Saturday, April 4, 2009

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a [5AGays' baby's] mother

I am not a fan of team-building exercises. And by "not a fan," I mean "Oh my goodness, I cannot handle them." I aggravated a large portion of my camp co-workers today by both acting sassy towards the activity organizer and by leaving early. I know, I'm doing no favors to the whole all-about-me teenager stereotype that I so hate, but I don't think this is a phase. I think I'm maybe just a bitch.

Oh, and last night they played my Project for Awesome video to the entire staff. Talk about a puddle of awkward. I sort of bit my lip and hid my face in my friend Seers's lap and prayed that it would go away. As planned, I was swarmed by old people for the rest of the night/following day, all asking questions to which I either have no answer ("Where do you get your ideas?") or I have no interest in explaining, like How does youtube work? How do you make a video, and how does it get there? What's the Project for Awesome? Why is there a Christmas tree behind you? Do people watch them? Are you famous? Do you get money? Where does the money come from? How much money do you get? Do you do it for the money or for the rock and roll? And then the ones who watch my channel obsessively cup their hands over their mouths and shout quotes across the room from videos of mine that I haven't watched since I uploaded them, trying to prove how very hip and in sync they are with my life.

I understand that I subject myself to all of this. I understand that no one is making me expose myself to the world, and I understand that it's sort of the same as when celebrities complain about poparazzi after working for years to be noticed. But, like... if you watch my videos, do you really think I'm the kind of person who wants to be smiley and normal and have a long, pleasant conversation with you about smiley normal long pleasant things? All I do in my vlogs is complain and parody. You are, essentially, just fueling my Pissed at the Whole World fire.

Wow; I'm really making myself sound like a jerk. I don't mean to. I just-- like most things in my life-- would prefer my affirmation for deeds well done submitted in writing, anonymously over the internet. As much as I enjoy attention, it's so uncomfortable in situations like this one. Oh, and none of this whining applies to being recognized on the street by people who discovered me without the annoying aid of my mother or sister. You guys rock, and I'll have anything with you that you'd like, no matter how smiley, normal, long or pleasant.

In youtubely news, I recently posted this on fiveawesomegirls. We thought of the idea together on my bed in January, and I'm so relieved that it's finally been made. I think it's pretty hilarious. The comments, however, are creeping me out already. People are discussing sperm's ability to eat through glass and saying that I "look like I'm a freak." In regards to this last part, I can't really disagree, no matter which definition of "freak" you're describing. The answer to all of them is sort of yes.

Also, Katrina (walllofweird)'s VEDA is really simplistic and cute. Her eyes and hair are so big and pretty! She looks like a painting. I'm also watching Alex (nerimon), Adam (whataboutadam) and Lsnook. I can't begin to count how many BEDAs I'm reading. You're all incredible, by the way. I'm addicted to all of you. You know what else I'm addicted to?

Sexy: Paul McCartney looking up at you with his droopy sexball eyes while singing.
Unsexy: Kid Rock.

Weight: 137
Chipotle burritos this year: 10
Subscribers: 14, 751
Days left of high school: 33

Bye, guys! See you tomorrow. <3


Nic said...

Awesome blog!
I'm doing BEDA too but mine entries aren't quite as entertaining. Keep it up (y)

Leah said...

You know, we wouldn't want you any other way.

Scott said...

Sounds similar to the time my high school played the DVD copy of "Oklahoma!", which I played a prominent role in, during lunch in the common area to an audience of 500 of my peers. I wasn't a fan.

goldberry2000 said...

I'm really enjoying BEDA, even though not that many people read my blog, I'm enjoying *doing* it. I don't think you come across as bitchy, you just don't like people asking the same dull, meandering questions that people have asked a million times over. My dad found my youtube account(s), my blog, my facebook, etc, and never asked for explainations; he just watches/reads and finds it mildly entertaining. I deliberately avoid showing any of this to my older relatives for exactly the reasons you describe.

"What is the Youtube?" xD

LullabyBri said...

We're all bitches at times.

So if I ever see you on the street it's ok that I just randomly hug you? I'm totally kidding- I don't go outside.

Love Your Vids & Blog,

whitefluffyhat said...

Ugh, I feel the same way about some people watching my videos.

Totally random people have been finding my videos through Facebook. People pastor...and a family friend who has known me since I was a fetus...

It just feels so awkward.

Recently, though, it was semi-awesome. Somebody watched my Project Save John Green From 200 Peeps video, and posted it on her Facebook to help spread the word. Her cousin saw it, and it turns out that he goes to my school and has known me since preschool. It was weird! I thought it was an awesome coincidence until I saw the guy at school and he was all, "Uhh, who's John Green and why are you so dorky about him?"

Holy sheet, this is a long comment! Sorry!

Kristina said...

I knooow I am up to my eyeballs in BEDAs and I love it. Google reader is my friend.

We're basically watching the same VEDAs too.

My coworkers spent all day discussing my videos and whether or not Alex is a geek or a nerd for posting a video with the history of mario in it. Sigh. :/

katrina said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
katrina said...


I thought of you today when I demanded that my boyfriend deliver chipotle to my place of work. My place of work is about 35 miles from chipotle.

I still can't believe I'm doing VEDA. I'm insane, srsly. I thought it would be a good way to get better with iMovie. The good thing is that it is making me get up/get ready earlier instead of the 'wake up 5 minutes before I have to be in my car to leave' routine I've gotten into, so yay me.

I LOVE what you said about 'being recognized' IRL. My entire phlebotomy class found my youtube channel in the middle of the course, and it was so awkward and weird having to talk about it. My current boyfriend was shown my channel by his sister before he even met me. Their parents have seen my videos! Cousins I hate find me on facebook and try to talk about youtube and I'm like gahhh no.

long comment is long. anyways, you are as cool as that pink dolphin I saw on the news the other day. maybe cooler.

babyporridge. said...

I can't emphasise enough how thrilled I am of the fact that you're doing BEDA. Every single day, I get to look forward to a new blogpost, & each time fails to disappoint me.

You rock my universe (& even my uterus). I understand your sentiment about valuing anonymity, but I guess it sort of comes with the territory. Don't forget that there will be the ones who WILL commend you on your writing & whatever else you place importance in.

(I love your wit & writing, m'dear)

In short, you are several kinds of amazing. Sorry about an epically fat comment.


Johanna said...

I have been trying to write you a comment for the past 5 minutes, but everything I write manages to sound super creeper. I'm just going to go for it--Try & remember I'm an 18 year old girl with really weak ankles.

You're fabulous. Let's be best friends.

Britty said...

Yeah....sorry about my "sperm eating through glass comments". That guy was just really bugging me, I was trying to make myself feel more superior by throwing my anatomy knowledge at him. Oh well, sorry about the creepy, I'll dial it back.

Stefan said...

shouting at "celebrities" is an old problem.

personally I think it boils down to people think they know you so well and they are trying to figure out how to be your friend IRL in one sentence or less.

cause being internet friends is fun an all but there is a reason people have such high frequent flyer miles on youtube. IRL friends are the best to have.

A.J. James said...

I completely agree with your assessment, I have no where near the fan base you do, but when ever any one from my normal day to day discovers my tubez, I am incredibly uncomfortable.
I enjoy BEDA because there are stories that are ignored if we don't bring them into the light...
loving your beda by the way