It was during last night's four-hour BlogTV show (what? What were YOU doing on your Friday night that qualifies you to judge me, Blog Reader?) that I, surprisingly, came to a conclusion.
If I had the ability to travel back in time and talk to my eighth grade self, I would positively hate myself.* Fourteen-Year-Old Hayley wouldn't understand the ironic significance of Current Hayley's acceptance of Disney Channel culture, nor would she be able to tolerate Current Hayley's ditzy nail polish obsession. And if Fourteen-Year-Old Hayley were to see Current Hayley's tweets, she'd think, first, What is a tweet? and second, Your positivity and I-love-the-worldness makes me want to puke.
I'm not going to be so pretentious as to say my newfound optimism is a product of maturity, because I'm currently sporting a side-ponytail and there's a poster of prepubescent Dan Radcliffe on my wall. But whether this cheerfulness is a product of having grown up... or just due to circumstances... I'm happy. Much to the chagrin of the fourteen-year-old inside of me, I thoroughly believe that people are primarily good. I've lost the majority of the cynicism that used to make me feel holier-than-thou, but I think I'm probably better off now, with my sunny disposition and my Miley Cyrus and my nauseatingly effervescent blogs.
Anyway, this has been one extremely long-winded way to make a simple statement: My friends and family are spectacular.
It's not that I often forget this fact, but there are times when I'm so consumed with love for them that I need to puke my soul all over the internet, for the whole world to see. The kindness and character and depth of the people who love me is ridiculous. I'm so grateful and so freaking lucky. The end.
Sexy: Elizabethtown. I'm watching it with my roommates right now, and I am, once again, astounded by how much it touches me. Without a doubt, my favorite movie of all time. (Unrelated note: My friend Heather has officially moved in with Erin, who lives two doors down, so I have three roommates far more often than I have one. Just for future reference.)
Unsexy: Distance, when it's keeping you from important people.
Chipotle burritos this year: 1
Subscribers: 23,555
Nail color: "You Don't Know Jacques," OPI
*Or I'd tackle myself. Don't even act like that situation wouldn't be terrifying. I'd also probably demand that the older version of myself take me to Hogwarts, because-- let's be honest-- if time travel exists and Hogwarts doesn't, the universe doesn't have its priorities in order.
55 comments:
I've still never seen Elizabethtown. I suppose I should get on that, then?
And I appreciate the compliments, love, but none of those were the pimp you promised. Bah humbug!
<3333
I don't really remember what my fourteen-year-old-self was like... But from rereading my old journals, I know I couldn't spell worth crap... & that's enough to warrant my current seventeen-year-old-self's annoyance. xD
I probably wouldn't like my old self very much, though. But I'd tell her to grin & bear it & not ask to be home schooled cause staying home 24/7 gets pretteh boring after awhile... >.>
Anyway. Yes. Love & positivity. Nerdfighteria tends to make you see these things & the human race... This is why I have a tattoo of a peaceheart on the back of my neck. =]
((Ok, not really, I just wanted a tattoo of a peaceheart on the back of my neck... But it's a good excuse, right?))
YOU NEED SOME CHIPOTLE GURRRRRL.
Hmm.
Similar transition with me. Accept instead of learning to love everyone, I just stopped caring.
And I still think Elizabethtown sucked. I saw it once in theaters and just thought it was...bleh. You must explain that to one day.
It's kind of sad that for the last too posts when you said you were wearing a dark grayish OPI brown I knew it was You Don't Know Jacques. I don't even own that color. I have just apparently memorized all of them.
Honestly, whenever you talk about your nail polish obsession it warms my heart to know I'm not the only one.
If I went back to my fourteen-year-old-self.... I would probably hate my current self for my happiness too. I was so emo, it's insane. :P
I'm glad about whatever it is that made you so happy! Happiness is a good thing.
I am having a weird nail polish obsession at the moment too - crimson red with a layer of sparkles today! Yesterday bright blue... haha
My 14 yr old self would think I was weird too (and that was a decade ago... fuckstain...)
Love the blog!
Sarah (New Zealand)
Do you ever think about how your 14-year-old (or 12, 11, etc) self would look at your current self if she just saw you walking down the street? I feel like I think about that far too often, and for some reason, I care a lot about what 14-year-old me would think of current-day me. It kind of makes my brain hurt if I think about it too hard. I'm glad you're happy though, it's what's important (: I'd say that I'm pretty happy too, if we're comparing past and present. It feels nice, doesn't it?
"It was during last night's four-hour BlogTV show..."
At what point, I wonder, did this revelation occur? Sometime between the "See who can guess which Wrock/Rent/Neil Cicierega song is playing" game and you singing the RFR theme song (which I must take credit for, since I started typing the lyrics :) )?
The only conclusion I came to during that whole show was that I am a loser for a) watching this on a friday night, and b) enjoying it so thoroughly.
Also, best story ever: You were talking about how you wanted to name your kid something that starts with V, and you said there are no good V names, and I said, "Veronica," and you said, "Veronica's okay." My best friend is named Veronica, and she's like semi-aware of youtube stuff 'cause she likes John Green, so she knows who you are. So I was talking to her last night and I mentioned that I'd watched your live show earlier, and she said "Hayley G. Hoover is the best name ever." Those EXACT words. O, the bitter irony.
I often think about that. I would definitely go back in time and tell myself a few things. I would be like the annoying ghost that only my past self could see and I would have all of this future knowledge. And I totally agree with the Hogwarts thing. There had better be a real life Hogwarts. It had better be full size and it had better be in freaking Scotland.
Hayley, I'm disappointed in your Chipotle consumption. I've had like, 5.
And what a coincidence! I've recently realized my happiness and we're wearing the same nail polish.
My 14 year old self wouldn't believe me if I told her about anything in my life today. She'd need some serious convincing.
I've never seen Elizabethtown. Probably should, huh?
We need to talk soon. <3
I think I remember you saying that you prefer writing from a younger teen/tween perspective. Out of interest, are these characters loosely based on the fourteen year old Hayley's thoughts and feelings, do you infuse your current happiness into them, or are these things entirely unrelated?
I know you don't usually answer questions from the comments, but I'm honestly curious(and glad that you're happy)!
Oh, also, a good name starting with V is Violet. Not sure whether you covered that on Blogtv, but it's a personal favourite of mine :)
Dude, there are def some aspects of tween culture I have an utterly unironic love for. I just can't help how awesome I am.
"I'd also probably demand that the older version of myself take me to Hogwarts, because-- let's be honest-- if time travel exists and Hogwarts doesn't, the universe doesn't have its priorities in order."
Agreed.
I love looking back at my odl self with affection and a big dollop of amusement. She went in one year from practicalyl being a horse-queen riding on the plains of Rohan, to a thick-eyeliner, black hair punk fanatic. Now, I finally realise I can love both equally. Also, I bought a dress yesterday with flowers on it. I think my 13-year-old self would cry with shame.
It was fun being at the blogTV show even though the last half hour I watched was spent with barely one eye open. Oh, sleep, what control you have over me.
I'm not a big fan of Elizabethtown, it's descent, but didn't really touch me at all. I'll have to watch it again. And I have never in my life worn nail polish. Isn't this awkward...
Favorite movie of all time: Stardust, and that'll probably never change.
Elizabethtown (like the city that it takes place in) is like, an hour away from me. (: My sister actually auditioned to be an extra, but she like got there too late or something. And yet, I still haven't seen it. Guess I should. (:
I kind of hate Elizabethtown. But if you like that film you might like Garden State. Garden State is one of those films that leaves you feeling amazing even after it's been finished a while. Love it x
If I could talk to my fourteen year old self, I would tell her to work more at school, because it will seriously matter one day, and that one day is sooner than you think. I would tell her not to take Graphic Arts Tech or Research Writing, and to try and test out of American History. Take more French instead. And that her boyfriend is a really great guy, but she won't realize that for another year, after they've broken up.
Gee, school is kind of posessing current me's thoughts right now, isn't it?
I read over this post like four times, Hayley. You've got me thinking about how lucky I am and how happy I am for the both of us and all these other warm fuzzy feelings that are just really great to dwell on.
Thank you for sharing the positivity.
I've never seen Elizabethtown. It's actually good? Huh. I'll take your word for it.
Great post.
so i'm in middle school and a a free period we wanted to have a book club so i suggested paper towns. you know what they said. that book sounds weird we are not going to read that. i feel so alone in my obsession with youtube sometimes but then i remember all the people on youtube.
Sexy: Hayley in pigtails, headbanging to copyrighted music.
I LOVE Elizabethtown! It's my second favorite movie, after only Beauty and the Beast. I downloaded the soundtrack on iTunes, and the first road trip I take, it's going to be the first thing I listen to. :)
I'm glad you're so happy. :)
And I certainly won't judge your four-hour-BlogTV-ing, partly because I spent my Friday night re-watching Battlestar Galactica webisodes. For realz.
Yay! Other people like Elizabethtown! I've heard far too many people say it was a crappy movie and I can't explain how I'm NOT a Kirsten Dunst fan and I think Orlando Bloom is good-looking, yeah, but that's not why I like it. I just like it. <33
My fourteen-year-old self hat the biggest crush in the world on a guy who had no interest in me XD. I also refused to wear anything but dresses just to be different. I can safely say I was also obnoxiously holier-than-thou...I sure hope that's changed, anyway.
I'm 25 & still think, regularly, about what my 14-year-old self would think of me. I think I'd be pleasantly surprised but a little dissapointed that I haven't done better for myself yet. I still don't feel like a "real adult"!
Um, get on those Chipotle burritos. It's halfway through January!
I loved 14-year-old you's blogs, and I love the current you's blogs. Win.
-Queen Lucy
I write this after a sleepless nights full of vodka shots, but nonetheless. Forgive me for bad spelling.
My fourteen year old self was...well sort of repulsive. I had no personality, no best friends, and the entire prospect of middle school was drowning me. I wore the most hideous BRIGHT ORANGE fluffy sweater and would smear on eyeliner in the school bathrooms only to take it off before the last bell so that my mother wouldn't find out.
My 14 year old self was nothing like me, but I've still got a long way to go until I find some sort of self-gratification. Maybe by next fall. Only time can tell.
I loved this post. :)
Haha, since I'm 14, now I wonder what kind of person I'll be like when I'm your age and whether I'd hate it or not. XD
:)
If there was one thing I got out of your BlogTV show, and was now reminded of, it's that you like Elizabethtown.
That's all that I have to say.
Have a great day Hayley! :-)
My 14 year old self would probably be pretty proud of me. Sure, she would not understand some of the things about me, like why I am in school to become a teacher, but she would be happy that I have not compromised my values. I have not tried to fit into a mold that is not me. I have remained true to myself and my beliefs.
Is it just me, or is that Your hand on amazon selling Your bottle of nail polish?
I'm afraid that happiness and positivity, though all well and good, makes for dull reading.
"...if time travel exists and Hogwarts doesn't, the universe doesn't have its priorities in order."
AMEN! Haha, awesome blog. I agree with all of it. But most notably the Hogwarts/Time Travel note. :)
Ohhai, Hayley! I was so excited to see that you're blogging again. I'm happy that you're in a happy place right now. The worst thing with me, I gotta say, is that everything is going so well in my life that I COULD be in that happy place as well, except that I have so much freaking homework that it's physically impossible to just be happy, cause I'm always stressed.
Not that you really want to hear about my life. xD
So yes. College sounds spectacular. I'm 15 right now, and I gotta say if I met my 13 year old self, I would hate her.
DFTBA
-alex
I get how you're feeling... Like, the whole being happy thing and your 14-year-old self being confused/repulsed lol
I was a miserable little brat for all of middle school because I didn't want to grow up and thought all my classmates who started wearing make-up and getting cell phones and "dating" were empty-headed fools.
I refused to succumb to becoming a "typical teenager," i. e. the holier-than-thou schtick is familiar territory. And in my resistance to grow up I kind of screwed myself over. After a while I wasn't letting myself have fun and enjoy being a teenager because I was so *against* being a teenager. And by spring of sophomore year, I'd had enough, so I changed my attitude and now I'm a heck of a lot happier : )
I'm still someone my 14-year-old self can be proud of, but I also feel better about myself, and I feel like I'm being more honest with myself. And those are very, very good things!
missed another HGH BlogTV?!? grumble grumble grumble....my day just got NOTsome...
Amiable post and this fill someone in on helped me alot in my college assignement. Thank you as your information.
Not only would I hate my eight grade self, I would probably hate myself now. Sometimes I feel like if I was a separate person, I wouldn't be friends with myself. Hmm...I like to think that's not the case but unfortunately, I think it is.
P.S. I LOVE that OPI nail colour! Its one of those not-really-one-colour colours. dark grayish brown but looks purple in certain lighting?
I lived in the past once.....
wow, just a few seconds ago.
Sheesh, not that funny, huh?
Crap, I'm out of practice.
See ya Hayley
aka (traderbob11)
Friday night, I spent 5 1/2 hours at my school's homecoming coronation and 2 basketball games, leading into a 3x overtime. This lasted till 11:00P.M.
I was there for the entire BlogTV show. And I am not ashamed.
And then I went and talked with Rohan and PJ on THEIR BlogTV channels until 4am.
Insane? Yes.
Hilariously fun? Absolutely.
I like to think I'd get along with early teen self. Tbh though, I've never really thought about it. There's probably a greater chance that now-me wouldn't like teen-me, rather than the other way around, actually.
I sometimes wonder about going even further back and seeing myself as a five or six year old. What would I have thought of myself then? Would I have been one of those scary, untouchable grown ups? It's so mind boggling to think of that little girl who wore overalls and flowery leggings and liked to draw and eat playdough and play outside and fought with her sister a lot and to realise that that's actually me.
Hayley, your cheerfulness is not nauseating, it's addictive. :)
I'm glad that you're happy, Hayley! I can't wait to start uni (you actually influenced my decision for which uni to apply to because after I saw how much fun you were having I really wanted to go to a campus university and there's only one of them in Scotland).
It was nice seeing you at PJ's live show!
Lizzie
did you know that the character that kirsten dunst plays in elizabethtown is supposed to be a manic pixie dream girl? i never watched the whole movie, so i don't know if this is true. it was just one of the things that came up when i was looking for the definition of the term..
AMEN about Hogwarts and the universe's priorities!!
" I've lost the majority of the cynicism that used to make me feel holier-than-thou -"
That is the greatest description of a 14 year old girl.
"I'm hard to remember, but impossible to forget." I get very disappointed when I say this and people don't know what I'm talking about. *sigh* I love that movie.
Just be happy with your current self! I've always been of the opinion that if a girl is going to paint her nails, she should keep them fresh and pretty and not allow them to get gross and chipped. So that's not ditzy, that's just a good habit.
excuse me, eating peanut butter is unsexy? I am never offended, but that statement is down right preposterous.
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