Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Government, Q&As, Theme Weeks, snot

My Government teacher is a sweet, sweet man, but he's sort of all over the place. He has stacks of graded homework in his classroom dating back to the Ice Age, or, like, 2003. Nearly every day he waddles in ten minutes late, fuming, and shows us last night's Fox News stories on an ancient TV, held together quite literally with duct tape. "Fair and balanced!" he preaches as if his life depends upon it. "Fair and balanced, unlike Nancy--Mrs.--Madam--Speaker... MADAM PELOSI." If you ask him, all the world's problems stem from Nancy Pelosi. But then again, if you ask him, Fox News is "fair and balanced."

Right now, we're working on what he refers to as a "Point Power Program." This translates loosely to "PowerPoint presentation." As much as I'd love to make slides about Affirmative Action, I received a lot of questions in my comments yesterday, so I thought I'd answer a few.

Partyweetow: "The only thing I can think of that comes in a plastic bag is, like, fruits and vegetables, and those are things you *should* be eating. "
Hayley: There's a girl in my class who always scoops ranch dressing out of a Ziploc baggy with a carrot. I can't think of anything grosser, save 2girls1cup.

Vena: "Are you thinking of going to Kenyon College? That's the one John Green went to."
Hayley: I've made my official decision to go to Ohio University in September, although, yes, John has yelled at me for not going to Kenyon. It's a really nice school, but it's not right for me.

Stefan: "Have you seen Spurlock's 30 Days show? It was okay. Though he is hardly a handsome man, but whatevs."
Hayley: I have, and I thoroughly disagree!

xOBrittxO: "You know, Jennifer Aniston doesn't dress girly and people still know she's a girl. And Ellen Page and Drew Barrymore and I'm sure there are tons more. You don't have to dress girly to be a girl."
Hayley: Haha. Thank you! I actually am kind of girly, though. My plan is more to remind myself to wake up early enough to put a tiny bit of effort into my appearance.

John: "Hayley, I assume you are going to major in English. Please tell me I'm right; otherwise it would be a travesty."
Hayley: Thanks! Yes, English is my first and most intense love. My whole life I was planning to major in Creative Writing, but lately I've been hearing a lot of negative sides to that idea. It's possible that I'll look into video editing of some sort, too. I love it, I think I'm pretty good at it, and I'd probably get to play with cool toys.

Kristi: "Thank you SO much for suggesting Sloppy Firsts the other day... I got it yesterday and can't stop reading! :)"
Hayley: I'M SO GLAD. You're welcome.

enchanted-lady7: "Hayley, you should know that you do not need to prove your femininity to people by painting your nails or putting on makeup. Just be yourself. Whether you're feminine or not, what's the big deal? I mean do men and women still need to abide to old stereotypes and customs so people can feel comfortable around us? Really, do not let other people's close-mindedness affect you. On another note, I was curious Hayley, how tall are you? :-P"
Hayley: Again, I appreciate your advice. :) But, as I said before, it's more about feeling more me than it is dressing to impress other people. As far as how tall I am, are you asking so you can figure out my body mass index and how many calories I need in a day? Sigh. I'm 5'5".

Kelly: "Well, you wouldn't wanna look like Sarah Jessica Parker anyway because she looks like a horse. Literally, there's even a website:"
Hayley: Awwww. I love Sarah Jessica Parker. That website is, admittedly, hilarious, but I still think she's beautiful.

Oh, while we're on the topic of dressing better to remind people I'm a girl... my best friend, Jess (I can't really explain her. I don't think anyone could) sometimes throws Theme Weeks, and currently it's Wear Ugly Clothes and Act Like They're Cute Week. I didn't participate Monday or yesterday, and she hit me. So right now I'm clad in a black skirt, vibrant primary blue tights, light blue and brown heels, a light blue shirt, giant white pearls and green and pink earrings. A few months ago, Jess wore nothing but chrome, and walked around saying "The-fut-ure-is-now" like a robot. Anytime someone mentions something happening after 2012, she laughs and informs them that the apocalypse is nigh. The characters in my life. Seriously.

Sexy: Slouching. This one came from Jess, but I totally agree with her. Looking bored is hot, whether we want to admit it or not.
Unsexy: Nose-blowing. Go to the bathroom to do that. Oh, oh, oh-- don't you dare put that tissue back in your pocket. It's not like you're going to want to use it again, and now you're just making the inside of your clothes mucus-y.

Weight: 137
Chipotle burritos this year: 12
Subscribers: 15, 398
Days left of high school: 23

Bye, guys! See you tomorrow. <3


Stefan said...

I was a graphic design major in college and I took a video art class and it was awesome. You're videos would rock the house there.

I'd recommend going the art rout to video editing then the communication rout. Mostly cause I'm super super biased.

yeay art majors!

Stefan said...

P.S. I'm fairly certain today is a burrito day for me, BTW.

Leah said...

I do wish you'd mentioned... oh god, what were they? Bee-boop, Bop-bop and Trig, I believe?

I've been participating in the Theme Week without even knowing it, funnily enough. But it's more because I haven't done laundry in about... four and a half weeks.

Catherine said...

I also should be working right now on a fake newspaper thing for the 1920s. We just read The Great Gatsby and now we must inform our classmates about the time in which it was written. I have to write articles on Prohibition, jazz music, and the radio. So much fun.

Here's a question for you. What camera and editing software do you use for your videos? I'm sure you've answered this question somewhere else but I'm too lazy to go look for it.

Anonymous said...

Do you mean to say that you have a conservative government teacher? I didn't believe such things existed. All of mine have been far lefters.

-Erin (glockbell)

Rebecca Mcgrane said...

hey hayley! Just wondering what would be your top five favourite books or authors? Oh and I'm doing a book challenge I have thirteen books left to read, any recomendations? Becky.

v i n c e n t g r e y said...

the english major is a good decision. no one can teach you how to write, not in any real way at least. i got into a really competitive, and perhaps as a result the only real undergraduate creative writing course available within national range of me and despite its reputation backed out on the very day of enrollment, after the whole grueling admission process. ugh. it was worth it though, being a philosophy and english major has taught me far more valuable things in terms of literature and writing than a creative writing course ever could. and i'm only a first semester sophomore. personally, i'd say post grad is the way to go for creative writing. namely princeton or cornell. but i just say that cause pynchon went there, along with others i like a lot a lot a lot and vladimir nabokov taught there and he's my favourite .:. bias. but no no sorry, what you said, it's about what suits you.

so, best of luck! also, you should post a short story on here; i'm dying to read one of yours. i ordered 'Red' from amazon but that'll take, like, ages.

lindsey said...

Well, at least your best friend doesn't submit stories about you to


My major is *still* liberal arts, because I still have no idea what the hell I want to do. Although I am leaning towards being an English major.

Anonymous said...

Yaay for English students.
I'm doing English Language since Literature demands too much reading, I need to read for pleasure so I switched majors in my first semester.
Best of luck with yours.

goldensnitch said...

I have to take English first year to get into teacher's college and I am not looking forward to it. I know some people really love studying English, you sound like you do, but I personally don't like picking apart something I love so dearly. It's nice that you know what you want to do, that's really refreshing, most of my friends are lost as to what to do after university.

::allison:: said...

Sadly enough, when your school would rather put moo-lah into supporting every other program but Forensics and Music, tissues, and an actual internet connection, you DO wind up using the same tissue twice -_- [because no one wants to open a purse w/ gook on their hands]
That being said, if you are lucky enough to get one in the first place. If you aren't, you go to the bathroom for toilet paper because we have those lame dryer thingies and not a single paper towel. Fail. I'm bringing unsexy back. ;)

Random question: Would you say that your handwriting is large or miniscule?

I only ask after my spanish teacher docked points off for not using all six lines to describe a picture of a park. I wrote four sentences and used all the words I could, then drew on my paper and reminded me that "the other lines are a hint that you should write more". I'm just trying to see if there's a connection between writers and handwriting sizes.

Deanna said...

I would just like to say that we have very simlar friends.

As much as we kind of make fun of them, I can honestly say, that life would be a lot more boring with out them.

God Bless the "weird" people :)

Anonymous said...

Hayley, I did look up your BMI. As I expected, you're perfect. No, seriously. "Your weight is at the 50th percentile according to your age and height." AND you're gorgeous! Stop beating yourself up! EAT MORE BURRITOS!


English major here, and I'm about to graduate in a month! It's been a good ride; you'll have fun in that major.

Anonymous said...

"If you ask him, all the world's problems stem from Nancy Pelosi. But then again, if you ask him, Fox News is 'fair and balanced.'" perfectly describes my father. Seriously.

Anonymous said...

[Do pardon my punctuation error.]

Pippa said...

Apparently, I'm unsexy for blowing my nose but I have a sinus infection and I can't very well go to the bathroom every two minutes. I know it's disgusting, though, so I am always as discreet as possible.

Also, I don't think studying Creative Writing in college is bad. I think studying only Creative Writing and nothing else in bad (I'm double majoring with Journalism with a minor in Middle Eastern Studies). You should pursue Creative Writing because it sounds like you really love it.

Erin said...

Usually I'm not one for commenting, but I figured that it wouldn't be such a bad thing to start. I just wanted to say that your blog is really amusing and I look forward to reading it every day. Also, your un/sexy lists are great. Since I know you're a Harry Potter fan, I have to ask: Have you ever read/written any fan fiction? Just wondering because it seems like something that you might have gotten into.

Anonymous said...

So many people have already commented, I hope you read this! Anyways, first off I just wanted to say that I love your blog and videos! Next, your friend sounds INCREDIBLE! I wish I had the gumption to pull things like that! Finally, I noticed your chipotle count hasnt changed in a few days. Now I've never eaten a chipotle burrito, but I believe that it is time for you to take one for the team so I can vicariously live through your awesome.
End Scene. :)

Kristina said...

We need to hire your friend Jess to select theme weeks for 5AG. Ha.

Anonymous said...

I plan to take Creative Writing as a major. Would you mind me asking what are the negatives to that decision? I'm an aspiring author as well, and I'm sort of stuck between taking English Lit or Creative Writing as a major.

Molly said...

I also want to thank you for suggesting the Jessica Darling books. I bought Sloppy Firsts on Monday, I am now on Charmed Thirds. They are seriously addicting and remarkably insightful for what most people probably dismiss as "chick lit"

Faith said...

I COMPLETELY agree with blowing noses being unsexy. I HATE the sound of blowing noses- it's one of my biggest pet peeves. I actually hate blowing my nose because I feel hypocritical when I do, since I hate it when other people do. (Don't worry, I do blow my nose. I just don't like to.)

Lulu said...

i think the decision to major in english is a good call, but you should definitely pursue a creative writing minor, or at least take as many workshops as you can fit in while in college. if you're really passionate about writing, getting an mfa in creative writing after your ba is something to consider (though the poster who recommended princeton is mistaken, as princeton doesn't offer a master's degree in creative writing). i'd recommend iowa, michigan, unc-greensboro, uva, and boston university, among others.

but regardless of what major you choose, the key will be to develop some sort of practical skill(s) and get some solid work experience through internships or campus jobs (getting involved with planning student events for the student union activities board, for instance).

good luck next year!

Rebecca said...

I'm still waiting on that description of Sloppy Firsts, Hayley. I actually did end up at Borders the other day, but the store only had the second one in stock.

Jesse said...

Well, congratulations, Hayley! Reading and commenting on this blog has gotten me to start a blog of my own. Hooray, Internet culture!

I hope you have a great time at Ohio State. I have a number of friends at my school that considered going there, given their proximity. I ultimately came to BGSU because of the digital arts program. Good luck!

And by the way, tell Jess she's made of awesome.

Shelby said...

Jess sounds pretty awesome.

Linda said...

Hi Hayley!

Since you answered questions in todays blog, I decided to comment :)
I just wanted to tell you that I was so happy you liked my drawing. I'm 14 years old and you are someone I look up to, as well as the 5 awesome girls and Sarah Jessica Parker! I happy danced because you thinking I'm awesome means a lot to me, and no matter how many times my friends give me weird looks when I quote your videos, I will always want to hear what you have to say. I am really sad that blog every day in April is almost over, and I look forward to reading tomarrows blog! Thanks for being yourself and DFTBA!

89ravenclaw said...

So, guess whose blog I finally started reading

Lara said...

So I've been watching you on youtube for a long time so I thought I'd check out your blog. It's so fun to read! Don't stop! :)
Anyway, congrats on OU. I'm also a senior in Ohio and a tonnn of my friends are going to OU next year.

Anonymous said...

My friend went to Japan recently and discovered that blowing your nose in public there is horribly, horribly offensive.
I agree. My dad still uses a hankerchief and would then try to throw it in with the family laundry. I always gag a little on the inside when he uses it and then puts it back in his pocket.
-Randi (PeterLeo9)

Bel Glezer said...

This is the first time I've seen your blog, and I must say: you're a very talented writer! I hope you love college!
Quick question: how did this all start? I mean, the whole youtube/twitter/blog "fame" worldwide (I'm from São Paulo, Brazil and I'm thinking there are many other foreigners "following" you)?


Katie said...

Hayley, I can't figure out how to follow you!

(Not in the stalker-y-don't-look-behind-you kind of way, but the I-read-your-blog-regularly kind of way.)


Katie said...

Wait, wait, I got it. I'm only slightly brainless.

Thea said...

Kenyon will miss you (well, as much as an institution can miss someone who has never attended)! You should at least swing by the archives to see John's spread in the 2000 yearbook--giggles guaranteed.

Gabby R said...

The only thing grosser than 2girls1cup? 2 girls1paperbag.

anna edelstein said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
anna edelstein said...

Lulu, i was under the impression that a princeton post grad program was available and was much better than the undergrad one because princeton isn't the best in undergraduate education. which is the program joyce carol oates teaches? perhaps i'm confusing something.

anyway, i'd definitely vouch for iowa for undergrad, as well as -some- of the tips lulu put forth. good luck, again.

Anonymous said...

I'm going to try not to sound like a fangirl. I'll probably fail.

I just wanted to say that I love reading your blog, your writing is incredibly witty and nicely structured; you definitely have a future in writing.

If the number of views your blog gets counts every time someone clicks on the link to the blog, I must admit that about 60% of them must be mine, because when I'm at home I compulsively click the link every 2 minutes to check if you have updated your blog....

I've always enjoyed a good blog, but this... this is something else - so insightful while incredibly funny and interesting to the last word.

Please never stop :)


Callie said...

I read all the Megan Mccafferty books in two days!!!! They were addiciting! I love them!

Lulu said...

anna: nope, they offer a phd in english and a ba in english. they do have an undergrad concentration in creative writing though, and they throw a lot of money into supporting poetry programs in particular:

Lulu said...

that link doesn't paste into the comments correctly but if you just cut off the creat part, you'll get to the page

notaclareintheworld said...

Dear Hayley,

I was watching your new Annoyances video and my friend Philip says he thinks you're very funny and quite good looking.

I like to tell people when other people give them nice compliments.

Andrew Kornfeld said...

Hey, 'ley (I decided to conserve syllables there, then blow way more on a parenthetical explanation. I basically rule), I love your blog and wish I had an equal motivation to make life's boring and not-so-boring events amusing to anyone silly enough to read mine. I shouldn't have to employ an "actually trying" tag for when I am, but I do, so whatever.

Just wanted to put that compliment out there, and also ask that you keep us updated on theme weeks somehow (Twitter, maybe?)

I'd love to participate.

Nazrine said...

lol your Government teacher sounds hilarious :D

I'm also seriously interested in studying English at university - I've been considering Creative Writing as well, but I'm not 100% sure yet

Kayla said...

Hayley! You are 5'5 and weigh 137! That is not bad at all. I am 5'9 and weigh a whole (sigh) 170. Ya.

p.s have spent the past 3 hours reading your old blogs. I think you are awesome.