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Sunday, August 23, 2009

Smelly Musings on Packing and Sex Jokes

I went to see Julie and Julia this afternoon with my mother and sister. We were the only people in the packed theater not on the senior citizen discount, and the permed white heads behind me had the elderly habit of chuckling at things that weren't funny, but I still really liked the movie. Films usually ignore the existence of technology such as instant messaging and facebook for the sake of plot advancement, so it was surreal to see a story about a blog told realistically. I felt like a loser for tweeting so, but every time Amy Adams's character mentioned her readers, I whimpered a little bit. I wrote to you guys last night, and I was somehow missing you. Excuse me while I palm my eyes, shake my head, and giggle. What my life has become.

My mom just came into my (much more organized, yet still unpacked) room to tell me she's been downstairs, reading Julie Powell's blog. She also thinks my sexual joke about milkshakes in the other day's un/sexy was gross, and advised me not to write things like that. I opened my mouth to make some kind of excuse, and instead, I had an epiphany. "Wait!" I said, feeling empowered. "I can write whatever I want in my blog! I'm an adult and it's funny!" My mother, who has a habit of trying to govern her children even after they've moved out and gotten married, responded with this really cute laugh that escapes whenever she realizes her kids are right. "People from church could read that," she said, failing to force down her smile. We laughed together, and swatted each other's hands away from my laptop keyboard, as she tried to make me appropriate, and I tried to think of the most offensive thing possible to say.

Guess what, Mom? GENITALIA.

Anyway, the packing situation has calmed down a lot since yesterday. I now have a tupperware container full of sweaters, sweatshirts and jackets stowed away in the closet, with a box of pants, cardigans, and long sleeves stacked on top of it. I'm now left with the gigantic stack of underwear on the unoccupied side of my bed, an array of tights/hose/leggings on the carpet, and various piles on the rug: t-shirts, tank tops and camisoles, zippies, short-sleeved tops, sweatpants, pajamas, shorts, towels, dresses, skirts. Add to that all the shoes, toiletries, books, scarves, and the ever-growing ocean of nail polish bottles accumulating on my desk, and you've got yourself a headache.

Oh, but fear not. I'm going to calm the madness by getting up early tomorrow to go SHOPPING in Cleveland with my sisters, mom and grandma, for MORE CLOTHES. That'll diminish the piles. Sigh... I only really own one pair of jeans, though, and despite the heap to my left, you can never have too much underwear. Right? Right.

On that note, I'm going to go take a shower, because if I were a Sim, my hygiene meter would be pretty damn low. My legs feel a lot like sandpaper, and my hair feels a little bit like a Slip 'n' Slide covered in oil. Isn't it charming, the things I share with you? I like to keep a certain mystique to my online personality. I only tell you the things you absolutely need to hear. Like how gross and frumpy I look, virtually all the time. You're welcome.

Sexy: Charlie's new video. It's an original, and therefore, one of his best.
Unsexy: My outfit. Light blue shorts, teal-green t-shirt, Jazzercise teal nail polish, turquoise flipflops. I didn't intend to dress head-to-toe in clashing shades of the same basic color, but I appear to have done so.

Chipotle burritos this year: 27
S'mores this summer: 6
Subscribers: 19,724

Bye, guys! Hopefully I'll see you tomorrow. <3

48 comments:

Adrienne said...

i've been looking forward to this since your tweet about blogging in a few hours. i sound really creepy. sorry. you're entertaining. this is a good thing.

VTBurninator said...

Hahaha good night HGH! PS- my gf and I relate our lack of other socialization by saying our social meters are low....Sim references FTW! Good luck packing!

kaitlin said...

I've been looking forward to this since your tweet too, lol. Your blogs never fail to make me laugh. :)

Caroline said...

The GENITALIA bit reminded me of the PENIS in (500) Days Of Summer, which I just saw recently also. And since you wrote about how much you liked it, I thought I should say that I cried. On the verge of bawling. I may have just been PMSing, but it got to me lol. And don't worry because I have three drawers of pajamas and only one of shorts/pants. But you can wear whatever you want in college pretty much so... PJ's and Sweats own my life. I hope you find many fabulous articles of clothing while shopping :] (And saying fabulous makes me feel like Sharpay...FML)
Anyways... you're TOTALLY AWESOME!

Bekah said...

I totally internally squeed when you made that Sim reference.

The Vagabond said...

You are so FUNNY!! I love reading your blog. It makes every night more special and entertaining. Your quote about the t shirts and being able to cloth the VonTrapps had me on the floor. You're awesome. Have a great year at college and I can't wait to hear all of your college stories!

to_thine_own_self said...

I love reading your blog, too.
Maybe one day they'll make a movie about you and your internet life. Hah.
It sure would be interesting...
Anyway, I'm glad I'm not the only one low on the hygiene meter right now. I've been doing things around the house all weekend (like putting up doors and putting in a new floor in the living room), so knowing someone else has been busy and neglecting their leg-shaving as well is comforting, somehow...

Anonymous said...

Wow...it never really dawned on me how many different types of clothes girls have. Guys have like what, five different catagories at most? Perhaps I'm not normal.

BTW, I'm not sure what kind of mind mine is, but thanks for not making a dirty "packing" sex joke. For a short fraction of a second I thought you might go there.

Gavin said...

Oh Hayley, don't ever change. I mean, you can change obviously. You can grow, become a better person and all that claptrap but don't change the colours or the jokes. Please

Margaret said...

I've been waiting for this blog since your tweet! :) And you delivered. I was, however, dismayed by one fact. I now have to find enough money lying around my house to see 500 Days of Summer AND Julie and Julia? What the heck, Hoover? I'm not made of cash.

Indigo said...

I totally thought of you and your blog while I was watching Julie and Julia! I guess it just shows how awesome your blog is :D

Allison said...

I saw Julie and Julia on that optimum online triple play free day. The elderly beat my party out, so my mom, little sis, and I were forced to crane our necks up in the front row. ^__^

As for your unsexy... I'm afraid that I have you beat. A bart simpsons shirt with purple flipflops and a white skort (yep, a SKORT) from elementary school that somehow by the grace of God still fits. I wish it didn't.

Bethany said...

aw, not to sound creepy as well, but I've been waiting for your post since your tweet too.
Good luck on your packing!

Becca said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Becca said...

So today, after working myself to the point of exhaustion, I decided I deserved a reward. Of course, this reward had to be of the Chipotle variety. As soon as I returned home with that lovely brown paper bag, I began to inhale the most beautiful burrito I've ever possessed. Unfortunately, my 'Southwestern Joyride' was cut short after the first bite proved to be less than enjoyable. It was horrible. For the first time in my Chipotle-loving life, my burrito had let me down. Instantly, I had two thoughts running through my head simultaneously. The first, obviously, was the urge to bawl my eyes out. This feeling was comparable to the feeling I had the day I was told Santa Claus wasn't real. Total disappointment. My second thought was to write a strongly worded letter to the management to let them know how betrayed I felt. "The Chipotle burrito was the one thing I could count on in this crazy world, and you took that away from me. You should be ashamed." After sulking for a few minutes, I decided that writing said letter would accomplish nothing, save the short lived satisfaction it could potentially bring.
Instead, I chose to share this horrible fiasco with you, because I knew you'd sympathize with my heartbreak.
I feel better already. Thanks, Hayley!

Holly said...

I had the almost the same colour-repetition situation just two days ago at school! I got my forest green ruler, lime pencil case and grass green folder out of my mossy green bag then started drinking from my jade water bottle. It took me a moment before I realised how odd I looked. People in that Spanish class now think I have a fetish for green things. It's just my favourite colour.

janitorbud said...

whenever i see/hear/say the word frump(y) i think of "what kind of name is hermione"

Natasha said...

I kind of doubt you ever look frumpy. Unless you're wearing all those close at once. :]

traderbob11 said...

Since you have to leave something behind:

I vote leave the underwear behind.

;D

joy isobel said...

Aw, Julie and Julia was adorable, but I have to say that I don't think there was a single old person in the theater when I saw it. Hmm, perhaps you live in a place with an exuberant amount of elderly? It's probably just that I went to a super-late showing, but I find it so strange that there were THAT many old people. Haha enough with that, packing for college seems F-U-N. Packing to that extreme kind of makes me want to run and hide under my bed. Seeing as packing for a week-long vacation freaks me out, packing for months on end is even more frightening. Oh, genitalia? REBEL.

89ravenclaw said...

hmmm i didn't know that movie was blog related at all... another reason for me to see it.

i'll get around to it eventually

Hannah said...

Ever since your tweet, I've been waiting for this. But then I had to go to bed, being in the UK and all. So yay, something fun to wake up to!

I hope the rest of your packing goes well and you have a great year at college. I'm actually really excited for you to get to college, because all the truthful representations that I have of America have come from YouTube and blogs, so I am looking forward to living vicariously through you. I hope you don't mind :)

Charlie said...

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would end up as the sexy thing in a Hayley blog! Thanks for that :)

Elizabeth... said...

I accidentally sang "this is a song, for all the vegetables, that look, like penises" out loud in front of Mum the other day. I explained it was Hank and she actually said something along the lines of "I think it's nice he can be both a sensible grown up and worldly wise and funny saying things about genitalia".
SEE they're not mutually exclusive, even my Mum think so.

:D

Nokorola said...

Hayley, it never ceases to amaze me how exciting you can make every boring thing seem. It's quite a talent you have.

Nokorola said...

And I mean no offense to you with that last comment, I just mean that you're just really good at writing.

VicMorrowsGhost said...

Time like these I love being a guy. Jocks, Socks, Jeans, Shirt, Shoes. Dressed. Elapsed time thirty seconds.

Wallet, watch, keys, phone. Out the door. BYEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Ravenclaw2313 said...

I love the way your blogs are, stick to your guns girl that's why we read it. Also fantastic choice for sexy!

Katie said...

Your blog is known for its awesomeness. Becky mentioned you in a blog from the other day. :)

http://tikken.wordpress.com/

Brynne Annaƫ said...

IIIIIIIIIII discovered yesterday, when I had to go to a work party with my dad, that I own no nice clothes. Mum and I whipped down to JC Penny's (I know...classy, right? ;) ) and got me SOMETHING. But I own three pairs of jeans and one pair of trashed khaki cords.

I'm going to the thrift store today to see if I can find something nice for cheap. Because I'm a penny-pincher like that. ;)

Love my life.

Tass said...

I just finished Julie & Julia yesterday and I'll admit it, whenever she talked about her "bleaders" (as she puts it) I couldn't help thinking of you. That and the fact that I finished it on out way out of Cleveland. A couple days behind schedule and I might have had a hayleyghoover run-in to brighten my week. Oh well, so it goes.

Julia said...

I was actually listening to Charlie's song while reading your blog!

smorasnki77 said...

seriously. your blogs just make me smile. I honestly read them everyday (if they are posteed everyday that is :]) but your blogs seriosuly de-stress me out! Thanks!

kira902k said...

Hah, you rock. <3

-alex

lindsey said...

First of all, way to be on the Sims reference. Total awesomeness. If I were a Sim right now, I'm guessing my fun level would have arisen some 7 points or so, solely by this blog. Well, gotta go gain a few logic points. See ya.

Anonymous said...

By the way, you ARE a Sim in the Sim3 exchange. Check it out!

Morgan said...

So I was at the grocery store this weekend, and I saw Ben&Jerry's Half-Baked ice cream, and I was all "Mom I have to get this, I heard it's really good!" And then she asked me who told me that, and I said "Ummm...a friend?", and she asked which one, and I had to say "hayleyghoover", really softly.
Hooray for trying to convince myself that you are a friend even though I don't actually know you!!! Lol.

It was really, really good by the way. Delicious.
:)

Katy said...

Hahaha, my mom would have done the same thing. In fact, she might have been a tad more upset.

Whenever I go shopping with my three sisters we go craazzyyy. Have fun.

Allison said...

Kinda scared:
Your AdSense thing went from
'Black Girls in G-Strings'
to
'Harry Potter Fans-Dating'

Melody said...

I laughed really hard at the "Guess what, Mom? GENITALIA." And my friends are playing Kingdom Hearts about five feet away from me, and they all turned and stared at me. Ha. :D

Courtney said...

Hayley! You're totally right about bringing lots of underwear. When you're a college freshman and out having so much fun and studying so often that you can't be bothered to do laundry (and wear pants 10 days in a row) at least your underwear can still be clean. Correct. You can NEVER have too much. This may be the only thing I have learned in college... or at least the most important.

KatieSham said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
KatieSham said...

Am I the only one that didn't read this and wonder what the hell a zippie is?
Yeah?

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