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Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Coconut Revisited (on the bathroom floor)

First of all, if you commented on yesterday's post, you are hilarious and adored. Second of all, yesterday's post? I have no idea what you're talking about. I am completely oblivious. Any reference you ever make in regards to yesterday will be addressed with utter confusion. What cross-stitched cat?

Yesterday began with a splash, and that splash was coconut milk ice cream. Out of my mouth. Over and over again. Taking place on my knees in the community dorm bathroom. Good morning! Yeah, in vomclusion, that was a horrible idea and every single one of you who suggested I try it should check your mail, because I've sent you a vile of my throwup. It's labeled "Hayley's Crushed Hopes & Dreams" and my stomach is not speaking to you right now.

Bile aside, I spent most of Tuesday in an unspectacular mood for other reasons. I was hungry but food felt gross, I had French homework but don't speak French, a guy in one of my classes thought George Washington lived during the Renaissance... it was an all-around angst fest. On top of that, I was frustrated with a few comments I received on Monday's post. I'm not sure how I'm expected to amuse every reader every day of the month, but I've gotten over it. The overwhelming majority of feedback I receive is kind and funny and lovely, so it's simply unfair to be a brat over one or two slightly critical remarks. I think my bad attitude was just the stomach ache talking. Besides, I make myself laugh, and that's the point, right? Narcissism? Right.

FOR THOSE INTERESTED, today I ate cheerios and this and a banana and ziti noodles with marinara sauce and carrot sticks. For those who don't care, oh well. No real updates on the dairy withdrawal: I still want a pizza. I still can't have a pizza. The saga continues.

Anyway, I'm currently watching The Aristocats for the first time since I was about six years old, and I have a friend over, so I've gotta go... tend to that. I hope you cats have a lovely evening, and I'll see you tomorrow!

Chipotle burritos this year: 5.5
Subscribers: 48,582
Nail color: "Samoan Sand," OPI

P.S. This movie is anti-feminist. All the women are teases or crazy cat ladies or falling off the back of the truck.

59 comments:

seanababy16 said...

I am actually so impressed that you've lasted this long without any dairy! I know I couldn't do it! Go Hayley!! :)

ErinLynn said...

Yeah, there's something about throwing up enough of one thing that kind of scars you for life. I still can't eat pasta salad with garlic in it. Yep, I just shuddered.

Anonymous said...

1: The Aristocats is an awesome movie. 2: Hope you feel better, I've been in an icky mood all day as well, so I know how you feel. 3: Hi PJ! :)
Lonespark

Cat said...

I loved the Aristocats as a kid! Now to go back to Twitter where AnnoyingHayley is blowing up the newsfeed spouting random and hilarious tweets about said movie. I'm sure there's no relation. :-)

And I'm so happy you shared your food intake with us today! We can rest easy. <3

Gwen said...

Sorry to hear about your upchucking incident! Hope you feel better :)
Also,as a child, The Aristocats was one of my favorite movies! Any movie that opens with a singing kitten has my full attention.

beangirl1389 said...

I can start to see a trend between you and cats. Also I hope you feel better.

madhu said...

IS IT ON NETFLIX?
I LOVE CATZ.

Kirsty said...

Aristocats! Gotta admit, I used to have a bit of a crush on Thomas O'Malley. (I only said "used to" to sound cool, I still have a thing for him). And Hayley, I am loving April because reading your blog is the highlight of my school nights. Your posts never fail to make me laugh, which is exactly what I need before plunging back into Biology. Keep up the fantabulous work :)
P.S. Feel better!
P.P.S. Damn it. I hoped that hearing history-fails like that would end with high school

Katie said...

Aw, I don't think your blogs have become boring and "then I did this and then I did that" kind of thing. I mean, you DO tell us what you did during your day because really- what else would there be to talk about this month? One can't be expected to come up with mind-blowing topics on a daily basis, especially when your daily activities revolve around a pretty standard schedule of going to class and whatnot. Not saying that reading about your daily activities is boring or monotonous, because I think all the blogs you deliver are hilarious. Whether you're writing about an encounter with a weird classmate or just telling us how lazy you feel, you really have a way with words. If I'm not LOLing you always at least make me chuckle with something you say.

Anyways. Just keep on keeping on! Know that you have at least one person (me!) who enjoys your stories and writing style. Although based on the comments you get, you KNOW the majority of us readers hang onto your every word and can't wait to see what you come up with next.

Also, don't be hatin' on crazy cat ladies! I would be one if my boyfriend weren't deathly allergic to cats. Sad story.

Becky Dean said...

the Aritocats is the best! :) Does frozen sherbet have dairy in it? Cuz if not that stuff is nice and tasty! You could give it a shot! (guess it's kinda more like a popsicle than ice cream, but w/e)

PJ Scott-Blankenship said...

It's a lie, the friend was me.

Katie said...

Pft, let the haters hate. I thoroughly enjoy reading your blogs. All of them. Even the "This is what I ate today" kind. Does that make a creepy stalker? Perhaps it does :) Your blogs brighten my day, and I'm glad it's April so I get to see a post from you every single day! Also, now I want to watch Aristocats. But I do not wish to stop eating dairy, because without cheese I would cease to exist.

CeliaAnn said...

Don't sweat it, gurl. I think you're hilarious. I think i'm hilarious. Half of the things I say I only say because they make me laugh.

Ellen said...

Haters gonna hate. We love reading what you write, and if we didn't we wouldn't read it. So yeah. There.

Anyway, I'm with the people recommending Tofutti, I find it pretty delicious, and I didn't find myself revisiting it later in the bathroom.

color_me_surprised said...

First, THIS IS YOUR BLOG AND YOU CAN WRITE WHATEVER YOU WANT IN IT.

That being said, I read those comments and I honestly don't think they were meant to be harsh or anything (I don't know if more were added, I only read the first couple that were posted the same day as your post). I just think those readers believe your posts these days are very "nothing happened today, here is what I ate", which is different than your older posts.

I love reading what you write, even if it's about food and a lack of dairy, because you write well and clearly have a sense of humor.

I wouldn't take those comments negatively. I understand why they're frustrating because sometimes, there are days when nothing worthy of note happens and sometimes you just feel blah. But you still make an effort to entertain without losing yourself and I think that's admirable.

Christina said...

Yuck, that sucks Hayley. I guess now we know that when you eat coconut teat puss, the results are exactly what the name would imply.

Marie said...

Today my friend said she'd make easy mac for me. And then she didn't.

I was so disappointed...I cannot imagine not eating cheese for so long. You are a trooper, Hayley. I respect you.

Also, you have the right to write anything you want. As long as /you/ think you're hilarious, it's all good =P

Bridget said...

Giiiirl, shake them haters off! And really about The Aristocats? Now I want to watch it again so I can see for myself, haha :)

Anonymous said...

Your dairy withdrawal saga is as exciting as Twilight. In fact, it is very similar to Twilight. "I still want pizza. I still can't have pizza" = "Bella still wants Edward in her pants. Bella still can't have Edward in her pants."

I'm riveted.

Seriously though, loving that you're doing BEDA, I've missed your wit!

- Ashley

Kaitlyn w/ a K said...

I LIKE WHEN HAYLEY LISTS WHAT SHE EATS. ANYONE WHO FEELS OTHERWISE CAN FIGHT ME IN THE FIGURATIVE INTERNET BACK ALLEY.

Maya said...

have you read tina fey's new book? i picked it up at the bookstore yesterday and her writing style reminded me a lot of yours.

Kat said...

I'm not totally sold on your definition of "anti-feminist." I am, after all a proud feminist and an aspiring crazy cat lady. They are not mutually exclusive at all, yo. (The overlap in the Venn diagram of professed feminists and cat ladies is actually probably pretty significant.)

Ida Ruda said...

Only you can write a paragraph about vomit and still have me reading the rest of the blog post.

Sidsel said...

I feel so sad that some of the comments hurt you. But it really doesn't matter what you write, people can just choose to not read it. I just like knowing what you are up to.

Taren said...

You're probably the only one who CAN talk about dairy withdrawals every day without boring me... Keep it up you.

Elisabeth said...

Write whatever you want. I'll still read it. Those people probably forgot that it's a real person with real feelings and a real life who reads their comments, rather than just some entertainment factory. If I wanted that, I'd turn on TV.

(Not to say your blog isn't entertaining... I'll stop before I dig myself into a hole. I think you know what I mean.)

Cath said...

For the pizza problem:
Buy or make a calzone. Whether there's cheese or not doesn't really matter with a calzone. I know, it's not the same, the cheese is the thing that makes it great, but trying doesn't hurt.

Imitorar said...

I have heard the case for Disney's misogyny made numerous times. I have never seen The Aristocats used in the argument, though. I'm... going to have to think about that one. And re-watch the movie, it's been about a decade, and I have only a working knowledge of it. But still that much. Disney movies imprint on the soul.

Also, at least you managed to get to the bathroom to throw up. I ended up with a bit of food poisoning a month back, and was only able to make it to the other end of my room before vomiting. Thankfully, that's where the sink is. Unfortunately, vomit doesn't really flow down the drain as smoothly as I thought it would. Thank G-d for Latex...

Danni said...

Hayley, you make me laugh really hard, and your post made me want to watch the Aristocats very badly.

Marshmellow said...

Regarding the comments that unsettled you-
I think the number of comments you get positively responding to your food thoughts far outweigh those complaints! If people don't want to read it, they have the choice not to! You're not obligated in any way shape or form to write for people's entertainment... but you still do nonetheless!

Please don't hesitate to write whatever the hell you want! That's exactly what most of us want to hear... otherwise we wouldn't be here :)

Plus I love food... so that doesn't hurt.

Anonymous said...

I completely agree with katie.
the sign of a good writer is someone who can take everyday things like food, classes, and bad reactions to coconut icecream and make them funny and interesting!
you do exactly that.

Noahsark said...

I could not do what you are doing.
The other week, someone asked me who my role model was and I said "Hayley G Hoover" :D
Best of luck.

seurat2 said...

First off, always write whatever you feel like writing without worrying about the less than kind responses you occasionally might get in response, this is your blog after all and not a thesis or a novel where an editorial pencil can be welcome.. Second, am I wrong in thinking that should be vial and not vile? Or was that deliberate since vomit is certainly vile.

Roadie said...

And don't forget about the many readers who follow you for years now but have always been too lazy/shy to comment.

How about you find a vegan pizza recipe and make yourself some pizza and get rid of the cravings? I am sure there is something out there like that. Not that I have looked.

chocohall said...

Aristocats? That was my absolute favourite movie when I was little! I never liked any of the female characters though. I liked Tom.

As for the dairy-free thing, this evening I ate chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream in your honour.

I've got to stop checking this blog at 8:00 am here. I keep forgetting that it is only 8:00 pm where you are and not midnight.

chocohall said...

I also keep finding myself triple spellchecking my comments on your blog.

Anonymous said...

Hey Hayley if you need any help with your french homework just let me know.
(I know this is anonymous but im sure I can reach you if you need any help.)
I took 3 years of german as a third language in highschool and never spoke a single word.
So I know how hard it can be to do homeworks when you dont understand a thing (not saying that your french sucks as bad as my german did) lol.
Take care.

Caity said...

I can honestly say that I have been amused by one or many things in your posts every day in April. You're amusing me.
Props to you for still avoiding dairy. I thought about it because milk makes me sick but the thought of giving up cheese makes me want to cry!

Jen said...

I wonder if the people that felt the need to tell you they weren't enjoying your blog lead fascinating lives minute by minute? I'm sure they don't have to deal with school or work or general mundane day to day type stuff. I'm SURE of it. Sometimes, what you eat (or what you didn't) IS the most note-worthy thing you've done that day...and I think most of us get that. I'll leave you with this thought...while haters may hate, Turtles gonna turt.

Lys said...

Disney? Anti-feminist? It amazes me how may cartoon animals they've made into, well, sex kittens. I will admit, however, that movie is one of the more nostalgia-inducing artifacts from my childhood.

. said...

"a guy in one of my classes thought George Washington lived during the Renaissance" Good God, that's hilarious :p I can imagine the awkward silence following the moment when he said that !

Lys said...

Oh and also, you inspired me to attempt a "detox" from candy and junk food this week. Lasted about two days. Oh well.

Lauren said...

Hayley, I just want you to know that there are only a few blogs I would read about cocunut-induced puke.

nelamonster said...

I love your still of writing. Only you can make vomiting hilarious.

alimarie_11 said...

I like when you talk about your food because it gives me idea about what to eat. The coconut vomit though...that was a bit discouraging. XD

Margaret said...

Aw, Hayley, you can make it! I decided to give up coffee for Lent, and based on your description, my connection to this caffeinated beverage is very similar to your connection with cheese. It's really, really hard. So I get it. But you can make it! Just think how proud you're going to be of yourself for doing it. :) Stay strong!

Also, maybe sorbet next time you're craving ice cream?

the orange box said...

Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet Sorbet

Yeah, um sorbet is the next best thing to ice cream, try it for it is good and you shall be satisfied. Also as someone who's lactise intolerant but still sneaks a bit of milk % cheese every now and then I commend what you are doing. Damn my lack of will power!

Kristina M. said...

Look you are reminded of your gender while watching Aristocats!! That would actually probably make a wonderful paper (or blog post). Also, I bet you won't be able to eat coconut flavored anything for like ten years. Once I threw up a steak quesadilla and I couldn't eat cheese/steak or tortilla/cheese combos for years.

Kiana Ayala said...

Whahaat? Hayley. If I remember correctly, the owner of the cats was a total man-izer. Well, maybe that was just because she was rich... And she probably got that money from her dead husband. And oh wait, I think it was just that one guy with the typewriter... Okay, point taken.

Jenny said...

Right on Hayley! I feel like so many people who make videos on Youtube always pay too much attention to those who post stupid negative comments, and the attention is most likely what they're looking for. It seems as if they are more likely to reply or even make whole videos in response to the bad comments, and just completely ignore those who say sweet and nice things about them. Which, in my opinion, that's just not right. Ignore the haters, don't give them a reason to stick around! :)

Victoria said...

Ironically, the advert below your blog post was for Sheila's wheels, an insurance company which, while aims to help women, has quite annoying sexist adverts involving thick middle aged women in pink sparkly dresses driving safely in a bright pink car while singing, as women I imagine often do.

Newt said...

"It's labeled "Hayley's Crushed Hopes & Dreams" and my stomach is not speaking to you right now."

I love you. XDDD

Kenzly said...

i read somewhere in your comments about making a calzone to satisfy the craving, and i have to agree! thats a seriously good idea, and at least it tastes like pizza!

also on another food related note, i feel it important to tell you that 12 hours after i commented on your blog post a few days ago about how much i wish i had a chipotle in my COUNTRY i actually found a place that makes burritos in a similar way! its not QUITE the same, but it satisfies the craving! i could have rice in it! and beans! and corn! yum yum yum.

tranquilily said...

How you feel about coconut ice cream is how I feel about Frosted Mini-Wheats. But I like looking at your pictures of food :) The first two pics I took on my knew phone were of a brownie sundae and a palm tree covered in fruit!

JawaKitten said...

The Aristocats has been my favorite Disney movie since I was little. I recently got to watch it with my five-year-old niece, and I'm glad to say that the next generation is enjoying it as well.

papertowns said...

I fear I left one of the "bad" comments on your previous post. Just know that I didn't intended to be mean (and I don't think other commenters did either). But you are writing for an audience, and you've asked readers/viewers for opinions on blog posts and videos before. I didn't think a bit of constructive criticism would be considered a negative thing. Trust me, Hayley, your slightly critical readers still think you're awesome. :)

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