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Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Bad News

I'm depressed. I keep forcing myself to go for walks around my neighborhood, trying to clear my head and burn off some of the feelings I've been eating, but it's not working. Boyfriend and family members keep calling to ask how I'm doing, and I keep mumbling "fine." I am fine. I'm just depressed, too.

I haven't mentioned it yet because I like to convince myself that if I ignore something, it becomes untrue. Our relationship is all about dissecting feelings from a distant, mature angle, rather than getting overly caught up in emotions, so, until now, I've been a grown-up. I haven't walked around crying, and I haven't blogged about it, and I haven't even had a full conversation with her on the subject. I've behaved graciously all summer, but my heart is too heavy tonight for me to continue pretending. In three weeks, my very best friend is moving 2,474 miles away.

I hate being emo like this, but if you've been reading my blog for a while, you know how insanely close I am with Jess. She's been my absolute soulmate since we were four years old. We've never had a fight. She's one of the few people in the world I could never get tired of, even after straight weeks of nonstop togetherness. We are intense. And she's moving to Oregon.

I really don't even know what to say about it. I am genuinely thrilled for her-- she bought a one-way ticket across the country with the intention of starting a new, exciting life all by herself. I'm too nervous and skeptical of a person to try something like that. It's so right that she's doing it. What's more, she's doing it right now. Not giving herself any opportunity to be one of those people who takes local job after local job and never ends up leaving our small midwestern city. That's awesome. I'm excited and happy and anxious and proud for her. But I'm still... I mean. I knew that someday we'd grow up and have to live separate lives, but I didn't prepare for it to be so soon. I don't want her to stay here; she's supposed to go. And I don't want to go with her, because it wouldn't be anywhere near the right thing for me. And I don't want to go back in time and I don't want time to stop. It's just something that's Real and Now and unchangeable and, despite the good circumstances, it's really, really painful.

It hurts to need something you don't want.

62 comments:

yasmiona said...

I'm sorry to hear that, Hayley. I suggest listening to anything (absolutely anything) by Mika to cheer up a little.
I moved every year when I was younger, and it was like a little piece of my heart was left behind everytime. That sounded horribly corny, but it's true.
Today we have skype, vlogs, facebook, twitter, dailybooth, and blogs so it almost seems like people never leave...I know it's not the same, but you could try
And there's always the possibility of visits, right?
Good luck.

Paloma said...

It hurts to even read this.

I can't tell you a personal experience, because I've never had such an awesome relationship. All I can say and assure you is that it will get easier with time. You don't have to stop seeing each other (I'm pretty sure you've already talked about Skype, phone calls, etc.)

Cheer up. You are too pretty to be sad.

Gina said...

Oh, Hayley. It makes me sad for you to be like this...but if you two've known each other since you were four, your friendship's lasted for 15 years. That's as long as I've been alive--it's not about to dry out and snap just because of a little distance. I'm sure you know that, because you're a brilliant and sensible person. But reassurance never hurts.

Anyways, wish Jess the best from yo faithful blog commenterzz. We all less than three you both, and we know you'll stay friends no matter what obstacles you face.

GillianisAslan said...

My best friend transferred to private school and my other best friend moved to Africa. I know the feeling. But trust me, crying about it sucks. I did it, but then I realized I should move on and find a distraction. My next distraction was a plethora of bad ideas that made my life spiral out of control. So, now I've been watching "Veronica Mars" and I've been feeling better because of it. I'm out of that dysfunctional state now, and I feel that the show had a lot to do with it. I know it sounds lame, but it shows that you can be badass and awesome without other people, and that self-confidence trumps all. I can't claim to know the extent of your situation, but I recommend it. It definitely helped. Like I said yesterday, I like making people happy, so if there's anything at all I can do to help, tell us!

cassiumpotassium said...

I know you'll hear this a ton, but seriously, keep your head up. I find when I'm sloping into that depression phase to start thinking about what's in store in the future. You will get to see her & everything will be okay! It really, really will. I promise! & if it isn't, you can hunt me down & beat me. :p

Me & my two best friends live in three separate states. We may not talk all the time, but we make sure we take the time to talk on stuff like skype & text each other as much as we can. It's been four years that we've been separated & we're still the very best of friends.

Like I said, it'll be okay. You just have to keep your head up. :)

cassie.

Maya said...

I'm sorry.
I know how it is because I moved to California from Texas a few years ago. I visited my Texas friends this summer and it's seriously like I never moved. My friends and I have both changed, but we still have main common interests (Harry Potter) to bond on, similar senses of humor, fun childhood memories, etc. It sucks because you can't see them, but think of the positives: you'll always have a place to say if you want to visit there, and through your friend you'll be able to see what life would be like if you were to do something like that. I know this situation isn't really relatable, so it's kind of not helping. but I do know it's really hard, and I'm really sorry that this is happening to you. :( *hugs*

KateyMatey said...

'It hurts to need something you don't want.' - This is going to stay in my head for days.

I'm sorry your best friend is moving. It's never a good feeling. I'm sure the many, many social sites will keep you up to date with each other though. Things always work out for the best, things just take time.

And all those miles might seem a lot, but she'll only be a phone or Skype call away :)

Becka said...

I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you right now. But, you do know that this won't change things between you, right? The two of you are so fantastically close that you'll remain friends no matter the distance. I know skype and facebook aren't the same as being able to be with her all the time, but you and Jess are the same people. Even if the way you talk to each other won't be the same, your basic relationship will.

I hope you're ok. I don't mind you being upset of your blog- I just wish I could do more to comfort you.

God bless, Hayley.

Annie said...

Honestly, I'm going through the same thing right now. Only the distance is 781 miles. I'm so sorry (but so happy) to hear about Jess. I have an Allison. She had to start freshman year with me and she knew no one, now she's doing the same thing for her senior year but without me. I hope Jess enjoys the beautiful state that is Oregon. It's hard. Trust me, it's hard. But, we can do it!

Lauren said...

I won't be one of those people, who tries to be empathetic with the whole "I know how you feel" schpeel, because I honestly don't. From the snapshot I can use to base this comment around, I know you guys are incredibly close, that goes without saying. But I've never had such an intense connection with someone to know how you're really feeling. What I can say is that life goes on, and the people that matter make themselves matter. Even if I have no conception as to how close your relationship is, I have faith that you two will continue to be incredibly close. So hang in there, and know that we all care.

Emily. said...

I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, but I have never had a relationship like yours. You are very blessed to have someone to care about someone that much. At least you know that there is nothing risking your friendship, and you will stay friends and be at important moments in each other's lives.

Cece said...

I honestly have no idea what that's like, Hayley. I'm so sorry. I know I moved every two years when I was young, so it took a while before I settled strong relationships with friends. The pain that sucked leaving friends i'd enjoyed for a couple years as a 6 year old is nothing like what you're going through, i'm sure.

What Jess is doing sounds so exciting and great, I wish her the best. And you, too. I'm sure with as strong as you two are it'll all work out.

kira902k said...

Well, I don't want to say "I know how it feels" cause I just finished reading your short story about Cole, but trust me, I've gone through things like this so many times. I've had to move a few times, and so so many of my extremely close friends have moved to the USA, or gone to boarding school hundreds of miles away. I know it's awful.
But you manage to have a strong long distance relationship with your boyfriend, and you have so many friends who live far away, but it still always works out.
What I'm saying is, it's going to suck a /lot/ but you'll survive and the pain will dull itself in time.
And it's not like you're losing your best friend. You're just losing her physically.

I'm not sure if any of this helped, but yeah. I feel your pain. <3

Annica said...
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Annica said...

I don't know exactly what you're feeling, but I am going through something similar. It sucks. It's lonely. The fact that my best friend has moved hasn't sunk in yet for me, but I'm sure it will once school starts again and I start a new school without her.

You want them to be happy and you want to be happy for them, but you also selfishly still want them there next to you.

I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone in feeling that way. It sucks so much, but it will get better. Just remember that without suffering there would be no joy.

Lindy said...

It's times like these that I wish I could "blue-skidoo, you can too" through my computer screen and give you a huge hug. But then I remember that we're not irl friends, and you would freak out if I suddenly appeared, haha. Still, for what it's worth, I'll pray for you, and I hope it gets easier!

I can relate to the "if I ignore it, it will go away" mantra for sure, but please never feel the need to be cheerful just for us blog readers! It's your life, your blog, and I'm always excited to read your words, good news or bad.

Thoughts, prayers, and virtual hugs from Missouri. :)

Amy said...

I teared up a little reading this =(
When I was younger I was an army-brat, moving every other year, so I never learnt how to have a 'soulmate' type friend.
But I do know that words on a screen or a muffled phone call are nothing like feeling the warmth of someone, the crookedness of a smile or the way two people can just fit into a hug.
Even though you don't know me, my heart goes out to you and (if you don't mind) my prayers are with you =(

Arletta said...

I can kind of relate, but I won't say I know your pain. One of my best friends moved to Hawaii while I live in Florida.
Oregon is amazing. I love it there. I hope that Jess really likes it, too.
You can make it. I'm sure she'll still always be there for you. It's hard. It sucks. It hurts.

Hannah said...

Being in a Military family, I know exactly how you feel.

And I know you wrote an entire short story about how stupid that sentence is, but I want you to know that my heart goes out to you.

I've been in your shoes. More than once.

And don't be afraid to cry. It helps.

Anonymous said...

Hayley, in this post alone you have shown the necessity of you becoming a writer. I have a best friend who I feel is like my soul mate too, weird as that may sound. And we're separated right now and it's the hardest thing to deal with.

I know this will sound meaningless, but keep your head up and don't be afraid to feel things. It's the most beautiful part about you. Your friendship will change but it won't ever end.

Brynne Annaƫ said...

*hugs*

My best friend from childhood (named Jessie, coincidentally . . . I guess it WAS the most popular girl name in the early '90s) and I have lived more than three thousand miles away from each other for ten years. Almost half our lives. So we never got to experience geographical closeness as teens.

The amazing thing is, we haven't seen each other in three years and we are still best friends. It's not the same, and sometimes I wish we had gotten to help each other through first crushes and high school and trauma the way we did through elementary school, but your best friend will always be there for you no matter the distance. I know you know that, so I'll stop being patronizingly cheerful. I cried for three weeks straight the first time we moved away from each other.

I guess you can look at it as an excuse to visit Kristina and Kayley more often . . . ;)

Olivia said...

I'm sorry, Hayley.*hugs*

KimbraSaysRawr said...

I'm sorry, Hayley. I know it sucks right now, but I promise you it won't be nearly as scary as you think.
My best friend since fourth grade moved to California from Texas a few years ago, and while that's only a few states over, that's entirely too damn far. She got married and had a couple of kids that I (and her family) don't get to see go through their first years. Yes this really does stink, but our friendship is perfectly fine.
We talk as often as we can using our social networking sites, and see each other every time she's in town. There are very, very few times that it feels like we've drifted a bit since we started our separate paths.
I know that it sucks a lot at first, but I also know that you and Jess' friendship will be almost the same. Just spanning a greater distance. You can visit every so often, and still chat using Skype, Facebook, Twitter, Youtube videos, letters, messenger pigeons, and snail mail.
I hope that your depression goes away soon. Keep pushing through it; it will be worth it in the end.

KimbraSaysRawr said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
notaclareintheworld said...

I don't have any brilliant advice but I'm sending you a giant virtual hug. Like... A GIANT ONE.

Emma said...

I'm really sorry you have to go through that. I had a best friend from 5th to 8th grade that I did everything with and it was intense like that, and then she went to a boarding school that was perfect for her in a far away state. I was crushed and happy for her at the same time. I ended up being very lucky because the next year a new girl transferred into my class that I became really close with, but it still didn't make up for not having my friend there. All I can say is that in my experience that kind of bond can't be broken. I'm in my freshman year of college now and though we're different people than we were in 8th grade, we can still talk to each other about anything and we haven't drifted apart.

StephieDanger said...

I know exactly how you feel. When i was nineteen my very bestest friend moved with her family from ct to nc. We had been inseperable since the 6th grade and then all of a sudden she was thousands of miles away. But the good news is we are still the same as we've always been. I've been down to see her twice and she's been up here twice and that's nearly not enough in the five years that she's been gone, but somehow through txt, phonecalls and facebook we are still eachothers very best friend and love each other dearly. Also since she's been down she has met the most wonderful amn and they are engaged. She wouldn't have found her soulmate if she hadn't left here so for that i am happy she moved.

The Vagabond said...

I'm so sorry, Hayley! I know that it's so hard to let go of people and times like that cause you wonder (or at least I do) if anything else will even amount. I'm sure it will work out and Jess seems like an awesome courageous person to be doing something like that. Really you seem like you're both lucky for having each other and that's awesome.

kyle said...

Sorry, that probably wasn't the best timing for me to post a critical comment (see previous blog post).

There's really no easy way to deal with this situation. I just moved a thousand miles away from my hometown two months ago, but did so with my best friend. And although I can't say anything that'll ease the pain (in all honesty it may get worse before it gets better), I do admire your take on the situation, particularly your realism and maturity. It would be too easy to beg her to stay or ask to go with her, but realizing neither of those options are the right choice is a really good thing (and I feel like a condescending ass for bringing this up, but this reminded me of the five stages of grief, and you seem to already be in the upper levels, so... melodramatic w00t.).

Best advice I can think of: just keep swimming.

I suck at this whole "emotions" thing. I wish I could offer something more useful.

Emily said...

I don't want to say that I understand completely, because I don't. But I can relate to what you're going through (I hope you don't think I'm being presumptious). My best friend in the ENTIRE world left for college today. I'm so proud of him for chasing his dreams and starting to make a life for himself, but I miss him so much and my heart feels like it is literally breaking into pieces. I know it sucks and it hurts, but you should be glad that it does. If you can have such a wonderful relationship with someone that it's that ridiculously painful for them to leave, that relationship is not going to fade quickly.
Hayley, you are wonderful and beautiful and I hope that you feel better again soon, because you deserve to feel good. <3

Rae said...

I can totally relate. My best friend of many years moved 1,698 miles away 3 weeks ago. I was heavy-hearted for the whole summer, but then I realized that I should be happy for her. We still Skype together often, but sadly, it's not the same. There is always the possibility of visiting her every few years, right?

Nicoley said...

I'm sorry to hear that Hayley, my best friend is doing the same thing too. To a point. She hasn't left me physically (since I live with her and her family) but since she has started seeing her new boyfriend her and I's relationship has been less than what it was just a few months ago. We have been likethis since freshman year of college and have never really left each others sides. She has been there for me through the good,bad and the ugly and even though she is not around as much I try to hang out with her as much as possible. Because that's the only thing that I really can do. I'm not jealous of her, I do feel a little left out sometimes but I'm dealing with it in my own ways and going out and doing things on my own or with other friends.

I wish you well Hayley and good luck.
<3

Holly said...

Oh my god, I got to the second paragraph and was almost in tears with the expectation that somebody close to you was seriously ill. Phew. But still.
Make the most of the time you have. If you say you can hang out with her non-stop without needing a break, then do it, because it might be the last chance you get for a long time.

Ravenclaw2313 said...

Not sure what you need right now but here's what I have to offer. 2,474 miles doesn't end a friendship. It will change it to be sure but nothing is over. This is the same Jess that went across the world not long ago. You've been apart before. Instead of thinking about how much you'll miss her try to imagine Skype slumber parties and ceaseless text messages and how awesome it will be to visit her in Oregon. My best friend goes to year round school in Arizona (I'm from Iowa) and I only get to see her about once a year. This weekend is one of those times and I know that even though leaving Monday will suck seeing her will make the weekend amazing.

Sidsel said...

Someone might have saad this before me, but it's just like Jessica Darling and Hope! And doesn't that work out despite the distance and even though they have a few years where they don't even communicate? You are really lucky to have someone to miss that much. I'm not sure I do.

Gwyneth said...

Hayley, this is awful. I know because in a week I'm moving 1,032 miles away from my best friend in Texas to St Paul Minesota. We also met when we were about three or four and have never had a fight or spent more than a month apart.

The only thing that cheers me up is knowing that she's more than a friend, she's my family. No matter what happens we can't be separated permanently because we'll always be family. All the cheesy cliches are true. Even though we'll be apart I'll still be with her and she'll still be with me. And I know you'll be the same with Jess.

Jessica said...

Hayley,

I'm a regular reader, first time commenter. Your situation is so eerily familiar to me that I feel I need to say something. Reading the final paragraph of your post, you put into words what I never could.

Strangely enough, I'm Jess and she is Hailey (and she will happily argue that her spelling is superior!). She won a scholarship to go to school in Norway our final year of high school. NORWAY. Who the hell goes to Norway?? I had to pull out a map to even remember where it is. For the record, it's 3877 miles away.

I was so proud of her. She had worked so hard to earn that scholarship. It was going to be an amazing experience for her. Outside, I was happy and excited and supportive. Inside, I was insanely jealous. She was going to go off and meet new people and explore the world. I was going to be stuck at home in the monotony of high school without my best friend to get me through. Up until that point, she had been such a huge influence in my life. I didn't know what I'd be without her around.

She left. Life sucked. School sucked. Waking up sucked. I graduated alone. Started university alone. I was lost. I never would have used the word at the time, but I was depressed. Yet on the other side of that depression I emerged a much stronger, happier, more independent and more confident woman. Her departure is the reason I turned to youtube and online communities, and I wouldn't change the experiences that has given me for the world.

Though we haven't lived near each other for four years, she is still my best friend. Even long distance, she constantly inspires me and pushes me to improve myself. Our relationship has changed a lot, but she remains that one special person who understands me like nobody else can. Yes, the distance sucks. But we are both where we are meant to be. I don't know if we'll ever live in the same city again, but we will always have visits and phone calls and emails. I'll be the first to admit that those are a terrible replacement for having the real person by my side, but we've learned to make them work.

It hurts and it sucks and it pulls your heart in a million different directions. I know. Yet even as someone who has been there, I can't tell you how to make it better. You will have to figure that out for yourself. I hope you will give yourself time to be sad. I hope you will be honest with Jess, about both the good and the bad. I hope you will let others fill that hole Jess leaves behind, even just a little bit. And I really, sincerely hope that you and Jess will find a way to make this work.

Sarah said...

I am so sorry to hear about this!

I suppose all I can offer is for you to look at the positives in this such as at least she is still in the same country as you and at least you can go for a holiday in Oregon and stay with her there!

I know all about having a best friend who is your soulmate. I have the exact same thing with my friend. From the moment I first met her (just over 10 years ago) we were best friends and I know how special it is to have that connection. I am fortunate enough to be in the same city as her now but when I was younger I lived overseas (due to my dad's job) so I hardly saw her as much as I wanted to. Whilst she was in Australia I was living in Switzerland and England.
However, there is no fear of losing touch or forgetting each other as a connection like that can't be broken by distance.

Anyway, instead of rambling on with MY story, my point is that you have every right to feel sad and down. Let yourself wallow in it for a little while and then after that, focus on how happy you are for her and how this means you have opportunities to create new adventures and explore in her new home.

I think your friendship with her can only strengthen as the distance will just make the two of you even more eager to keep in touch and more exciteable than ever when you get to meet-up again.

Take care m'dear and I hope you start to look up again sometime soon :) x

thatgirlonline said...

Oh, darling. I'm so sorry that you're feeling sad. I sort of understand you're unhappiness. I've had so many friends leave me to live their own life and I've left them behind, too. My friend Harry left for almost a year to Canada, just as we were getting closer than ever before. I left my friend Emily, for practically three years, to come to New York. It's difficult. There are going to be ups and downs, but I've found that as long as you don't put too much pressure on each other to always be aware of what the other is doing, and as long as you both have the faith that the love for each other is always there even if somehow a week or two or longer slips by without a letter, email or a comment on Facebook. The love is still there and if it's true, and I'm sure it for you, it will remain for the rest of your lives.

One of the best things about people traveling away from you is that it either eventually inspires you to travel to them and also away from them, exploring the world. I love that all my friends are traveling the globe right now, I actually get a bit jealous, but I'm also really proud.

Facebook can be quite pointless until you're using it to track your friends lives. This has helped me quite a bit, but with the 5AG I'm sure you're already an expert in being an awesome long-distance friend. She's quite lucky. Some people suck at it. I wish you both the best xo

Kelly said...

Aw, Hayley, I'm sorry that you're so upset. I'm a girl who is away from her own intensely-important-and-close-to-her best friend, and I'm gonna share with you some of the things I've learned in the last three years of mostly apartness. The first thing is to not view this as the end of your friendship. Yes, it's hard not being in the same place, but the love and magic of your friendship isn't something that can be severed by distance. This is just a new phase of your friendship. The second thing is to never, never let yourself become jealous of the friends she'll make in the time that you're apart. It's painful, and it's easy to feel like you're being replaced, but stay strong. Jealousy in a friendship is almost always the beginning of the end. The last piece of advice I have is to talk as much as you can. Call each other all the time. Call to tell her what you did with your day, even if it doesn't seem that interesting. When you can't call, write emails or texts. Once you start to fall out of touch with a friend, it's like a snowball rolling down a hill. Stay in the habit of talking a lot.

I have a couple of younger friends who are starting college this year, and when they say that they're worried about losing friends from home, I always say the same thing: It will be different, and yes, it may be harder, but if you just put in some effort, there's no reason that your friendship can't survive being apart.

Don't be too sad. And if you need a pick-me-up, the one that always works best for me when I'm missing Brian a lot is to reread "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants". I swear it helps.

Lots of love,
Kelly

Noahsark said...

*hugs*

That's all I can say.

*hugs*

Emily said...

"It hurts to need something you don't want."

God I know how that feels.

Virtual hugs.

Anonymous said...

Hayley, I've been watching your videos and reading your blog for a long time now, and have only occasionally commented anonymously and/or as Randi.
More than a year ago my very good friend, actually the only one I would regularly see and talk to often, moved from here (Minnesota) to North Carolina for at least 4 years. It sucks. And it still hurts every day.
In response to something you posted a little while ago about turning 20 and growing up, I know exactly how you feel. The only advice I can give you is that many, many people are right there with you and know how it feels. And that the sad reality is, once you and your friends go to college and start their "adult" lives and so on, the definition of friendship changes. Like marriage, it takes work and effort to keep the relationships going, especially when you no longer see the person every day.
But, as someone who is 26 I can tell you that when I get in a room with my true friends from childhood and teenagehood, no matter how many years have flown by, we fall back into the same dynamics with eachother, and it's as if no time has passed.
I know how much it sucks now,and I can't make it better. But I hope you can hold on to this idea : No matter how much time and distance parts you, if it is true friendship it will last, and a few years will seem like nothing in the big picture.

Marta said...

*tight intense and longlifelastinG HUG*

aLL I can say is for your to enjoy every single second you can be with her for now. And never let her go.

I was stupid to let some friendships behind when I moved, but I believe you won't let her go.


We <3 you, Hayley! =)

VTBurninator said...

I'm not going to give you words of wisdom or even tell you that everything is going to be ok. Get off your butt and go spend evey waking second you can with Jess.

HGH you are strong enough to overcome anything, even this!

Anonymous said...

I know everyone is saying the same things, and it's got to hurt hearing people say that they know what you're going through. Whether they do or not, it's not something you really want to hear, because there are too many fallacies there - even if you do believe that their relationship was just as good as yours (which is always difficult - people always want to believe what they have is special) just because they've been through the same thing doesn't mean it's going to work that way for you. So I'm not going to say that it will get better. I don't know that.
I came back from a year on exchange about two weeks ago where I made the best friends of my life. In the past two weeks I've had a lot of difficulty believing that it will get better. But I will say that you can handle it. You're a wonderful, mature, well-adjusted person, and while it will be difficult to have Jess so far away and you will be sad, you will learn to move on. You'll learn how to deal with her being so far away, and if your relationship is really that great, you will both make an effort to spend time together, whether on the phone, on skype, or anything else. So, I guess that's my advice. Let yourself be sad. There's nothing wrong with that. Then decide what you're going to do about it. You can make it better, whether it will get better on its own or not.

Anonymous said...

I REALLY hope she has a job lined up in Portland. I assume she's going there, since everyone is moving there and there are NO jobs. People with extensive college education are fighting for minimum wage jobs at coffee shops. Several of my friends are leaving due to lack of jobs. It's pretty bad.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry that you're sad. I don't really have any experience like this, so I don't have much advice. Although it looks like that's kind of covered by many of the stories people have told in other comments.

I think all I can say is that while it will feel really awful for a while, over time your relationship will adapt to the new circumstances.

I'm sure that you will both be okay.

Hugs xx

Rosanna said...

Hey Hayley, I know this won't help but I really don't know how you feel. I have never been in the position you are in right now and I have never had such a close friendship. But I have to say I think you're very lucky to have Jess. You two obviously love eachother very much and distance will never change that. You are an amazing person and I can tell you will always be best friends. And hey, you could always do a 'Julia Child and Avis DeVoto' and be best friend penpals :) Hope your ok soon x

Alyce said...

I'm sorry about this. I'm sure it sucks hardcore, but of course you can always go visit her. It's not like you'll lose her forever, she'll just be on the other side of the country, in another state that also starts with the letter "O".

Bethany said...

My best friend moved to Chicago. I had a really hard time with it. But she's coming to visit in a week or so, I can't wait till you get to have that feeling instead, where you see the person after a good amount of time, but nothing has changed. Hang in there! Soul mates can't be separated by distance.

Mim said...

Keep strong.

*Hugs*

Kendall said...

I'm so sorry to hear that, Hayley. I've never been in the same situation really, but I know what it's like to miss somebody so much. Stay strong.
My prayers are with you and Jess both.

Anonymous said...

Get over it and grow up. You have no reason to be "depressed."

Tamar N said...

I'm not going to say, "I know how you feel," because I haven't had someone that I was that intensely close to pretty much ever, but I definitely sympathize with you. I've had really good friends move away and it really sucks. All I can say is that you're clearly kick-ass at keeping up long distance relationships, and I can only hope and pray for you that you can do it again. Actually, I know you will, because even though I might not /technically/ know you, I've been reading your blog for a while and I feel like I understand your personality enough to say that I really don't think that you would let something as amazing as your friendship with Jess fall by the wayside. Just realize that as sucky as it feels right now, it will get better and you will get used to it, and I'm sure it will make you a stronger and better person.

Remember that not only do your friends love you and would never let go of their relationships with you, your blog readers love you too and we're always here for you. <3

Megha Patel said...

I've read almost every comment and all I can do is just repeat what everyone says. Either that or just tell you that I know how you feel, but that wouldn't help much. I guess I'll just say that Jess will always be there for you and I'm sure you will always be there for her and that distance won't change everything. It's hard to for someone you love to leave, especially if it's a benefit to them because then it makes it harder to be sad without being ashamed. But it's okay to be depressed in this kind of situation. Maybe things like this happen all the time, but that doesn't make it any better. Jess loves you and we love you too. (:

By the way, that last sentence is so heart-breakingly true. That sentence has a world of meaning to me.

Lili said...

I know how you feel, Hayley. I can't necessarily cheer you up on this one, but I can definitely be sad with you. Skype, Twitter, blogs, etc. are nice and help stay in touch and all, but it's just not the same. And for me, visits are amazing while they last, but I find myself terribly sad afterward. I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I have had to, and still do, but you just gotta stick it out and make the most of it. I have trouble doing that, but I try... please, Hayley, try with me.

Michaela said...

I'm sorry Hayley. My best friend who lived next door to me when we were kids moved to new jersry when I was about 10 ( I live in Rhode Island). I miss him a lot.

mmomechanicallyinclined said...

My best friend told me that I use the word "fine" when I'm not really fine. Typically I'm depressed or upset when I use it. I felt that the observation was interesting.

Mallory said...

You are Jessica and Hope :)

DemonKitteh said...

Oh, Hayley, you poor dear! One of my best Internet friends whom I've known for almost three years and I consider just as close to my heart as the friends I can bike to the homes of lives in Oregon, and I'm a Midwestern girl, like you. We always are upset about how we can't ever have sleepovers and can't ever go shopping together or go to concerts, but the closest thing we have is Skype and Facebook :/ It really sucks for us, but I can't imagine how AWFUL it must be for you! My friend and I are used to using the Internet and the fellytone as our only form of communication and not being able to talk in person, but I can't imagine if this were to happen to us if we were used to being able to just drive over to the other's house whenever we felt like it.

My sympathies, Hayley.

Sammie said...

I can definitly relate to to that. My friend moved a couple years ago, and we had been best friends and neighbours our whole lives. I remember when she told me, we both starting bawling our eyes out. She moved for school, so fortunatly for me that had an expiry date and she is back...<3