Dear high school secretary,
Firstly, I want to commend you for going four years without once cracking a smile. It's very honorable to shoot venom off your tongue and napalm out your eyes whenever someone waves hello. Seriously, ma'am, this world suffers a deficit of truly miserable people. I applaud your momental accomplishments toward combatting this problem.
Remember the time in tenth grade that you screamed at me-- quite literally, at full voice-- for leaving the cafeteria on invitation to have lunch with my English teacher? Remember the time you accused my Yearbook press pass of being counterfeit, and I had to miss class during a deadline to retrieve a note from the advisor, verifying that I was a staff member? Remember all the times you practically bounced with glee (still glaring, of course) when I was called into the principal's office, even though it was never a result of my being in trouble? You always found little ways to brighten my day. If I said, "I need to purchase a parking permit," you never failed to reply, "You mean you'd like to apply for a parking permit, and I'll decide whether you deserve one... or not."
Thank you, Secretary. Without you, I may still be hopeful and happy to this day.
Love,
Hayley Hoover xoxo bff 4eva
Hey, guys. I want you to all close your eyes now. Visualize the amount of drama you inferred from my little anecdote about running into Andrew yesterday. Okay, now divide that in half. Then in half again. In fact, take about one sixteenth of the Inferred Drama, and that's how big a deal it was. I didn't elaborate further on the story yesterday because nothing else happened. We all laughed, we all ate, we were all merry. Sorry to cause any heart attacks; the boyfriend is still intact.
Oh, and while we're on the subject, I had my first contact in several weeks today with Justin Timberlake. I was at the middle school/high school band concert to cheer on a friend, and in between countless clarinet squeaks and awkward announcers saying in twenty minutes what could be accomplished in two, I received a text.
JT: Would it be possible to someday break our silence for a short time, to ask some questions about the wedding [of our friends, Graham and Sarah]?
HGH: What would you need to ask me that you couldn't find out from anyone else?
JT: You're both knowledgeable and able to hold a conversation via text, unlike others.
HGH: You should ask Graham or Sarah.
JT: I have. Graham has yet to respond to various inquiries that date weeks, probably months, back. And I don't want to bother Sarah.
HGH: But you'll bother me.
JT: Mhm. Because everyone else either doesn't wish to speak with me, or else they don't know squat. So that leaves you.
HGH: I fit into both of those categories.
JT: Dag, yo. Well at least I tried.
How'd I do? I'll admit, as the conversation ended, I immediately imagined my frequent blog commentors sitting at a long gymnastics judges' table, holding up score cards. Those of you who encourage me to cause him bodily harm are giving me a 7 for snippiness. Those of you who preach "time heals all wounds" are giving me a 5 for giving in and responding. How about everyone else? What's my composite score?
Anyway, tomorrow is my last full day of high school. Friday is the senior picnic, during which I have to pretend the vast majority of my class doesn't infuriate me/make me cry. I have a few insignificant exams, etc., that happen next week, but it's all pretty much done. I know I'm being whiny, but as I was lying in my front yard today with a raspberry popsicle in one hand and Maureen Johnson's The Bermudez Triangle in the other, wincing from the sun but loving how my state in May always smells like mown grass and produce, all I could think about is how long and painful school is in comparison to the rest of my life. These past few months have lasted for what feels like decades. Decades, like, wearing a chastity belt and those tribal rings that make your neck two feet long. Constantly observed, constantly oppressed, constantly in pain.
Sexy: This is really weird to say... and I do NOT mean every aspect of the '70s... but some things from the '70s. We're watching a boring movie in Government, and the only way I can stay awake is by checking out the guys' longish blown-out hair. Plus, I have had this stuck in my head for the past two weeks.
Unsexy: To reinforce that I meant it when I said SOME things from the '70s, the clothes and facial expressions in this = the definition of unsexy. Although they're definitely not unentertaining.
Chipotle burritos this year: 19
Subscribers: 16,170
Days left of high school: 3ish
Bye, guys! Hopefully I'll see you tomorrow. <3
73 comments:
Hmm... not sure how to rate you on your response to JT. I think I'd have say 7.5 for snippiness, but maybe it was a little, teensy bit harsh? Mayhaps he was trying to make an attempt to be friends again? I suppose I can't really say though, because I don't know what he did. For all I know he deserved FAR more than that (which he probably did).
I am so, SO jealous that you're almost done with high school. It seems like high school is going by so SLOW.
I was just reading your blog from yesterday, and then my RSS reader told me you updated the moment I finished reading. Amazing timing.
I think it's funny that everyone freaks out whenever you mention Andrew. You should probably put up a sign, "Boyfriend situation is not critical unless stated otherwise". Because, like, we BOTH know that people from the internet read EVERYTHING in the side bar.
10/10 for being an absolute bitch to JT (methinks).
Seriously, you should harness that talent.
Love it.
Flaunt it.
Exploit it.
Embrace it.
etc.
I'd say you did well with your JT texting encounter.
Although, I must admit, since this blog was post-JT we (the blog readers and 5AG viewers) never heard the story of why he's such a jerk.
I know it's quite personal, so I understand if you don't want to share; but know that I am QUITE curious as to what happened in this last relationship of yours.
Alright. Have a lovely last day of senior year... i still have a grueling week left. Tear count still equals zero. We'll see.
Hm. As a gymnast, your performance shows several positive characteristics. First and foremost I think you should be commended for your lack of tears. Second, the very fact that you responded at all is proof of your favorite maxim "Time heals all wounds."
Overall, I'd give you a seven and a half.
I'm going to have to give you a 8 not only for snippiness, but for being clever, and for making him be the last one to text. I don't know why, but for some reason I always feel like the person who doesn't respond in the text conversation is the "winner." Also because I'm bitter and hate jerky ex boyfriends. Woman Power.
Popsicle + nice sunny day outside + Bermudez Triangle = pure happiness =]
gahhh i can't wait until summer!
yaaay 4 being a senior and keepin ur cool with The Timberlake. I give ur little performance a...*holds up card with yet to be known number*...9. not bad eh? I like the snippiness. Exes need snippyness. lol
**have a sparkling day**
<33
I thought it was just my secretary who seems to be possessed by purely evil energy. I feel your pain.
Anyway, you ended that text conversation perfectly. Just the right amount of wit and snarkiness. It's like the conversation you usually think of hours later when replaying the situation over and over again in your mind.
At the part where you told us to close our eyes... I did. Then realized I couldn't read/ know why they were closed. Moving on. I give you a 10. Ignoring him wouldn't have have allowed you to be bitchy, and I think your responses definitely qualify as bitchy. Plus, he texted last, that you got like, six points right there. I'm proud of you, Hayley Hoover.
I'm afraid I can't judge the JT text, due to the fact that I'm biased towards you and would be as effective as a french skating judge. I do thank you for linking to ABBA! Their music always puts a smile on my face. I love them even if their music videos are terrible. What could do they do? Apparently skin-tight white outfits were all the rage and the idea of a close ups of their mouths singing would create visual interest just sounded right. Have a great almost last day of school! Oh, and if you have time, give that secretary the evil eye or whatever you can do to turn her into a pile of useless mush.
I'd not only hold up my own "10" card, but I would be stealing everybody else's number cards so all they had left to hold up would be a "10"
I thought you were great.
I didn't think there was any real drama with Andrew, because if there was, you would have said so.
I give you a solid nine for your conversation with JT. Not only did it have perfect amount of snippiness, it was empowering for you, im sure. You were definitely harsh enough as to say, "i definitely do not want to talk to you, ever. " but not harsh enough for you to seem like any kind of feminine canine. So congratulations, i commend you on your handling of the ex.
On another subject, what ever happened with your english grade?
Dag, yo, hope everything is well :).
After getting over my initial laughter at seeing "Dag, yo." and I processed everything, I give you a ten. Your snippiness was excellent. You have raw talent.
10/10 cograts woman
and it would have been fun hanging out with you at the band concert that i asked you to go with me to...
[ugh, repost... grammar fail]
I'd say you did really well, considering how easy it is to give in and just reply back to texts without thinking. I don't think you were too snippy, you just made things clear to him how you feel.
Also, I've had Take a Chance on Me stuck in my head for the past weeks, too. I'm still on waitlists for a couple colleges that I really want to get into, so I was joking with my friends that I need to just do things Elle Woods style and send the admissions people a video... only instead of being in a bikini and referencing Days of Our Lives, I'll be lip syncing to Take a Chance on Me. It's sure to get me right in, don't you think?
i'm going to give you a 5. not because i think you shouldn't have answered but because i think you should've given him the wrong date and time for the wedding.
"Dag, yo." Really? JT's ridiculousness might crack me up more than the *NSYNC one's.
Also, ABBA is always amazing.
Dag, yo, Hayley. Major points for the response to JT. You were cool at first, and just when he thought he could get comfortable talking to you... out comes the bitch.
9/10.
Things to cover:
-Your secretary is a bitchskank.
-Thanks for clearing things up with the boyfriend. I was confused.
-Nice bitchiness interaction with JT. Subtle, kinda sounded like "I hate you kinda." But... nicely done. 10/10
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I really hope this comment works.
I just figured you you out! Your a modern female Ferris Bueller. You're laid back, play by your own rules smart enough get away with it, mischievous, and all with a witty voice over.
*Breaks out of trance from ABBA videos to leave comment*
Re: your secretary - I don't understand why people choose to be mean. If you were choosing a career where you interacted with students every day, wouldn't you get some enjoyment out of being pleasant to them?
Re: pain of school vs life - I've always really liked school. But lately, I'll find myself in the middle of something really wonderful (think: friends, books, outdoors, etc.) and think about how school is really getting in my way of experiencing, and enjoying, life. Hang in there though - only 3ish days left!
You go girl! 8 or 9, well played i say. Poise and delivery!
Exs should stay exactly that, i dont think they ever make good friends again, tried it before, it was a train wreck! Proud of u.
Without sounding too cliche, it'll all be over soon, tomorrows another day, every cloud has a silver lining, blah blah blah :)
Plus Abba *runs away frantically, trying to shield his ears!* :)
I would show just a tad bit of grace towards that secretary. I mean, think about all that anguish you've endured with highschool. That doesn't for her after 4 years! Although she should have let you be her light in the darkness though... You totally could have.
And also, how could you ever say anything about that Mama Mia video was unsexy? It personifies sexy!
I'm gonna rate you a 8.94. I'm of both camps of gymnastics judges. I believe in the time heals all wounds and you have to cut yourself off completley (that's the only way I could get over my ex). But I also believe snide comments and showing that you are sassy with out him is also a great way to make yourself feel MUCH better. I'm proud of you not taking the bait of trying to do the "let's be friends" trap.
I finished MJ's "Girl At Sea" today and there is a quote I love about moving on....
And now I can't find it, so I'll paraphrase:
"Living your life happily, it's the best kind of revenge"
Give yourself some credit sweetie, you are doing the best you can.
I think you handled that interaction with JT beautifully. Civil, but snippy. Clever, and with a definite air of "you can't just use me when you want to". I approve.
It kind of sounds like, what with this text conversation and his friend asking you if you hate him, he's trying to make contact. In a really immature way, but hey. It's up to you to decide if you want it, though, and while I know almost nothing about this situation, I kind of get the impression you don't. Better not to have toxic things/people in your life. :]
Confession: I love the '70s. Mostly because I'm fanatically obsessed with Cat Stevens, but I'm also a fan of the bell-bottom look and the long (preferably curly) hair. ;)
Just sayin'.
I have to give you a nine.... The " i fit both of those categories" made me Rofl.... The light at the end of the tunnel is so close... push on my young friend... push on...
At least your secretary gets your name right. There's less than 500 people in my entire school, and my secretary gets half of the names wrong, and not just the exchange students. She can't even get half the teachers names right!
Anyways, I would give you advice on JT, but seeing as I've never had a boyfriend, that might make things a bit hard and/or biased. Sorry.
About the Andrew thing, I thought some drama might have gone down, and it was personal and you didn't want to tell us. (just yet..) Yea, I was being a snoop.
I'm going to give you a 7 because it seemed like a legitimate request on his part, though I showed up right before the silencing and never got to know him well enough to know otherwise, and you were snarky and dismissive enough to not warrant a score below 5.
(look i commented within a few hours of you're posting, i'm off to a good start with this whole being a good friend for once thing)
congratulations on the snippy comments... i'd say a solid 9 for the conversation.
But its only a 9 for wordiness...
the attitude was spot on,
and the conversation was positively inspirational,
but I felt like your point could've cut a little deeper if you had been more concise.
i know boys suck, and I genuinely hope that things of the JT persuasion get better for you.
I think that your response to JT was the best way to go, not too harsh, but direct.
ABBA = Awesome on Arrival (I know)
The trip is almost complete Hayley, did you accomplish everything that you needed to in your High School years?
Keep it classy Hayley.
Total 10. Isn't it odd that he keeps trying to communicate with you right after you found someone new? Sounds like someone's pride needs a band-aid. Don't fall for it.
for some reason when you said "my frequent blog commentors sitting at a long gymnastics judges' table, holding up score card" i imagined people with their computers. then holding up said computers with large numbers on the screen.
ps. what does dag,yo even mean? am i a troglodyte?! i hope not. :(
10/10. Sweet baby Jesus, ten-out-of-ten. That was just the right amount of 'I'm a Snatch' and 'You're a Dick'. I... wish I was you. And I'm an male 18 year old college sophomore.
It's nice to know you're starting to think as much of us as we think of you.
#happylovingHGHbloggingfamily
If we close our eyes, how do we know what you want us to visualize?!?!?!1/1/??
I give you a |-9| because you could have been a point bitchier to attain that perfect 10.
Also, I'm a nerd. Don't judge me.
I'd definitely give you an 8. You were snippy enough to let him know that there's just no point in what he's doing and not mean enough to be considered mean/condescending.
I don't know what "dag" means :/ stupid foreign languages...
Hayley I'd like to thank you for reminding me that high school is never, ever worth missing, and I should be happy every single day to be out of there.
I confess, I became a TINY bit nostalgic after reading so much about high school in your blog, (even though most of it is negative) so I decided to take out my old yearbook. There were 675 kids in my class, and while scanning all the faces only about 6 or 7 people made me think "Aww I miss him/her". Of the other 670ish a surprisingly large number made me feel annoyed or repulsed. I didn't think I'd have such a strong reaction after almost 7 years. Yuck.
And wow, definitely a 9 or 10. I'm jealous of your abilities at cyber snippiness. Can I say Me-ow! Or is that totally dorky?
-Randi
Hmm...I'd say I'd give you an 8 although in my opinion, it could have been a 10 if you hadn't responded at all. That's what I do because i am basically in a similar situation that's been going on since like December. He's tried every way to try and 'reach out' to me and talk, this even includes using his friend who i may have met or may have not met when visiting him. I don't see why he even tries, its kind of like he wants to be friends and pretend like nothing ever happened, which is not fair. I don't think I can be friends with someone who did something to me while we were together as more than just friends, i can't imagine what he would do if we only were just friends. But anywayz it was all good because your snippiness made up for it. And congrats on your last full day of high school, just a few days left until you walk across that stage with diploma in hand and say goodbye high school.
I give you a 9 for snippiness. Very good. Also I'd like to express my distaste that Justin Timberlake used the phrase "dag, yo" as it is one of my favorites and I fully don't like him. (I don't know him. Wow I'm getting fired up in your defense. Interesting.)
Now that I'm going on my senior year of college, I'm slightly nostalgic for high school. But then I remember how I liked very few people in high school and life is much better now. You're so close to done, just let the days happen.
Very good with JT. Going through the exact same situation with the monster ex myself at the moment, only I'm not replying to his texts. I'm taking the petty route for my own sanity :)
My school secretary is not quite so snobby? When ever you walk into the office, you know Kitty(for that's what we call her but I don't know why) will greet you with a "Need something?" in a nasally tone.
You definitely get bonus points for snippiness. I think you used appropriate action in texting back JT. You really couldn't ignore him indefinitely. especially with the wedding approaching. I think it was good that you got your position across on where you stand friend-wise, which is basically nowhere. So hopefully it will make the wedding slightly more bearable now that he knows he should leave you alone.
is it a rule that high school secretaries have to be mean? I won a local writing contest and the principle called me down to the office to receive my prize. I walked into the office and told the secretary that I was there to see the principle. "Its for something good, right?" she said with extreme sarcasm. "Yes, actually." "Sure, go sit down." The kid sitting on the bench beside me (who actually was in trouble) was like, "no, she actually is here for something good." and the princple came out to congradulate me, and the secretary just stared menicingly. she is very frightning.
congrats on being done with HS. my last real day is tomorrow, though I don't graduate till June 6th. enjoy the end, you've been tortured for this long, you might as well enjoy the part where everyone pretends they like and are going to miss each other.
(I give you an 8 for the conversation)
Not responding is only beneficial in helping you get over him. You are going out with someone else, so there is no reason not to speak to your ex on friendly terms.
You didn't need to act like a bitch to him though, he seemed to be being polite and careful. I think its much more mature to have a forgiving attitude.
0/10
If my ex-boyfriend even asked me where the bathroom was, I'd lead him to a flight of stairs and push him down it, then find his new girlfriend and she'd suffer the same fate.
In the above situation, I'd probably still find a way to push them both down some stairs.
I'd say your method was much better. Next time, I suggest more stairs.
I say an 8. It can sometimes be pretty hard to carry off snark and sarcasm by text, due to the lack of tone and all, but you did it well. And you managed to answer his question as well :) Yep, I highly commend you. You only missed out on a nine because I always feel ridiculous rating anything that high...
... I suddenly feel I would rather like your secretary.
I'm suddenly wondering how many times I have to comment to be considered a frequent commentor. Commenter? Whichever. Hmm.
lol I'm gonna go ahead and give that answer a 10, cause it sounds like something I'd have said, were I in your place.
Also, I don't mean to pry, but I can't help but wonder about what happened between you and JT - I understand that it's none of my business, but it sounds like it ended real bad, and it's hard to imagine what he could have done.
Also, LOL. I love ABBA, but the guys' hairstyles and skintight white suits are just... just no.
Admittedly, I'm not immersed in your life in any way, so I have no idea why you hate JT, but that seemed kinda too mean.
Understood that he may have made you feel like crap in the past but, he has feelings, too - I suppose? He's not a complete monster, is he?
Again, I don't know, so I'm sorry if this seems insensitive to you!
Your letter to the secretary had me laughing hysterically. I wish I could send such a letter to the Office Staff at my school - why do they always have to be so miserable?
Did something, like, REALLY terrible (cheating, murder, etc.) happen between you and Justin Timberlake to make you break up? Or did you just break up because you broke up? Because if it's the latter, then really, come on, get over it. It's freaking high school. Grow up and answer whatever inane question he was going to ask.
(Sorry, I don't mean for this to sound super bitchy or anything, so don't take it that way. But I'm just giving you my honest opinion.)
of course, i know nothing about JT, nor do i know what he did to you, or anything else about the situation. but i would give you an eight for handling the situation [reasonably] maturely, but still be assertive and definitely communicating that you don't wish to speak with him. all in all, very well done. congratulations :D
and also, i would like you to know that although i am generally quite rational (in fact, many of my friends come to me for just that) i still closed my eyes when you told me to. i realize that it's quite impossible for me to read without seeing (without braille, of course) but i went ahead and did it anyway. such is the entrancement of your stories.
Haha.. "Today is awesome 'cause Hayley showed Justin Timberlake who'd da boss".
10/10, classic. I wish I was witty :(
I would have just been like, "yo wtf y r u textin me? stfu.."
I think high school secretaries are universally mean. I never once had a pleasant encounter in the attendance office.
Also, I'd give you a 9. A little more snippiness might have pushed you over the top, but still a decent showing none-the-less.
I squeezed shut my eyelids so I could visualise the circumstance, but then I couldn't read on, so I don't know when I can open them again! Help!
OK. You can't tell me to close my eyes anymore, because I did, and then I couldn't read what you wanted me to imagine so I felt like a failure...
(And you get a Nine)
I'd say about 8/10 for giving him what he deserves. Boooo for JT.
Though it's a bit hard to judge since we don't really know the history behind it (why he's a jerk, etc) and thus we are bound to be on your side no matter what.
Or maybe that's just what you planned from the beginning :)
You wouldn't believe how jealous I am that you are finishing school tomorrow. I've got exams next week. And what am I doing? Compulsively refreshing your blog page to see if you've updated (no RSS reader at my dad's laptop) and actively ignoring my maths stuff.
Sometimes I think reading your blog is the only thing keeping me sane. And then I realize how shallow my life must be. (You know the site www.fmylife.com right? - so hilarious)
Oh well.
I think I might go and face those integrals once again, and I hope you update before I go to bed (living in different time zones is annoying).
Sorry for the excessive rambling... just wanted to say your blogs are incredibly witty and entertaining, and I hope you never ever stop :)
Also, weird as this might sound, sometimes your sentence structure excites me.
...what the fuck does "dag" mean. Especially preceeding "yo"...? You know what, forget it. I'm gonna start saying that so people can ask me what it means, and I can reply, "Ask Justin Timberlake."
I'd hold up my judging cards right now but apparently the table is already full with apathetic 7's.
btw, Just to let you know, none of the links to the videos work :(
it always says "Not available in your country"
meh.
*holds up a 10* I really liked the snippiness. :)
You dated someone who actually uses the word yo? I mean, actually takes the time to TYPE the word yo in a text? You are soooo much better off without him :)
I'd definitely give you an 8/10 on your ability to respond to Justin Timberlake and not say anything that you deeply regretted afterward. That's a step forward. By the way, we're reading the Catcher in the Rye in my English class right now, and it's making me think of you, and the vlogbrothers. :)
I'll give you a solid 6.5. You've set a high standard though with the quality of you writing, so maybe for us mere mortals it would be an 8.
I'm quite proud that I never thought the incident with Andrew amounted to much. I guess I'm starting to know you a tiny bit courtesy of all these blogs. Hope your Friday is awesome.
Oh, you did quite amazing. I always sigh when I get text messages from 'tricky' sorts of people, mostly because I quickly have to think of the right thing to say. Anddd I'm not great at quickly thinking of something witty and perfect to say.
10/10 absolutely.
Congrats for almost-being-done w/ high school! I have many more years of that...
And I also want to just say... I love your attitude regarding the people at your school. It reminds me of myself, since this year I'm leaving the school I've been at forever. And I am SO glad to leave that place! I feel like I should have more emotion about it, and I think my friends think I should too, but I'm honestly not upset!
Take care!! And I love your blog. I read it every day!
- Juna.
hmmm... 8. i enjoyed your snippiness, but responding still makes you out like a caring human being, which is good. :D
Where's your pink hair post! I WANT IT NAO!
Dear Hayley,
A poem.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
JT can suck it.
I don't really know what the situation is regarding you and JT but I've had my heart broken and haven't spoken to the a-hole since the day he dumped me. I've also moved on to a great guy so i can relate. At least JT is still trying to talk to you because there are SO many things I'd like to say to the other guy but I can't because he won't even look at me. I think you're awesome. Don't ever change or second guess your JT convos.
With love (or something kind of like it thats a little less creepy sounding and not the hilary duff kind),
Eliz
I give you a 9. I think it was exactly the right amount of snippiness and it got your point across that you don't want anything to do with him anymore.
Perfect response!
In other news - freakin awesome hair!
In light of your most recent post, WOW I'm surprised you didn't send an angry tiger to his house and watch in glee while it ate him. I will never be able to be that calm with someone who is such an asshole. You win the self-control olympics.
p.s. the pink hair looks awesome
"JT: Mhm. Because everyone else either doesn't wish to speak with me, or else they don't know squat. So that leaves you.
HGH: I fit into both of those categories."
XD Go HAylyeeyyy!! XD
also, what does Dag, yo mean?
-ben
I give you an 8 because it was snippiness at its best. Two points off because there is nothing worse than indifference to punish an ex and expressing no desire to speak to him isn't exactly indifference. Know what I'm saying? BUT! I thin it was handled well.
By the way, I LOVE ABBA! I was raised on that music.
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