The proof is in the icing.

I received this cake today from my good friend, Andrew, who's asked me to all but one high school dance (surprisingly, the one I'd really wanted to go to) and with whom I've had sort of a will-they-won't-they thing since we were thirteen. He only asked in front of me and my best friend, Jess, so it was an Event, but not an obnoxious public affair. It was pretty adorable, and I obviously said yes. 

Sadly, later today I was asked by two of my other good friends, and it was really depressing to say no. They're all so fun and sweet and entertaining. WOW. When did my biggest problem become turning down dates?! I'll have to bookmark this blog post to reread when I'm feeling like nobody likes me. I have PROOF! In ICING!

Hahaha. It's sad, Rohan, but just so true.

Sexy: Being able to talk to children without looking awkward or being condescending.

Unsexy: Being able to talk to children without looking awkward or being condescending in order to solicit them for sex.

Weight: 138

Chipotle burritos this year: 10

Subscribers: 14,849

Days left of high school: 31

Bye, guys! See you tomorrow. <3

Senior Superlatives

Today, everyone in my class was handed the yearbook's survey to nominate for Senior Superlatives, which I realize does not need to be capitalized for English's sake, but the way these kids talk about them, you'd think they were the biggest thing in the world. (They're not, obviously. That would be my thighs.) I make fun, but I too spent nearly the whole day mulling over which of my peers has the Nicest Smile or Best Car. While attempting to complete the sheet, I was not filled with thousands of pleasant montagey moments of growing up with these people, but was more... overwhelmed... when I realized just how few of them I even know nowadays. I know the other honor students, the other drama kids, the other choir members, the other church-goers, the rest of the newspaper staff. But the wrestlers? The dance team? The people with real lives outside our high school? All of them are either faceless names or nameless faces, or frozen time capsules from middle school when we were all on equal playing ground, and you could lock braces with any zitty boy you wanted. I've found that in my class of a hundred people, I only really give a damn about thirty of them.

First, we're divided in half by black kids and white kids. This isn't a race thing-- or even really a class thing-- so much as a neighborhood thing. About 80% of the black kids live in the city and about 80% of the white kids live in the suburb or, like me, the small town. The division isn't a conscious thing, but the fact of it is, there's a good fifty or so people (give or take) that I don't have any real connection to.

Then there are the Honors kids and the Regular kids. My class has a freakish number of "gifted" students, and we've all been pretty tight-knit and full of ourselves since we were eight and standardized tests told us we were smart enough to never have to try. Because of the large number of us-- about twenty-- and maybe because there was something special in the water in the early nineties?, most of the Honors kids double as the Athletes and the Activity Participants. Therefore, we already have cliques built into our cliques. For example, I have a 3.8 GPA, but I'm nowhere near the top ten in my class. I've been leads in three of the musicals, but other Honors kids have competed in cross-country nationals. So basically we're all, like, doomed to hate each other.

Regardless, in the end I was nominated for Best Writer, Most into English, Most Technological and Most Likely to be Famous. The last one is a longshot, since we have a cute little singer/songwriter and a world-class gymnast. I'm definitely not that technological, but compared to the rest of them, I guess you could call me that. As for the first two, I'm going to be a jerk and... agree... but you're only allowed to win one. So we'll see.

It's just really weird, being a senior. All of a sudden I'm tempted to reflect on all the things I stopped caring about three years ago. I'm never going to be the type to moon over my yearbook, crying tears of nostalgia all over the pictures of the friends I once had. But it's something about knowing that in a month, everything that matters to everyone around me will end. It's just really weird.

Anyway, in youtubely news, today I went to Alan (fallofautumndistro)'s blogtv show, and he told me that if I blogged about him being hott and sexii he would put "SUBSCRIBE TO HAYLEYGHOOVER" in his email signature for 48 hours. I dunno, though. I asked him to sing me some Britney Spears and I was shot down. AND I now have to write him a song, thanks to some threatening and challenging from Alan and the peanut gallery. I guess it's not that big of an event for me to fangirl Alan, though. Hott and sexii he indeed is.

I also came across this a second ago and thought you might want to see it, as it's the most hilarious thing ever made.

Tonight I ran for the first time in a while. I put my iPod on shuffle and received, no joke, "Mrs. Nerimon," "Toy Food," "Maybe I Will" and "Nerdfighterlike," all one right after the other. You know you're addicted to youtube when.

Sexy: Overflowing with confidence, approaching arrogance but not quite crossing the line.

Unsexy: Being a toolbag and thinking you're just really hot and awesome when you're just really not.

Weight: 140

Chipotle burritos this year: 10

Subscribers: 14,838

Days left of high school: 32

Bye, guys! See you tomorrow. <3

Fat Ugly One

It's nice outside, so I asked my dog, Lex, if she would like to go for a walk with me. "Would you like to go for a walk with me?" I asked Lex. She gleefully responded, "Why yes, I would love to dart unexpectedly up some mountains!" This would be fine and dandy on your average day, but alas, Lex and I were connected by a leash.

So today I worked out... against my will. Meanwhile, though, I was reminded that sometimes it sort of feels, like, good. This spurred on a list.

Ten easy ways to gain ten pounds:
1. Spend the majority of your time sitting sedentary in front of the computer.
2. Go on vacation.
3. Live primarily for a 955-calorie burrito.
4. Overdose on carbs because you're a vegetarian and, therefore, constantly hungry.
5. Break up with your serious boyfriend.
6. Quit cross-country running to be in musicals.
7. And also because you hate running.
8. Take a cooking class.
9. Finish puberty.
10. Really, really like food.

Ten reasons to lose ten pounds:
1. Be a member of a collab channel alongside four of nature's most beautiful women.
2. Receive an email calling you the fat, ugly one.
3. Be preparing for college, where first impressions are everywhere.
4. Be preparing for college, where most people naturally put on weight.
5. Read Nikki (babyporridge)'s blog and feel guilty.
6. It's possible that you appreciate food more on a less-full stomach?
7. Feel really gross and insecure all the time.
8. Live under the threat that at any time someone could recognize you from the internet.
9. Have a month left until major picture-taking opportunities like prom, graduation and summer.
10. Be of the most appropriate age to wear a bikini.

In youtubely news, the comments on the fiveawesomegirls/5awesomegays Baby Gift Exchange video continue to get funnier and funnier. How can anyone think we're serious?! Oh, youtube. You never cease to make me facepalm. Moving right along.

Sexy: Secret inscriptions on the insides of wedding bands, a la Baz Luhrmann's Romeo + Juliet.
Unsexy: Over-the-top public marriage proposals, especially performed by baseball mascots.

Weight: 138
Chipotle burritos this year: 10
Subscribers: 14,799
Days left of high school: 33

Bye, guys! See you tomorrow. <3

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a [5AGays' baby's] mother

I am not a fan of team-building exercises. And by "not a fan," I mean "Oh my goodness, I cannot handle them." I aggravated a large portion of my camp co-workers today by both acting sassy towards the activity organizer and by leaving early. I know, I'm doing no favors to the whole all-about-me teenager stereotype that I so hate, but I don't think this is a phase. I think I'm maybe just a bitch.

Oh, and last night they played my Project for Awesome video to the entire staff. Talk about a puddle of awkward. I sort of bit my lip and hid my face in my friend Seers's lap and prayed that it would go away. As planned, I was swarmed by old people for the rest of the night/following day, all asking questions to which I either have no answer ("Where do you get your ideas?") or I have no interest in explaining, like How does youtube work? How do you make a video, and how does it get there? What's the Project for Awesome? Why is there a Christmas tree behind you? Do people watch them? Are you famous? Do you get money? Where does the money come from? How much money do you get? Do you do it for the money or for the rock and roll? And then the ones who watch my channel obsessively cup their hands over their mouths and shout quotes across the room from videos of mine that I haven't watched since I uploaded them, trying to prove how very hip and in sync they are with my life.

I understand that I subject myself to all of this. I understand that no one is making me expose myself to the world, and I understand that it's sort of the same as when celebrities complain about poparazzi after working for years to be noticed. But, like... if you watch my videos, do you really think I'm the kind of person who wants to be smiley and normal and have a long, pleasant conversation with you about smiley normal long pleasant things? All I do in my vlogs is complain and parody. You are, essentially, just fueling my Pissed at the Whole World fire.

Wow; I'm really making myself sound like a jerk. I don't mean to. I just-- like most things in my life-- would prefer my affirmation for deeds well done submitted in writing, anonymously over the internet. As much as I enjoy attention, it's so uncomfortable in situations like this one. Oh, and none of this whining applies to being recognized on the street by people who discovered me without the annoying aid of my mother or sister. You guys rock, and I'll have anything with you that you'd like, no matter how smiley, normal, long or pleasant.

In youtubely news, I recently posted this on fiveawesomegirls. We thought of the idea together on my bed in January, and I'm so relieved that it's finally been made. I think it's pretty hilarious. The comments, however, are creeping me out already. People are discussing sperm's ability to eat through glass and saying that I "look like I'm a freak." In regards to this last part, I can't really disagree, no matter which definition of "freak" you're describing. The answer to all of them is sort of yes.

Also, Katrina (walllofweird)'s VEDA is really simplistic and cute. Her eyes and hair are so big and pretty! She looks like a painting. I'm also watching Alex (nerimon), Adam (whataboutadam) and Lsnook. I can't begin to count how many BEDAs I'm reading. You're all incredible, by the way. I'm addicted to all of you. You know what else I'm addicted to?

Sexy: Paul McCartney looking up at you with his droopy sexball eyes while singing.
Unsexy: Kid Rock.

Weight: 137
Chipotle burritos this year: 10
Subscribers: 14, 751
Days left of high school: 33

Bye, guys! See you tomorrow. <3

I can't control (Will I lose my dignity?) my destinyyyy-yyy-euh

WOW. So you know how people think musicals are so unrealistic? Obviously nobody looks around knowingly and suddenly bursts into a profound song with lyrics about their current situation in life. Obviously nobody around them also knows the words and harmonies. Obviously nobody invents pretty descants and nobody slowly starts to hold hands with those around them, and obviously not everyone can sing.

Regardless, my ultimate dream has always been to live in a musical. And for about twenty minutes just now, I did.

We had auditions in my show choir today of small acapella groups (Except for the showoffs with the electric guitar! So not fair.) to perform famous TV theme songs in the middle of our big pops concert. My group did the theme to Nickelodeon's All That, swaying like morons and trying to inflect our voices to sound like we don't live in rural-suburban Ohio. The other two choirs have about six times as many singers as mine, so our director allotted the entire class period for auditioning, and we got done in fifteen minutes. Afterwards we sat around for a bit and the studious did their homework while the rest of us quoted Hannah Montana. We were all in our separate corners of the room, doing our separate corners of the room things, when one kid sat down at the piano and struck a chord.

I swear, it was hilarious-- exactly like High School Musical, everyone slowly turns their heads, and although in reality we were under unchanging florescent lights, I swear I felt the atmosphere dim. Yes. All of us-- my whole, entire choir-- spontaneously broke into "Seasons of Love." We sang it all the way through flawlessly, not a lyric missed, not a part unheard. I sang tenor at one point because it was underrepresented, but the gap was immediately filled in and I moved up. My friend Dina took the female solo and rocked that bitch, and I sang for Collins. It was ridiculous.

Oh, and if you think that's the whole story? No, um, as soon as it finished, our director sat down and sequed into Rent's "Finale B," which we've actually been rehearsing, but we somehow ended up wordlessly giving each other solos and taking the other parts. A couple of us did Roger's half of "Another Day" in the middle, which, like, has never been done in the show or recording, but just felt right.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I realize Rent isn't the most important thing in most people's lives, but it's so hugely responsible for raising me and teaching me about music and and and. I shall now proceed to less musical topics for the rest of you.

Tonight is the overnight training session for Royal Family Kids' Camp, a camp for children in the foster care system, at which I work every summer. RFKC is arguably the most valuable week of my year. It changes me so thoroughly every single time. I hardly ever cry-- and I mean, like, EVER-- and camp can make me bawl at the snap of a finger if I think about it enough. Buuuuuuut I've been through training a million times, and this really, really creepy/illiterate English teacher from my school is volunteering this year, so I'm basically about to have a slumber party with him. I'm not really looking forward to tonight. Bah, humbug.

In youtubely news, I posted a video on fiveawesomegirls yesterday and was really pleased by how many viewers are fans of "Le Petit Prince," and by how many of them have read it in French. It was rather difficult for me to read at some points my junior year, but yeah, I'm definitely glad I had the experience in its original language. Also, I have a new annoyance video written for yooooou guuuuys. :)

The other day I found a poem I wrote that I don't hate. I started cutting letters out of magazines to make it into a useless pretty collage thing yesterday, and wondered if you would hate me if I made it into a video? It would probably be about thirty seconds, which you'd be willing to forgive, but I'm worried it's too emo for hayleyghoover. Maybe I'll make it and post it on this blog exclusively, and if you like it, I'll put it on ze tubez. Speaking of ze tubez:

Sexy: Old, beat up cars in more than one piece, that are probably older than you are. They have character, and they show that you're not a snob and that you work for things.
Unsexy: Wifebeaters on the beach. Both wearing a wifebeater on the beach, and being a wife-beater... on a beach.

Weight: 137
Chipotle burritos this year: 10
Subscribers: 14, 708
Days left of high school: 33

Bye, guys! See you tomorrow. <3

God, I really cannot do high school anymore.

God, I really cannot do high school anymore. I'm in my free period right now. I need to pee. You'd think this would be a perfect situation, it being free period. However, last time I peed in free period, the teacher assigned to patrol this room flipped out on me for leaving without permission and then proceeded to walk with me to every free period activity for the rest of the week. The last time I needed to pee in free period, I made a point of asking permission. She told me to do it some other time.

CALM THE HELL DOWN, PEOPLE. I can vote. I can buy a house. I can get married. I can smoke. I can go to prison. I can have sex with a 99-year-old man. I can run for some political offices. I can't rent a car, but I can buy and drive one. I am, according to the United States of America, an adult. And yet, because some aging woman needs to find somewhere she has control in order to feel worthy and special, I cannot empty my bladder when I want. HIGH SCHOOL IS THE MOST RIDICULOUS BIZARRO WORLD.

On a related note, I've found that I really don't like my AP Literature teacher. I love her, because we're obviously wired the same way if Hamlet gets both of us hot and bothered, but I don't like her. The other day she was doing what she does best, listening to my private conversation with my best friend outside her class, and it went something like this:

Hayley: God, I really cannot do high school anymore.
Jess: --
Teacher: --Yes, you can. All eighteen-year-olds wake up one day and start rejecting authority and thinking they're smarter than all their teachers and dragging through school. You'll get over it.

Don't you just adore when people who don't know you... tell you about yourself? On the contrary, ma'am, I woke up and started rejecting authority the moment I was born. I don't think I'm smarter than all my teachers, but I'm intelligent enough to know that they're people, and people are awful. And perhaps I'm not talking about being sick of school. Perhaps I'm talking about my depressive disorder with my best friend, and perhaps we don't need interjections from a cruel, jaded fifty-something-year-old woman.

Siiiigh. I'm just very sick of being treated like a subordinate by people who are just trying to validate themselves by taking out their own frustrations and self-analyses on others.

ANYWAY.
I'm going to introduce this blog to the fiveawesomegirls viewers today. I'm also going to admit to having a dailybooth and link to my twitter. Three things I've been putting off. I've been reading a ton of stuff lately, so I think I'm going to talk about that, too. I basically just want to get a video up in the event that Liane (lianeandthemusic) can't tomorrow, because I hate seeing only one 5AG video in a week.

Oh oh oh, and if you're reading this, please go leave some kind of friendly comment or nice message to Kayley (owlssayhooot). I don't care where you do it. She's having a bad couple days, and anything that can lighten her mood would be appreciated. Also, Leah (professorspork) is really stressed lately and Kristina (italktosnakes) is, as you probably know, having a hard time. Let's pull our own microcosmic Project for Awesome and let them know we love them.

Sexy: Bringing creative insights to class literature discussions. Defending your opinions, but being open to other points of view.
Unsexy: Faking laughing in hopes that everyone around you will see how fun you are.

OH OH OH OH OH OH OH. Another thing that's unsexy? Watching a beloved TV show writhe in pain as it's left to die. Last night's Scrubs featured only two of the main characters, and it really seems like they're trying to write Elliot off. Urrrrrgh.

Weight: 137
Chipotle burritos this year: 9
Subscribers: 14,674
Days left of high school: 34

Bye, guys. See you later tonight. <3

Let's do this thing.

I've decided not to participate in BEDA after all.
...April Fools.

Meh. I am absolutely going to keep my blogging promise. (Blogmise? Ooh. Nice try, babe.) Today was just less-than-perfect, and all my exciting plans for this entry have been squashed by a combination of depression, need for sleep, and sharing a computer with my mother and father. I'll make up for it tomorrow, though. Perhaps I'll write a blog and post a fiveawesomegirls video.

On an unrelated note, here's a cute comment I received on my channel today from user SerenaMurison:

"Apparently I'm not afraid to admit that I'm jealous of your existence, considering this sentence. P.S. Last semester I convinced a total of fourteen chemistry students to watch your videos. It was an accomplishment to say the least. You're a bundle of wits and it's simply lovely."

God, that just improved my mood so, so much. Anyway, I'm going to leave you with my new reoccurring bits that haven't reoccurred yet, but probably will.

Sexy: Eating something warm that's wrapped in foil while walking around. Maybe it's because I'm more attracted to food than to people. Maybe it just reminds me of Chipotle, and therefore, love.
Unsexy: Nearly every Starbucks cup. I have moral issues with America's insatiable need to look bored/busy/tired to show how little time they have to talk to anybody else. I get it; you're better than I am. I hope you realize you just spent six dollars on beans and water.

Weight: 138
Chipotle burritos this year: 9
Subscribers: 14, 659

Bye, guys. See you tomorrow! <3