BLOG EVERY DAY IN APRIL? Are you kidding me? I have far too much going on in my life. I need to order my box set of Jersey Shore DVDs, watch Charlie Sheen's live webcasts, apply for a job at Hooters, eat a gigantic, bloody steak. Besides, I've been really moody lately, considering my double pregnancy (my fetus is pregnant, as well-- kind of like conception Inception) and the fact that I'm addicted to heroin. Sorry to get your hopes up, but it's just not gonna happen this year.
You crazy fools. Of course I'm participating in BEDA. I'm as pumped as pumped can be! No, I'm pumpedier than pumped, because this year's BEDA is not just a race-- it's an obstacle course! While I've written a blog post every day in the month of April for the past two years, this year I'm adding another objective to the goal. I'm going to attempt eating a dairy-free diet from today until the 30th. And you're gonna watch.*
Why would you do that, freak?
I've been reading a lot about nutrition lately and there actually appears to be substantial evidence that dairy is not only unnecessary, but likely even harmful to humans. Out of curiosity, I gave up dairy products for a week and a half in March (in total secrecy, for the added thrill) and found that I really did feel more energetic. I want to see what happens after a whole month.
But Hayley, you love cheese!
Ugh. I know I do, Italicized Dialogue. But oddly enough, after holding out on pizza and cream cheese for only ten days, neither has seemed that satisfying since. If I get to the end of the month and find myself salivating uncontrollably over a pile of whipped cream, I'm not going to deny myself! I'm just curious if a detox will change my feelings.
Won't you kind of look self-righteous and preachy?
I hope not! I mean, I'm kind of famous for my ability to eat mass quantities of junk in record time, so I'm hardly a health nazi. Also, I'm willing to put the project on hold if it starts to inconvenience other people. (i.e. If someone invites me over for dinner, I'm not going to abstain from their cooking just to amuse myself. If something of that nature happens, I'll just add on an extra dairy-free day in May.)
What if you turn into a crazy starving rampage monster?
Then my blog posts will be hilarious.
I'll eat more bread, guys. And it's only one month!
I think you're an idiot.
Takes one to know one, Self.
Anyway, that's the plan. I'll keep you updated on a day-to-day basis with my triumphs and struggles, while still providing you (lucky bastards) with the all brilliant and witty anecdotes for which I'm critically acclaimed (remember the time I went to class, did homework, and then went to bed? Riveting!). Let me know in a comment or tweet if you're BEDAing as well. Oh, and are any of you vegan or dairy-free vegetarians? If so, I'd love to hear your advice and stories on the topic.
I hope you all have a lovely day. See you tomorrow, guys!
Chipotle burritos this year: 3
Nail color: "Onyx Rush," Maybelline
*I mean, like, if you want to. No pressure. Not too much pressure.