We went to my grandparents' house after church, where in the grand tradition of family holidays, I inadvertently started a loud, unnecessary political argument. The conversation started off about gay marriage. I think it's the new civil rights movement, and the government should stay out of the business of deciding which adults can and can't be in love/sign contracts of partnership. That's really all that needed to be said, but somehow I ended up yelling at my aunt about my dissatisfaction with organized religion, upsetting and confusing my impressionable eleven-year-old cousin. The words "Whatever; I hate all of you," may or may not have been spoken. Obviously, I didn't mean it one bit-- and no one believed I meant it for even a second-- so everyone was relatively unfazed. That doesn't change the fact, though, that I sort of told my grandmother I hate her on Mother's Day. I am an ardently wretched person sometimes.
On top of that, I was really nervous and unsure about how to approach my friends whose mothers have died. I knew I had to bring up the subject with one of them, so I called to tell him his mom was a lovely person and that I hope his day was okay. For the other friend, I figured it was probably best not to start the conversation... so I sent my love and have spent the rest of the day stewing. How heartbreaking, you know? It's not like I can relate, as hard as I try. It's not like any amount of kindness will fill that void. It's not like the whole world isn't shoving Mother's Day down their throats at every turn.
So I spent the morning hating the human race for hating the human race, and the afternoon trying to be considerate when all I know how to do is be abrasive. Thank God (as ALWAYS) for Jess. We went over to our park at dusk to swing and talk about a combination of doughnuts, nail polish, and her friend's memorial service. I've been inseparable from this girl since I was five years old, and she still amazes me on a daily basis. What a wonderful, purely good person. If I have one goal in life, it is to be more like Jess. I hope everyone in the world has someone like that.
I'm not really up to typing anything else. Bye, guys. Hopefully I'll see you tomorrow. <3