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Monday, January 18, 2010

The Situation

Firstly, I'd like to thank Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Without him, the hill between my dorm and my sister's house would not be able to smell so strongly of marijuana on this fine holiday from classes.

Today, Roomie and I celebrated civil rights by rearranging our furniture. This adventure required the strength of our friends Johnny and James, as well as the lazy commentary of Heather, Erin and Katie. We had to shove the majority of our school friends into our tissue box-sized dorm to do it, but now Roomie's bed is lofted, my bookshelf is next to my bed, and we've accomplished a hell of a lot more than we did on Stay in Bed All Day Sunday.

In other news, as I was hiking up the hill whose aroma suggests it was the site of some kind of weed bonfire last night, I decided what to call the person I blogged about yesterday. He's not a boy, and he's not a man, and we're not together, but we're definitely not not together. So, just like my first love received the laughably unfitting pseudonym of Justin Timberlake for the purposes of this blog, my new notable interest will hereby be referred to as The Situation.

If you live outside America, under a rock, or were born before 1983, allow me to explain why this is funny. There's a positively vile television show on MTV (remember when MTV played music? Neither do I. It hasn't, within my lifetime) called Jersey Shore, in which a group of repugnant spray-tanned twenty-somethings fight and cry and sex and talk about insipid things with Staten Island accents. And, perhaps the douchebaggiest of them all, who is described on the show's website as having "a sensitive side, but plenty of game to go with it," calls himself The Situation. The thought of my own, um, "Situation" as a fist-pumping guido is about as realistic as my Justin Timberlake frontmanning choreographed dance moves. So. The Situation it is.

In response to yesterday's comments, no, he is not the Breadstick Guy. I only ever spoke about three words to him, haven't seen him since, and, frankly, don't even remember what he looked like. Contrary to popular belief and hope, the Situation is ALSO NOT Charlie McDonnell. Sorry, guys. Never gonna happen. I'll tell you his name sometime soon-- he gave me permission before I ever asked. "I understand that, with your lifestyle, my ass is getting blogged about, and I don't want you to hold back for my sake," he said. Haha. Soonish, guys. I promise.

Anyway, four-day weekends have this ability to fan my already deadly procrastination habit, so I ought to go start all the homework I chose to neglect until tonight. Before I go, though, I want to give a huge congratulatory hug to commeter Annie, who reached an incredibly exciting milestone yesterday. I'm so excited for you; thanks for telling me!

Sexy: The fact that my friend Leah, an aspiring screenwriter and all-around awesome person, is now keeping a daily blog, which you can read here.
Unsexy: "Your face!" says my sister. There you have it.

Chipotle burritos this year: 1
Subscribers: 23,615
Nail color: "Mango Mango," L'Oreal

P.S. I love PJ and his BlogTV shows and am sorry I didn't mention him in this post before, despite the fact that he's an attention whore.

44 comments:

PJ Scott-Blankenship said...

Unsexy: NO MENTION OF PJ WHATSOEVER AND I'M AT YOUR DESK. RIGHT NOW.

Another State of Mind said...

Hayley,
Have you seen the SNL skit where they make fun of Snooki and The Situation? Funniest thing I've ever seen.

If you haven't, here's the link:
http://www.hulu.com/watch/116557/saturday-night-live-update-snooki

<3 Mariel

seurat2 said...

I'm happy to say that I had never heard of the Situation, although I have been told about a character named Snookie (?). Sounds like the kind of show I must avoid at all cost. Anyway, the boy/man/situation will be incredibly fortunate if you two ever do get in a relationship.

Lauren said...

I hold The Jersey Shore close to my heart. (AND YOU <3)

Leah said...

B'awwwwwwwwh, thank you.

But... did it HAVE to be The Situation? Couldn't you have called him... well. ANYTHING ELSE IN THE UNIVERSE?

Sigh.

Tenley Nadine said...

Its so great that The Situation understands you. That's always a good sign when it comes to potential boyfriends.

allysonkate said...

You should construct a series of obstacles for The Situation to prove his manhood. =]]

to_thine_own_self said...

The Situation. Very nice, Hayley.
Ahaha.

CRUNKRacoon said...

At first I didn't realize what you meant, but then I remembered an interview VH1 had with him, and ALL THE REPRESSED MEMORIES CAME BACK.

And I thought I had rid all my life of guidos and "guidettes"

*shiver*

Oh and I didn't get to congratulate Annie on the last post so:
*waves pom poms* GO ANNIE!

Tom said...

Wow, that is hilarious. Yesterday I commented that it would be insane if it turned out to be Charlie, but I was just making a funny (as the Brits would say). I had no idea that that was, apparently, "popular belief and hope." Yeah I didn't really think that was in the cards. That would be the like you dating... I don't know, Kristina. I wouldn't have any problem with it, but it would just be kind of weird.

It took me a second to get "The Situation," since I try to think about Jersey Shore as little as possible, but Oh My God. I lolled hard. Thank you so much for blog-naming him that. That is why today is awesome.

Alice said...

I agree with Allysonkate, I'd like to see an obstacle course for The Situation to prove himself. If he can eat five Chipotle burritos in an hour, lipsynch to Party in the U.S.A and quote Looking for Alaska then he is worthy.

maria kelly said...

i thought about this for a long time, and i decided that a boy becomes a man when he can have scruff on his face and look sexy rather than silly. therefore, i concluded that the situation must have sexy scruff to earn my approval. i realize that is not a big concern of yours, but i just wanted to put that out there. let me know? p. s. so glad you're backk. :)

Suburban Sweetheart said...

I recently nicknamed someone The District, which sounds like a very formal DC version of The Situation.

wanna be a daytrader said...

What???

not together,
not not together
Huh???

OH wait, you were walking on stoner hill.....sure I understand what your trying to say now.

hahahahahahahahahah
er...what....wait....oh ya...
hahahahahahahahaha..er I forgot

see ya Hayley

Katie said...

Oooh I'm excited to hear how the Situation progresses, but it sounds promising! Hayley wouldn't be single much longer! :P
And I just wanted to let you know that I've decided to start ALL of my blog entries with "Today is awesome because..." :D

joy isobel said...

I feel like I'm the odd one out on all of these Jersey Shore jokes that people keep making. I just can't bring myself to watch that show. I won't do it. Anyways, I want to hear more about this not man-boy. Details, Hoover. Details.

Holly said...

I was reading your blog during the times of JT but after you had christened him JT jokingly. So, naturally, I thought he was actually called Justin Timberlake. I though this was a cool coincidence.
I'M SO STUPID!!! Haha, <3

Sarah said...

Tehe!

Have fun Hayley :D

Amanda said...

I can't wait to hear more about "The Situation"! SO excited.

And as a Staten Islander, I am embarassed to say that MOST of the people who live here are just like that. With the exception of a few. As much as I hate most of my peers for acting this way, I just can't seem to stop watching! haha (=

barefootfiona said...

Is it lame that I'm excited with you?

ImJustDevin said...

I try to avoid mtv reality shows. Except the two that were on last night, I thought those were good. (:

Scott said...

I have never been able to sit through an entire episode of Jersey Shore. It's like watching paint dry to me. Drunk, Italian-American, spray-tan orange paint.

Sarah said...

Wait. If these people are from both Staten Island AND Jersey then that has to be the most revolting show on television. (I love you, Jersey friends!)

Nokorola said...

I'm glad you've cleared all that up...

Have a good day Hayley.

Snottlebie said...

Argh! Get sick one weekend and there's 3 new blogs?!

...Gotta love that Hayley's back.
Also I really really like that you use capitalization to add emphasis. It just makes things funnier/seems like some sort of inside joke (?) which I enjoy.
Three - Time Commenter, Snottlebie.

Anonymous said...

the situation haha. I love how you can talk so openly about this "situation" on your blog, even when he pretty much admitted to reading it? Or am I wrong? Either way, its so admirable that you could be so honest and real, when the very person you're talking about can read said feelings at any given moment. I ADMIRE YOU HAYLEY!

lalalaamichelle said...

Damn. Charlie needs a girlfriend.

mademoisellesara said...

Jersey Shore is probably the worst show I have ever watched half an episode of.
I'm really happy for you, Hayley! ( Even though if would have been awesome if it was Charlie....)
I love your nail color. :)

Casey Rose said...

Do we get to hear more about The Situation in this next blog (you know, since it's official and all)?

Really great to have you back, Hayley.

Coralinehope said...

Is this boy IRL or via youtube? Eh? (Not pressuring- just, you know, wondering. :))

Catherine said...

Awe, yay for Annie. See, we're real people Hayley! Not just robots set up by your friends to make you think you're popular.

And yay for The Situation, you deserve it, not that anyone doesn't deserve to be happy, but you're just a special brand of awesome that deserves nice things.

P.S. Grammar Fairy, what is the verdict on the word "just"? When should it be used? Is it used too much?

JoshV said...

I had something long to say about how hindsight is 20/20 and you'll think the same way you do now 10 years ahead...but...

you-da-lea-he-you-da-lea-he-you-da-lea(...)-he's who?

Nicholas said...

Yay for more frequent HGH blogs :)

And I do remember MTV playing music. Oh... you said born before 83... darn it I'm old.

allysonkate said...

Okay, Okay so I already commented. But this is exciting news. OPI just discontinued several of their colors, and stores are selling them on sale. I saw one place where they were only 10% off, but Master Cuts had them for 60% off. This means OPI is $3.50. THREE FIFTY!

Just a heads up, you nail polish connoisseur. :]

Cece said...

PAINT MY NAILS. I live in Ohio too, and if I ever meet you again, (I met you breifly at the Akron wizard rock show :]) you have to paint my nails. Yours always look so good in videos, and i've been completely obsessed with nail polish for quite some time now, but I just have one problem:
I can't paint my nails to save my life. It makes me sad.

Cece said...

Now to actually comment on your lovely blog post :)

Ha, lovin' the nickname. It's so ridiculous and drenched in awesome irony. My best friend and I just had the (un?)fortunate experience of seeing Jersey Shore for the first time Sunday. It's probably going to end up being one of those shows that is just so ridiculous I can't stop watching it. Like, Real Chance of Love. Or The Secret Life of the American Teenage.

Anonymous said...

It turns out you're right about a lot of things, even Miley:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4669ozY4faQ&

Daisy said...

Is it sad that i'm 17 and occasionally watch MTV, but I've never heard of "The Situation?" haha. I've heard of the show...and Snooki, but my knowledge ends there.

Jane said...

hahaha, I love his new nickname. Although I too would like an actual real name ASAP.

yay Annie!

and, in a note unrelated to the subject of the post, I really like the color of your nail polish, I just don't understand what it has to do with mangoes.

hannah said...

Hey Hayley can you make another video on your blog TV because i recently discovered the whole youtube world. well i knew youtube was there but i thought it was just of preteen web shows and well ya i cant think of anything else.

SheWhoMustNotBeTamed said...

HAYLEY. RONNIE DOES NOT HAVE A STATEN ISLAND ACCENT. RONNIE IS FROM THE BRONX. STATEN ISLAND ISN'T EVEN A REAL PLACE. IT'S LESS REAL THAN CANDY MOUNTAIN.

Sorry. This is what happens when a) you're too proud of your Bronx hometown and b) you get sucked into crappy MTV television over your Winter Break.

You're still my pretend homegirl, though, Ms. Hayley G. *hearthands*

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