Thursday, April 9, 2009

Unloving the Unsexy

In response to yesterday's post, blogger A.J. commented with a link to-- oh my gosh-- an article he wrote for me, entitled "How to Stop Being in Love with an Asshole." It's really funny and well-put; I advise that you all go check it out. Meanwhile, I've put some effort into solving my own problems, and have compiled another list.

Ten tips for getting over an asshole:

1. Stop listening to songs in which the angry girl protagonist reconsiders and decides she still really loves the guy who broke her heart, like this one and this one.
2. Listen only to songs about dying of AIDS and the sexual repression of German schoolboys.
3. Put an end to cheesy romantic internal monologues. Yes, you are looking at the same moon as him. But you're also looking at the same moon as Mikhail Gorbachev and Carrot Top, and how in love are you with them?
4. Curb all self-destructive tendencies!
5. Do not call him just to say goodnight. Ever. Put the phone down. PUT IT DOWN.
6. End all emotional attachments to inanimate objects and food products that are in some way associated with him. Eating a box of oreos will not make you feel better. Quite the opposite, in fact.
7. Start saying yes when other boys ask you out. Follow through.
9. Never read John Donne's "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" ever, ever again.
10. Stop writing incriminating blog entries about him in hopes that he'll read it and give you attention.

Along with A.J.'s blog, I received this amusing comment from reader Eddy:
"Two boys come up to you at the same time and one has a cake and one has a
Chipotle burrito. Written on each item is 'Will you go to the prom with me,
Hayley?' Who would you choose?"

Well, let me put it this way: the second boy could ask, "Will you invade Russia in the winter with me, Hayley?" and if it were written on a burrito, I would say yes.

In youtubely news, yesterday I appeared in Kristina (italktosnakes)'s birthday video for Alex (nerimon), was mentioned in a text message by Kayley (owlssayhooot) in her fiveawesomegirls video, and filled in for a very busy Leah (professorspork) on her collab channel, wizrockateers. I'm planning on making a 5AG video tonight. I won't disclose any of the topics I'll discuss, because I don't want my videos to turn into me reiterating old blog material. But it should be fun.

Sexy: The dark, brooding guy in the corner reading a book instead of participating in social activities/smiling/being polite in any way.
Unsexy: Baggy acid-wash jeans. Or, you know... tight ones.

Weight: 140
Chipotle burritos this year: 10
Subscribers: 14,940
Days left of high school: 30

Bye, guys! See you later tonight. <3


tigressflowers said...

here's a good get over an asshole song :D

worked for me...

however, there is one thing, don't get drunk... it erases all get-over-ness of the great song

Mark said...

What was your opinio of the mosst recent Scrubs episode?
I know you hated the one before it, as did i, so i wanted to know...


Jordiekins said...

It's currently 14,935, you're almost there.

VicMorrowsGhost said...

"Will you invade Russia in the winter with me, Hayley?"

War and Peace?
More like Smores and Cheese.

Shawna said...

I let out this spluttery girlish guffaw when I saw your Jess reference. I scared myself actually.

Marlena said...

I highly approve of your list. Transfer your affections to Jess Mariano immediately. HE IS SO MUCH MORE WORTHY.

Adam said...

God, Jess is such a dick.

If you want help with number 5 you can do what my sister did. Get a friend (Leah would probably be best) to take a picture of her making a disapproving face and make it your phone background. Then whenever you plan to make the call you'll see the disapproving face and be more inclined to stop.

Works wonders.

Kat said...

"2. Listen only to songs about dying of AIDS and the sexual repression of German schoolboys." Word. I am especially partial to the latter.

Oh, and speaking of Jesses: Dude, also the final Jess Darling books coming out ridiculously soon. Like on Tuesday or something!

goldensnitch said...

I like your list Hayley.
Could you write out a summer playlist of songs you're going to really listen to over the summer?

Kelso said...

tip #2 for getting over an asshole: OMG YES! thats EXACTLY what i do. can you be my twin.

also, you may like In The Heights. is FANTASTIC.

Michelle said...

"2. Listen only to songs about dying of AIDS and the sexual repression of German schoolboys."

I think if more people listened to Rent and Spring Awakening life would be a more happier place!!

...well..without thinking about the Aids and untimely death of each character...

Leah said...

I lol'd at number three.

So now you've written the list. Following it is harder. <3 you can do it.

heytheremeranda said...

"2. Listen only to songs about dying of AIDS and the sexual repression of German schoolboys."

This made me laugh out loud =) RENT and Spring Awakening makes the whole world better. Espically "Bitch Of A Living"


Pippa said...

Oh, John Donne.
If you do want to get over an asshole, go read "The Flea" by John Donne. Pretend that the asshole wrote it for you. It's disgusting.

Christina said...

Sexy - SO TRUE. Milo Ventimiglia? Epitome of said sexiness. Kthx.


Meghan said...

Personally, I find the best way to get over someone is to fall in love with his best friend.

Worked for me.

Gabby R said...

Well, first of all, you know he probably reads this. (And by probably, I'm pretty sure I mean definitely.) It just gives him an ego-boost/satisfaction.

Also... one through three. Amen, sistah. And MILO! *swoon*

GEORGINA said...

I wrote some more hints for unloving the unsexy...
Just in case you want them.

I love your number two!

erin meagan said...

2. Listen only to songs about dying of AIDS and the sexual repression of German schoolboys.

Rent and SA, perhaps?

Anonymity said...

uh oh....... u didn't post!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! post!!!!!!!!!!!

daisies said...

I LOVE Milo Ventimiglia!
haha I'm a Milo fangirl.

allie said...

2) was brilliant. It's my new life motto; I hope you're happy. So now when I'm asked, "hey, wanna listen to Flo Rida?" I'll respond with, "Does it involve dying of AIDS or the sexual suppression of German schoolboys?".