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Friday, August 6, 2010

Boring.

Oh. Hey guys. Is it that part of the day again? The blogging part? Already? But I... I'm wearing pajamas, watching Love Actually, and trying not to fall asleep before 10:30. How am I supposed to be entertaining when my eyelids can't even stay up? You know what, do me a favor-- instead of being disappointed in me, just take a breather and go watch old communitychannel videos. If you've never seen them before, they'll make your day. And if you have them memorized like I do, they'll still make your day. So go! Have your day made! I shall sleep.

Today, I saw:
Ben & Jerry's Half-Baked frozen yogurt! Like the ice cream! But low fat!
Today, I heard: that Rush Limbaugh supports the idea of another civil war. Today, I thought: that Rush Limbaugh is an obnoxious idiot.
Today, I smelled: new leather at a shoe store.
Today, I touched: Liam Neeson. In my brain.
Today, I tasted: some awesome Italian pasta dish that I had to ask The Situation how to pronounce.

I suck today, and I apologize. I hope you all have a lovely Saturday, and I'll see you tomorrow. :)

Chipotle burritos this year: 22
Subscribers: 32,353
Nail color: "Rogue Vogue," Maybelline (discontinued)

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Multiple tasks!

Nobody's ever considered me much of a multi-tasker-- I'm one of those people who's always attempting to read a book while walking down a crowded hallway, only to inevitably fall on her face or crash into someone's backpack. However, I'll have you know that I currently have a tray of cookies in the oven, another sheet loaded and ready to go, and my fiveawesomegirls video exporting. I'm also, like, writing a blog and being a badass. So that's pretty much five things at once.

Surprise! Your comments on yesterday's post made my day, just like always. The general consensus seems to be that none of you understand the appeal of cars (ditto) or makeup (same here), and that most of you who DO understand clothes still don't really bother put any effort into them. It's comforting to know that I'm in good company, then.* I think our collective Style is "Awesome Nerdy Internet Person." And I hear that's in vogue. Anyway, on to the sensing!

Today, I saw: this webcomic, which I found just infinitely funnier than it actually is.
Today, I heard: some drunk guy in the backseat of his friend's SUV get into a fight with a FedEx truck driver during stopped highway traffic. Next, a car full of seventeen-year-olds next to me rolled down their window and informed me that, "Ma'am, I like your ponytail. It is exquisite."
Today, I touched: balls of gooey, lumpy cookie dough.
Today, I smelled: fresh tomatoes from my dad's garden.
Today, I tasted: whole wheat flatbread. Yum!

Lastly, and totally leastly, I have to make a quick retraction... in yesterday's post, I made a joke about pulling weeds, and referred to "the exciting smoking kind," meant to funny, because I am obviously not the toking type. My mother, however, did not find it amusing, and insists that I inform you all that I do not smoke pot. So. I do not smoke pot. Kbye!

Chipotle burritos this year: 22
Subscribers: 32,300
Nail color: "Rogue Vogue," Maybelline (discontinued)

*Except for you psychos who said you don't enjoy eating. I still love you, of course, and I'm willing to look past this... but it was painful to read, guys. It really was.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

I don't care about clothes.

I'm not much of a girly-girl. I mean, I paint my nails once a week, I bake a considerable amount of cookies, and on rare occasions, I'll spontaneously cry about things like Jane Austen novels and chocolate... but I also don't understand how to effectively use a blowdryer, I've worn the same green tennis shoes for several years, and I'd like to personally punch all the characters on One Tree Hill and Grey's Anatomy in their faces. I think ultra-feminine women are nice, but I don't usually relate to them much.

So I was flipping through the channels this morning, and when I paused to shove a handful of processed food into my gaping esophagus*, I came across some typical fashion TV show. The type where British people tell frumpy women with short haircuts that it's their duty to spend more money on clothes so that their husbands will stop cheating on them, and then all the commercials are for diet pills and Vagisil, and etc. You know what I'm talking about. So a few minutes in (before the women were publicly humiliated and reduced to tears, ALL IN GOOD FUN!), the host interviewed a couple of snobby-looking women in scarves about "their personal styles." They gave generic answers that I've read in magazines a million times, like grunge and chic and bohemian, which I expected. And yet, for the first time, I found this surprisingly... fascinating. Not fascinating in the I-want-to-go-buy-a-burlap-dress kind of way, but fascinating in the I-wonder-what-it-would-be-like-to-have-a-style sort of way. Then my mind started wandering to places like, What do my clothes have in common?

Well, they have in common the fact that they're hand-me-downs from my sisters, they have in common that they're unremarkable, and they have in common that I really do not give a shit at all. But I guess I do wear a lot of knee-length skirts, a lot of solid t-shirts, a lot of cardigans. So what does that make my Style? "Middle-aged?" "English Teacher?" "Meg Ryan Movie?" I contemplated the nature of my Style for the length of one advertisement about GETTING! THIN! FAST!, and then I remembered that I absolutely don't care.

Anyway, I really do not know why I'm choosing to tell you all this. I didn't reach any grand conclusion about myself or about life, and I just ended up switching the channel to some other dribble and wasting away into American food culture, one microwavable snack at a time. I think my point in talking about this is to say that it's cool how some people can see jeans as an art form, and others could not care less. There's nothing vapid or stupid about loving clothes, but the height of my interest in clothing came and went today, all in about four minutes. Why is that? What's something that other people get excited about that you just don't understand? I'm curious if there's anyone out there who's like, "Yeah, I get the appeal of food, but it's just not my thing."

I don't know. Maybe none of this makes sense. Maybe I'm tired and rambling and need to learn when to stop. Maybe I need to tell you what I sensed today so I can go to bed.

Today, I saw: this hysterical Tumblr blog, which had me laughing out loud for half an hour.
Today, I heard: another iJustine parody song, as I smiled sweetly in an attempt to ease the pain. I'm sorry. She's cute, and it makes me happy when she gets exciting opportunities, but it's kind of sad that this will forever have more views than something like this.
Today, I smelled: homemade blackberry cobbler baking, compliments of my mom.
Today, I touched: weeds, weeds, weeds. And not the exciting smoking kind. The dirty kind that Dad asks you to help pull out of the ground all afternoon in 100% humidity.
Today, I tasted: fresh strawberries. Like heavennnn.

Okay, on that note, my dog is looking at me like "Yo, why are you typing when we could be cuddling?" Don't forget to comment with the things you sensed today, if you feel like it, and I hope you enjoy your Thursday! I'll see you tomorrow in video form on fiveawesomegirls, and in blog form later on. Goodnight!

Chipotle burritos this year: 22
Subscribers: 32,231
Nail color: "Rogue Vogue," Maybelline (discontinued)

*I thought you'd also like to know that I had my plate of food (pizza rolls, of course, made with "natural and artificial flavors") balanced on my stomach, and that when I leaned back, the position provided me with several extra and unflattering chins. Just to, like, drive the whole "NOT A GIRLY-GIRL" point home.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Dancing dirtily! (No.)

Unfortunately, another short post this evening. As much as I love embarrassing myself and propelling my most intimate of thoughts into cyberspace on a regular basis, tonight I have a lot on my mind, and I'm not quite ready to put it all into words yet. Don't worry-- there's nothing really wrong, and I'm happy and healthy and safe. I'm just getting ready to face some challenging (but still mostly fun) life changes, and I'm a little bit emotionally stressed. But those are stories for another night. For now, let's reflect on the day's events, shall we?

Today, I saw: my dog shake like she was being held at gunpoint or something. She had to go to the vet, and you'd think from her squeals that I was taking her to a gas chamber. Poor little girl.
Today, I heard: all kinds of hilarious "wisdom" from the mind of John Green, via skype.
Today, I smelled: rain. It was really very relaxing and beautiful.
Today, I touched: warm water flowing between my fingers in the bathtub, where I lounged for part of the evening, savoring the alone time.
Today, I tasted: Morning Star vegetarian buffalo wings. They're basically like spicy, fake chicken nuggets. Recommended.

What did you sense today? I've had such a blast reading your comments so far this month. I have such a creative and fun-loving group of readers that it makes me want to, like, dance. But not like this.* Anyway, I hope you all have a nice Wednesday, and I'll be seeing you tomorrow!

Chipotle burritos this year: 22
Subscribers: 32,173
Nail color: "Rogue Vogue," Maybelline (discontinued)

*However, I will admit that 2:19 is probably my favorite moment in American film history. TRUMPET! STAGE-DIVE! PIROUETTE! "HETEROSEXUAL MASCULINITY!"

Monday, August 2, 2010

A little bit of GRRR! but also some mint tea.

Sometimes YouTube is a beautiful place full of laughter and opportunity and kittens and communitychannel and other things that are good. Other times, YouTube has TERRIBLE ideas such as this new irreversible autoplay system that makes it nearly impossible to leave a comment and causes me to growl like a lion. You hear that, YouTube? Yeah, I'm talking to you. You've officially made it such an aggravating task to view my subscriptions that I've just spent the last hour halfheartedly watching old clips of Dave Chappelle. YOUTUBE, I DON'T EVEN LIKE DAVE CHAPPELLE. I wish I knew how to quit you.

Oh. Hello there, readers. I'm sorry you had to witness that. Just know that sometimes bloggers and websites fight, but it doesn't mean they don't love each other anymore. Let's change the subject.

My little "List the Things You Sensed Today" game ended up being more interesting than I'd planned; it was a pleasure to read your comments this morning. Apparently my food obsession goes beyond my inability to stop eating and my compulsive desire to look at photographs of cupcakes on Tumblr, because the descriptions of things you guys tasted yesterday had my mouth watering. Allison's stale iced brownie sounds pretty good to me. And I really avoid caffeine, but Pip's description of tasting "strong black coffee" with "the familiar scent of newsprint of [her] fingers after reading the Sunday New York Times" sort of made me want to try some. Also, commenter Katie smelled "midnight. Mixed with chlorine," and whatever that means, it sounds beautiful to me. You guys make words do pretty things.

On that note, I'll leave you with my Daily Senses. As per commenter Tom's request, I will also be writing a lot of normal-style blogs this month, and not always focusing on the smelling and the touching and the whatnot. I think it's kind of a fun edition, though. ANYWAY, HERE.

Today, I saw: This, posted anonymously. I stared at if for a good five minutes straight, feeling grateful that I was able to, indirectly, affect a human's overall happiness... and also this sort of bitter sadness.
Today, I heard: the dulcet tones of a past-his-prime comedian's vaguely sexist humor, simply because Related Videos were available and I was curious.
Today, I touched: a painful splinter. I spent the afternoon pulling up weeds in the garden for my dad, and while I didn't mind helping out, the side of my thumb now hurts whenever I press my spacebar too hard.
Today, I smelled: iced tea that my mom brewed, using fresh mint from our backyard.
Today, I tasted: my favorite dark chocolate, which comes in the most beautiful packaging and basically fills my entire mouth with a fraulein-maria-running-through-the-hills-singing kind of joy.

Once again, feel free to participate in my new August tradition by commenting with the things you sensed today. Similar to "Why is today awesome?" I think this will be a good way to take a little moratorium every evening in order to reflect on the parts that make each day special. I hope you all have a lovely Tuesday, and I'll see you tomorrow night. :)

Chipotle burritos this year: 22
Subscribers: 32,097
Nail color: "Rogue Vogue," Maybelline (Discontinued) (Also, all over the sides of my fingers. I did a laughably bad job today.)


P.S. I hid that awesome robot link without discussing it because I figured it would be a special treat for the few of you who trusted me enough to not assume it was a Rickroll.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Sense-sation! (Er...)

Hello, lovelies! It's ten o'clock in the evening, it's the first day of August, and it's blogging time. Yes, despite Maureen Johnson's inability to follow through with her old plan of updating her blog every day this month, I'm keeping the spirit of BEDA alive. For the next thirty-one days, you will be seeing a lot of me, whether you like it or not.*

However, because Blog Every Day in April proved to be more difficult than I'd originally anticipated (remember my uninspired crayon drawings?), I've decided to set a few more guidelines this month. Each day, I will present to you something noteworthy that I experienced with each of my senses. Cool? Cool.

Today, I saw: that I weigh less than what my driver's license thinks I do. Meaning I am thinner now than I was as a sixteen-year-old cross-country runner.
Today, I heard: this song for the first time in many years.
Today, I touched: the gooey elasticity of nasty dog saliva, because we were babysitting my brother's slobbery puppy, who, despite her adorableness, likes to lick the backs of my legs.
Today, I smelled: the ripening stench of fresh puppy vomit in my mom's car. Delightful!
Today, I tasted: a kebab with grilled tomatoes, onions, and bell peppers. Mmm!

Oh! I just had an idea. What if we make the senses thing a group activity? If you'd like, leave a comment with things you saw, heard, touched, smelled and tasted today. I don't know if this will actually be fun at all, but maybe we'll surprise ourselves.

On that note, I'm gonna go take a bath. I'll be back sometime tomorrow for more sensing, and (hopefully) less sucking. <3

Chipotle burritos this year: 22
Subscribers: 32,026
Nail color: "Go on Green," OPI

*I realize that, should you not want to see me, it's pretty darn easy to unfollow a blog. I just wanted to sound like I had control over something.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Barnes & Noble Blogging

Yeah, yeah. Long time, no blog. I know. But let's spare ourselves thirty seconds: I won't write a long paragraph apologizing and making excuses, and you won't have to read one. Instead, let's all take a deep breath (are you doing it? Breathe!), exhale slowly, and exchange a virtual hug. The past four weeks have been a refreshing break for my fingers, but it's good to be back. I've missed you. You look nice today.

I'm currently at Barnes & Noble, enjoying the complimentary wifi and an armchair that was clearly intended for America's ever-growing asses, as I feel like I'm being engulfed in green canvas. I'm comfortable, though, and this slightly ethnic Muzak is somehow making me feel intellectual, even though I just got done reading an American Girl publication that suggested I make crafts out of tissue boxes. An elderly man with one of those phlegmy voices that seems to require a lot of effort is sitting adjacent to me, reading a novel with large print. I just tilted my head as surreptitiously as possible to try and see the title, but the two of us ended up exchanging awkward eye contact. So now I'm blushing and you're going to have to carry on with your life, never knowing what the old guy at Barnes & Noble is reading. I'm sorry I failed you.*

Anyway, I'm not just here to stalk geriatrics and learn about the many uses for old mason jars (a homemade bank! a pencil organizer! a flower pot!). For about a week, I've been devising plans for a new writing project, and since this is my first night I've had free, I decided to isolate myself in an inspiring environment** where I had no other option but to research and brainstorm. My wrist is now sufficiently covered in black ink, I'm riding on a high of the omg-I'm-good-at-something-yesss variety, and I've probably managed to creep out all the mothers in the children's section with my constant hovering and blurb-reading. But judgments aside, tonight has been quite successful. It feels good to be excited about something again.

On an unrelated note, but while we're on the subject of excitement, I've had a handful of noteworthy experiences in the last month. Every summer, I work as a camp counselor for local kids from the foster care system. For a week I live off s'mores and disgusting bile-blue fruit punch, kill spiders, have my life changed by eleven-year-old girls, and usually end up mopping urine at least once. This was my fourth year working for the camp, but it was much more trying and difficult than the first couple... I know I'll be going back next July, but I may have to accept being involved slightly less for the next time. Nevertheless, I learned a lot, and I don't regret stretching myself to that extent. At its toughest point, camp is at least worth the feeling of relief and joy that accompanies going home afterwards.

Since we last spoke, I also had the opportunity to meet a long-time Internet friend of mine, Adam (of whataboutadam fame on youtube), as well as two other youtubers I've watched and liked, Paige (hopeonatenspeed) and Travis (whattravissays). Adam and Paige have been roadtripping through the country all month, and went out of their way to stay at my house for two days, and Travis made a short pilgrimage from his hometown in another part of Ohio. We ate corn, we gossiped about the intricate dramas of internet life, we made stupid jokes. It was pleasant and fun, and for those of you interested, there may or may not be footage of a cute Irish guy in my fiveawesomegirls video this week!

Let's see... I also saw Inception, which blew my mind in a million good ways, and Ramona and Beezus, which SHOCKINGLY did not disappoint or anger me. I consider myself a connoisseur of Beverly Cleary's books, so I went into the theater expecting to complain left and right, but it was actually a very accurate and fun interpretation of the series. I saw it with my mom, who introduced the books to me when I was a kid, and we both embarrassed ourselves by crying through the entire thing. So. See those movies.

On that note, it's just about ten o'clock, so I'm about to be kicked out of the bookstore. A lady with glasses and an employee lanyard is giving me the fisheye. I apologize for the disjointedness of this post. I know I frequently end blog entries with half-hearted "I WILL BLOG MORE OFTEN" promises that are left unkept, so once again, I'll spare you. However, I think I can let you in on a little secret.

You know how Maureen Johnson is doing Blog Every Day in August? Well... winkwinkwink.

Chipotle burritos this year: 22
Subscribers: 31,508
Nail color: "Go on Green," OPI

P.S. The Barnes & Noble lady literally just walked over to me and made a finger-snap/point gesture which I have chosen to read as "Ugh, seriously, LEAVE already."

*So how desperately did you always want to be Harriet the Spy? Me too.
**There's an enormous display of Twilight paraphernalia within eyeshot, inspiring me by serving as a constant reminder that anything can be published.