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Friday, April 8, 2011

Rabid Raccoon

Super quick post tonight because it's Friday on a college campus and I have to go pretend to have things to do. What did I eat today? Peanut butter. I only ate peanut butter. (That's a joke.) (But it's also practically true.) (As in, the Joke is my Life.) In all seriousness, though, this lack-of-cheese thing is continuing to get me down. If you guys have any corny* motivational sayings from, like, fifth grade gym class, please leave them in the comments as a source of encouragement. Without moral support, I might sleepwalk to the grocery store and sleepeat a roll of chocolate chip cookie dough, and trust me, that just sounds dangerous.

Before I dart off, a story from my day:


My friend PJ and I were walking around outside when we saw this. Concerned, we took turns taking careful, slow steps toward the little guy, hoping we wouldn't scare him/get holes punched through our faces by his inevitably rabid chompers. Eventually, I got worried (and scared) enough to call Animal Control... and just as I heard ringing on the other end, a guy walked over to the rabid raccoon and put it on his head.

The raccoon, whose life I attempted to save from both disease and the persecution that he would have faced should he have attacked a human, was a hat. Goodnight.


Chipotle burritos this year: 5
Subscribers: 48,374
Nail color: "Samoan Sand," OPI
Miles run today: Shut up.

*I could have said "cheesy" but I didn't want to rub salt in my own wound. But now it's done. Curse you, footnote.

50 comments:

Abbie said...

I was totally tricked by that picture. I was sure it was a real raccoon. That's ridiculous that it's a hat.

Fifth grade gym class inspiration: Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there!

I'm not sure how that applies to not eating dairy. Maybe, like, you'll get run over by your temptation if you stop and think about it, so just keep going and you can accomplish anything!

http://abbie-turned-normal.blogspot.com

anna said...

A hat, eh? That's a quality story. Wow. I'm still laughing.

As far as staying strong against cheese . . . Yeah, I am no help there. I was born and raised in Wisconsin and am only away so I can get an education and whatnot, in Utah, so I'm not the best person to tell you to stay away from dairy.

anna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kirsty said...

. . . That's a hat?

And Give it 110%! If you can dream it, you can do it! Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the dairy-free rain!

Sarah Badger said...

Advice: make sure you're eating enough variety. I know you're in a dining hall situation, but take the dairy free month as an opportunity to explore new foods. If you just eat raw vegetables and cookies and burritos for 30 days, things will get old fast. Now I'm starting to feel like a food counselor or something.

Tara said...

HAHA that sounds like me whenever I think there is a spider and it is really just a ball of hair. I start screaming and such and someone comes in and says, "It's a ball of hair."

Also, "YOU GO GIRL!" on the whole dairy free thing. You got this.

Kaitlyn w/ a K said...

I swear to you I would've done the same thing. I thought he was a little oddly shaped, but otherwise I never would've known he wasn't alive.


As for words of encouragement, I'll refer you to a particularly brilliant commercial from my formative middle school years:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dETmreys05k

Catherine said...

I have no idea what you can do to help those diminish those cheese cravings, I live on cheese. Maybe if you just eat something fatty and filling like bacon? or a massive steak? or something that wouldn't taste nicer with cheese?

Krazy_4_Kelly said...

That...does not look like a hat. And inspirational sayings I'm not good at. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? (points if you get the Friends reference)

But to keep your head up during your dairy free diet, why not try making it a little more fun for yourself? How about us, as your blog readers, will create for you certificates if you make it through the month. This should appeal to the five year old in you. =D

Katie said...

Holy...I thought for sure that the raccoon picture and story was going somewhere else! Looks so real.

Hrmmm motivation for your dairy thing. If you fail, Kate and Claire will make fun of you for being a loser and ruin your chances at going out with Ethan Craft! OMG!

Jenn said...

That is one of the least hat-like hats I've ever seen. "Shoot for the moon, and if you miss you'll land among the stars" although it sort of justifies eating cheese so maybe don't use that one...

Christine said...

obstacles are things you see when you lose sight of the goal.

raccoons are things that you see when someone loses a hat.

Ruth said...

you got this HayleyGHoover. If anyone can not eat dairy for a month, it's you. Great effort!

Ruth said...

You got this Hayley. If there's anyone who can not eat dairy, it's you. Good effort!!

Ian said...

"We acquire the strength we have overcome." Ralph Waldo Emerson

I think it's wonderful that you are challenging yourself so. It proves that you are willing and eager to grow, and that is an admirable trait in my eyes. If all else fails, put your troubles in a pocket with a hole in it. I have faith in you!

-Ian

Christina said...

How's this for a wonderfully cheesy, er... corny, motivational phrase:

"Just go out there and do what you've got to do." -Martina Navratilova

I take this to mean that if you've got to eat cheese, hey, eat cheese. Oh hmmm I don't think that was actually very helpful. Okay, how about this one:

"Will you look back on life and say, "I wish I had," or "I'm glad I did"?" -Zig Ziglar

There we go: will you say "I wish I'd eaten that cheese," or "I'm glad I didn't eat that cheese."

Mission accomplished.

Bethany said...

WUT. raccoon hat?! You can't make that stuff up.

and motivation...

Someone told me today that Velveeta...is CLEAR when they make it, before they add the cheese color.

I'm not sure that is motivating or relevant. But I wish they sold it still clear. It'd make my grilled cheese something different looking.

apples_and_pancakes said...

Oh, I remember some issue of the vegetarian times talking about cheese cravings. Something involving arugula and maybe broccoli + tumeric + peanut butter? It read that article a long ass time ago. Whatever cheese does, that's supposed to do the opposite.
But you've already had fake cheese suggestions right? I know because I was one of the people that suggested things on your first BEDA entry. You could always take advantage of that. Also Purely Decadence does make coconut milk cookie dough ice cream.

Heather said...

1. This post made me lawg (laugh aloud with glee).

2. I too, was fooled by the coon.

3. "You're as strong as you think you are!"

JuliAnn said...

An amazing dairy-free ice cream I like to get every so often (I am severely lactose intolerant and very allergic to lactaid)It is called Tofutti. It is completely dairy-free. It is sweeter than regular ice cream BUT it has the consistency of ice cream which is very important for me, because I think soy ice cream is awful. It does come in chocolate which is good and plain vanilla... also almond bark and I know there is other kinds, but those are the three I can ever find. Oh, they also have Tofutti like ice cream bar things (is that what you would call it or is ice cream on a stick better... whatever) I know they have a mint ice cream one if you like that (I keep on trying to ice cream icream... lol) oreo's are dairy free which I think you figured out already, but I don't remember. I am trying my hardest to list things that are really yummy and have no dairy in it... and I can't think of anything now! I'll get back to you on this. Keep positive!

julieiliana said...

HAHAHA.
The best part of that story is that even after you'd said that a guy put the raccoon on his head, I didn't realize the raccoon was a hat. So for a second there, I had a huge "HOLY SHIT" moment.

Rachel said...

There's a vegan cheese in the shopping center near me. Perhaps you could try and tack some of that down?

All I can say in the way of motivation is keep thinking about how you'll feel at the end of the month if you manage to pull through. =] I don't know if that's much help, but I could never do what you're doing (thanks to my immense love of chocolate), so I can't really say much else. =]

Cat said...

I'm just stunned to learn that was a hat. Was it once a living racoon I wonder...

The only even remotely encouraging gym class line I got went something like this...
"C'mon MOVE! You're in everyone's way"
I cried, and felt emotionally damaged, but I kept moving. I suppose some good came out of it. Maybe.
So... just continue with this food challenge and remain strong. Don't cry... because one day it will end and you will laugh it all off while eating a block of cheese while I laugh and sit my ass on a couch. :-D

chocohall said...

"If you shoot for the moon, you'll land among the stars."

If you shoot for the... not-cheese, you won't get cheese.

toastburntbread said...

cheese? please, it's over-rated. you can do it!

hiie said...

:D:D:D:D:D:D
a hat

you made my day!

RhianonLives said...

Oh my god it was a hat. Oh my god. Here goes my word of encouragement: there's a silver lining in every storm cloud. I think that's how it goes. Anyway, my mom has a better saying for when something bad happens: hey, at least you didn't just get married!... Ahh xD have a good weekend Hayley.

Lauren said...

That sounds like something that would only happen to you, Hayley lol.
That's hilarious.

Bridget said...

Bahahaa! He probably put it on the ground on purpose, to see what people would do. That would have been a great prank for April Fools Day, but nonetheless it's still hilarious :D Unfortunately I don't have any motivational sayings from elementary, however all I can say is to, um, keep... positive... and motivated... and stuff. You can do this!

Lauren said...

The girl's locker room at my school is like a motivational poster warehouse. A few of my "favorites":
1) If you can dream it, you can do it!
2) It's okay to try and make a mistake. It's only a mistake if you don't try.
3) The expert at anything was once a beginner.

Casey said...

i tried to do the no dairy for a month challenge a little while ago and I failed. If you happen to have a craving for ice cream, though, they do have non-dairy ice cream in more stores then you think.

I'm not sure if you'd like it, but it's worth a try.

Good luck and I thought that raccoon was an animal from the picture, too. :)

clairechiisan said...

Hayley, you can do it!
Hunger is in the moment. You'll forget you've eaten it by the next day. So it's much better to eat something healthy than be reminded of it through body fat. :) Not sure if that made sense.

Melody said...

Hayley, I've been a few days behind on your blog, so I just caught up, and every post has made me laugh. I especially loved the story about the pickle. It really reminded me of a story my best friend told me once, that I feel must be shared. The story goes like this:

"Today I thought to myself, 'I want a pickle.' So I went to the fridge and got a pickle, and when I was done eating it, I thought to myself, 'I want another pickle.' So I ate another pickle. Then I went to the post office. Then I got home and I said, 'You know, I actually want ANOTHER pickle.' Then I ate, like, four more pickles. That was my afternoon."

My best friend tells the best stories.

Anonymous said...

The only thing I could advise you is that in order to stay healthy and thin, you only need to avoid excesses and exaggerations. You want to eat cheese and have some milk from time to time? Do it. If you think lactose is not really all that good for you, then do it rarely.

Freya said...

It's ok Pluto I'm not a planet either.


It's not relevant but hey, it's cute.

iLikeAcidPops said...

lol. I was sure fooled by that pic!

Tom said...

lol the raccoon was a raccoon hat lol
^what i took from this post

Anonymous said...

What happend to your other blog Presence?
You havent posted there in like 3 months.

It says "It is updated every Sunday with answers to questions submitted by readers. It'll also be updated a couple times a month ...".
Well I guess you just lied to us!

Im not a girl between the ages of 13 and 20, in fact just not a girl at all but I still liked your blog. :)

But I know that you are already busy with college (actually I know that you are never really busy in college but you always pretend).And you also have this blog.So I forgive you, I can still read you here.

A.B said...

I hope that you can be encouraged in your, I don't know, ...'quest' by the knowledge that it is influencing at least one person over an ocean away. Every time I see or consume dairy I'm very aware of it. And although I'm not specifically avoiding it I am now declining unnecessary extra dairy. Over family lunch the conversation started "in this blog I read, this girl is avoiding dairy for a month..." and led to a discussion about the benefits of dairy. At the same time, I declined parmesan, although this was a cheese that was replaced by grated umbrella handles by an entrepreneurial Italian: so arguably not too appealing to start with.
I've had similar conversations with friends recently and I am really intrigued as to whether, apart from the craving for ch**se, you have noticed a positive difference after just a week? Speaking of cravings, I became vegetarian a number of years ago, so I sympathise. For the majority of cases it is mind over matter, but some foods, ohmyGod, it's like they're stuck on repeat in your head. I personally appreciate your 'suffering' (for the most part you should feel better, right?) so I really hope you manage to achieve what you want with this.

the orange box said...

Greatest blog post ever! I had a cheese bagel today and it made me think of you. That's not weird right?

Stefan said...

I'm a little late to the party here but I have a great one!

"If you don't pass out by the end of the race, you could have run faster"

keep trying!

Manar said...

Rofl, that hat is brilliant and deceptive.

As for the whole not-eating-dairy thing, um..."If it were easy than it would be worth it?" "Challenges make life interesting?" "The road to success is hard work?" "Indulge today, vomit tomorrow?"

(That last one was all me.)

Love you Hayley! You can do it! :)

Rollinby said...

I think that guy left it there to see how people would react for real :P

Dirty Spectacles said...

that raccoon thing had me laughing for ten minutes.

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