Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Awkwardness and Second-Rate Vandalism

I'm a whole lot less upset about my choir career ending than I'd anticipated. After performing our show over and over and over again today for the other schools in our district, I was so emotionally exhausted from faking a smile that I couldn't bear to talk to anybody. Jess and I worked on the newspaper through lunch, the only time we could sneak away, so we went to Taco Bell--our safe haven-- after school. We were in line, money in my hand, a spastic grin across Jess's face at the realization that the previously extinct (dormant?) Volcano Taco has been resurrected, and lo and behold. In walks Andrew.

Reasons this was funny:
1) We'd spent the entire day together performing, and I was in such a bad mood at the end of it that I hadn't said goodbye to him, knowing he'd forget so in the morning. You don't, however, forget ten minutes later. I was too irritated to even wave to anyone, but I could go out to lunch with Jess.
2) I was wearing the vibrant teal shorts I'd had under my uniform skirt, unbuckled one-inch character shoes, a gigantic white t-shirt, obnoxious hot pink earrings, and a cheetah-print headband. Jess was wearing hose, red shorts, her sparkled black uniform top, and heels.
3) I had curled against my hip enough hot sauce packets to nourish a poor country.
4) But mostly, because he was with two tiny, pretty freshman girls. Seconds before our encounter, they'd been discussing how I would probably be annoyed if I'd seen them. This, ladies and gentlemen, is hilariously awkward.

ANYWAY. After all that, Jess and I laid in the grass at our park for a few hours, went to our own houses for dinner, then got back together until 10:30. We consumed some empty calories, talked, and may or may not have bought a half-gallon jug of milk and two plastic drinking cups from Wal-Mart, which we may or may not have taken back to the park. It was hard to keep from laughing as we sat at a picnic table in the near-dark. "Are you thirsty? I can pour you a glass of milk," Jess said casually, before we both cracked up. (No, there's no joke you're missing out on-- the point is that it was stupid and random, and therefore really funny.)

On our way up the hill to the picnic table, we'd passed a car with a parking pass in the window that identified the driver as a student from my school. We didn't think much of it, because we'd seen a bunch of people from our class at the park earlier that day, and we were far away from whoever was in that car's group. We did start to think, however, when a cacophony of voices started shouting up at us, from the area surrounding my very recognizable truck. My name was called. Some boy started doing an obvious impression of Andrew's voice (very deep, very enthusiastic, very easy to poke fun of), and then the rest of them continued to yell indistinguishable things. "Who are you?" I called through the dark, pleasantly. I assumed they were friends of mine. A girl shrilled something else I couldn't hear, and the lot of them (maybe seven?) piled into two brightly-headlighted cars. I made out the words "your truck!" and then a phrase rhyming with "Duck shoe, litch!" before they peeled out of the parking lot.

That's when Jess and I cocked our heads to the side skeptically. Back at the bottom of the hill, my truck was wearing a giant plastic bag over the radio antenna (huh?), a "FOR SALE" sign on the windshield, and several "KFC Kills" activist fliers. No damage done. So... either someone really hates me and was just too scared to legitimately vandalize my car, or friends of mine were being really bored and stupid.

I don't know. The whole thing was strange.
Luckily, on my way home, I called into our most popular radio station to agree with the DJ about The Fray being annoying. We discussed how the lead singer sounds like his mouth is full of cottage cheese, and how music like that is what makes white people have a bad name. He played our whole conversation on the radio a few minutes later, and while it's only, like, Cleveland, I still felt pretty spiffy.

Chipotle burritos this year: 19
Subscribers: 16, 154
Days left of high school: 4

Bye, guys! Hopefully I'll see you tomorrow. <3


Anonymous said...

OMG! You use the word spiffy! And here I thought you couldn't get any cooler.
Taco Bell! <3 Good God, I LOVE that heaven sent place.
You should try cheesy fries with sour cream and hot sauce. It is quite delicious =)
Also, those people who "vandalized" your car are complete shitheads.

Leah said...

.... all I can come up with is "huh. interesting."

Obviously this wasn't the day for it, but I... y'know... miss you and stuff. And I won't have my laptop for the next week, so I won't even be able to read the blog. rrrrrrrr.

Leah said...

Also: when I go to Taco Bell, I can't get anything but plain ground beef on a plain tortilla. I don't even get cheese.

I can eat burritos and quesidillas like no one's business at other places, but at Taco Bell I just... can't.

I think I'm broken.

Thinkoutloud77 said...

I'm sorry to seem intrusive, but would you care to remind us who Andrew is? And Taco Bell is one amazing restaurant... even though it doesn't count as one. Still made of small, spicy, hotsauce packets filled with delicious awesome. That really sucks about your truck. =\ But hey, you got to be on the radio! That's pretty cool.

Marie said...

The truly horrible thing is that I can believe high school children (and I use that word quite deliberately) are that immature. It seriously scares me, thinking that our future lies within their hands. We'd be better off killing ourselves now.

Anyway, it's cool that you were on the radio! I'd feel pretty spiffy too!

emilysaysgo said...

Hayley, you're pretty much my favorite blogger on the entire internet.

chrissy said...

haley, a friend of mine entered some acting contest and i was watching the entries of some girls and i was thinking that you could totally beat everyone in the competition. none of the girls are as pretty or as talented as you are. if you enter i bet you could totally win! and you get to be in a series based on some books or something.

i'll vote for you everyday if you enter :)

Brad said...

Wow. What a bunch of morons. Don't sweat it. Those same losers will be serving you your volcano taco in a few years. Years from now, when you're a famous author, they'll be lying up a storm about how well they knew you.

The HugheScene said...

That sounds like some grade a jealousy to me, pah youll have the last laugh, there just losers, and some pretty uncreative losers at.
Trucks FTW! :D

And lol, i was listening to the Fray as i read this. I'm not gona be able to hear any of their songs without picturing them all sitting in a tub of cottage cheese! Scary image!

ginger jones said...

Could you please mail me some Taco Bell?

Nokorola said...

Ok... first of all I have never been more attracted to you then when you described this outfit: "I was wearing the vibrant teal shorts I'd had under my uniform skirt, unbuckled one-inch character shoes, a gigantic white t-shirt, obnoxious hot pink earrings, and a cheetah-print headband."
Two words, Classy.

Second, as Adorkable said, Taco Bell!

Thirdly, Great choice getting milk, since it "does the body good".


Gavin said...

That business with your truck is weird. Who goes out of their way to create a minor inconvenience for someone?

On the bright side it provided entertaining material for your blog.

brandi said...

i love the random funny moments that are had with best friends.

Kaitlyn said...

1. I laughed a lot at your dormant Volcano Taco joke.
2. Wow. That is a really pathetic attempt at vandalism. I don't know what else to say.
3. I accidentally saw The Fray live a few years ago when they opened for Ben Folds. I agree; they're annoying.

Missy said...

Ahhh I love Taco Bell. I only eat one thing there, though. Haha.

Oh, Hayley, are you going to Leakycon? You haven't said anything about it (or have you? I don't remember), so I was wondering. :)

goldensnitch said...

About the vandalism- some people just have too much time on their hands.
I do have to disagree with you, The Fray is my all time favourite band. Their second album is not as great as their first but I will give them credit. I love the lyrics in their songs and how well they manage to put passion into their music. Everyone is entitle to their own opinions though:)

Marlena said...

Now's as good a time as any to tell you that I've never been to Taco Bell.

Kristen said...

At least they didn't egg your car, or if they were Gilmore Girl fans, devil egg your car. Only a few more days and your out of there! That whole comment about the Fray and him sounding like he has cottage cheese in his mouth just made me seriously want some. So I'm off to the fridge : )

Elizabeth... said...

Your days really do seem awesome, odd but the odd things make life fun. I love reading about them, glad your car wasn't damaged and just wearing some odd form of fancy dress. :)

The Vagabond said...

I LOVE your comment about The Fray! Our top 40 station plays them all the time and they're so annoying! It's so true about the cottage cheese thing and that's pretty hilarious.

Also, I had my second Chipoltle burrito today. It's been a really long time since I had my first one (about 3 years) and I must say I was rather impressed. It was quite amazing. I just thought you would like to know that you are successfully spreading the good word about Chipoltle.

Vuraaa said...

ugh, the fray. and yet, i still sing along when i hear them on the radio. and i almost started laughing when i read the stuff about your car. who's that lame? really? just be happy you don't hang out with people who go around putting for sale signs on innocent ol' trucks. plus, you're the best. so you shouldn't have to worry about stupid people like that anyway.

Nicholas said...

I'm proud of myself, because it took me about 30s to find out what rhymes with Duck shoe, litch. Yes, I'm pure like that.

I'm puzzled about how much you still have to do when your school life is almost over... relax, girl. :-)

Joey said...


I seriously don't get it. Once I was on a class trip and at the end of the day after we had all piled up in the bus that was taking us back home, I heard this chorus of kids yell, "JOEY!". I turned around and from the bus, I could see a bunch of street kids (who were probably homeless/orpahned) smiling at the bus completely oblivious to who Joey was.

I later found out that some guy in my class had taught and even paid some of those kids to yell out my name.

I seriously have no idea what his objective was, just that it was definitely strange and retarded.

Erin said...

I'm a little confused about the first part of this, Hayley. Did you end up saying anything to Andrew or just see him with the other girls, think about the awkwardness of the situation, and then go? Maybe I'm just not reading so well, it is quite early in the morning...

I hope you find out who thought your truck needed some KFC Kills flyers stuck to it.

Leesa said...

Only Cleveland? Isn't that the home of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?

Hema said...

:O:O:O i like the fray. im a bit embarrassed to admit it now :/

x0brittx0 said...

whenever you tell stories about people you go to school with and the disgustingly predictable things they do, i wonder what it is these turd burglars think is funny? you're a hilarious, sweet girl. it sort of makes my stomach turn to think somebody is laughing at their stupid antics.

also - i have a question. are we mad at andrew? or are we pretending he didn't just do that?

ALSO also - do you think you can clone jess and send me a copy of her? she sounds like a really fantastic friend

Catherine said...

It's taken me about twenty minutes to read your post. I'm supposed to be working on a project and the teacher is walking around, making sure we're working. If she catches us doing something not related to the project, we get points taken off for being "off-task". So I've been searching through articles on ecogeek when the teacher is near, then quickly switching back to here, reading a few lines, then quickly switching back over to ecogeek when I see her coming. It's a hard process.

So you never really said how the encounter with the boyfriendthing went. Just that it was awkward. Anyway, milk? Really? I don't think I even have milk at my Wal-Mart. I usually get my milk at CoGo's and can be seen walking back along the main road with a galon of milk in one hand and an bag of Hawaiin Onion (the only chips I eat) in the other.

And the truck incident was weird to say the least.

Becka said...

Ouch-- that sounds a little awkward. Did you talk to him, or just stand and acknowledge the awkwardness for a while, before going your seperate ways?

Jess sounds like a brilliant friend.

That vandalism is...kinda pathetic. I mean, if they were trying to be funny, it was pretty much a fail. And if they were trying to be mean, it was pretty much useless.

Anonymous said...

That thing with the milk sounds like something I would do haha. In fact one time me and my friends were bored so we bought a huge tub of cookie dough ice cream and three spoons, then carried them for a mile to the nearest park. That was a good day.

Aly said...

My high school car (mini-van) was also very recognizable (as I had painted it myself) and once I found it covered in spoons. Somebody had taped hundreds of plastic spoons to my car. I was more baffled than angry.

A.J. James said...

Hmm when I was in Iraq and a series of stupid or awkward things happened in one day, there would be a voice in the back of my head taking very loud notes for the inevitable blog that was too follow...

You make the internet awesome...

lindsey said...

Things to cover:
-So are you fighting with Andrew or did you guys break up, or did I miss a blog?
-I agree, Taco Bell is heaven in the form of un-clever sayings on sauce packets.
-You're the only person that can write about drinking milk and make it interesting.

"Duck shoe, litch!" Oh em gee. Quote o' the year.

89ravenclaw said...

I think I just spent an hour... or maybe it was two, reading the last month's worth of your blogs.

You see, a month ago, I stated that I had finally discovered and starting reading your blog. I said this at a time when the stress of finals was on the verge of totally consuming me, which they did. Oh, and then my Mac's harddrive fried. School ended on Thursday though, and I've been back at my parents' since Friday, and looky here, a free laptop for me to borrow until the parts come for me to fix my Mac. I've been mostly busy building a blog of my own (the technical side of web design), and reached the point where I was compiling a list of links to my friends' blogs. During this time, I also decided to employ the wonders of Google Reader (finally!).

Long story short: I finally made my way back to this collection of your words, and I only have one thing to say:

Hayley, you are a truly unique and amazingly awesome person, who I have neglected, and will therefore attempt to make it up to.

<33333 Bre

justjustine said...

:( the fray is amazing

Faith said...

honestly, the people in your town are hilarious.

and that truck thing is... odd... what was the point?

And just like everyone else, what happened with Andrew?

sorry for the bad grammar and lack of capitalization. I'm tired and having guy trouble.

seurat2 said...

Well, you certainly lead an interesting life Hayley. Apart from your beverage of choice in the park being milk. And even that seems like a very Hayleyish thing to do.
Sorry about the random junior league thugs that inhabit your high school. At least you'll be rid of them soon.

Katie Twyman said...

I have something I NEED to show you. Seeing as you're a self-proclaimed Youtube addict, I wouldn't be even the slightest big surprised if you've already seen it, but watch these. I promise you won't get Hank Roll'd. ;D

There's a second one too, if you're even remotely amused enough by the first one. <3

Also, Jess sounds absolutely amazing, and I am admittedly WAYWAYWAYYY jealous of how close you two are. I myself have grown very distant to my best friend, so hearing about all the awesome stuff you do with Jess that I'd love to do with Dessa (strangely similar names... hmm.) gives me a lil' pang in my heart. Its a good pang though, I think. Motivates me a bit, y'know? Have you and Jess ever done a whole 5AG vlog before? I would absolutely looove to see that.

Patty said...

really those people that did that to your truck are just dumb, what's wrong with them?..I do have a little question what happend at taco bell after you saw Andrew?
Jess sounds amazing I wish i had a Jess to drink milk with.

SnakesAndWorms said...

My theory about your car is that the trash monster thought your truck was sexy and had his way with it... You might want to consider getting your truck neutered.

georgiaa said...

dont be affronted, but im somewhat jealous of u. i had this best friend, but then i moved. we used to talk a lot even though im in ohio and she's in illinios, but this year has just beenn.... distant? if thats the right word. ohio people are cool, u of all people should no that, its just that i miss my best friend more than anyone here realizes. i just want to be able to do those random, fun things like u and jess with someone who would understand it..

woow lol sorry for giving u my whole life story. and dont worry about those jackasses, they dont know u and they dont deserve to :)

Jess said...

"...and may or may not have bought a half-gallon jug of milk and two plastic drinking cups from Wal-Mart, which we may or may not have taken back to the park."

Although I understand that you don't want to portray yourself as the kind of girl who goes on Oreo adventures two days in a row, I think it's unfair to leave out the BOX OF OREOS in this description of purchase.

Katy said...

Only Cleveland? Sounds pretty big to me.

Those kids who 'vandalized' your car are little punks.

Katy J said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Katy J said...

Wow. Sounds like an interesting day.

Hayley G Hoover makes the internet awesome.

ZippedTight said...

so hayley.. who was it that vandalized your truck? more like attempted to.. sounds like something the group of natasha/sam would do.. that crowd. did you figure out who it was?
and who could imitate andrew's voice like that? mike?

and the two freshmen girls.. was it a sophomore/freshman? sarah and megan?

have you heard about sarah and andrew? he hasn't been very loyal..

if you want mroe info, say so. i'll msg you on facebook or something