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Monday, June 15, 2009

My Love Life: A History

You guys are lovely. The fact that I can post the world's most confusing blog in a half-sleeping state, and you all spend the time to figure out what I'm talking about? That's, like, worthy of extra credit. I especially feel for those of you who are new readers. There ought to be a "Previously in The Hayleylujah Chorus..." segment. So for this one time only, while supplies last, I will do just that. Here's a blurb of my love life.

Once upon a time, in America's semi-rural suburbia, there lived a girl named Hayley. She loved nerdy things, but most of all, she loved nerdy boys. She had little problem getting them to like her, but a lot of problems keeping herself interested once she'd jumped head-first into a spontaneous relationship. For example, she had a heated will-they-or-won't-they thing with a boy named Andrew, starting when they were twelve, and ending after their senior year in high school.

Okay, I'm sorry. I can't do the whole third person thing anymore. EH HEM. I kept Andrew dangling by a string for six years, let him call me his girlfriend for two months, and don't care about any of it anymore. During the Andrew Purgatory, I had several small, less-than-important flings, and threeish longer-term boyfriends. In middle school, there was a boy who, for this blog's purposes, we'll call Scotty, as a nod to Megan McCafferty's Sloppy Firsts. We flirted in the obnoxious hair-flipping seventh grade way, talked on the phone, and slobbered disgustingly on each other in someone's basement once at a party. Scotty was mostly kept around to make me feel cool and to fill the empty space of my AIM profile (S+H=4eva and whatnot), and he now matters in no way other than that he was kind of the first. Freshman and sophomore year, there was a steady, pleasant-- if not boring-- drummer. With a car. We'll call him Ringo. We spent a year watching movies on his couch, talking about trivial, boring stuff, and only ever did trivial, boring things together. So imagine my surprise when at the end of my junior year, I met the only person I've ever been in love with.

Justin Timberlake (Haha-- new kids, he really has absolutely nothing to do with Justin Timberlake. I just picked that name because it's so hysterically unfitting) and I had an inexplicable chemistry from the beginning, as well as a natural knack for torturing each other. In hindsight, we were really only official for about six months, but we'd picked, like, the breed of our future dog. We were on-again-off-again, but when it was on, it was ON, and when it was off, it was usually still kind of on. Now we're indefinitely off. "JT sounds like an interesting fella," says commentor Lindsey. "Just let me know whether I'm supposed to like him or hate him because I'm not really sure anymore." Sorry, Lindsey. Sorry, everybody. For now, even I don't know. 

And that, boys and girls, is the past.

We'll see what happens now. My friend Sebastian and I have been spending most of our time together, and we like each other. I'm attracted to overt masculinity. He likes fashion. It doesn't make any sense, but somehow it's really fun. I'll, as always, keep you guys posted. For now, though, my Facebook relationship status is set at It's Complicated, and I'm not going out of my way to change it anytime soon.

On a totally unrelated note, writing this blog has taken twice as long as it should because, um... I may or may not be watching Teen Witch. Like, the movie responsible for that ridiculous choreographed "I Like Boys" song I linked to a few entries ago. It's been a favorite of mine and my sister's for a few years, but it never stops being ludicrous. Unfortunately, things took a nasty turn a few minutes ago when I came to a frightening realization. Save the applique denim vest at the beginning, I REALLY LIKE THESE CLOTHES. And my hair acts like that naturally! "When can I start dressing like the '80s?!" I asked Sebastian, my breathing equivalent of Glamour magazine. He texted back, "For a month last summer." Ugh. Noooo. So not fair. "No, no. It has to happen again," I said. "They have to give me this one hurrah." He says I should do it anyway. Hahahahahaa. What do you think? Would you still love me if I started wearing blue bobby socks with heels? What if I freestyle rapped out a convertible? Would I at least get one standing ovation?

Chipotle burritos this year: 21
S'mores this summer: 2
Subscribers: 17,266

Bye, guys! Hopefully I'll see you tomorrow. <3

P.S. And I also obsessed over/pined for another boy from the time I was eleven until... well, frankly, I still felt obsessive and piny over him when we saw each other yesterday. I was pretty okay with leaving that story out, but Leah (professorspork) just yelled at me in her comment. So.

68 comments:

Kylie said...

If you go 80's, I'll do it too. Sounds like fun. May do it anyways, love to shock the culture.

And you know what? My hair is SO much poofier than yours.

Ididn'tmeanitIloveyouHayley. <3

Amy said...

I completely think that you should wear 80's clothing, and of course you would get my standing ovation. Hm, this sebastian guy sounds cool. *tell us more, tell us more* ;)

Phoenix said...

I have a t-shirt that says, "Make s'mores not wars" and your s'more count made me happy... and a little hungry... even though I just ate. Ugh, Hayley, you and your Jedi stomach tricks!!

But I still love you <3_

Joanne said...

It seems as though you're starting to have commentary on your life, and I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. I mean, for whatever stories in which you choose to indulge us, we will most likely provide feedback. Although it is tempting to know what other people think of your actions, don't you also think it's important in the end to do whatever you want the most? I'm not sure if I'm making sense, but screw it, I'm sending anyway.

Kristen said...

Well, I'll be honest. Dressing in 80s fashion is all fun and good when on a John Hughes induced high (haven't we all been there?) I do not think it would be a good idea. Though I myself would like to time travel Back to the Future style. My hair is made for the 80s. It unfortunately doesn't need teasing. Plus, back in the 80s teens actually, you know, danced. The music was good and their was no reality tv, but there was also no youtube, and therefore, it shall never be. Have an awesome tomorrow!

Michael said...

I think it is now absolutely mandatory that you dress like the 80's, freestyle rap out of a convertible, and make a video out of the experience.

If you do so, I will not only still love you, but love you more.

Leah said...

Um. I can't help but notice a certain GLARING OMISSION in the Epic Story of Your Love Life. Seriously, Hoover. The readers need to know.

Kaitlin said...

I actually watched at movie on Television a few months ago, Before that I hadn't watched it since I was probably nine (8 years ago). I'd still read your blog and watch your youtube videos if you dressed like that! I say go for it. haha.

Kaitlin said...

I actually watched *THAT movie....

I'm sorry, I should really proofread before I post. Before also shouldn't be capitalized.

Commenting you makes me paranoid. I feel I have to do everything correct, I've seen your grammar fairy videos Miss Hoover.

Brad said...

Your first love always kicks your ass. They have that power over you, know what I mean?

I've been reading your blog for a while, and like Lindsey, I haven't known whether to hate JT or not. I understand now.

Oh, I actually grew up in the 80's and it was cool, but please let it stay dead. You don't really want a Kenny Loggins theme song, do you?

Mia said...

Do what your friend Sebastian says. Dress 80's. People might stop standing next to you in public places but you'll be awesome in your own way

Nokorola said...

Hayley, bring back the 80s, we're all on bored. I just had a great idea, you should do an 80s rap video, it would be Tubular.

Hayley, keep being the UnCola.

shakethedust said...

God, I love Teen Witch.

Honestly, 80s is the new retro look (well, watered down), so you could easily get away with half of the stuff in that clip. I think you would look amazing. It just take confidence and sheer will. I secretly adore that fashion as well. I always thought the bobby socks with heels was precious. I also have naturally 80s hair.

I like her black and white striped blouse with the huge red belt and pencil skirt look. That first look is great too. DO IT!

Sebastian sounds nice. I still don't particularly care for JT, but that could be because he reminds me of my ex--great friend, bad boyfriend. Understood me amazingly well, but he used that power against me at times. Yada yada, a year later we will be civil if we see each other in public but we are neither online or real life friends anymore. Just be careful. :)

ZippedTight said...

aw, you and Sebastian.. cute. i like that as well.
except that sarahs facebook relationship status is "in a relationship" .. he moved FAST.
and i love the way you described 7th grade relationships.. so true. haha.
hayley, if you decided to wear 80's clothing, i'd give you a standing ovation. that's one person from your area you can count on.
...but i'd probably die of laughter before you got your ovation. hahaha

Katie said...

Dang, I missed the iTunes shuffle game bandwagon! Doing it now anyways. ZOMG DANG again, you wrote a new blog while I was taking forever doing this iTunes crap. Geeze, you're too quick for me. Let me catch up. Goober.

1.) Love to Hate- The Ending Up
2.) The Light in the Piazza- from the Broadway Soundtrack of the same name
3.) Remember When It Rained- Josh Groban [This is kind of embarrassing...my mom thinks he's her boyfriend.]
4.) Care Bear Family- From their movie...Yikes.
5.) Steam Heat- The Pajama Game Soundtrack
6.) Let It Rain- Eric Clapton
7.) I'm a Sucker for a Kind Word- Copeland
8.) Sexual Healing- Marvin Gaye [?!@)!* I'm either awesome or really lame for having this.]
9.) Schadenfreude- Avenue Q "Swings!" Album
10.) Embers and Envelopes- Mae
11.) Anna Begins- Counting Crows
12.) Off to see the World- The Chipmunk Adventure Movie Soundtrack [I should be embarrassed for this, but I love the movie too much.]
13.) If Only (Quartet)- The Little Mermaid Broadway Sountrack
14.) Prince Ali- Aladdin Movie Soundtrack [Can you tell I still think I'm like, 6 years old?]
15.) Main Title- August Rush Soundtrack
16.) Koalas- Mitch Hedberg Comedy Sketch
17.) I am the Walrus- The Beatles
18.) I'm Not Afraid- Jason Robert Brown's Songs for a New World [Love JRB so much. If you don't know him I say get some of his stuff ASAP!]
19.) Only The Beginning- Jem and the Holograms [Again, I refuse to accept I'm 20 years old.]
20.) 83- John Mayer

I think I have too much on my iTunes for this to be considered very telling of my musical taste...or maybe it is pretty accurate in that it shows I listen to a lot of random shit.

Anyways. Logging is the best. I have to get my fix of cutting down trees at LEAST every other day, while blogging and vlogging rarely happen and snogging occurs whenever I can get any. Heh.

I love your use of "Andrew Purgatory" and may have to steal for my own personal use. I may or may not credit the cleverness to you. Be careful with JT. And I say 80s fashion rules, so go for it. ;P

A.J. James said...

previously in the life of HGH is amazing... i soo look forward to each and every day of your blog... and learning is always.. fun.... p.s my screenname is aslanenlisted like everywhere but here, i'm not sure if you knew that... but for some reason i thought it was important

Gavin said...

Yes, do it! Do what we are all too afraid to do - Wear the acidic neon colors, big hair and body-clinging fabrics of Lycra and Spandex haha. Oh wait, and shoulder pads, they were 80's weren't they?
I think the guys from Poison probably had the best dress sense of the 80's...Fabulous :)

Oh and as for freestyle rapping out a convertible... I don't think I wanna live in a universe where that would be construed as anything other than the coolest and most acceptable form of communication. How could something like that make us love you any less?

goldensnitch said...

Hayley, if you came streaming down my street in a convertible rapping away, I would so totally still love and adore you.

Julia said...

Hayley, I want to dress like the 80's so badly. So badly. Hayley, let's go 80's together. All of us could be The Hayleylujah Chorus 80's dressing squad (in my head squad is an 80's word - don't ask). I love those belts and blouses and skirts. And I already freestyle rap (as a teenage pasty redhead should.)
-Julia
I would give you a standing ovation and then encourage you to crowd surf.

Claire said...

Go 80's. You of all people could pull it off. Especially with the pink hair. Be rebellious, and make yourself happy.

And, on another note, you keep apologizing for the apparent lack of coherence in some of your blogs, but honestly, Hayley, I think you have nothing to apologize for. I look forward to reading your blog every day, and that means whatever sort of blog you have the time and the generosity to write. You make me laugh and you brighten my day. Don't ever lose that. :)

I've been reading since day one, and have no intention of stopping any time soon.

-Claire

Gabby R said...

Hayley, it's kind of ridiculous how similar we our, especially in the relationship issue/love life/boy department.

Also... TEEN WITCH. I love that movie. It's so hilariously and wonderfully awful.

cassiumpotassium said...

Well, everyone has those complicated love pasts. If I started discussing mine we'd be here for a while. All of it was so... odd. However, like you said they are the past! & that's the good thing about life, everything passes. Even though that includes good things & that's less awesome.

As for the 80's thing, I think you should totally do it. It'd be some epic stuff right there. :]

cassie.

Sebastian said...

If I get away with wearing that technicolor shower curtain I call a jacket, I mean, you can rock whatever you want from whatever decade.

Tilly said...

As a rule, I don't comment on blogs because, like, pfft, you know? But just today I realised that your blog is alphabetically the last item on my Google reader list and every day I steadfastly avoid scrolling down until I've read everything at the top to build up the Christmas-morning-style excitement of what has become my favourite blog. So, like, you win or whatever. /fangirl.

Franc said...

Right under your story of past boyfriends/experiences there was an ad for Trojan condoms. I just thought that was funny since you talked about relationships. Attempt the 80s. I style the 70s as much as I can.

Scott said...

Idea! Let's all dress 80s, then take pictures of ourselves. By like landmarks if you've got any handy, or cool things in your town/city. And then send them to you, so you can collage them in a blog post or something. And in each picture, we should all have to incorporate your blog's URL somehow, that way each picture will be fun and unique.

The HGH:THC Retro-Pop Street Team!

Maybe that's an awful idea. But I'd totally do it. XD

Kaitlyn said...

I died a little inside when they said, "I'm putting on some lipstick to attract some boys."

Also...umm....I kind of dress like that sometimes. I love high-wasted skirts and big belts.

Randi said...

Okay, I figured out how to put my name at the top! Anyways.
I kind of hate to admit that I really wanted such a detailed explanation of all the boys you regularly mention throughout your blog, but never wanted to ask because it felt too voyeuristic... but then I realized, what part of reading a blog isn't voyeuristic?
Also, if I still love you after finding out you like Miley Cyrus and Demi Levato... NOTHING could ever change my mind.
Go ahead, 80's it up! Only a certain kind of personality could pull it off, and I think you are it.

Marlena said...

Are you kidding me? I would love you even more if you started wearing blue bobby socks with heels. And if you freestyle rapped out a convertible? Oh man. I'd be over the moon.

Elizabeth... said...

I think there is something I'm going to have to accept. My blog is never going to be as good as your blog.
There is something in the way you write that is especially compelling, that and I feel the need to watch Teen Witch, soon.

:)

Dan said...

We'll love you no matter what Hayley. Thank you for the history lesson. It was helpful even though I've been here a while lol.

Erin said...

Speaking of the 80's, the other day my Spanish teacher whipped out this video yearbook that someone made at my school in 1988. It was really cool to see how different, yet absolutely the same, everything was. I kind of wish I had the nerve to start dressing like it was the 80's again. Where do you even find clothing for that? I'll probably just have to stick with watching movies from the 80's instead.

Freya said...

If I were John Green I would shake the camera and say "OBSCURE BEATLES REFERENCE" and smile.

Also "He's so fuunky" had me in fits of laughter. I NEED to find this movie and watch it repeatedly so that it becomes imprinted in my brain.

Also, 80's clothing, go for it! And dont worry we'd still love you.


Ughhh I have mixed feelings about JT. As long as he stays nice and isnt an ass to you. 'cos like I said before you really dont deserve any kind of abuse. <3

VTBurninator said...

My sister and I love Teen Witch too! "You think you're so cool 'cause you went to a dance....Dream on!" lol Ah I heart thee HGH!

lvly_raindrops said...

I LOVE Teen Witch. I used to watch it on Disney channel all the time.

And you should totally wear 80s clothes. It'll be fun.

Kiera Jo said...

Thanks for the background for Hayleylujah Chorus n00bs! :)

Also, I think I REALLY need to see this whole Teen Witch movie now...it's too priceless.

I think you should go 80s. It would only make me think you were more awesome. XD

Natalie said...

We'd love you more if you started wearing blue bobby socks with heels.
Something your blog reminded me of is that today at the lunch table I was sat with all my friends and ended up laughing, apple juice squirting out of my nose... all over the shirt of my 'Andrew-ish' boy.
God, I love life.

Maddy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Maddy said...

I'd say you should totally go for the 80's look. I'd still read your blog and watch your videos if you did, and from the looks of it, all the other commenters thus far seem to be in agreement.

By the way, I'd definatley give you a standing ovation if you freestyle rapped out of a convertible, haha.

Jo said...

Hayley, You would totally rock those outfits! Bring back the 80s, Please! :)

VicMorrowsGhost said...

My love for you will still be strong, after the smores of summer have gone.*

*I hope you know the song or this is just going to look odd.

Rachel said...

You would look awesome in 80's clothes. You should start a movement. All of your blog readers and youtube subscribers can go 80's! And we can sing songs from musicals! We'll make the evening news!

Much Love, Rachel [=

Ala said...

Your blog makes me want a chipotle burrito. It's so much better than Qdoba.

barefootfiona said...

I often feel like I totally missed out on the whole teenager experience. I've never had a boyfriend, and the only 'romantic' feelings I ever had for anybody ended up annihilating my self-esteem. I never took part in any school activities, because there were none, bar netball and hockey. No musicals. No battle of the bands. I've also never had a best friend, and I have no life.

I'm so hoping University will change all that, but in the meantime I love reading all your blogs - they are the salt and pepper on the omelette on my life.

Umm... that's a good thing wrapped in a weird metaphor.

What I'm trying to say that even though it may seem that this is just a simple case of the grass is always greener, I HAVE NO GRASS. I live on a field made of dry, barren soil. It's not so much a case of "your grass looks nice and fertile. I want my cows to graze on grass like yours", as "oooh, you have grass! I wish I had grass."

Ok, now I just sound like a pothead. :D xx

Rachel said...

I just realized that your relationship with Justin Timberlake is kinda similar to Dr. Cox and Jordan's. You both love each other, but occasionally enjoy torturing the other person. That probably won't clarify anything, though.

89ravenclaw said...

I think you are determined to have your life resemble a young adult novel. Well, guess what Hoover? Your age and non-high schoolness is about t place you in a different genre.

Anonymous said...

JT sounds more like Mr. Big.

joy isobel said...

I definitely vote that you wear extreme'80s clothes for the next couple of weeks and check out people's reactions. PRICELESS.

Also, your love life IS complicated, so even though I hate the "It's complicated" option on Facebook, I forgive you ;)

Anonymous said...

ooooo sebastian. sounds cute =]
did i ever say i absolutely love this blog??

sophie said...

Well, this Sebastian sounds nice, but I dated a boy named Sebastian once, and it did not end well.

But names aren't really that important.

and PLEASE WEAR 80's CLOTHES AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE!

Anonymous said...

Why are you and Justin Timberlake off again if you guys like each other? (it's so funny to ask you this question because I keep picturing the actual Justin Timberlake in my mind).

It is clear that I'm not very clever to understand romantic situations.

Oh, I remember you said in your video that s'mores don't exist in every country. Which is very sad. So, I decided to do it with my friend and wow, it's delicious. THANK YOU!

Christy said...

I would give you a standing ovation for a freestyle rap. Even if it was completely horrible and didn't rhyme. That's the sort of thing that we blog commenters have to do. SUPPORT THE BLOGGER. 80s is awesome. Sad I missed that era.

Niamh said...

Hayley, of course you can wear blue socks with heels! Wasn't that Cassie from "Skins" character point? I mean, apart from obviously eating disorders = bad.

:D
xxx

CRUNKRacoon said...

I move that Hayley wear 80's clothes on her next video (whenever that may be) and dedicate it to her faithful blog readers! Who seconds that motion!

=D

Nazrine said...

Wow, that's some history. I'm really sorry about JT; I've never been in love so I doubt I can even begin to imagine what you went through, but *hugs*

Except I do understand the possessive guy thing. I have a guy like that whom I used to have this massive crush on and I'd get violently jealous over seeing him with someone else. I don't like him anymore, but I still get the residual pangs from time to time.

Elrich89 said...

Hayley, fogive me, but try as I might, I am unable to make head nor tail of the last paragraph.

What is it about?! What is this language??

I shall now make a third attempt to decipher it. Wish me luck.

Elrich89 said...

I have tried. I have given up. I have failed.

Brianna said...

Oh boy! I can't wait for you to go to college and meet new college boys. There will be either way too much boy drama to handle or you'll find guys who are actually nice.

When I was in high school I wasn't sure if I wanted to go to college so my councilor told me, "Where else are you going to find thousands of boys who actually want to do something with their lives?"

Valerie said...

Haha. Your history confirmed everything I had pieced together over time. As for me, the one boyfriend I've had falls in line with Ringo. My love life needs spice.

I've always laughed at people who have "It's Complicated" relationship statuses. You are no exception.

My friends and I are dressing 70s a lot this summer. Today, we even had a brunch themed 70s. Well, the food wasn't really 70s, but we all dressed like it and it was awesome. We're braiding our hair, wearing bandanas how they did, and we will have a tie-dye party. We just ignore the weird looks. So I say got ahead and dress 80s. Who cares? You've already got crazy pink hair! Keep the wild appearance going.

Al said...

Good luck with being friends with the ex. That's always tough.

toastburntbread said...

PLEASE BRING BACK THE EIGHTIES.
I was quite obsessed with it in grade eight, and I tried to bring it back on my own, but it didn't really pan out.
I think you should do it, then it would work out and everything would be fabulous!
hooray!
( I like the sounds of JT, when he isn't being a prick boyfriend. He sounds like a cool and good guy at heart.)

the apple that astonished paris said...

sebastian = best name ever. i am already attracted to him for you. doooo it. ;D

Keira said...

haha! "while supplies last" ;)

Anonymous said...

My love life, a history:

well, that's all.

Larangutang said...

Oh yes, love lives are amazing...no, that's definitley a lie. And I'm sure all of us that read your blog would give you a standing ovation, that's a pretty good crowd :P

Beth said...

The only people who want to bring back the 80s are those who didn't live through them the first time. Trust me, they weren't that great (with the exception of movies and music).

Ellie said...

you remind me of an extremely cool lucy camden.

mikxel said...

I'm being the kind of annoying person I hate... but... I think "Save the applique denim vest at the beginning, I REALLY LIKE THESE CLOTHES"... is supposed to be... "Save *for* the applique denim vest at the beginning, I REALLY LIKE THESE CLOTHES"

Because I think you mean: everything except the vest.

But I might be wrong. I don't have any grammar reference around. But seriously, I like the blog!