Kanye West is a DOUCHEBAG!

To be honest, I've had a bad couple of days. A friend did something really mean to me this week, and it hurt a lot. To add to it, another "friend" said some awful things to me in response to the situation. A long sequence of nasty events followed me around like a cartoonish raincloud for a while, and I've been feeling rather upset about it all. I went out with Michal and Kayla (the cool, smart girls I smoked a hookah with last week) last night, in an attempt to cheer up both Michal and myself, as something similar but worse has been going on in her life. We got dressed up and marched patent leather heels up the Athenian hills, despite our better judgment. The party was a lot more fun for Michal than it was for me and Kayla, and I spent a good portion of the night in a corner outside, on the phone with Jess, nearly crying. I finally stomped back to my dorm in the middle of the night, feelings like I'd been run over by a tractor, crawled over my roommate's friend who was asleep on my floor, and had a few disturbed hours of sleep.

In the morning, my sister called, and I spent the afternoon with her and her friends, eating Taco Bell and watching Cruel Intentions. I took a much-needed nap. With that and the long shower I took a few hours ago, I'm starting to feel like a person again. Erin is mostly responsible for my regained happiness, though. She gave me my birthday present early-- a gorgeous lime green nail polish, proving that she already understands me after barely a fortnight of friendship-- and we had a dance party to Mika and Justin Finch-Fletchley. Now I'm on the dorm floor of Katie and Kelsey, two girls from my building, and we're watching the Video Music Awards with Erin and my roommate. Because I don't want to get into the details of my sucky weekend, instead I think I'll provide my reactions to the ceremony. If you didn't catch the VMAs, I'm sorry, and this post will probably stop being of any interest to you right about now. If you did watch, please comment with your opinions!

--Why do they keep showing the same four celebrities? Is nobody there? For example, eh hem, where is Miley?! I mean... I know where she is. But I still held out hope that she'd be there.

--Madonna's sort of making me nervous. I understand why she would want to make those points, and she certainly has the power and audience tonight, but I think she's probably taking it too far. It's nice that she reminded us Michael Jackson was a human, though. I usually compare him more to one of the crazy alien creatures from Cats.

--The host is supposed to be shocking, inappropriate, and funny. Russell Brand has hit on the first two and then some, but I'm not finding any of this amusing. He's off-putting and taking everything too far.

--...Are you serious? Are you serious?! Who let Kanye West on the stage? Taylor Swift is adorable, and while Beyonce is obviously a legend, the "You Belong With Me" video has been watched millions of times because millions of people relate and connect to her. Celebrities are all mentally unstable, and we accept that. In the case of giant turkey statues and space goggles, I embrace and enjoy their craziness. But you can't abuse your power to humiliate a girl my age for something out of her control! Especially something she deserved! Kanye is a douchebag!

--There you go, Taylor. Her performance is cute and energized. What a graceful way to handle it all. She looked straight out of Carrie up there, like she'd just won prom queen and then had pig's blood poured all over her. But instead of killing everybody with her eyes, she's singing well and looking like a rock star. Represent, Taylor.

--I'm all for Lady Gaga. I think she's insane in the best possible way, and definitely talented when it comes to grabbing attention. But I'm not sure I understand this, um, hanging from the ceiling, covered in blood, surrounded by paraplegics? Nice save from the Taylor Swift thing, though. Hopefully people will be talking about Gaga's weird ass collar and leg-on-the-piano stunt long enough to give Taylor a rest.

--Tracy Morgan! He's awesome and deserves the spotlight. It's unfortunate that his moments are being ignored because of the Kanye Disaster's aftermath.

--Oh my. Oh, Gaga. She's wearing a red fishnet over her body. Like blood. Excuse me?

--The group of girls I'm watching with have been arguing about why Megan Fox gets so much attention, when she isn't even that classically pretty. I've decided that it's because she sort of looks like Satan, what with her little slitty eyes, and therefore subconsciously gives off a "forbidden fruit" vibe. What are your thoughts on the matter?

--My friend Katie just checked twitter, and it's down from all the activity. The trending topics are changing at lightning speed, and everyone in the world has an opinion. Now everyone else is on a laptop, and we're all sitting in a circle, reading tweets. Good luck keeping up with those, Justine!

--The New Moon trailer. Does anyone have a spoon? 'Cause I want to gag myself. They're doing a great job advertising, because I personally cannot wait to see Kristen Stewart thrash around in her bed, screaming, out of holey emotional torture. Good Lord.

--"What? What happened?" asks a laughing Diddy after he mentions Kanye to a cacophony of boos. The crowd chants, "Tay-lor! Tay-lor!" I love live TV.

--"Kanye West is the biggest piece of shit on earth," says Pink of twitter. "My heart goes out to Taylor Swift. She is a sweet and talented girl and deserved her moment. She should know we all love her." I already really liked Pink, and now I think I love her.

--Cyndi Lauper? Hahaha! I wonder what percentage of the audience even recognizes her.

--Oh my gosh! I stand by what I just said. Pink is truly impressive. She's doing a freaking trapeze act and looks amazing at it. This performance on its own would be enough to make the VMAs memorable.

--Awwwww. We knew you'd redeem everything, Beyonce. Taylor looks beautiful and I think the situation was handled in the classiest way possible.

Okay, I think that's about enough. I've made it through a sleeve of Ritz crackers, and I have class in the morning, so I'm going to bed. I need a rest!

Sexy: Brushing your teeth in the shower. I know it sounds weird, but all the water creates a really intense foam explosion, and your mouth feels so clean and fantastic!

Unsexy: Kanye West! It sucks, because I actually respect his music. But there he goes, being a psycho. He makes Lady Gaga's prickly straw mane look attractive.

Chipotle burritos this year: 29

Bagel Street visits this school year: 1

Subscribers: 20,372

Bye, guys! Hopefully I'll see you tomorrow. <3