books.

Krislynn said...

Hayley the day that your very first book comes out, I will be the first in line. You are truly a very gifted writer, you have a way of weaving words together that is both funny and interesting. I absolutely loved your short story and it left me wanting to know the past and the future of the characters, seriously you better let us know what happens! Anyways I can't wait to read more!

jenibo said...


You're amazing. I can't get enough of you. Really. I hate you because you're great and wonderful at everything you do and write, and I love you for the same reasons. It's mostly love, though. And admiration. I'm 22. You should be looking up to me. But, no. You've got me pretty much idolizing your god-awful, unmistakable, awesomeness. AGH!

So, you've probably already heard that your short story was brilliant. I almost wish I could disagree.

And yesterday's post was obviously a hit. You see--THAT is what makes you a great role model. Even for me. You're real, and you're not afraid to write about it. Of course, everything would be so much easier for me, too, if I knew I had the love and support that you can't deny you have. Hayley, you're covered.

Belen said...

Thank you for being brave enough to show us some of your writing. I genuinely thought the short story was great. The characters were believable (not melodramatic) and the ending left me wanting more! Keep up the amazing work!

Melody said...

I'm probably just stupid and extremely tired, but I didn't realize until I read some of the other comments that it was a pregnancy test. But I still really liked it! It was extremely captivating.

Saw: the first 20 minutes or so of Barney's Great Adventure, at my best friend's house. We are ridiculous.
Heard: A beautifully creepy song that I don't want to think about anymore.
Touched: Cobwebs and pine needles that had accumulated on our old dead car over the past 8 years or so.
Smelled: Pot.
Tasted: Green tea! And doughnuts.

Catherine said...

Despite what you think Hayley, you are a good writer. Granted we don't get to see a lot of your fiction, we get to read your blog. If that's any indication of how you write fiction I think it's safe to say you'll make it someday. If your writing wasn't as spectacular and enthralling as it is, you wouldn't have us beautiful people here inhabiting your corner of the blogosphere.

I dated a girl from New Castle once, and I'm from Pittsburgh, so your story made me smile. Although we never had a pregnancy scare. (That is my attempt at humor. Haha?)

P.S. Moar pr0n? (Just kidding.)

genevieve said...

You don't give yourself enough credit! That story was very compelling. I both liked and hated the way you ended it. WHAT HAPPENS?! grr you clever one, you :P

anyway, time for some sensual (hah) goodness:

Today, I saw: five little bunnies frolicking around the grass by a parking lot. OMG ADORBZ!!
Today, I heard: a new song that I now adore, and that is always a good thing.
Today, I smelled: summer's ending in the air, and that is never a good thing :(
Today, I touched: a new scarf I bought the other day. I just love the feel of new, unused fabric.
Today, I tasted: an extremely disappointing plate of spaghetti from an overpriced restaurant. I mean, it was SPAGHETTI, how hard is that to screw up? but somehow they did, which left me none too overjoyed, because I'm a total foodie like you :)

Niki. said...

Hayley, just so you know, you're an amazing writer. Also, SUSPENSE! AH!

Sidsel said...

I'm in love with this post. You surprised me with that porn short story (too short though). I started laughing out loud. And thank you for sharing a piece of writing with us. That was VERY brave and I liked it. I especially liked the idea you came up with knowing that 'time' had to be of the essence.

BenCracknell said...

You know, when people who are AMAZING at something but don't see it, I want to slap them. Perhaps not a full hand, but maybe a little tap. Consider this comment a slap, Hayley Hoover!

You are undeniably and unadulteratedly a beautiful writer. You know how you feel when you call us beautiful, and the definition means something entierly different? That's what you are, too. Your writing is immeasureable on the scale of beauty

And as well as being a beautiful writer, you're a beautiful person, too. The fact that you find anything we've got to say interesting amazes me. You're this utterly complex human being, and I'm just some boy from England that comments on your masterpiece-blog. Why would any crap I say make you want to call it beautiful?

Have a great day, Miss Writer

Anonymous said...

Today, I saw: Chickens running around in one of the neighborhoods that I hadn't walked through despite being less than a mile away. (I live in a small city so seeing chickens in the sidewalk is a bit of a surprise)
Today, I heard: A cricket chirping in the morning, I have only heard them at night, and It was sitting right next to me.
Today, I touched: The boulders that are part of this fountain in a small park where I thought about Paper Towns.
Today, I tasted: A really good burrito from Open Harvest. (a local organic/health food store)

I like your short story Hayley and am actually kind of wishing I could learn more about Claire and whether she will be OK.

As much as I like writing, seeing other people like John Green or JK Rolling; among many others, and yes even you Hayley, sometimes ends up not so much inspiring me as making me feel intimidated and that I shouldn't bother trying.

Maybe I am afraid that since I have always only had praises for anything I have created that maybe I will find out that I am not that good after all.

Karen said...

I really liked your story Hayley, you have a good way with words, something I've always been envious of other people for possessing!

I'm trying to think of constructive criticism but I cant think of anything! As someone in their twenties I enjoyed it even tho, it comes across as aimed at teenagers I guess!

I cant really do senses right now because living in europe means I've only seen this, this morning and I havent really sensed a great deal of stuff yet! but I'm going to give it a go

Today I saw: my phone at 4am in the morning because I have annoying habits of waking up in middle of night and not being able to get back to sleep. Of course the one solution is to never look at the time but who can resist!
Today I heard: The binmen (trash guys) outside my house
Today I smelt: the smell of coffee
Today I tasted: chocolate chip mini muffins :)

Maria said...

You are so blessed for having this taland and knowing exactly what you are going to do with your life.I wish I did.And the fact that I live in Bulgaria(very far away from the USA) won't stop me from buying all your books when you become an even more famous author. :)

Sarah said...


Nothing else can be said... oh other than, more porn please =p

Today I saw: the worst rendition of Romeo and Juliet that has ever tainted the stage. Included Justin Beiber references, twilight tees and Juliet singing Taylor Swift!

It has destroyed all my other senses and now I must go to be! Thankfully your short story has appeased me some :-p tehehehehe

KateyMatey said...

Hayley, please publish a book soon. And please never stop writing.

If you ever have to do a punishment for something, I'm suggesting you write 'mature content' about Edward Cullen. Think of how many fangirls you would please.

I think Liz Lemon is my future. Alone in late 30's, love affair with calories, working in TV and referencing Star Wars far too much. I just hope I'm as witty. Something to look forward to...right?

And you ran for seventy minutes?! Props to you!

Rosanna said...

No! It can't stop! I want more!! More more more!
I love your style of writing :)

partyweetow said...

Geez, Hayley, could you BE a better writer? You should post short stories more often! :)

Jess said...

I will paraphrase what I said on Kristina's blog: You and Kristina need to publish books lyk nao pl0x.

Fantastic... And just... Yes.

Amanda said...

What a great short story! Your writing skills always amaze me. I would love to read more!

The Vagabond said...

Once again I admire your ability to be able to share something so personal with the rest of the internet. How do you do it?! No really, how? I spent a good 2+ hours of my bed time last night trying to do the same thing only to freak out this morning and take it immediately off! You've definitely got guts and I admire that. And you put it so eloquently unlike me. I guess I'll just ponder for the rest of the day whether I should repost it...

Emma said...

Hayley, this story is really good! I kept wanting to read more, and no matter what you say I think you can be as good as John Green one of these days. :) Which is saying something because the man is an absolute genius. But not an official genius. You know what I mean. His writing kicks ass.

Maddy said...

You are SUCH a talented writer. You should definitely post more of your creative writing on your blog. I think your well on your way to being every bit as brilliant as John Green. Also, that "porn" story made me laugh out loud.

VTBurninator said...

Reading your writing is similar to the way a scaple effortlessly glides across the non-emo sense of awesome! Thank you so much for sharing, I hope you get the urge to share some more!!

Claire said...

You ARE a talented writer. Even if you don't believe it.

Also, I'm from Pittsburgh, and my name is Claire... so I enjoyed that, haha.

Michelle said...

AAAaaaah, Hayley, aaaah, publish a book. Now.
And this is coming from a VERY picky reader.

Katy said...

I know you think you're a good writer -- otherwise you wouldn't be pursuing a career as a writer. Show a little more pride in what you post, because we know you have talent, and you know you have talent, so give us something YOU love!

I liked the story; you created some nice characters. I think the hardest thing to do in a short piece is making the reader/yourself actually care about what happens to the characters, and you managed to do that very well.

Arletta said...

Geez, why do you have to be so good? I read your writing and think, "Heeeeeey! I want to write, too!" So I'll give it a try, but give up because I'll realize that I'm no good at writing and should just stick to drawing what I draw and leave the clever, imaginative use of words up to you and other writers that actually know what they are doing (or are at least better at pretending that they know what they are doing).
saw: the trailer for 'let me in'... and I hope that it's not another vampire story. That would be annoying.
heard: my phone go off as I got a text from one of my best friends that lives in Hawaii. Sleep lost was worth it. (it was technically today)
felt: far too many cardboard boxes as I pack up to go to university.
smelled: my rosemary bagel toasting in the toaster oven.
tasted: said bagel.

Elisabeth said...

LOL at the idea of you writing smut!

This was fantastic! I really enjoyed reading it. In a short amount of space, you made us care about the characters, which is no mean feat. And there was an interesting plot, and the story was well written... :)

Jodi Butler said...

But but can't leave it like that! Was it positive? Negative? Give me more, girl! (Another words - I loved it. Every minute of it. The suspense was amazing. The tension between them was tangible. *round of applause*)

Snottlebie said...

Your story was great Hayley. As an (amateur) writer, I know how hard it is to put your stuff out there and you just put yours out there into the vast depths of the Internet.

In other words: You rock. And...Your story was awesome.

fannylemon said...

Your story was actually very good, Hayley, and I am currently offering you a cyber round of applause for having the courage to share it.

Today I saw that the strap on my favorite sandals broke at some point last night. Sadness.
Today I heard my phone going off underneath my pillow, waking me up before my alarm and making me supremely unhappy.
Today I tasted an iced coffee that very clearly only had 2 Splendas in it despite my request for 3. And yes, it is tragic that I can drink enough coffee to know the difference.
Today I smelled the lovely aroma of a fresh-out of the dryer towel.
Today I touched the angry, purple bruises on my knees from a rather embarrassing tumble I took last night.

Miranda said...

holy crap! the suspense! why oh why did you not tell us the ending!
very well written. seriously if your this good now, imagine how friggin good you'll be later! OMG isn't that exiting!

okay, here's when i become annoying. I started this blog of short stories. If anyone's interested...yeah. okay have a good day. <3

lanna-lovely said...

Well, while reading this ("this" being the short story, not the post in general) it felt like I was partially holding my breath waiting to find out if she was pregnant or not and then when I got to the end, my first thought was, "DAMN YOU, HAYLEY!" because you left us hanging, psh.

So yeah, basically, it's awesome. You write really well, not many short stories manage to suck me in and have me attached to the characters so easily.

Anonymous said...

Hayley!! Awesome story! Glad you decided to share it with us, I always wonder what your writings are like! I agree with the person who said short stories are hard, but you did it, you got just enough background and just enough emotion.

One of my best friends always tells me that he loves it when authors and screen writers and directors or whoever don't dumb down a story for the sake of reaching the entire audience and then at the end they let you decide for yourself what the answers to the questions are. Even though it's just a short story that you couldn't elaborate on any longer, I think you've done great!

Hey I have a suggestion for your guys' blogs or maybe a theme for 5AG! We know that all the girls are in relationships, right? Can you guys talk about them at all? I know it's nice and private information but it'd be nice to do a like..."say something we each love about our guy" week or...I dunno, it's probably a stupid idea!

I just wanted to know a little bit more about the guys who are "allowed" to date awesome girls like you guys!

<3<3<3 you guys forever!

Anonymous said...

I want to be Liz Lemon, too. I watched 7 episodes from last season before I went to bed last night...

Anonymous said...

I find that your short story properly conveys the anxiety and the awkwardness of the characters as they wait for the results. Your revealing of the reason the characters are where they are part of the way through the story is a great use of suspense and kept me curious enough to read more.

Thanks for sharing! I'm interested to know how things turn out! *grins*

Allison said...

I really like it. I'm not going to be like a fan girl and say "oh my god it was amazing you are like the best writer I've ever heard of" because when someone compliments my writing like that, I just feel cheap (mostly because, in my case, it is never sincere).

Like I said though, I really liked it, and I want to know more, which has always been the sign of a good short story, in my opinion. I think that you are definitely capable of achieving your dream, and I can't wait to read your first published novel.

Anonymous said...

Hayley, I read your blog often but never comment. However I just wanted to say that I thought the story was brilliant. I really enjoyed it. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future :)

Natalie said...

Won't be satisfied until I know what happens.
In the story, not the porn :p

I liked it, don't be scared of our opinions!

PatrickWrocks said...

I really liked your story! You could really feel the tension between the characters and not knowing what was going on with them made it a lot more intense.
Please write a book one day. I'd go to the midnight release and everything. But I'd rather you write porn. Obviously.

Sammie said...

Ahh! I need to she pregnant? Haha. It was great, but not like that is a surprise!! :)

Phyllis said...

Hayley, I really enjoyed the story. At first it seemed kind of typical... two teenagers waiting for a pregnancy test, but every sentence was fun to read. I liked the guy's inner thoughts, and how your described the girl's actions. It was wonderfully written, and I could go for a little more of these people's lives. I'm really excited to read your work someday, you are an awesome writer and person. I'm glad to have found you on the internet(s).

Nicoley said...

Loved the story! How come you won't share more with us? Not on a regular basis or anything, just random like this one :)

RhianonLives said...

Wow, Hayley, I hadnt commented in a long while, but I think this post is worthy of a comeback... Not that the last one wasnt amazing, of course, but I just didnt relate to it as much! I think its absolutely ridiculous that youd be embarrassed to show off your talent, because, well, you have a heck of a lot of it! The story was very good, and although Im not some kind of Harvard professor, since I am pretty much addicted to books and Ive won a couple of awards for my own short stories, I feel like Im entitled to say that and demand that you take it seriously. I liked the subtlety of the progression, and the paragraph in which instead of "he was embarrassed so he looked at his feet" you made it seem as though we were hearing his thoughts. I thought the characters were well thought out in their responses to the situation, and also that the situation was very well planted, because when a girl thinks shes pregnant she never actually thinks it, shell just avoid the actual wording... So, long story short, I thought it was wonderful, Im begging you, you have to show us some more!
Sorry about the lack of apostrophes, I seem to have done something weird to my keyboard and now it doesnt like me anymore. Yay.

The Blazing Snow said...

You're blessed - once you do get published, there'll be a hoard of people willing to buy your début novel without the influence of advertising. And I'll be one of them.

Alice said...

I really appreciate you trusting us so much, it's not easy to do, so yeah. thanks.
Today my sister and I drove to Bishopville, South Carolina to visit Pear Fryer's topiary garden. We got lost and pulled over to a small wooden house with a man sitting on a lawn chair in the front yard, drinking a beer. The house has a sign painted on the front: "Candy Shop" with a little candy cane. Under it it said: "Hot Girls, Cold Beer." So we asked a bouncer at a strip club for directions. Not something I anticipate happening today.
Thats not five senses, but thats all I did today thats worth noting.

and more stories please? Or we could have a "make your own adventure" thing where you write the first sentence, and then every person in the comments writes one too.

Anonymous said...

Your writing really is fantastic. I'm not just being nice, I honestly mean it. It feels so real, like we just came upon these two people and followed their life for just a bit. I want to know more about them, yet I feel like I know enough about them. If that makes any sense. Which it probably doesn't. Okay this needs to end. EVERYTHING YOU WRITE/DO IS FANTASTIC, BELIEVE IN YOURSLEF, KAY?


Caroline said...

Oh my gosh Hayley. You're such a great writer! I think you're approaching John Green-level :) I can't wait to buy your book and tell people about it and say I know you, even though I just feel like I do.

Jenni said...

I really liked the story (to the point that when it finished I was highly disappointed and wanted to read more!)

Today, I saw: all of my friends at a house party :)
Today, I heard: lots of interesting gossip
Today, I smelled: a bottle of vodka D: My friend cannot smell it anymore. To me it smells like nail varnish remover D:
Today, I tasted: half a bottle of Mickey Finns as me and my friend did shots (incredilby quickly as he had to stop drinking at 9:30 pm :L)
Today I touched: all my friends hands as we had a high five competition (yeah, we're THAT cool...)

Ida Ruda said...

If someone like Stephenie Meyer can get published, who could've skillfully shortened this entire story to "I think I'm pregnant. lol what?" it would have to be a cruel cruel world (ye eh, ye eh, ye eh) if you don't.

Tessa. said...

Thanks for sharing that, I really liked it. You and Kristina have now inspired me to start writing a story...of which I'm not sure how long or short it's gonna be.

Petal said...

I thought your story was pretty good :D Very intriguing...I want to know the outcome!!

Josephine Roberts said...

I loved this! You're a fantastic writer Hayley! :D

kira902k said...

Loved. It.

Kai said...

Wow. I really enjoyed reading that, and I think your writing shows a lot of maturity! I definitely don't think it was melodramatic, though. Please post more :)

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