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Thursday, August 6, 2009

I murdered my favorite author.

I always tense up a little bit when asked my favorite author. Shakespeare sounds totally pretentious, so no matter how true it may be, I usually skirt around his name. I feel similarly about Jo Rowling. To non-fans, it sounds like I only read pop culture, or like I can't advance past children's fantasy. And when I preface my answer, "The woman to whom I've devoted my life since I was eleven," I sound like a psycho showoff. John Green, Megan McCafferty and Jaclyn Moriarty are a three-way tie for my... something. I don't know what to call them; their importance in my life at the present time is immeasurable, but none of them individually is my favorite.

So, for at least the last couple of years, I've always provided one of two answers: J.D. Salinger, author of The Catcher in the Rye and Franny and Zooey; and John Hughes, writer/director/producer of Ferris Bueller's Day Off, The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, Home Alone, and just about every other classic film from the 1980s. The former plays to my superiority complex regarding literature, as it's recognizable, but gives off that air of "I'm moody and therefore more cultured than you are." The latter is one of those Jeopardy question names that sit on the tip of your tongue-- someone you've heard of, but have no idea where.

John Hughes died today. He was taking a walk around Manhattan, thinking whatever it is amazing people think, and he had a heart attack at fifty-nine years old. And here I was, going cheerfully about my day, having no idea. I first heard the news from Molly (mememolly)'s blog, and when I ran to google, there weren't even any news stories about him yet. His name wasn't trending on twitter. Not a single facebook status contained any hint of tragedy.

Now, at least, Ferris Bueller is a popular hashtag, and Adam Dubberly has written on my wall that he's watching Weird Science in memorial. It's possible that I included that last bit just to brag that one of The Mudbloods wrote on my facebook wall, but regardless, today is sad.

I can't help but wonder when old J.D. Salinger is due. The man's ninety, and he hasn't peeked a finger out of his little hiding corner of doom and misery for years. I don't want him to die, because I admire him greatly (and am holding out hope that I'll be the last of the young fangirls he flirts with through letters), but I am selfishly and eagerly awaiting all the promised prose that will be released after his death. Imagine, a whole new Salinger canon. My sexual fantasies run wild with it.

Anyway, there's no meaningful conclusion to this blog. I just wanted to say at least a tiny something to recognize a great man. Especially since there are some things heavy on my heart right now-- personal drama, if you will-- I think I'm going to pop in Ferris Bueller, lean against the giant poster on my wall with John Hughes's name in bold, and go to bed.

...OH MY GOD.
OH MY GOD.
OH MY GOD.

Remember when I said I wished Michael Jackson would die the day before it happened? According to my tweets, on July 22, I sleep-walked and tore that same Ferris Bueller poster off my wall. "Maybe it's symbolic?" Jess had said. I giggled and tried to imagine how that could be true. Okay, now I'm seriously going to bed. I'm seriously going to bed before I kill any more celebrities. GOODNIGHT.

Sexy: Getting a fake ID not to drink, not to smoke, but to vote. RIP, The Breakfast Club.
Unsexy: The giant "Lil Wayne" concert happening in my county tonight. There are cars hauling in from ONTARIO to hear a man with dreadlocks drop it like it's hot, or whatever it is he does.

Chipotle burritos this year: 25
S'mores this summer: 6
Subscribers: 19,060

Bye, guys! Hopefully I'll see you tomorrow, without having murdered anybody. <3

55 comments:

Kristen said...

I know, I feel the same way. I don't think any other writer/director quite captured teenagers the way John Hughes did. I'm doing a marathon of his movies right now, starting with "Curly Sue" and will end with "Sixteen Candles". Who knows, maybe they'll find a finished script of his and make a movie out of it like they did with Stanley Kubrick and "A.I" (and let's all hope it will be better than that movie)

Sara said...

Ew, Lil Wayne? Want to talk about a real concert? Jason Mraz. I went to his show in Boston two nights ago and it was magic. The man is amazing.

Ellie said...

I missed out on a lot of John Hughes until I was I think 20 because pretty much my dad thought his movies were lame and anything my dad thought was lame I wasn't allowed to watch without him complaining loudly about it the whole time I was trying to enjoy it so I joined that train late but I'n still very sad that he's gone and I wish I had one of his DVD's with me to watch.
I also have the problem of killing people. My dad mentioned Farrah Fawcett two days before she died and before he could get to his story about her the first word out of my mouth were "What did she die?" and two days later there she was. The other time my neighbor broke a rib and was in the hospital and I said it was good because maybe it would make her nicer (seriously she was crazy mean you have no idea) but the next day she was dead. I think I'm going to have to never say anything slightly mean about anyone in failing health ever again.

Faith said...

I love you're quote from "Sexy/Unsexy:" "There are cars hauling in from ONTARIO to hear a man with dreadlocks drop it like it's hot, or whatever it is he does."

notaclareintheworld said...

A) RIP John Hughes. :(

B) No, Lil Wayne doesn't drop it like it's hot! That's Snoop Dogg! And even though a lot of people hate on popular rap and/or hip-hop, a lot of stuff has a lot more merit production and lyric-wise than you think. Maybe "Lollipop" is not the new Shakespeare, but that was the big single, which catered to the masses. Let's face it -- the masses don't care about word play. Some of Lil Wayne's lyrics are amazing, and in some of his mixtapes he samples bands like the Beatles. He kind of knows what he's talking about. I'd suggest Tie My Hands off of his latest album, Tha Carter III -- it's all about Katrina. It's beautifully produced and is really quite insightful.

Gomezzio said...

Please, Hayley, please. Never get a poster of John Green.

I honostly hadn't heard of John Hughes's death. Not until, at least, you tweeted about it. It's a shame, but then again he wasn't titled King of Pop or an angel. He was famous, and good at what he did, but he wasn't exactly a household name. Don't get me wrong, I am/was a fan.

And with the author thing, I've, luckily, never had to answer a question like that. Although, in a second, I would reply John Green. Unless it was sprung up on me out of the blue. I would probably panic, and end up saying an author of such caliber, like Dr. Seuss.

Carina said...

NOT THE LIL WAYNE CONCERT! It's all anyone on facebook can talk about and I want to scream.

I miss John Hughes. I'm watching Sixteen Candles as we speak.

And don't worry about accidentally murdering people. I totally killed Johnny Carson that way :/

Phyllis said...

Hayley G. Hoover, if J.D. Salinger dies in the next two week then you have murdered him too. That is beyond creepy.

Goodnight,
Phyllis

Bigred719 said...

I too have problems when I say that Jo Rowling is my favorite author it sounds sort of cliche in this day and age.To my family and closest friends they already know how obsessed I am with the books. And besides you shouldn't have to worry about what others think of your authors. They'd probably rather compare favorite Song singles or clothing stores


I also hope your ability to interpret the future can lead to something good now since two bad things have passed.

wardsaulyers said...

I don't know if I can take your blog seriously any more what with all these very persuasive Trojan Condoms animated ads beside and beneath the text.

John Hughes was creative and not retarded. And for a succesful filmmaker in Hollywood, being called not retarded is a huge compliment.

Holly said...

How terrible would it be if poor old man Salinger dies tomorrow? Let's just hope you haven't jinxed anything!

Annah said...

I wasn't quite sure who John Hughes was and how he related to me until I read the bio they had on the Yahoo! News page and figured out that he directed my favorite Brat Pack movies. Then I broke down bawling and had to eat 7 chocolate-raspberry Milano cookies to console myself, and then I came here, because I knew you would have something to say on the subject of the late, great Mr. Hughes. And so you did.

Anyways, may he rest in peace.

And you should try that celebrity-killing thing of yours on Lil Wayne, just as an experiment.

Anonymous said...

I SWEAR Lil Wayne was in Ontario like, yesterday. Either that or the people from Ontario pouring into your county are from my school. I really wouldn't know.

wardsaulyers said...

Also, I wanna add, I love your honesty about the favorite author question. I too would probably say Salinger or Jo, and would feel the same way. So I usually just say Daniel Handler, since most people don't know who the fuck he is, and I fail to mention that he also writes under the psuedonym Lemony Snicket. (His novels for adults, btw, are fantastic. I'd particulary reccomend Adverbs.)

Scott said...

I don't really have a commentary, you basically summed it up. RIP John Hughes, you will be missed.

Afton said...

Hayley I just read your Tweet on Twitter about YouTube haters. Don't listen to those dorks. You are awesome. Sebastian seems awesome and your friends remind me from the little I know about them of my best friend. Here are some good comments from the Youtube video Sebastian was in.

"haleyyyyy found a niceee one :D"
See they think you found a nice one.

"Ah to be young and feel the keen sting of tree bark, kitteh paws and bawdy boil-brained hater comments.
Sebastian and Hayley, you guys are rad. Keep the dream alive."
Your keeping the dream alive!

"Hahaha, aw.
He seems perfect for you Hayley. :)"
Perfect nice word!

"Instead of leaving pointless comments, I plan to leave something kind and profound. You seem pretty cool (:
I only hear about you on Hayley's blog, and A LOT! You seem to be one of her prefered subjects, but I thought you did an awesome job (:
x"
AWESOME JOB! You see awesome.

"The annotations in this video make me quite happy.

He's adorable, Hayley. Very nice.

Tree/cat ftw."
I agree with this person.

"Ah! Yay! I want to see more of him. He's smiley."
MORE SEBASTIAN!

"yay this is so cool! thanks for doing this 5ag!"
They like!

"You are so cool! I was looking forward to this video, because I think Hayley is amazing. Yay Sebastian!"
Hayley did you hear that. You are amazing and Sebastian gets Yays!


This next one is my weird comment ready!
"Yay! I'm one of those tens of people.

The fair sounds like fun. Religion as a means of oppresion is always fun.

I like the cat."

See we love Sebastian!

I hope that this doesn't come across as creepy but sometimes your blog is the highlight of my day and I thank you by trying to cheer you up.

Pippa said...

And in honor of John Hughes, my life turned into a bad teen movie tonight. It's a tragic loss.

P.S. I'm reading Salinger right now - Raise High the Roofbeams, Carpenters and Seymour, and Introduction. I'm also a fangirl.

Leah said...

Eat my "socks."




Speaking as a girl who has harbored secret fantasies of being "the next John Hughes" for... many a year now, believe me when I say I took the news of his death pretty hard. I mean. I can do the "european socialism" monologue by heart.

Anonymous said...

I wish that I was good enough with words to express how frustrated I was with the negative comments on the 5AG video today... I truely do not understand why people (and that one particular person) spend their time putting other people down and judging their lives. While I know my opinion does not matter at all, I think Sebastian is an awesome guy and that he seems to be treating you fantastically, which you OBVIOUSLY deserve. I wish you two all the luck and hope that you wont allow the internet assholes to get you too upset, however difficult that might be. (Also, I think you handled that one jerk very well...and now all of his comments are hidden...if that helps at all)
<3 Jae

loveacrosstheocean said...

1. RIP John Hughes.
2. Hayley this is the first time I don't agree with your "unsexy" topic. I know it's easy to lump all rappers into a big group of women degrading idiots who just spew mindless garbage about money, hoes, and killing people, but Lil Wayne's lyrical content is seriously superior to his auto-tuned, synthesized counterparts. I adore word play, and his rhymes are chock-full. I KNOW you basically wrote a whole "unsexy" blog about Drake, but check out Lil Wayne's verse in Drake's song "Successful" (it's at the very end if you can't make it through the whole song) Or "Comfortable" is a good one, too. Erm, also disregard the fact that he actually has a song entitled "Hoes."
love!

Margaret said...

I don't THINK I've ever killed a celebrity...but I'm not entirely sure about that. It must be a terrible feeling. Especially when you kill people you like!

Shannancy said...

You, Hayley, are a lovely person.

I look forward to your blogs every time I click the tiny button on my toolbar.

John Hughes had a huge influence on my movie watching experience as a teenager. I think he made me appreciate god story telling.

<3

Brad said...

Hayley, quit killing people. Your parents can only pay off the authorities so many times... :)

I got upset at all the childish hate towards Sebastian.

MmM CyNtHiA, OpInAnDo said...

when i read the title of the post i instantly thought of that other one bout Michael Jackson!
Dont worry; at least you didnt kill John Lennon! Oh.. He is already dead!
......
Bad joke xD
.....

Cya! ^^

CynthTheOwl

Miia said...

I just told my dad about John Hughes and now he's all upset

BenCracknell said...

Oh my god, that's so sad!
Rest in peace John Huges, gone, but truly, truly never forgotten.
x

Fae said...

Oh, that's incredibly sad. I love all his movies. I feel like I should sit down and watch them all too. It's kind of nice knowing that a whole bunch of people out there miss him and are sad like I am and we're all doing the same thing. Watching some of out favourite films.

DrPopcorn said...

Planes, Trains & Automobiles was the first movie I ever saw. I was about six.
RIP. <3

It's interesting you brought up the whole thing with favorite authors, I was actually just having a conversation about it with a friend this morning.
A part of me wants to say Jo Rowling and another part wants to say Oscar Wilde. But then I end up with Jodi Picoult.

Oh god. I shudder at the thought of having Lil Wayne in town.

PS: Sebastian is awesome. (=

OuterLegsRace said...

If it makes you feel any better, and I'm not sure if this is the right angle but... you're murder made the number three story on our national news tonight.
Sure, we're only a land of 4 million, but we care.

Eddy said...

I just finished my favorite John Hughes movie, Weird Science. I'm sad this man is gone. He was a family favorite for our Friday movie nights when I was growing up.

My favorite author, Harper Lee, wrote only one book, To Kill a Mockingbird. I've read this book at least once a year since seventh grade. A great book written in first person.

As to the YouTube Haters, just ignore them if you can. They are just jealous that you have an awesome life, awesome boyfriend, and awesome relationship. The haters are to be pitied as they have nothing at all in their lives.

Laura said...

THANK YOU, Hayley. I woke up at 6 PM yesterday (don't judge, it's summertime, it's totally allowed) and went on facebook like a proper internet junkie, and noticed nothing out of the ordinary. So then I opened up IMDB's main page, 'cos I'm a huge movie buff and read the news. I looked over my newsfeed again, searching for anything about him on FB. No one had said anything. Freaking Billy Mays got more shout-outs from my friends than John Hughes. WTF. Whatever. I did my best by changing my status and paying my respects. Later, one of my very good friends replied, "SAD DAY," to it so the day wasn't a total failure. Anyway, I just wanted to thank you and tell you that the sexy thing is my favorite part from The Breakfast Club. :)

Megan said...

I freaked out when I saw that he died through your Twitter, but my family didn't really know or care who he was. Also, basically everyone I know went to the Lil Wayne concert yesterday... shoot me, this is exactly why I can't wait to leave this town.

VTBurninator said...

Hang in there J.D., Hayley G Reaper isn't coming for you....yet!

Kyla Muhlberger said...

My friend told me that there are rumors that Salinger goes to a certain Dartmouth library every single day at the exact time, but no one knows what he looks like, so it's kind of hard to tell. She's going to be a freshman at Dartmouth next month, so I told her that she has to go up to every old man she sees in the library and ask him if he's J.D. Salinger.

VicMorrowsGhost said...

Detective> What do we have here officer?
Officer>It's another victim of "the Hoover".
Detective>What! She's struck again?
Officer>Fits the M.O. No evidence save these creepy fan letters with exceptional grammar.

SlytherinSweetie said...

A.) R.I.P. John Hughes. I totally know what you mean, when I told my mum last night, she asked "Who was he?" O.O He was a great writer/director/producer. I LOVE the Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, and Ferris Bueller.

B.) Hm. Murdering celebrities? If it makes you feel better, I don't think you killed him.

C.) I have the same problem about authors. It's a reflex reaction to say J.K.R. for me. It is cliche, but true. She is my favorite author. But then I think about all the other talented authors and I'm like "Would Shakespeare have been a better answer? Was that too cliched?" I mean, I don't think people these days even think about Harry Potter as a book. It's just movies, merchandise, and fans to them.

D.) Lil Wayne? I can't stand his music. I'm more into rock, alternative, trock, and wrock of course.

E.) Don't worry about the haters, they don't have a life, so they're judging yours. Don't let them upset you. You're a great, fantastic person with awesome grammar. And Sebastien is really awesome too.
Sorry, that sounded creepy stalkerish, but I'm trying to make you feel better. =]

Allison said...

I watched Ferris Bueller a week ago... so maybe you're not the total assassin lol.

RoboFillet said...

I haven't read Catcher in the Rye all the way through, which makes me feel terrible. The thing is, when I was reading, the voice of Holden was so effective I put the book down feeling so heavy I could barely lift it up again.

*sigh* Salinger is too good for his own good =(

John Hughes' passing was a shock to me too. I haven't seen all his movies, but the ones I HAVE seen where amazing. What a shame.

see-air-uh said...

I think you'll be glad to know that CNN tweeted about his death so it wasn't COMPLETELY ignored

Krislynn said...

Thank you so much for talking about John Hughes, I was beginning to think I was the only one who cared, because I too noticed that nobody was saying anything about it (well except TVguide.com and imdb) But John Hughes shaped my childhood with his movies, Home Alone 1 and 2 were and still are two of my favourite movies (and I've now passed on that love to my 5 year old sister lol) next on the list would be Sixteen Candles and the Breakfast Club. He defined the teen comedy. Last night one of the local channels was playing Sixteen Candles at like 1 in the morning, so I watched it in memorial to him. He will be greatly missed. Now Hayley you really need to stop killing celebrities lol especially ones I like! Anyways I don't normally comment on your blog, but I check it faithfully every day, plus I've been a fan of you since fiveawesomegirls began. So keep being awesome (not that you really need to try since it's basically in your DNA) <3

KaraDawlish said...

Haha im sorry that whole bkog was worth reading just for that last part "drop it like its hot or whatever it is he dies" u sound like one of those old ladies that are like "what is it you kids call it these daays?!" lol except much cooler :D i hate when those big lame rapper w/e people come into town and all the teenage girls go craaaZy. im a teenage girl and all but i take part in no such thing. There was this 15 yr old little shrimpy white boy kid with that flippy hair and he comes here rapping and he's being interviewed on the raido "yea dat shits hot man. Dey don't even know..." yea etc etc talking like a little wangsta all the girls go crazy for it. As soon as he got out of the croud they had to take him away he was crying. Too many people, it freaked him out.

KaraDawlish said...

That comment was Full of horendous spelling/ grammer errors. Sorry about that.

yourgirl said...

I almost stopped reading in the middle of the blog (no, i don't hate your writing i just reminded myself of something i had to do), but instead I though "well, she's writing about Ferris Bueller so I'll keep reading" and let me tell you; THANK YOU! I despise Lil (that's not even a real word) Wayne. His voice makes me want to throw my copy of Wuthering Heights at the wall. This guy does something to my friends that makes them seem repulsive. My friends all called each other up then proceeded to get tickets, and when they asked me I calmly responded, "I would rather rip my eyes out then be at that drug fest." Hayley G. Hoover -- you made my day.

bookgirl said...

I basically read your blog everyday but for some reason never left a comment before. All I really have to say is that if I got in my car right now (I live in Ontario btw) I could be in Ohio in 3 hours give or take depending how big the line is at the boarder. Personally, I would never drive all the way to Ohio to see Lil Wayne much less walk to the end of my street if he was playing there. But I would drive there if someone I really loved was playing. Like Taylor Swift for example :)

TheBlaireWitch said...

I apologise for the people who came from my province.

seurat2 said...

John Hughes was a genius. Not all of his films have aged as well as others - I find some aspects of the Breakfast Club a bit laughable now (ie the idea that making over Ally Sheedy's character into a carbon copy of all the other girls out there was a good outcome) - bit they all have brilliant sequences. I know Ferris Beuller is considered the height but I always had a soft spot for Some Kind of Wonderful, I still watch it on dvd at least once a year.

Joanna said...

Dear Hayley, I think you might like this:

http://wellknowwhenwegetthere.blogspot.com/2009/08/sincerely-john-hughes.html

x

Nokorola said...

I was also very upset when I heard of the great John Hughes' passing. It's sad that good people die, they should life forever. That is all I have to say except that I'm glad that I'm not a celebrity you like.

Brynne Annaƫ said...

I...don't want to break the mood, but...I remember a post you made about a secret love for the '80s (that was you, right? better have been you) and you're probably waaay more up on YouTube than I am, but have you seen this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qj9OEmUr0F8

Anonymous said...

ferris bueler + breakfast club = amazing <3

BeatriceMoose said...

NPR ran a segment on John Hughes this morning. Also, Sporcle just posted a quiz in his honor: http://www.sporcle.com/games/johnhughesmovies.php

Love your blogs and videos, Hayley!

Kelly said...

OMG! I can't believe you sleep-rip-down-posters too!
Well, when I did it, it was one of those french memory board things with the criss-crossing ribbons, and my dorm mate at the time watched me do it and thought I was about to throw it at her.

But srsly, I thought I was the only one.

kira902k said...

Oh my. You really do seem to be unfortunate with the whole cursing of celebrities thing.

I found out that he died in a peculiar way. Maureen Johnson tweeted a video from Ferris Bueller the day before John Hughes died. I watched the video the day after she tweeted it and all the comments were about Hughes. Maybe MJ had a role in it as well.
Kidding. Sorry.
-alex

Nally said...

You have way more self restraint than I have. If I could smell something I wanted to eat badly, I would not be able to wait :P

Nicholas said...

I'm like you in that regard. When people ask me what my favourite music is for example, I just say "Oh I listen to many kinds of music" which is true, but I have favourites regardless. I just don't want to seem pretentious :-/