Thursday, April 30, 2009

It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken

I decided to save a special surprise for the last day of BEDA. I'm pregnant.
...No, I'm not. But I'm not just doing Blog Every Day April. I'm doing Blog Every Day Ever. BEDE. Or at least Blog Every Day Ever Almost. I'm doing BEDEA. Writing in this blog all month has consistently been one of the best parts of my day, and I'm not going to stop. It's relieving-- setting aside a few minutes to self-reflect and amuse the most loyal of my internet followers, all while making a little bit of ad revenue and keeping up to date on the lives of my friends. Plus, the entries of this blog are so ME. What you read is what you get. So thanks, Maureen Johnson. I die without you. (Heeheehee. Get it? A Rent joke? Because her name is Maureen Johnson? Heh?)

I thought I'd get that out of the way so you didn't hate me for making this post so short and boring. If you're still mad, here's something funny to distract you

Okay, so I put off doing my heaps and heaps of AP English homework due tomorrow until the last second again, and instead read the book I got from the library yesterday. I made an excuse for myself by writing a review of it for my school newspaper. I cannot fathom why you would care, but here it is:

"Once upon a time, I got royally dumped. We were together, we were happy, and then we weren’t. Like most self-respecting young women, I made sure he knew what he was missing by leaving him teary, nonsensical middle-of-the-night voicemails including catch phrases like “I know you better than you do!” and “You’ll remember that we belong together!” I talked my friends’ ears off, I ate a lot of cheese fries, and I listened to Demi Lovato. And then I discovered It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: a girl’s self-help book by the author of He’s Just Not That Into You, Greg Behrendt.

Since its publication in 2005, this book has been saving lives like my own the world over. With step-by-step instructions for getting rid of his junk (return the laptop, toss the nail-clippers, box up the photographs), lists of things to do instead of stalk him (take up yoga, redecorate your bedroom) and a recipe for sorrow-drowning brownies, Because It’s Broken is the perfect manual for any psychopath.

One chapter, entitled “Why You Shouldn’t Call Him—And What He’s Thinking When You Do,” provides a link to a website where readers can download ringtones for their phones. “Really?” one ringtone shouts. “You’re gonna answer it? Is that what we’re doing now—backsliding? Really, we’re just gonna chuck our self-esteem out the window?”

Sure, many aspects of the book are undeniably corny. Behrendt frequently refers to the reader as “Superfox” and “Hot Stuff,” for example, and one page is a crossword puzzle that leads to writing out “I deserve better.” But at the end of the day, if the options are making another lonely 3AM phone call and calling yourself “Saucy Girl,” one is ultimately healthier than the other.

So if you’re still lipsynching to “All By Myself” in the kitchen wearing holey pajamas and remnants of your ice cream pint, run down to the library and pick up a copy of It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken. You’re broken up. It’s over. It’s time for an Extreme Home Breakover."

Criticisms? Comments? I see that a lot of you went out and got Sloppy Firsts after I suggested it, so I think I can trust your taste. On an unrelated note (I just didn't want too many short paragraphs; they're ugly), sorry for not making a 5AG video today. Waaay too busy. I'll hopefully post a video this weekend with footage of my prom, which is Saturday.

Sexy: The Office. Not the characters (Jim reminds me way too much of my brother!) and not the... building... but, like, the essence of the show itself.
Unsexy: Hilary Duff. Ever. Sorry, sweetie. You tried.

Weight: 139
Chipotle burritos this year: 14
Subscribers: 15,704
Days left of high school: 17

Bye, guys! See you tomorrow. <3


Joanne said...

Thank you so much for sticking out with BEDA and upgrading to BEDEA!
Good article, good blogs good everything.

AlanDistro said...


Christy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Catherine said...

It's funny because as an assignment I have to blog for my lit class on what I'm reading and it's my favorite homework. So I'm thinking about starting a for real blog or something. I don't even know why I'm writing in this comment box to tell you... but I am, so here you go.

Kasey said...

I'm excited you are going to BEDEA! I am also, and I like to know there are others out there who aren't tossing away BEDA just because it's over. I'm kinda excited to see what you will write next.

Your book review was intelligent, funny, and insightful. I liked it.

Erin said...

BEDAE sounds absolutely amazing. That was pretty much the best surprise gift you could have given your readers for the end of BEDA. So thank you. And that book review was lovely. It made me want to read the book, and I'm not even suffering from a break up. And the Office is definitely sexy. And it's on right now.

Adam said...

you should send me that book

also "lipsynching to “All By Myself” in the kitchen wearing holey pajamas and remnants of your ice cream pint" is a video you should make.

also also i haven't made a video in forevs and i think a dream street collab might be in order.......

Jennifer said...

I've really enjoyed reading your blog. I don't leave comments very often because I'm afraid people will think I'm creepy for reading their blog when I don't know them, so I hope you don't mind me reading.

The Vagabond said...

You just made me the happiest person ever. Thank you so much. I was prepared to be really sad because this was the last day I would get to read a new blog of yours, but now I'm really happy! Thanks Hayley!

You're an amazing writer and I've really enjoyed reading this everyday. You and Kristina have inspired me to keep a blog!

Have fun at prom, Hayley!

Anonymous said...

Hayley, I wonder if you can give me your opinion on this:

Aviator Sunglasses: sexy or not?

I see them EVERYWHERE and I'm growing sick of them. I don't know about everyone else though.

Rufus Wainwright said...

I can't wait to continue reading you blog entries everyday for the rest of forever!

Also, it may be a few days early but since you mentioned it: have fun fun FUN at prom!!!

Rebecca said...

YAY MORE HAYLEY! I'm excited!! I'll keep on reading as long as you keep on posting. :D

Jessica said...

You're an amazing writer. (I almost said author. :) ) I loved BEDA and I look forward to BEDEA.

Marlena said...

Definitely looking forward to BEDEA! I love your blog, Saucy Girl.

Rachel said...

=o =o =o!

The first thing I do every day when I get home from school is check your blog! And now that you've decided to upgrade to BEDEA, you've saved me heartbreak and boredom XD.

Stay awesome!

Kristina said...

Hilary Duff unsexy?

EXCUSE ME, Lizzie Mcguire movie????

Rebecca Mcgrane said...

hayley if I could write a review like that I would drown in a pool of happiness, wow.reading your blogs has been spectacular and it'll continue( Yay bedea! )
the office is very sexy!

Indigo said...

I really enjoy reading your blog, Hayley. You have a really amazing style of writing.

Kristi said...

Thanks a lot, Hayley. I watched the Hilary Duff video and now I have it stuck in my head. >:(

But really, I loved your article. One thing I would suggest is to stick to one way of writing. It seems like you switch between colloquial, talking-to-your-friends tone, and serious, I'm-writing-an-essay tone.

acroatic said...

Oh man. I'm so glad you're doing this- I've gotta say, you're one of my favourite people, as creepy as it sounds- I don't mean it to be. You're just inspiring and cool and smart and... I'm blathering a bit, but, all in all, you're awesome.

pshh, as if you didn't already know.

Phyllis said...

Hey Hayley, I read your blog on google reader, and I bet that doesn't add ad revenue. Sorry.

Jordiekins said...

I spit diet coke all over my keyboard after reading that you're pregnant. After I cleaned it up, I read the whole "jklolz" part. =P meanie...

Oh, and speaking of RENT jokes, the first person to comment on this post is named "Joanne". Oh, and Rufus Wainwright commented. GASP.

seurat2 said...

The announcement of BEDEA was the best news of my day so far. Not that today has been overflowing with goodness or anything, but still. I can think of so many people more unsexy than Hilary Duff. Paris Hilton immediately comes to mind for some reason.

Katy said...

Have fun at prom!

Elisa said...

BEDEA :] that makes me soo happy !!
you have the most amusing blogs of everyone i read, so thanks for that.

Sarah said...

Yay for BEDEA, so exciting! Have fun at your prom!

::allison:: said...

Thank you.
Thanks for recommending me to books.
Thanks for providing wit and wisdom that I am lacking from older teenage girl figures.
Thanks for blogging! I can't wait for other posts, but I just felt like saying everything because BEDA stops today.

Anonymous said...

That's about how I felt about He's Just Not That into You. It's nice because it constantly pounds into you the notion that the relationship is not meant to be and you're better for that.

I'm so glad that you'll be continuing. Your Slopping Firsts suggestion was taken and appreciated. Your blog reminds me of a cross between Jess Darling and Bridget Jones.

I also love that your article says to go to the library. Sometimes I feel guilty for rarely buying books.


Ava said...

I've enjoyed reading your blog all month. Thanks for the fun stories and I guess I'll still be checking here every day (almost). I remember my senior year english projects. All second semester we did nothing in class except discuss Gatsby a few time and talk about Hamlet, with plenty of time to work on the capstones. I was there the night before rushing too, I think it is inevitable!

P.S. Every time I comment I get reminded how terrible my grammar is. I'm sorry and it just proves I should be an engineer.

Kaedtiann said...

Bedoodoodoo for BEDEA! I was Hoping someone (well, you or Maureen) would do this. Reading your blogs is one of the great parts of my day, so Thank You!

And have fun at prom!! Or, at least, don't die, or anything - you've got a lifetime of blogging ahead of you, and I'm counting on you to out-live me!

Jesse said...

A few things:

I'm very very very happy to hear about BEDEA! I read your blogs, obviously, and I've loved every one! This was the blog that inspired me to create my own and update it every day, which I have done so far since its creation. Admittedly, I have only been at it for nine days, but I am fairly sure that I will continue indefinitely! Thank you, thank you, thank you for being the one to introduce me to this amazing blogging thing. Ever since the the whole vlogging thing started, I kind of forgot about just good old blogging. Thank you again!

I enjoyed the book review a lot. Very concise, and said everything it needed to say in a simple, accessible way. Great writing.

Also, have fun at prom!

As a final note, I have something humorous. When I read the phrase, "Jim reminds me way too much of my brother," for some reason I briefly saw "brothel" instead of "brother." And for just that split second, I was thoroughly confused. And it was amusing. DFTBA.

Tenley Nadine said...

So everytime I read your blogs I always think of something really clever to say (well kinda).

But then I get to the bottom of your blog where you say how many more days of school you have and I forget everything I was previously thinking. In exchange I start thinking, "its not fair, I want to have 17 more days instead of 25! Argh...

Dan said...

It feels a bit weird when reading a person's blog who you've never met before or ever will meet. The really sad thing is that reading your blog is one of the highlights of my day.
You're really funny and honest Hayley. Glad you're keeping up with blogging everyday :)

A.J. James Brooks said...

I too am a believer in BEDEA well mostly, i am very happy that this will not be the last blog post of yours I read. I look forward to each one as much as you say you look forward to writing it...

Oh by the way I got a kitten today and named her Inara *shrug*

Joey said...

Lolz...Once my mom was talking to this overly religious aunt and they had (I think) 'Old Rugged Cross' playing on the computer in the background and suddenly Hillary Duff's "Dreams are made of" started playing after that...(Playlist mix up)

I was in bed and rofling.

MEGA Lolz.

Leesa said...

What a pleasant surprise that you will be keeping up with this blog. I was a bit surprised, pleasantly so.

I have not read a Megan McCafferty book - I think of her as the 2000's Judy Blume, but all grown up. If I am ever bored in an airport, perhaps I will pick up the book. When is the next time I go through Chicago?

Sarah said...

HECK YES! I'm so happy to hear you're doing BEDEA! I love reading your blog, it's one of the main things I look forward to when I come home from uni.

Katy J said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Katy J said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Katy J said...

I'm glad you're no longer limiting yourself to just Thursdays. :D


P.S. I love your Rent Jokes. They are the Mimi to my Rodger.

(What does that even mean?!?!? :P)

P.P.S: I'm sorry I commented three times. I'm captain of the failboat today: I made the same grammatical error each post. :(


Kaitlyn said...

I'm secretly in love with old school Hilary Duff. Today's Hilary, though, not so much.

Yeah. I just found your blog. I'm pretty psyched.

Hayley said...

i am so happy that you stuck to beda and its fantastic news that your going to keep it up :)

have the best time at the prom :)
look forward to reading/watching a video all about it!

corteaus said...

:) i was so worried that this would be your last blog post. praise maureen johnson & her awesomeness. & thanks for sticking around ;}

you've become such a wonderful source of inspiration & cause for aspiration (& admiration)

oh & since we're saying 'so what' to cheesiness - i seriously have to thank you so much for everything - i hope one day you'll know how tremendous an influence you've been (in my life), seriously. haha

'till next time - CHEERS!

BrattyBunny said...

I love reading your blog the most and I'm glad you're going to keep up.

I also wanted to thank you for introducing me to the Jessica Darling series! I haven't been this excited about a book since Harry Potter.

the apple that astonished paris said...


what a coincidence that the last thing i did before coming online and reading your blog was watch the lizzie mcguire movie and giggle/squeal/sob to myself as i did so.

i don't care what anybody says. h.duff is still my hero. ish.

even if she is making slutty songs and generally doing things that make me sad.



Anonymous said...

BEDEA?! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!! *happydances* *round a maypole because it's that time of year* Thank you Hayley, I just woke up hungover and this made my day considerably better :)
- Ali x

Patricia said...

I'm quite excited to hear that you will be continuing bloging. Reading your blog has become one of the highlights of my day. I'm quite glad to hear that I still get to here your witty comments on life every day almost.

Anonymous said...

Oh please post prom footage or at least a photo here - i rreallllllllly want to see your dress :P

Anonymous said...

Hey you guys, when did Hilary Duff become the love-child of the bad-dancer-pussy-cat-doll, Paris Hilton and Heidi.
I far as Australia is concerned, she's still running around the Disney Channel kissing babies at hockey games or something.
Do the authorities know about this.
In other news: HAYLEY I LOVE YOU AND YOUR BLOGS! They're a bazillion trillion million kinds of awesome and the highlight of my day.

Miss May said...

Yay, I have so loved reading your blog every day and now I will get more :)

Really good review btw, very bright and entertaining :)

Anonymous said...

Omygosh, I love the idea of you blogging everyday.
Amazing stuff :]

Ginny said...

breakup brownies sound so good right now. heck, brownies period sound good.

good luck with bedea:D

Bianca23 said...

Your book review was really good! Personal stuff combined with things from the book, it made it much fun to read.

Yay for going on with the blogging! Your and Kristina's blogs are really the highlights of my day.

Have fun at prom and don't forget to make pictures and a video! I really want to see you in your pretty dress <3

MegTao said...

That Hilary Duff music video is wrong on so many levels. They transformed her into...into...well every other women in pop culture, basically. Her hanging off the guys leg and sucking on the guys finger it all just disgusted me. Does no one else see the "women are sex toys for the pleasure of men" message, because it's coming on really loud and clear for me.

Also, great article, Hayley. When my boyfriend breaks up with me I'll know the perfect place to go.

Cat(: said...

I used to actually like hilary duff, but after seeing that, she reminds me of britney spears, WAY too much.

proudveggie said...


That makes me happy on the inside


inkstainedpages said...

Yayyy for continuing blogging!! It will be great to be able to keep being entertained by your blog everyday!

I like your book review. Have fun at prom!

A said...

I really want to read all of your school editorials. Definitely.

Also, thank you for BEDEA. I'll make sure to click on a few extra ads for you :)
Although the one ad that is repeatedly showing up from is really degrading. And ironic.

Nicholas said...

I'm still in the process of reading all of MJ's books, so I can't get into the "Darling" books just yet ;)

Lor said...

Comment #60!!!

Anonymous said...

yaaaaaaaay im so glad your doing BEDEA! i look forward to your blog every day. i love your opinions on everything and u r just so hilarious. yay!
yeahhhh im gonna have 2 agree with u on the whole hilary duff issue.. i watched that music video, and i was like blehhhhh. all i could think about was sweet little lizzie mcguire =]

Nazrine said...

YAY FOR BEDEA. Reading your blog always makes me happy, so I'm looking forward to it!!

That was a good review - were I going through a break up, I'd definitely think of buying it. And I'm going to stop now, cause I sound a little sycophantic.

Though I must stick up for Hilary Duff, cause I liked her in A Cinderella Story :)

superrsharon said...

I really enjoyed reading your blogs this april! =] and I have now become a devoted blog fan reader of yours! haha
You are a great writer, KEEP IT UP! =]

Katie said...

I loved the book review. And the fact that you are blogging almost everyday now. :) I love reading your blogs. They are gargantuously entertaining.

Anonymous said...

LOL at rufus wainwright and "slopping firsts".

i read "he's just not that into you" and it was BRILLIANT. i haven't had any break ups and therefore no need to read "because it's broken" but i'm sure when i do i will. ...not a day i'm particularly looking forward to, but i'm glad to know it's there.

jim halpert reminds you of your brother? that is very unfortunate? old is your brother?

and i agree. ick + blech x yuck = hilary duff.

lindsey said...

I haven't been commenting on your blog because I have been busy with my real life. I know, it's crazy.

Also, I find it interesting that the ads below your blog are that of dating sites.

Anonymous said...

I read 4 of the Jessica Darling books in 3 weeks (tight budget).

Which was your favorite? I loved Charmed Thirds. My friend thinks it's weird since I'm 10.

Kayla said...

K, just a warning. Every time you link to a song in your blog it ends up being what I listen to while I read. Just letting you know for future reference.

p.s Sorry for commenting on like really old blogs.


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