Having friends is so freaking hard.

Having friends live across the country is incredibly difficult. Today, I screamed the Rent soundtrack, ate potato teasers, discussed theology, and had an all-around fantastic time with awesome people with whom I share all kinds of nerdy interests. I kick myself when they're having a bad day or an issue and I'm too far away to make it better. And yet, at the same time, it's really upsetting that this week, of all weeks, another out-of-town friend and Jess are both having really awful things happen in their lives. I can't reach the out-of-towner, and I'm down the road from Jess, but don't have the time or means to see her. Friendship, for all the good, is really hard sometimes.

For example, I had to go get my hair done this afternoon, because it was my last chance before going off to college, and I had to leave the girls I rarely get to see with Sebastian while he ran errands (taking him away from his close friend's bachelor party!) and then drop them at a Barnes & Noble for like two hours, so that I could pay way too much for my hair to be way too dramatic. I feel bad, because I want to spend time with them. Lots and lots of time. And all the while, I have a whole lot of stuff I need to do before I leave, and while I'm used to long-distance friendships, I am not used to long-distance Jess. She was on vacation, without a phone, and now she's home, but I can't see her. I'm seriously feeling the pain of having not hung out with Jess in, like, two weeks, and as soon as the New Jersey girls leave, I'm going to be mourning the loss of them. Raaawr.

Oh. I'm also mourning the loss of my hair. Everyone young seems to like it enough, but my parents share my feelings. It's not BAD or anything, but it's sort of trashy. Lots of chunky dark and blonde low/highlights, and a bright magenta peeking underneath the front. It looks a little bit like a cosmetology student's first taste of freedom, and while it cost as much as a whole shelfful of books, it resembles the results of a drug store boxed dye. As I sat in that uncomfortable spinny chair with foil covering my hair, wondering what the stylist meant by "it's going to look unnatural in a good way," I really wanted to cry. Not about my hair, I mean, but it was sort of icing on the cake. 

I'm heartsick about my one friend's drama, weirded out about my lack of post-nearly-fatal-car-accident best friend, regretful for wasting my limited time with my internet friends, feeling guilty about stressing Sebastian, shaking on the inside about my earlier encounter with Justin Timberlake and thoughts of those to come, uncomfortable about the way I have to interrupt my parents' busy lives by filling their house with guests, nervous about school, excited about school, on edge for not having any time to blog or make videos, and missing the money I've lately had to spend.

So yeah, I'm feeling all of this, and in the meantime, my hair is soaking up chemicals that will make me look like a honky tonk dancer.

And now I'm not looking forward to sleeping, because in the morning I have to wake up early to transport people somewhere I've never driven before (which is sort of my biggest cause of anxiety in this world) to either assist with things outside my job description or watch other people. Then I get to use a lot more gas, still not see Jess, and suffer a million mini heart attacks every time I make eye contact with my first love. And to top it all off, the fiveawesomegirls video I made didn't even upload after hours, for reasons totally unknown, and now it isn't Thursday anymore. So there won't be a single video on the channel all week. Great.

I don't know how this happened. I was happy when I left my friend's bachelorette party, which consisted of vegan snacks and lingerie and Harry Potter and Jesus, and now I feel awful. Sorry to drag you down after two days of no new posts. Hopefully tomorrow will bring better stories.