I like music less than makeup.

Sebastian once started a conversation, "I know you don't like music, but...." It made me laugh, because 1) there's no one in this world, save Bella Swan, who doesn't like music, 2) I've led musicals, played instruments, harmonize to absolutely everything, and am fairly proficient at sight-reading, and 3) I have thousands of songs in my iTunes. These things in mind, I shouted defensively, "I like music!" He smiled and said, "You appreciate cleverness, but you don't like music."

I kept that conversation in the back of my mind, not thinking of it again until tonight. I was at a reunion party for the cast of my senior musical, Into the Woods, at a table with my director, two marching band members, and my high school class's revered baritone. A song came on the stereo, and they began discussing it at length. "God, listen to this riff," said the singer, Jake, who began air-guitaring vigorously. I chuckled at my out-of-placeness. "Yeeeah. That's one great riff," I said. "And check out those... those licks." Jake cracked up and tried to halfheartedly explain the terminology. I nodded out of politeness, but I was thinking back to a lunch I once had with The Moaning Myrtles and The Whomping Willows. Across the table, Lauren, Nina and Matt got into a complicated discussion about basslines. I listened intently because the three of them are astoundingly talented people, but the entire topic went over my head. I tried hard to recall the last bassline I'd even noticed, let alone studied and remembered. Back at the cast party, the three situations floated around in my brain, converging together for the first time. Maybe I don't like music!

Hahaha. I'm kidding, guys; I realize full well that you can like music without being a musician. (And for the record, Sebastian, who is just shy of scientific tone-deafness, was only kidding.) I'm telling you all this because for a month, I've wanted to make one video idea into a reality, but it requires a lot of GarageBanding. I've synthesized music on the program quite a great deal, as you'll notice if you watch my channel, but the song I'm trying to parody is so hard to recreate. I keep opening GarageBand, moving tracks, tapping my foot, typing in trumpets and listening to drum tracks, and it's really a lost cause. I guess my point is... I came to terms with my lack of musical giftedness after my two-month passionate attempt at the acoustic guitar, and it's never been an issue for me. But when it gets in the way of my videos, I get frustrated. You can make as many quirky vlogs as you want, and they'll never get replayed as often as this or this. Sebastian, I suppose, was totally right this time: I appreciate cleverness, and I do not like creative speedbumps!

In completely unrelated news, today I came across the perfume I wore in ninth grade. Having since subscribed to the Perfume? Eh, whatever way of life popular with the older-than-ninth-grade crowd, I surprised myself by rolling a bit on my wrists and neck. Well. You know how they say the sense of smell triggers memory? It was like spritzing myself with Eau de Seventeen Magazine. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with the need to plug in a curling iron, and found myself blending eyeshadows (What?! I don't even know what that means!) and putting bronzer on my neck. It felt so natural at the time, and it wasn't until I got out the door that it hit me. The tiniest hint of Sarah Jessica Parker's "Lovely," and I was instantly one of the six hawtt freshman grrlz in the cafeteria, flirting with upperclassmen and adjusting my layered lacy tanktops so everyone could see the Abercrombie emblem on my nonexistent thigh. (I didn't become the social outcast you know and love until my sophomore year!) I looked a lot more put-together than I ever have since my myspace days, but when I caught my own eye in my rearview mirror, I literally laughed out loud. While I still struggle deep down with doubts about my own femininity, I'm a lot happier now than I was back then. So goodbye, Sarah Jessica Parker, Hollister's "Malaia" (I kid you not!) and Sally Hansen hairspray. For now, I plan to smell like my grown-up self: Mexican food, pickup truck exhaust, seclusion, and happy individuality.

So I sit here this evening, eyelashes curled, GarageBand minimized, and a c'est-la-vie grin on my face. Life is a funny thing, and lately, I'm a big fan.

Sexy: Disneykid1. After searching for a video of his to link above, I've now rewatched nearly every single one. He's one of my favorite youtubers of all time, and if you don't already subscribe to him, you're going to seriously, seriously want to.

Unsexy: Accidental cult kidnappings that result in your living with biological parents you've never met. I... I'm watching the Lifetime version of one of my childhood favorite chapter books, The Face on the Milk Carton. Don't judge me.

Chipotle burritos this year: 24

S'mores this summer: 6

Subscribers: 18,576

Bye, guys! Hopefully I'll see you tomorrow. <3