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Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Kelly caught a fugitive!

My mother's making a scrapbook of my life for my graduation present. Although she shoos me away anytime I sneak a peek, at the end of the day she should know better than to conduct secret business in the middle of the kitchen. She's currently working on the pages for my school musicals, and the two of us just broke out into the Pippin finale. My mother and I are very different people, so when we have something in common (our love for theatre, our callings to work with abused children) I get kind of giddy. I like my mom.

In REALLY EXCITING NEWS, my sister sent me a text today, proclaiming, "I caught a fugitive!" I called to find out what was going on, and apparently she was sitting on her lawn at school and an escapee, dressed in his prison garb, ran past her. She called 911, and while it was still ringing, a cop pulled up next to her, chased the guy down the raggedy hill in Kelly's backyard, and tased the bro. She's quoted (sounding like the world's biggest ditz) on the front page of her city's news site.
"Ohio University students Courtney Walter and Kelly Hoover were busy studying outside their sorority house in Athens around 1 p.m. Tuesday, when they saw a man running down the street. 'I thought, Oh, somebody's late for class,' Hoover said. 'Then I'm like-- I think he's handcuffed!'"
So remember, kids: don't run past a sorority house next time you're handcuffed. One of 'em will talk to the press, sounding like a valley girl, and humiliate you further.

In youtubely news, I'm plotting a half-emo, half-funny video about recovering from breakups. I think it'll be a liberating experience for me, as well as a good outlet for the equally-scorned commenters. Also, Nikki (babyporridge) posted a new song, and, as expected, it's beyond beautiful. "Human condition says we're destined to be lonely, but maybe I don't want to be a part of this affliction," the song says. "I'd rather be destined to spend my life inspired." I want to be her.

Re: yesterday's blog commets, I have a few things to say: 1) Thank you, and 2) LOL. You guys are both hilarious and provide some good insights. The reason I trusted you, the blog readers, with in-depth information about my personal life... is because you're my favorites. Don't repeat that, but it's true. I think the hierarchy of how much I take input from strangers into consideration goes 1) blog readers, 2) twitter followers, 3) youtube subscribers, and 4) everyone else. You have to care about someone to bother reading their blogs. I therefore adore you. 

Re: yesterday's blog content: we'll see. And to Rufus, who asked what I'm going to do about prom, we're in luck-- the Boy and the Prom Date are the Same Person. :) OH, and I'm so sorry to anyone who clicked on the unsexy link yesterday. Y'all got what I've decided to call foot-rolled.

Sexy: Playing instruments. For one, passion and talent are always attractive, and it takes both to pursue learning to play. For two, the movements required to make noise come out of an instrument are similar to the movements required to make noise come out of a woman. (I'm sorry if my awkward pervy humor is catching some of you off guard. It's a pretty well-kept secret most of the time.)
Unsexy: Athletic shorts paired with nice shirts. Really, guys? Really?

Weight: 139
Chipotle burritos this year: 13
Subscribers: 15,635
Days left of high school: 19

Bye, guys! See you tomorrow. <3

45 comments:

x0brittx0 said...

hahaha - i'm getting baptized at the end of may and my biggest fear about the whole thing : having to wear athletic shorts in front of my whole church.

don't they make a CUTE something or other for occasions such as this?

Jordan said...

REALLY unsexy: that feeling of walking around in heat with jeans on, and then when you take them off you have to physically *peel* them off your thighs. Uuuugh. Overshare? Whatever. It's hot.

But on the other hand, shirtless boys on the quad with frisbees. Sexy!

A said...

Sexy: French exchange students standing during the USA national anthem and putting their hands on the wrong side of their chest all adorably confused.

Unsexy: Discovering said sexy French exchange students behind the school with a giant bag of weed.

(Okay, fine. It was still sexy, just... illegally sexy.)

Katy J said...

Part of me feels bad for your sister for sounding like a ditz when I'm sure (well hoping)she's not a ditz. However there is a slightly larger part of me that laughs hilariously.
sorry.

ps. I'm glad to know they are the same boy. :D

Nicholas said...

You are an original ;)

Btw. if I didn't like you already, our common love for the glorious Ms. Porridge would inevitably fuse us together.

Becca said...

A girl went out on a date with a trumpet player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was it? Did his embouchure make him a great kisser?"

"Nah," the first girl replied. "That dry, tight, tiny little pucker; it was no fun at all."

The next night she went out with a tuba player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"

"Ugh!" the first girl exclaimed. "Those huge, rubbery, blubbery, slobbering slabs of meat; oh, it was just gross!"

The next night she went out with a French horn player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"

"Well," the first girl replied, "his kissing was just so-so; but I loved the way he held me!"

Kirsty said...

Aww shucks, I bet you tell your twitter followers/youtube subscribers the exact same thing...

and Oh My God I'm so with you with the plying instrument thing. You sort of just mde me realise that everyone I've ever liked played an instrument...and now I understand why, hahaa..
lovelovelove reading your blog, Hayley :]

Anonymous said...

Ahahaha... I had to read that whole sexy paragraph like 3 times to get what you were saying and why it was pervy, and yes it did catch me off guard! But it was funny too. I bet my expression when I realized what you meant was hilarious though.
And as for your sister, I bet that's not an experience many people can say they've had, that's crazy!
Lastly, I didn't respond yesterday about the boy, so here's my brief opinion which I'm sure you want. If he's going to the same college as you, and you like him, then I say go for it. But, if he's going to a different college, then starting college in a serious long distance relationship? It CAN work, I've seen it happen, but I've also seen a lot of break-ups because being settled down in college is just hard, even if the person's there with you.
-Randi

babyporridge. said...

Dear Hayley,

I've made no secret of my religious stalking of your world. Reading you is my personal high. You can imagine that reading you & seeing myself mentioned is undoubtedly THE MOST excessive high, the kind junkies will always be in pursuit of.

Thank you, I love you, I think we should elope, etc.

I think you should put out that breakup video - the cathartic process of making something like that would be liberating, I agree. I anticipate it like a 40 year old virgin anticipates coitus. Um.

Re: your sister, that is hilarious! I wish I could immerse myself in your life. It always sounds so thrilling.

TREMENDOUSLOVE.
xx

Tenley Nadine said...

I'm kind of mad right now that you only have 19 more days of school. I have 27! This isn't fair... sad face.

Anonymous said...

Vis-a-vis today's sexy thing: AHAHAHAHA! Also, I agree. It's just hot. And I feel all warm and fuzzy to know that we are your favourites ^_^
- Ali x

Cory said...

So, in terms of guitarists, I hope you're refering to finger-picking rather than plain strumming. That could be awkward...

emmeinthislife said...

That has to be the an edawrd/bella moment, your guy asked you to prom and you said yes, cos if i remember rightly you had to turn down someone else! You like him! =)

Also that is so funny about your sister! And dont newspapers tend to do stuff like that print the worst thing that you say! lol
=)

joy isobel said...

Your sister's quote was absolutely priceless! You have to give her some credit though, when most people are unexpectedly interviewed they sound like complete morons.

Dirty humor ftw ;)

Kristina said...

I was WAY too terrified to click yesterday's link. xD

Catherine said...

Nice shirts paired with athletic shirts attractive in general or just on guys?

callie said...

one girl at my school used to wear underarmer shirts under her dresses! thats unsexy.

Larangutang said...

gotta love those pervy comments. i've grown quite used to them what with all my best friends being guys over the past 4 years or so lol. love your blog :]

::allison:: said...

I think I'm scared to go to band now. And the concert's in <2 weeks.

However, I think the fear of the head honcho will surpass my disturbance.

The only exception with your 'sexy' is the flute, lol. (;

Unsexy: Shorts that say your first/last name on the butt. What, like if you forget your name you're just going to look at your buttox...

Nazrine said...

LOL that quote is amazingly hilarious.

I did not appreciate the foot rolling. It was beyond sick.

And I definitely agree on the sexy. I used to hate this one guy, but fell in love with him every time he played the guitar. It's intoxicating, to say the least.

Though any guy who likes to read goes to the top of my sexy list :)

Rebecca said...

Do you have a goodreads account? Your book suggestions have always pointed me towards books I never would have picked off a shelf, and many of them have ended up changing my life for the better.

Katy said...

I get confused when I see the nice shirt - crappy shorts combo. And then there are flip flops. It's like "... wtf really?"

And yeah, you do have to care about people to read their blog. But I DO care about all of you! <3 I felt BEDA has brought me to loving you more, Ms. Hayley G. Hoover.

muse88 said...

This is my view on the whole boy thing:

I say go for it whole heartedly. It's rare to find a guy you like that likes you back and when that moment comes JUMP at it. I would love to have that feeling and hope you guys are really happy whatever happens! :)

Sara said...

Ha. It's hard not to sound like a ditz sometimes. "And he was like.....and then she was like......and I'm like..." Is all I hear at school. I get yelled at for talking like an air head at the dinner table.

Valerie said...

I'd just like to say that reading your blogs is definitely an awesome part of my day. You always make me smile!

And I totally agree with your sexy. My best friend and I have this theory that a guy holding a guitar makes him instantly cuter.

Kristen said...

On the topic of how the people playing instruments and the movements they make....Have you ever seen John Mayer play....I mean just his facial expressions alone...ewwwww.

Joey said...

O Hayley... I would have a virtual UBER orgasm with ANYONE who plays an instrument.

Prefferably female.

Callie said...

I just love reading your blog! Your writing style is incredible, and you come across as a very warm and interesting person - something that is evident in your videos, but even more so on here. I think that you can tell so much about a person from their written work.

Also, your instrument comment reminded me of an episode of Sex and the City..something about a jazz player? hmm

Sarah said...

your blog is my favorite :) don't tell anyone.

I'm a total band geek but one of my friends has been playing the piano since he was 3. And it looks really sexy when he plays the piano (even though he's just my friend and I'm not attracted to him like that.). it's an interesting effect.

Those days until your graduation are really winding down O_O

...*sigh* I'm a long way from graduating.

Anonymity said...

I'm guessing the whole "fugitive" thing is one of things when your 80 and possibly growing older? anyway.... one of those things that you will probably laugh over. and then maybe have a stroke. But either of those are possible or... impossible? Anway- hope it works out! <3's

VicMorrowsGhost said...

*Runs off to practice guitar.

Dan said...

Does the instrument thing really work? I mean, I played clarinet and alto saxophone for 7 years and never a single glance. Maybe I played unsexy instruments lol.

Leesa said...

I never realized that men were trying to make noise come out of me during past intimate encounters. That explains a lot.

And my sense of sexy is all screwed up. I was in high school during the preppy phase, and so I found preppy dressed guys hot. Talk about screwing up my "this is hot" meter.

A.J. James Brooks said...

Hooray for Cookie date proposals from boys that make you smile.

A.J. James Brooks said...

Oh crap I forgot to mention your sisters Quote.... mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha... yeah that about covers it.

MegTao said...

I clicked yesterday's link and the video was already gone. I'm kind of relieved to be honest.

I think it's awesome that your sister helped catch a fugitive, though that must have been pretty scary for her.

Also, just want to add this although it's not something that was in your blog and I'm not sure if you're worried about it at all, but if you are you really shouldn't worry about your weight. I'm the same height as you and 10 pounds heavier, we're both a healthy, attractive weight, in my opinion.

Rebecca said...

Yay for Prom Date and Boy being one and the same!

redact-it said...

Alright, I'll say it!

How could you break up with Conditioner? I was under the impression that HE was your one and only one!

MmM CyNtHiA, OpInAnDo said...

Hayley!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I loved ur last entry were you finally spoke out bout the GUY jajajajajajajajajajajjajaja
CYA!
AT Cynth Horcasitas!!!!
xD xD

Anonymous said...

Okay, What was the unsexy video from 2 days ago? Can you just tell it in here?

amandaramblesandrants said...

I have an unsexy thing for you (you may find this sexy)-- boys wearing flip flops when they're not on the beach or at the pool. Now, the kind made for men are ugly enough, but I have seen many boys at my school wearing girl's flip flops from Old Navy. It is nauseating.

I love your blog.

Jordiekins said...

I quoted your instrument comment while talking to my band director. She totally agreed. So, er... thanks? haha.

seurat2 said...

I just knew the prom date and the almost boyfriend had to be the same guy.I'm glad really happy things are falling in place for you, it will be fun reading about how you deal with the good times.

Adrienne said...

i HATE the athletic shorts+nice shirt combo. if you're gonna have a crap day, then fine, look like crap for a day. but trying to cover up with a nice shirt? NO.

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