Sunday, May 17, 2009

Hitler's a jackass and Justin Timberlake hates me.

Last night I dreamt that I hung out with Hitler. We were in some sort of large air conditioned cabin, walking around and exchanging jokes. I was really starting to like Hitler, and it wasn't until halfway through laughing at one of his comments that I remembered the whole genocide thing. "So do you like me?" Hitler asked, directly on cue, as dream characters so often do. I smiled awkwardly and shrugged a little bit, building up confidence, and then said, "Actually, I think you're kind of a jackass." Hitler did not take well to being called a jackass. He ran away, crying. What this says about me, I'm too scared to find out.

On the subject of Hitler (Not at all; I just thought that'd be funny), I've received a lot of comments regarding my use of the word "boyfriendthing" in my last blog. To address those concerned, it's not that I'm iffy or unsure about the situation. I've just been friends with this guy for so many years, and it was always him chasing me and me being disinterested. So while I'm happy to finally be a Facebook Official Couple, I simply am not used to it. With that out of the way, I regret to inform you that my boyfriend[thing] is devastated, as his television trivia show career ended yesterday. His team fought valiantly, but they got only third place at the finals. I made him cookies immediately, because that's the only thing I know how to do for sad boys. Booooo.

On the subject of boyfriends (Sort of this time, elohel), I had a nice little heart attack yesterday. I've been doing a pretty good job lately at not letting my feelings/lack thereof for my ex-boyfriend continue to be, as commetor Jordan put it, "a raw, festering wound." I still check up on him in little ways, but I'm no longer saving old texts or frequently trying to smell him on his letters. In fact, a good hour or two had passed without any thought of him whatsoever yesterday afternoon, until I was sneak-attacked. My mother and I were shopping, much to my dismay, for a dress to wear at my graduation and my friends' wedding. I was standing in a dressing room, clad in the spaghetti-strapped coral number, when I received a text message from a mutual friend of ours, whom I hadn't spoken to in weeks. He was eating Chipotle for the first time, he said, and it was "eh." I informed him that the first is never, ever good, and that you have to do it about three times before the addiction starts. Then, because I have the sense of humor of a twelve-year-old, I added, "Just like sex." I returned my focus to the dress, wondering if I'm mature enough to wear pleats if I still think devirginization is hysterical, when our friend responded. "Weirdo. Also I'm with Justin Timberlake. Do you hate him?"

(No, he did not say "Justin Timberlake," but I've just decided that's what we'll be calling The Ex-Boyfriend from now on in this blog. Partly because Justin and The Ex-Boyfriend are similar in that I don't understand their appeal whatsoever, but somehow allow them to convince me that they are, in fact, bringing sexy back. And partly because the idea of my ex-boyfriend dressing like/acting like/singing like Justin Timberlake is positively hilarious. Riddikulus!)

Anyway, it's pretty funny that I was facing a full-body mirror as I read that, because I got to witness my reaction. I stared straight forward, looking sort of like that green-eyed Afghan girl from the cover of National Geographic a couple years back. After a minute, I looked down at my phone, the screen black from being opened and untouched for too long, and typed something along the lines of  "What." A second later, he replied, "I'm with Justin Timberlake. Just wondering how you feel with him at the moment."

This is the part where I say something really intelligent and thought-out, like, "Um I don't know whatever." This is also the part where I glance down at the dress and realize I'll be wearing it at our mutual friends' wedding, and that I will be seeing Justin Timberlake... in this dress. The thought of weddings then took my mind to the scene from The Notebook, when the heroine has just seen a picture of her lost love. She lies in the bathtub, inexplicably wearing her bridal veil, idly turning the faucet on and off with foot. That's kind of exactly how I felt. Suddenly a rush of blood came into my face, and I oh-so-collectively responded, once again, "No, I don't hate him. He hates me." I got an "okay" from our friend, and my own palm to my forehead.

I meditated on this conversation all day yesterday, trying to figure out what I would have said if I'd had any previous notice. Chances are I wouldn't have made a sex joke, for instance. Finally, it hit me this morning. A quote from Stephen Bishop: "I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." So, Justin Timberlake, to put it in terms you're more likely to understand....

On the subject of boy bands, the show went pretty well last night. The sound guys accidentally played the demo track instead of the instrumental for our big after-intermission strobe light extravaganza, which became apparent when our little baritone soloist started singing along with a scary bass from the CD. Very professionally, our director waved her hands and yelled "take two!" and we started again, laughing all the while. So classy. Other than that, everything was fine. I'm a lot less nostalgic and sad about my last stage production than I imagined. We still have to put on this show about two and half more times next week, but I anticipate no tears on my part. Ah, well.

As for my last small group meeting tonight, I certainly cannot promise dry eyes. Ugh.

Chipotle burritos this year: 18
Subscribers: 16,105
Days left of high school: 6

Bye, guys! Hopefully I'll see you tomorrow. <3


Elizabeth said...

The dress is hot. I hope you got it. Hooray for graduation?

joy isobel said...

Cute dress :) You'll totally make him jealous at that wedding, especially if you show up with your new boyfriendthing.
Also, I completely agree about Chipotle, I didn't even like it till the third time I had it.

Natasha said...

Your N'Sync link made me laugh out loud.

revolutionaryred said...

I really need to watch the notebook now... which my boyfriendthing thinks is crappy and plotless, but oh well.

I hope you handle yourself with grace and poise at the wedding, as so many of us do in front of exes. Good luck, Hayley :)

Indigo said...

Wow, that's so weird... I had a dream the other day where I saw Hitler in a Starbucks, and he suddenly yelled "Generals think war should be waged like the tourneys of the Middle Ages. I have no use for knights; I need lattes."

Sophie said...

Oh Hayley, the Justin Timberlake thing sounds just like something I'm going through. I was texting a friend about how much I disliked my ex whilst talking to my Mother and my stupid brain let me send the text to him instead of my friend. Let me tell you his response was less than friendly.
I did love your dream though :)

Rachel said...

That bit about Justin Timberlake was brilliant, and you'll probably kill him with that dress on at the wedding!

S said...

I think the best part of this blog was that it gave me an excuse to listen to Tearin' Up My Heart. (Not like anyone ever needs one!)

Sorry about your exboyfriendthing troubles. I wish I had any good advice to give on the matter, but I'm not at all versed in the subject, as being a notsoattractive nerdfighting sophomore in high school girl doesn't get me any ass.

However, one thing I do know is that you're awesome, and your new boyfriendthing seems to realize that, where as Justin Timberlake does not. So as much as I love him, I say screw Justin Timberlake. You should be trying to look hot for your new boyfriendthing not to make your ex jealous, he doesn't seem to be worth it. I'm sure you've heard this a billion times and it probably doesn't help and to be honest it really isn't my business, but he's not worth your time! Justin may be bringing sexy back Haley, but sexy never left you! (I can't believe I just legitimately used that phrase in a sentence, I think it's time to end this comment.)

natalie kay said...

Have fun at the wedding. If we're lucky, Justin Timberlake will try to dance the Cha Cha Slide at the reception, fall and fracture his spinal column?

Margo said...

good luck with small group hayley. i know it will be sad.

go to said mutual friends wedding with your new boyfriend and make justin timberlake JEALOUS.

xxx margo

SnakesAndWorms said...

"I made him cookies immediately, because that's the only thing I know how to do for sad boys. Booooo."

That is one step towards you being the best girlfriend ever. In case that sounds like sarcasm, it isn't.

And despite the fact that put it all humorously, I know that they are stressful situations. Just rock your stuff... Maybe get someone to make YOU cookies.

The Vagabond said...

Well I'm sorry that you were embarrassed/reminded about your ex boyfriend, Justin Timberlake. Have some Chipoltle. It probably works along the same lines for sad girls as cookies do for sad boys.

The dress is very pretty. You should definitely wear it to the wedding/graduation. Make Hitler... I mean Justin Timberlake regret braking up with you. :-)

Best wishes!!

A said...

I'm going to comment quickly because I want to go eat some soup, but I'm excited for your and your boyfriendthing and also sorry to hear that Justin won't let you say goodbye. Just remember tonight at your small group that you want to be done with school.
Have a good last week!

April said...

I can promise you the whole ex-boyfriend thing gets better. My ex-boyfriendthing tried to talk to me on facebook just the other day and I had no feelings good or bad about it. My heart didn't stop. My stomach didn't leap up into my throat. Nothing.
I could not tell you why he keeps trying to talk to me, considering that I told him very clearly a year ago that I don't care to have anything to do with him, and also considering the evil looks and eye rolls I involuntarily give him everytime I see him on campus. But now I just don't care anymore; I don't feel the need to be bitchy. I think I'm over it. And you will be too.

Caitlin said...

Woah, that's a nice dress. You're gonna look amazing.

I'm friends with my ex-boyfriend again now, but I did hate him for a while after we broke up. I found out he was planning on breaking up with me on Valentines day, so I broke up with him two days later, and also, even though when I was with him he kept telling me he was in love with me and that he'd never liked anyone this much, blahblahblah, he liked my friend two weeks later.
Stupid boys.

Katy said...

Ex-boyfriends are made of fail.

-Sally Sob Story for empathy purposes-

Long story short, my ex-best-friend is now dating my ex-boyfriend, and neither of them so much as look at me in the hallways at the Hallowed High School. I get a little pang in my side every time I see them holding hands, not because I miss him (or her, for that matter), but because I... well, I don't know. It just hurts, you know?

However, I was dissolved into a puddle of tears Friday night last week. I had just started my new job as a movie theatre usher (ie, I clean up theatres when movies are over), and I see both of them walk to the concession stand. In a fit of fright, I fled to the usher closet and tried not to let myself cry in front of my new co-workers, who were sure to think I hated my new job (which I didn't/don't), but I couldn't stop them for long and had to do a "restroom check" (ie, make sure the toilets were all flushed) and I hid in a stall and cried.

HEY YOU GET ANGST IN A COMMENT. Mostly because I hate writing about it in my public blogs, and I don't think my friends will think to look for my angst on the comment of a Hayley G. Hoover blog <3

Susana said...

I had to comment this one.

I've been continuously laughing for 15 minutes now. So, imagine me, I read your title, wonder why Justin Timberlake could possibly hate you and look to my right:

And then I burst out laughing. Look at his smirk thing or whatever it is going on!

In case you don't know, it's a portuguese IQ test ad.

Oh, the irony. And yes, I'm weird.

Great blog btw. Good luck for the "encouter" at the wedding. :P

lindsey said...

Your relationship with your boyfriendthing seems kinda complicated. Should you even care if Justin Timberlake hates you or not?

Sorry, not judgin', just trying to help.

Erin said...

"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." I think I've fallen in love with that line. It just sounds so perfectly poetic and sad. I that you're happy around this new boyfriend and he gets you to forget Justin. As much as he would like to think so, he is not bringing sexy back.

Becka said...

I'm not entirely sure calling Hitler a jackass really covers it, but I get what you're trying to say :)

Justin Timberlake also seems to be kinda a jackass. Ok, not on a Hitler scale, but he still sounds like pretty much a jerk.

On another note, your dress looks awesome :)

Lucy said...

That had me laughing away. I am slightly afraid about the Hitler dream though. Not going to come to any conclusion about the meaning, however.

Megan said...

Hope your last small group goes well.
I'm not going to comment about JT because I'm sure,if you're anything like me,you probably know what the best way to be looking at the whole thing is,but to have continously have people tell it to you is irritating and makes you feel worse.Apologies if I'm wrong about this.
Also,I've never commented before,but over the past week your blog has become a complete addiction for me.
Enjoy your last week of school.
God Bless.

A.J. James said...

best quote ever... wow... just wow... The dress looks fantastic...

Lee said...

Hm, maybe i'm just overly observant being a psychology student and all BUT that text thing is weird. Like, he sent you a text to talk about chipotle - understandable. But then when he replies to your response he feels the need to tell you Mr Timberlake is there? A completely random piece of information. Yes I think I am overthinking this haha XD.


Ignore me and my insane analysis.

The dress is nice : )

Anonymous said...

oh man, don't you HATE those *HA, SURPRISE!!!* moments? then again, after i've said whatever inane thing comes to mind, even after hours of agonizing, i realize even if i'd had DAYS to prepare the perfect, witty, flippant, coy-yet-uninterested response, it would still seem dumb and inadequate. facepalms are inevitable.

this wedding definitely calls for a freakum dress, as my good friend beyoncé once told me. while that may not exactly be the dress she had in mind, i think it's gorgeous. and, y'know, more appropriate for a wedding. take boyfriendthing and dance and make merry and try not to look too much like you want justin to be jeals even though of course if (when) it happens it will be sweeter than the wedding cake...but still in a sad way because he's ex. :-\

LOLOLOL @ jackass hitler. also indigo's dream made me laugh really loud and disrupt my studying roommate. sorry, studying roommate.


Phyllis said...

your resemblance to the green eyed afghan girl is eery! is that you?! seriously I loled so loud.

Kincaid said...

Girlfriend, you gotta let this Justin Timberlake thing go. The more you worry about where he is, what he's doing, how he is, and what he thinks of you, the harder it will be to get over him. You have a new boyfriend now! Focus on him, not on your ex. If he broke up with you, he's not worth worrying over. The more worrying you do, the more desperate you look.

Catherine said...

Sorry your small group is ending. I've gone through the same kind of thing and it completely sucks. But it's not like they'll be gone forever, never to return. You'll always have them. So when the tears stop, just think how amazing it was to have them in your life when they were.

sincerepraise said...

I really love your conversational writing style. I would love to read a complete book from you. I read the story you wrote in "Red" and it was terrific. Please, don't wait until you're out of college to become a published author. I would buy anything you write. Here's an idea, If you can't seem to get through any one novel, then I suggest a collection of short stories?
I read a, a whole lot, and some of the most accomplished and best selling authors can't make me laugh like you, or bring me into their world like you.
The world needs this... I need this.

Jordan said...

Oh, man. I want to gloat and be proud for the mention, but... I wish it didn't have to be for this. Sorry it all came rushing back like that. But you seem to have handled it well? As well as anyone could expect. You didn't burst into tears or, far more likely, get all "Why? Is he talking about me? What's he saying? How's he like?" which is what I probably would have done.

Jenny Boleyn said...

Cute dress!

Oh, you do look a little bit like the green-eyed girl. Not in a bad way, but your hair and the shape of your head is similar to her.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure Hitler will recover with time. x] What a pretty dress and props to you for that well-placed boyband reference!

Catherine said...

Thank you so much for that N'Sync, I appreciate on a day like today.

Katy said...

First of all, Hayley, you're awesome. You're probably told this all the time, but that doesn't ever diminsh the fact that you are. And second of all, the exboyfriend sounds like a jackass.

Jordiekins said...

Agh, I totally watched the entire music video.


Janelle said...

Hope the wedding and everything goes ok and it's not too hard for you Hayley!!

MmM CyNtHiA, OpInAnDo said...

First of all ....
Sometimes (and this time is just one of them, when
I’ve just read your post) life likes to play the role of the “unfair”.
Well, maybe I’ll never get to explain this completely because the English is not kind of my best characteristic, but Hayley, I think you are one of the most incredible person; Ready for life. More than prepared for success. I’m completely sure that millions of people agree with me.
The point here is to know how life moves on you, and not only how you move in life (and this was a metaphor ^^).
It often happens that finally (face it) a part of you is still the girlfriend of your ex-boyfriend.
Here is were the unfair part begins…
I’m not the first person who formulates this question: why the hell
hayleyghoover is still thinking about this “JustinTimberlake”, having so many fish in the ocean?
You can find wonderful people (and I’m speaking of present and not of a far away future).
I’d like to answer that question, unfortunately I can’t because I’m living the same situation. Alors, I guess the best thing we can do is write poetry… just joking.
I finish this with a very strong hug! And all the support of the world with this things that sometimes seem nothing but other times they become really big stuff…(and I speak of
the text message).

Cynthia (cynthiarocks9)

Anonymous said...

You're Jessica Darling in disguise, aren't you?

Vuraaa said...

linking n'sync really emphasized your point. good choice.

good luck with everything :)

kalimagination said...

N'Sync...I hadn't heard them for six years until I clicked that link, and yet I sang every word of it like I was still in elementary school. Good times.

Text + ex are two words that shouldn't be together in sentences. Texting exes and texting people about exes.... those conversations never, ever leave you with a good feeling.

But, if it makes you feel any better, your Chipotle/Sex comparison joke made me giggle like a seven-year-old who just heard someone say "boobies." Maturity? Who needs it. :)

omgitslouise said...

That dress is so cute! Did you get it? :]

the apple that astonished paris said...

roarroarroar, i have a justin timberlake too, and he too tears up my heart with or without him.

luckily, i got over him with a little help from that jesus guy you and i both enjoy.. so i suggest that? at the point when you feel like you've lost almost everything when you lose someone that you depended or relied on, that is a good point to realize that there are things that you're supposed to be depending on that will neverrr go away.


hi. :]]]

Sara said...

what would Jason say?

shakethedust said...

I'm going to give you my two cents on something here, because I am old (24) and have been where you are in all of this.

As happy as I am for you and this new boyfriendthing you have going for you, I am incredibly nervous (and almost sure) it is a rebound relationship. NOW! Rebound relationships aren't necessarily bad, nor are they doomed for failure. However, I feel like taking these unresolved feelings for your ex into this relationship with someone who obviously adores you could potentially hurt the said someone. It will also cause heaps of stress to plague you, since you will constantly be juggling so many different emotions. Just make sure you feel "right" about being in your current relationship.

Since I don't know the details of the former relationship, I can't really offer much advice on how to get over everything that happened. But by the sound of things, I am not so sure you are still hung up on your ex, per se, but maybe you are having trouble getting over what happened. If that makes sense.

Anyway. Sorry if that advice, or whatever, seems prying or is unwanted. I just don't want anyone (including you) getting hurt because your ex is an ass. I hope you figure things out and I think that dress will look lovely on you. :)

Shay Bex said...

Maybe you should make Hitler cookies, too.

Larangutang said...

I loved all the links. That National Geographic one really helped me picture your facial expression lol. Don't dwell on him, even though I know it's hard not to, focus on the present :]

Kaitlyn said...

Oh, Hayley. It's tearin' up my heart how much I love you.

Mary said...


you'll love it, promise.

2. i've totally done the same thing about my ex, and i understand completely. it's a difficult thing to respond to

Anonymous said...

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