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Saturday, August 28, 2010

My Secret

Hey, guys. Not really feeling up to the task of blogging tonight. I have a nasty headache. For the past several months, I've been having them nearly every day, like clockwork, at both three and nine pm. They don't change or go away-- no matter what or when I eat, when or how much I exercise, whether or not I take any medicine. A while ago, I started suspecting that it might have something to do with my vision (what else could it be?), despite the fact that I've never had problems seeing, and the headaches don't seem to increase when I read a lot or spend a lot of time on the computer. Either way, I'm going to the doctor to get my eyes checked this week, just in case. I've never had a vision exam before, because I have this sort of... phobia. Of eyes. I don't usually talk about it, and I don't think I've ever told the internet before, mostly out of fear that people will think I'm exaggerating and touch their eyes around me or something, to be funny. But it's true. The thought of anything being too close to someone's eyes... particularly mine (I can put my own hands around mine, but no one else can)... it makes me shiver. Not in an "Oh, Hayley's so eccentric and weird, lalala!" way. It's honestly one of the things that disturbs me most, totally devoid of humor. You should feel honored that I trust you guys enough to tell you about that.

So yeah. Headache. Ow. I'll leave you with my daily senses, and I hope you all have lovely Sundays. I'll see you tomorrow night.

Today, I saw: this amazing blog. I just looked at nearly the entire thing.
Today, I touched: the perfect little black answer to my skirt prayers. I've been searching for one like that for years, and the dream became a reality today. It even has pockets.
Today, I smelled: brownies baking downstairs.
Today, I heard: my dad, who just screamed. I think he's watching a sporting event.
Today, I tasted: Chipotleeeeeeee.

Chipotle burritos this year: 24
Subscribers: 33,961
Nail color: "Parisian Plum," Cover Girl

41 comments:

MiLo said...

poop

Mariah said...

I really hope your headache problem gets solved. I know how miserable it is to have a headache - it makes everything feel off kilter.

Kiko said...

That sucks a lot, I hope it gets worked out soon. Headaches suck. Actually, pain in general tends to suck. So does fear, but without fear, what would we have to confront and conquer? :P

Good luck! :)

Cat (: said...

I hope your headaches go awayy ://

and I am the exact same way about bones. It's not a "haha let's freak cat out" type of thing, it's like an oh my god stop or i will start crying type of thing.

Christina said...

I HAVE THE SAME FEAR! I get freaked out when my friends put on their contacts around me. I can't even put drops in my eyes if they're ever dry. It's even part of the reason why I don't wear makeup. I'm scared to put eyeliner on! Is it that bad with you?

Julia said...

Sorry about your headaches :( I get a lot of them too. Mine usually have to do with caffeine withdraws though. Mmm, coffee!

Also, one of my good friends is terrified of eyes too. So i guess it's not that strange of a phobia :P

Good luck at the eye doctor's!

Lauren said...

Ahh, you had Chipotle??? You are the luckiest person in the history of the world. Now, I know this sounds crazy, but one of my goals in life is to go to a Chipotle *with* you. I know, improbable, and a little odd to hear, I'm sure. BUT STILL.

kyle said...

I don't think your eye fear is quite as uncommon as you think, though maybe more profound than normal. I can't get contacts because I hate the idea of needing to touch my eyes. Also I have a hard time watching videos that focus on eyes. Still pictures are fine, but the video-watching scenes of A Clockwork Orange? I have to look away, which really sucks because those are otherwise some of my favorite scenes in the movie. By comparison I can watch surgery shows on tv no problem (even during dinner), but there's just something about eyes...

Kristina said...

.... I have an eye phobia too. Like a really bad one. Like I used to cry when people at school would flip their eyelids inside out around me, putting in eyedrops makes me feel like I am going to faint, that scene in minority report makes me want to vomit, and I could never, ever wear contacts.

That's weird, Hayley. I thought I was the only one.

89ravenclaw said...

eye phobias are pretty common. i have it, my roommate has it, you have, etc.

Kai said...

I've been getting headaches pretty much every night, sucks!
I hope yours go away, it's no funnn!

lucindaa said...

dude, I have the same phobia... thing. I can't have other people's hands near my eyes, it freaks me out to have anything not controlled by me come near them. Ugh.

I hope your headaches stop really really soon!

Kristen said...

No, you are not the only one with an eye phobia. Though I have no problem putting on eyeliner, mascara or giving myself eye drops when needed, I would however freak myself out if I ever tried to use contacts. Just the idea....eeehhh. The eye exam itself isn't a big deal. Every time I've gone the doctor has never been that close to my eyes. The only thing that makes me jump is the machine they have that shoots a puff of air into your eye. Sorry, don't want to make you freak out worse! Hope everything goes well and you find an answer to your headaches.

Long comment over. Hope your having a fantastic weekend besides the headaches!

Eileen said...

Hayley! I used to get headaches regularly all through high school and college. I blamed it on a combination of stress, caffeine, and maybe eye trouble. But about a year ago I found out that I had scoliosis, which depending on which area of the spine it affects can cause headaches. It sounds weird, but I started seeing a osteopathic doctor, and it's actually helped a lot. I hope yours go away though and you don't have any lasting problems.

Also, I have the same exact fear of eyes. Gross.

Christina said...

I went to Chipotle today, too. It was so good.

Kelsey said...

I definitely have the same phobia of eyes. It's gotten to the point of hyperventilation and vomiting when people try to be funny and flip their eye lids inside out or do something else as disgusting. Glad to know there is someone to commiserate with. Hope the headaches get better!

Krazy_4_Kelly said...

I've had round the clock headaches too! It's very irritating because when I get them I can't read so all I can really do is watch tv or sleep. And I don't think that phobia is too weird, it reminds me of Rachel on Friends when she told everyone and they all started pretending to touch their eyes and then Joey ended up poking his eye and hurting it lol.

Hopefully everything's fine with your eyes, please let us know how the doctor goes :)

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry about your headaches! Is it migraines? I know I suddenly started getting them when I was about 21. Never had them before or since. But definitely get it checked out, and feel better!

mmomechanicallyinclined said...

Your headaches could be caused by any number of things. Getting your vision checked is a good idea. Also, you might want to see if something's happening around those times of day. What consistently happens around 3 and 9pm?

I know that sometimes I get headaches from not drinking enough water, weather changes, allergies, sore tooth, or persistent noise.

I also have an issue with eyes. I will never have contacts because of it. *shudder* Eyes should never be touched!

toastburntbread said...

I hope your head aches get better Hayley!

Alice said...

I hope your headaches get better! I get your eye phobia, I absolutely cannot touch my eyes, which means I'm stuck with glasses forever. But thank you for trusting us with this

cj. said...

Don't worry about the weird phobias thing. I am majorly and irrationally terrified of that weird reflex your leg does when you hit it right below the knee? Like when they do it at the doctor. I freak out thinking about it and when I'm at the doctor I always have to take a deep breath and ask if they can please just not do that test because it makes me a nervous wreck. Haha.

Feel better! xx

allysonkate said...

Hayley, my best male friend is in China for the entire year. It's day four, and I just want him back. I can't hide this selfishness 24/7.

The void he's left is trying to confuse me and fill itself with a facade of feelings for my ex, causing me to be jealous of a girl who is soon to be dating a boy I broke up with myself.

Ugh. I can't shake this jealously thing, when really, I just want my best friend back.

I needed an outlet, and you're always so honest with us. Just needed to share a bit.

Thanks for listening. :]

Melody said...

I can't do contact lenses; it's lame, but I've tried, and I can't. I've finally grown to like how I look in glasses, but I still like myself better without them.
Also, it's weird reading the blog comments and seeing so many other people who have the same issue! Usually when I tell people I can't wear contacts, they find it really weird. Huh.

Saw: 42nd Street.
Heard: My dad awkwardly telling my sister and me that he's dating again. Ehhh. It was uncomfortable.
Touched: My new phone =D
Smelled: Cheese and spaghetti and stuff.
Tasted: Cherry turnovers. Mmmm.

Steve said...

I used to get regular headaches when i was younger, and pretty much nothing the doctor gave me or told me to do (medicine, diet, less tv/computer, more sleep) seemed to help.
When i was about 15 (these migraines had been happening since i was 11) he prescribed me the strongest thing he could; Rizatriptan, which i would take with 2 ibuprofen, have a nap for an hour or 2, and i'd be fine.
Over the past 2 years (i'm now 20), the migraines have been less frequent, and the only variable i have noticed is whether i'm wearing my glasses or not. I don't even have bad eyesight. I use them for reading and computers, but for more than a year now, i've been wearing them all the time and the migraines have all but disappeared.
I hope you get sorted. Headaches suck. <3

Freya said...

I Have a phobia of eyes to and my friends do exactly the same to wind me up :O it's really annoying

Amy said...

I think the answer to your fear of eyes is to fly down to suburban NSW Australia and visit the optomotrist that I work in. . .
No? Wishful thinking?

I have a friend who's terribly afraid of eyes too, although more to look at cloesly or touch them rather than the safety of her own.

Good luck!

Cate said...

I think even minor changes in your vision can cause headaches and problems like that. I've been wearing glasses for the past fourteen years and every time I go for a check up it's because I'm getting headaches rather than because I've noticed a difference in my vision.

If I were you I'd try and get through the eye exam as normal, because it'll feel like a big achievement if you can confront your fears like that. If it's making you feel too nervous, let your optician know. As you can see even from the comments on this entry, your phobia isn't as weird as you think it is, and so more likely than not your optician will have experience giving eye exams to customers with eye phobias.

I really hope you feel better soon :)

Maggie said...

Urg, I CANNOT deal with people touching their eyes. Even talking about things like touching them or hearing about how someone got poked in the eye... it makes my eyes HURT. I'd say it's a borderline phobia for me.

Unfortunately, I have terrible vision, and must regularly go through the torture of optometrist visits. Actually, it's not that bad. The worst part is when they have to shine a light in your eye. The rest is fine. It's reading! We can do that!

Anonymous said...

My eyeball was cut when I was 10 by a gnat when I was riding my bike so I definitely have a fear of eyes (I'm much older now). If your doc is any good, you can let him know your fear and he'll slowly walk through everything with you. Some choose not to touch eyes or put anything in them unless it's really needed so you may have nothing to worry about. The machine you look through is nothing at all so please don't worry about that :)

I too started having headaches at your age and it was because one of my eyes focuses easier than the other...not because I can't see or anything. The eye that couldn't was basically trying harder to keep up with the "good" one so that caused the headaches. I got my first pair of glasses to use when reading or on the computer a lot...after using them a while I stopped having headaches.

I still have glasses but never wear them anymore because it's more of a bother to keep up with them than anything else. No more headaches :)

Hopefully you're eyes will kind of adjust on their own over time.

Hope it goes well!

DiscoAutomatic said...

If I may ask, where did you get the awesome black skirt with the pockets? It sounds like a major fashion staple!

Rosanna said...

I absolutely hate the thought of anything touching my eye. It just seems do creepy and horrible. I hate anything coming near my eyes, it is just wrong! x

Ellery said...

This might make you feel better.

I have worn glasses for over 4 years. I wanted to go to the eye doctor to try out contacts. I thought it would be the kind of thing where they let me try them on my own until I get the hang of it. But NO. The lady did it FOR me. Like you said, I can do whatever I want in and around my eyes, but no one else can. I immediately blacked out and had to sit down. Needless to say, I'm still wearing glasses, and that probably won't ever change.

This was not meant to freak you out. I just wanted you to know you're not alone in the physical-eye-contact-fearing department. :)

Kate said...

i know someone else that has an eye phobia - if you can call it that.
she was in my anatomy lab last semester (and we were dealing with cadavers) and her group had to keep a sheet over the guy's face the entire time. when we got to the face she tried to toughen up, and said she was alright, but then started balling and almost fainted when they opened his eyes.

that story probably didn't help much, but now you know you're not alone in your eye problem :)
GOOD LUCK!!

kira902k said...

Ah, I'm sorry. I hope you figure out the headache issue. :S
And I get your phobia thing, when I tell people I'm insectophobic, they don't get it. They'll start describing bugs crawling on me or eating ---
i can't even type it here. but no one freaking understands that it's serious and I'm horrified. Blah.

Dani said...

I have the exact same eyes thing - people constantly try to creep me out with it, and I just have to walk away.
Then I can't stop imagining it for several hours, and I just feel REALLY sick. It's awful - I feel your pain.

karen said...

sorry to hear about your headaches hayley, i use to get them all the time and found out it was from stress, not that i felt stressed at the time it was a bit weird my body was tellin me i was! Anyway i had knots in the muscles in my neck causin the headaches so went to accupunture to get rid of them. If you dont find the source of your problem you could look into that :) bringin me to my next point i dont have a fear of eyes but my best friend does (she's a nurse and is living in fear she's have to deal with a patient with eye injury) my fear is of needles and anything cutting/puncturing veins i cant even wear anything around my wrists! I think thats much more irrational to fear than eyes but i cant help it!

Sarah said...

My eyes are really light sensitive so I know how it feels to get those nasty headaches. I actually can't often be in cars at night - especially on long trips where we have to go on highways. The light - dark - light - dark as we pass street lamps literally kills my brain! I have to close my eyes 90% of the time, or make sure I take pain killers before hand.

Hope you feel better soon! *hugs*

inkstainedpages said...

I don't have an eye phobia, but speaking of weird ones... I have this completely irrational fear of small pieces of ripped-up paper. Same way as you, like it's an honest-to-God fear, and if people find out they usually make fun of me by putting ripped up paper near me. But it's not funny!!

So you're not the only one with a weird phobia. I hope you find a solution to your headaches!

Fusion goes blog said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NiO639g4HY
you're in good company indeed. :)

distinctivelyky said...

I hope the headache situation gets sorted out. :/ I have the same fear of eyes. I've been wearing contacts since third grade, so I got over the touching-my-own-eyes issue, but anything else I can't handle.

Good luck with it!