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Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Internet relationships and things that are[n't] sexy

Let's talk about sex, baby.
No, let's really not. But let's talk about meeting boys over the internet.

There was a time-- probably about two years ago, to be honest-- when I would have LOL'd in the faces of people who believed you could fall in love with someone without ever being in the same room as them. The idea of making relationships online was a fairly new concept to me. I was still too scared to give my close livejournal friend my phone number. The Harry Potter fandom, although I desperately longed to be a part of it, went over my head. And the thought of being involved with someone in another state or even another country? Seriously. You cannot even know someone you met on the internet.

And then I fell deeply, hopelessly in love with someone I met on the internet.

There's something about the thrill of a good taboo. You can watch your video responses; that's cool. But you can't make out with them. (What's "them?" The video response itself, or the person responding? Ambiguity is hilarious!) But yeah, the very fact that it's weird is often enough incentive to try it out. And I'm big on weird.

Siiiiiiigh. Yeah, there was no point to this other than that I'm premenstrual and crazy and whiny and miss my exboyfriend.

MOVING RIGHT ALONG. Here's a spontaneous list.

Things that are sexy:
--Jason Mraz, past, present and future.
--Spring Awakening.... (That wasn't an iffy ellipsis; think of it like lots of periods to show how very serious I am.)
--Nerd boys! Especially with thick-framed glasses.
--Dr. Cox and Jordan. Scrubssss.
--Oh, and (I think I just like embarrassing myself?) this, too.
--Guhhhh. Slap me across the face, but... Twilight.
--Um... and, um... this.
--BO BURNHAM. (boburnham)
--Johnny Depp in every role he's ever played.
--Moulin flipping Rouge.
--The Notebook. Cliche, but come on.
--I'm going to say it. People are going to flip out on me, but I'm going to say it. SMOKING.
--Happily married famous couples.
--"As Long As You're Mine" from Wicked.
--"As Long As You're Mine" performed by a happily married  famous couple.
--Brad Paisley, who's also half of a happily married famous couple.
--Pam and Jim from The Office.
--Guys who play World of Warcraft. I don't. Don't know anything about it. But it's hot.
--YouTubers.

Things that are not sexy:
--Porn.
--Paris Hilton. Particularly, Paris Hilton in porn.
--Orlando Bloom. Ever, really.
--Nearly every tramp stamp.
--White athletic shoes.
--Boy hair products of any kind. Even, like, conditioner.
--Axe body spray. Or at least I've yet to smell it done well.
--Shirts that don't fit.
--People who eat reasonable portions.
--Football. Just does nothing for me.

I think I'll add more un/sexy things to future blogs when they come to mind, a la communitychannel's ugly- and attractive-word-of-the-video. If anyone's reading this, what unconventional things turn you on? What conventional things turn you off?

Ummmmmm this blog has no continuity whatsoever and is kind of frightening. Oh well! See you tomorrow. 14,642 subscribers.

54 comments:

Teresa said...

You're brilliant and lovely and insightful and have wonderful taste in things that are indeed sexy. I cannot wait for the next blog. ^_^

P.S. Thank you for the link to the video in #15 of Things that Are Sexy; I don't think I had ever seen it. I'm overjoyed for Idina and Taye; their baby is mostly likely (=most definitely) going to be ridiculously gorgeous and talented.

Leah B said...

I was going to leave a thoughtful, insightful comment, but I think we both know you'd rather I just click the hell out of your AdSense.

Blogger? More like... bloggwhore. WHAT UP.

Enjoy your six cents, baby.

SM said...

"--Guys who play World of Warcraft. I don't. Don't know anything about it. But it's hot."

Oh God.. Really?

And smoking. Ew. Not sexy at all.

But I have to agree with most of the items. Specially the Twilight scene haha.
I went to the movies to watch Twilight with my mom (it was like my third time watching it.. depressing, I know)... She was kinda "wtf is that? do KIDS watch this?" when that scene came up haha

Ben said...

Jason Mraz?

He's from my hometown!

ben.

bucketlips572 said...

I absolutely love emo guys with their emo hair styles. and those tight jeans just turn me on. haha. and for somereason im slightly attracted to those quiet and nerdy guys who really no one else talks to.

things i dont like
-guys with big muscles
-guys who show their muscles
-guys who wear fitted hats

lost in a teacup said...

Um. I definitely had a life-size cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom in my room when I was in 7th grade. I'm so glad I'm over that.

And........Jason Mraz.

OH. AND WHY IS BELLA NOT WEARING PANTS IN THE KISSING SCENE? WTF?

Kelso said...

i love taye and idina.

- said...

I agree with 99.9% of the things you've said. I completely get the *I DON'T WANT TO BE A TWILIGHT FAN BUT I AM* thing. It was way too embarrassing when I purchased the DVD.

laura said...

Smoking is definitely sexy.
I can't even explain why either. It just is what it is.

I met a guy.. through the web.. and he lived in london, smoked and played world of warcraft constantly. i guess you could say he was sexy.hah.

.. and twilight IS embarrassing.

babyporridge. said...

DEAR HAYLEY G,

This comment has no relevance to your blog post, which i found incredibly wonderful to read by the by.

I just thought I need to tell you how excited I am by the fact you now have a blog & I can consistently prowl your written word. (As if I don't stalk you enough though.)

I adore your insights, little miss, & from reading this, I realise how much I don't know about you. (OMFG - internet exbf - wha?!)

Please excuse my fanatic fangirling, I absolutely adore you. I'm not your close livejournal friend, but you totes ought to gimme yer number ;) (kidding, lovefeatures)

I will be back. Stay brilliant.

Lisa said...

Awesome. :D

Ginny said...

Hello Hayley! I watch your videos and am glad you started a blog^_^
I feel lame about it too, but I also find smoking sexy. I've thought it over for quite some time and here are some of the reasons why:
I love smoking habits and most all the little detailed associations I have with smoke-–the sound of a cigarette flicked against an ash tray, the orange glitter, the way smokers inhale, smoke curls, smoke rings, the smell of flavored cigars, the word ‘drag’, pipes, smoking in bathtubs--it's all SO APPEALING! …I also really enjoyed the book “Thank You For Smoking.”
Anyway, when I first turned 18 I smoked for awhile but it was gross. It tasted awful, my fingertip smelled awful, and i felt wiped out afterwards, i had no energy. And oh yeah, i heard it was bad for you. In addition, I decided that if it were to become a habit, I would be disenchanted with smoking and no longer find it “sexy”.
Well, I guess I’m glad I took the time out to appreciate one cause of lung cancer:/

Morgan said...

People who eat reasonable portions are not sexy? Why?

hayleyghoover said...

@Morgan I'm a really, really, really, really big fan of eating. As are my friends. If a guy can't compete with us, it's embarrassing.

Adam said...

Clint Eastwood is sexy.
Zefron is not sexy.
Dream Street is sexy.

etc. etc.

I agree with just about your whole list except probably The Notebook. We're on the same page gurl.

Kate said...

Oh Hayley, I love you.

Big muscles are not.
Any clothes that don't fit are not.

Eloquent people are.
Photographers are.
Rubenesque women definitely are.

Kate.

PS: BEST WISHES!

iamliterate said...

A. Spring Awakening. HELLZ YES.
B. I love Bo Burnham.

lindsey said...

Ohh Hayley G Hoover you are presh. I am totally doing a un/sexy blog.

Samantha said...

you know what's even better than a sexy, happily married couple performing "as long as you're mine". That happily married couple having a beautiful BABY.
for serious.
Idina's pregnant.
That will be the most beautiful and talented child EVER.

bryan said...

I just smoked a cigar ZOMG I'm sexy.

If only it were true.

VicMorrowsGhost said...

Sexy - Chicks who can crack jokes.
Unsexy - You know, like, whatever, like seriously, like yeah.

Kayleigh said...

I agree on the smoking thing. I find it incredibly sexy, especially when women smoke.

Bo Burnham is amazing, too. :)

J. Gray said...

Football isn't necessarily sexy but I love it. Scars are sexy. Celebrities, eh, not so much. Nerds are the greatest, I agree with you there.

Carrie said...

Totally agree with you about the Scrubs things. And, well, almost everything else you put.

Your blogs are immensely entertaining!

sorina said...

So... I got here from your vlog on 5AG... of course... :)

Just gotta say, I agree with every single one of those things that you find sexy. Hells yes!

MonishaAyita said...

I agree with everything except Orlando Bloom. I'm not even that attracted to him anymore, but I used to be so in love with him, that it's kind of turned into a sentimental thing. Oh well.

randa said...

smoking is sometimes sexy, but then other times it's just silly looking.

The Medieval Dark Lord said...

Ah, the Twilight scene os most def. sexy. Even though its kinda embarasssing at 1:36 when I yelped/screamed/screached like a major fan girl the first time I saw it. Which, happened to be at midnight. And yeah, its sad to say that I also do find smoking sexy. REALLY SEXY. And the jim/pam = jam thing. And World of Warcraft. And The Notebook. Oh, and Nerdfighters.

Kaitlyn said...

Lol @ "Spring Awakening...." ("Do they just really mean it?)

Siiiigh. I think smoking is sexy too. It's a problem.

Oh. And World of Warcraft? It's not sexy when your boyfriend pays more attention to WOW than to you. It sort of ruined my major high school relationship. In hindsight, though, it was for the best.

Anonymous said...

i see it hayley! smoking is sexy!
and so is everything else on your list except brad paisely! I love it!

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