As I type this, I'm simultaneously holding a powered blowdryer. Perhaps I keep having to backspace and correct single-finger typos, and perhaps I'm getting more hot air on my wall than on my tresses, but you have to admit-- it's mildly amazing. I plan to add this to my catalogue of skills for future resumes and reality TV show applications. Hayley is a fun-loving go-getter with a wild streak as long as her list of talents: making brownies from a box mix, construction paper crafts, dancing the robot, drying her hair and blogging in a single bound.... I don't have a wild-streak or the capacity for fun-loving and/or go-getting. I lied about those parts. Also, frankly, I turned the dryer off halfway through that paragraph and hoped you wouldn't notice. I'm sorry for deceiving you.
In other news, today marks Day 5 of my challenge to go without dairy products for an entire month. Still no crises. Pizza continues to look amazing, but I'm noticing that butter is losing its appeal for me. My dining hall keeps a heap of it on the salad bar and I actually turned my nose up at it, thinking, "Yeah, that's definitely not something I need inside of me" and also, "Great, I'm one of those people now." I wonder if this trend will continue until May or if I'll be dying for a croissant by Friday. Either way, this morning's breakfast was a bowl of soy milk and Apple Jacks (hadn't had those in forever and they were awesome... until I saw that sugar is the first ingredient. Yeeks.). Lunch was salad with raspberries and nuts piled on top. Afternoon Binge Disaster was about five servings of original Sun Chips, but I brought the team back together to finish strong at dinner time, choosing to cut up a veggie burger patty and eat it on a bed of greens. I had a banana between breakfast and lunch, too, and some blueberries with dinner. The chip overload was less a result of hunger and more a product of the, uh, moon phases, if you will, so I don't feel too bad about indulging. Altogether, today was another success.
Your comments regarding yesterday's post were both helpful and amusing (YES, I realize the difference between sex and gender, but gender jokes aren't as funny!) and I think I have a better understanding of my assignment now. I also have a better understanding of just how bad my French is (thanks, native speakers) and want to ask you, as per Scott's lol-worthy comment, how you excuse the fact that "vagina" is a masculine noun! Come on, French. Get it together. Anyway, I hope you guys realize that my love for you isn't a publicity charade or anything-- I look forward to reading your responses every day, and have tons of appreciation for those of you who come back on a frequent basis, whether or not you leave a comment. You make me feel awesome. I want to take you on a magic carpet ride past galloping white horses. Or something. You pick.
On that note, and definitely not just because my phone tells me The Situation is calling because, pfft, writing this is totally more important... I've gotta bounce. I have homework to do and teeth to brush and-- shut up!-- boyfriends to attend to :). I hope you all have a lovely day, and I'll see you guys tomorrow!
Chipotle burritos this year: 4
Subscribers: 48,279
Nail color: "Onyx Rush," Maybelline
Miles run today: 3
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
Eating, having a vagina...
Hello, lovelies. I'm not a sadist; I won't keep you waiting any longer. I know what you're all dying to hear: a list of everything I ate today. Calm yourselves. I'll deliver.
Breakfast was the same old orange juice and Kashi cereal with soy milk, lunch was a salad, banana, a handful of walnuts/pecans, and (surprisingly vegan!) tator tots. Dinner was an experiment with milk-free frozen meals, this time Amy's Black Bean Enchiladas. They looked disgusting but didn't taste half bad. Salted popcorn and dark chocolate made another appearance as an evening snack. I made my first sacrifice today, in the form of fighting a craving for peanut M&Ms-- even the dark chocolate versions contain several milk ingredients, the bastards-- but I miraculously survived. Also, I'm really getting the hang of distributing my fat and protein intake so I don't end up starving after a plate of raw vegetables, and I have to say, I feel good. Even an entire bag of popcorn doesn't cause the same hungover feeling I used to get from a single piece of pie. I mean, I'm not signing myself up for a lifetime of raw veganism, but in the past four days, I've barely noticed the absence of dairy products. Here's hoping that continues!
You're welcome, internet. I do you such a valuable service; I totally understand why you keep coming back every day.
The rest of today was slow, but thanks to warm thunderstorms outside, pretty. One of my English professors left the windows open during class so that little bits of rain floated in past the whipping curtains and it felt just amazing. Something about rain always makes me feel extraordinarily peaceful, even when going through the motions of an average weekday. I spent today discussing Chaucer, speaking horrible French, analyzing Michelle Tea poems, and posting a silly video on my new second channel whose comments have me laughing out loud. You guys are my type of people. Genuinely awesome company.
Sorry for running short tonight, but it's nearly bedtime and a pile of homework still lurks in my future. OH! Speaking of homework, I need your help with something! For Women and Gender Studies, I have to keep a log over the next week of all the times I'm "reminded of my gender." All I can think to write is, "8am. Wake up. Have vagina." Do you guys have any ideas to help me fill three pages? Anyway, mon vagin et moi allons aller écrivons en français. Goodnight!
Chipotle burritos this year: 4
Subscribers: 48,227
Nail color: "Onyx Rush," Maybelline
Miles run today: 3.5
Breakfast was the same old orange juice and Kashi cereal with soy milk, lunch was a salad, banana, a handful of walnuts/pecans, and (surprisingly vegan!) tator tots. Dinner was an experiment with milk-free frozen meals, this time Amy's Black Bean Enchiladas. They looked disgusting but didn't taste half bad. Salted popcorn and dark chocolate made another appearance as an evening snack. I made my first sacrifice today, in the form of fighting a craving for peanut M&Ms-- even the dark chocolate versions contain several milk ingredients, the bastards-- but I miraculously survived. Also, I'm really getting the hang of distributing my fat and protein intake so I don't end up starving after a plate of raw vegetables, and I have to say, I feel good. Even an entire bag of popcorn doesn't cause the same hungover feeling I used to get from a single piece of pie. I mean, I'm not signing myself up for a lifetime of raw veganism, but in the past four days, I've barely noticed the absence of dairy products. Here's hoping that continues!
You're welcome, internet. I do you such a valuable service; I totally understand why you keep coming back every day.
The rest of today was slow, but thanks to warm thunderstorms outside, pretty. One of my English professors left the windows open during class so that little bits of rain floated in past the whipping curtains and it felt just amazing. Something about rain always makes me feel extraordinarily peaceful, even when going through the motions of an average weekday. I spent today discussing Chaucer, speaking horrible French, analyzing Michelle Tea poems, and posting a silly video on my new second channel whose comments have me laughing out loud. You guys are my type of people. Genuinely awesome company.
Sorry for running short tonight, but it's nearly bedtime and a pile of homework still lurks in my future. OH! Speaking of homework, I need your help with something! For Women and Gender Studies, I have to keep a log over the next week of all the times I'm "reminded of my gender." All I can think to write is, "8am. Wake up. Have vagina." Do you guys have any ideas to help me fill three pages? Anyway, mon vagin et moi allons aller écrivons en français. Goodnight!
Chipotle burritos this year: 4
Subscribers: 48,227
Nail color: "Onyx Rush," Maybelline
Miles run today: 3.5
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Everbody's looking back on the weekend, weekend. (To the tune of "Friday")
Previously, in the Hayleylujah Chorus: Our beloved heroine finds herself faced with a dilemma to rival Hamlet's "To be or not to be." Should she go out on a Saturday night, engage in collegiate debauchery, have interesting information to relay to her blog readers the following evening? Or should she continue to lie on her bed, moving only the muscle required to click "Next page" on Tumblr, until she develops several excess chins? Find out now.
And the answer is... I went out! Just as I was ready to give up on the prospect of making plans, a friend of mine invited me to hang out in her dorm with some casual acquaintances. I went, made small talk for maybe half an hour, and then decided to tag along with another friend to a Real Party. It wasn't CRAZY AMAZING BREAK-WINDOWS-WITH-ROCKS-AND-SCREAM-THE-JOYFUL-CHANTS-OF-YOUTH EXCITING, but I had a legitimately good time. At one point, the entire crowd burst into a (perhaps substance-induced) rendition of "Friday." The friend I was with-- a girl I met because she read this blog, actually-- leaned into me during the Rebecca Black-along to yell, "It's like the internet in real life!" And she was right. Sometimes drunk strangers know every word to the rap break in a youtube meme. Sometimes life imitates art. These are the types of things you learn when you leave your room.
I got to bed pretty late last night, so today has been relaxing and low-key. I had brunch with friends, watched some Office, went for a long walk by myself, and waded my way through "The Knight's Tale" from The Canterbury Tales for one of my literature classes. My textbook has Middle English on one page, Modern on the next, but I've been forcing myself to make sense of the original language before going back and reading the modern translation. It's a decent challenge, which is refreshing. Maybe I'll update you guys with interesting tidbits I learn, in the event that I, you know, learn some interesting tidbits.
As far as my dairy-free challenge is concerned, today was another easy day. Breakfast was orange juice, Rice Krispies and blueberries with soy milk, and half a wheat bagel with natural peanut butter and strawberry slices. Lunch was a beautiful bowl of Chipotle* with ice water and lemon, I had a serving of dark chocolate for a snack, and dinner was three bowls of Kashi cereal, soy milk, and some green tea. I realize that my diet is becoming a little cereal-heavy, so I'll have to find some other convenient, filling options to balance it out. I've been cerealing so much to compensate for the fact that my meals sans-cheese and sans-bread-products-that-go-with-cheese contain fewer calories than I'm used to. I've been logging everything I eat into Livestrong.com, though, to make sure I eat enough calories to maintain my activity level. It's possible that I'll drop some weight from this project (which wouldn't be horrible, since I naturally gained about seven pounds over the winter) but I want to make sure I don't lose more than those few pounds, or more than I need. This is an experiment in the spirit of good health, of course, so I'm taking all the necessary precautions to make sure I'm taking proper care of myself.
Alright, it's nearly 11PM, so I have to walk across campus to the library in order to read a story for French tomorrow. The bookstores are all fresh out of copies of the text, so lucky Hayley has had to wait all day until the one at the library becomes available. I'm looking forward to a long night of answering questions in a foreign language and depriving my body of its necessary rest. Hooray for college!
Before I run: Did you guys do anything interesting this weekend? Don't feel bad if you didn't-- I rarely do-- but if you did find something cool going on, what was it? Either way, I hope you all have a nice day tonight/tomorrow, and I'll see you guys, obviously, for BEDA Day 4. Night!
Chipotle burritos this year: 4
Nail color: "Onyx Rush," Maybelline
Subscribers: 48,186
Miles run today: Only 1. For those who asked, no, I haven't stopped running; I just usually do it at night, after I've already updated my blog, and I feel stupid writing "None yet" every time.
*Rice, black beans, corn, tomato salsa, hot salsa, guacamole, lettuce. All vegan! Only making due without sour cream. I love me some SC, but the dish is still amazing without it.
And the answer is... I went out! Just as I was ready to give up on the prospect of making plans, a friend of mine invited me to hang out in her dorm with some casual acquaintances. I went, made small talk for maybe half an hour, and then decided to tag along with another friend to a Real Party. It wasn't CRAZY AMAZING BREAK-WINDOWS-WITH-ROCKS-AND-SCREAM-THE-JOYFUL-CHANTS-OF-YOUTH EXCITING, but I had a legitimately good time. At one point, the entire crowd burst into a (perhaps substance-induced) rendition of "Friday." The friend I was with-- a girl I met because she read this blog, actually-- leaned into me during the Rebecca Black-along to yell, "It's like the internet in real life!" And she was right. Sometimes drunk strangers know every word to the rap break in a youtube meme. Sometimes life imitates art. These are the types of things you learn when you leave your room.
I got to bed pretty late last night, so today has been relaxing and low-key. I had brunch with friends, watched some Office, went for a long walk by myself, and waded my way through "The Knight's Tale" from The Canterbury Tales for one of my literature classes. My textbook has Middle English on one page, Modern on the next, but I've been forcing myself to make sense of the original language before going back and reading the modern translation. It's a decent challenge, which is refreshing. Maybe I'll update you guys with interesting tidbits I learn, in the event that I, you know, learn some interesting tidbits.
As far as my dairy-free challenge is concerned, today was another easy day. Breakfast was orange juice, Rice Krispies and blueberries with soy milk, and half a wheat bagel with natural peanut butter and strawberry slices. Lunch was a beautiful bowl of Chipotle* with ice water and lemon, I had a serving of dark chocolate for a snack, and dinner was three bowls of Kashi cereal, soy milk, and some green tea. I realize that my diet is becoming a little cereal-heavy, so I'll have to find some other convenient, filling options to balance it out. I've been cerealing so much to compensate for the fact that my meals sans-cheese and sans-bread-products-that-go-with-cheese contain fewer calories than I'm used to. I've been logging everything I eat into Livestrong.com, though, to make sure I eat enough calories to maintain my activity level. It's possible that I'll drop some weight from this project (which wouldn't be horrible, since I naturally gained about seven pounds over the winter) but I want to make sure I don't lose more than those few pounds, or more than I need. This is an experiment in the spirit of good health, of course, so I'm taking all the necessary precautions to make sure I'm taking proper care of myself.
Alright, it's nearly 11PM, so I have to walk across campus to the library in order to read a story for French tomorrow. The bookstores are all fresh out of copies of the text, so lucky Hayley has had to wait all day until the one at the library becomes available. I'm looking forward to a long night of answering questions in a foreign language and depriving my body of its necessary rest. Hooray for college!
Before I run: Did you guys do anything interesting this weekend? Don't feel bad if you didn't-- I rarely do-- but if you did find something cool going on, what was it? Either way, I hope you all have a nice day tonight/tomorrow, and I'll see you guys, obviously, for BEDA Day 4. Night!
Chipotle burritos this year: 4
Nail color: "Onyx Rush," Maybelline
Subscribers: 48,186
Miles run today: Only 1. For those who asked, no, I haven't stopped running; I just usually do it at night, after I've already updated my blog, and I feel stupid writing "None yet" every time.
*Rice, black beans, corn, tomato salsa, hot salsa, guacamole, lettuce. All vegan! Only making due without sour cream. I love me some SC, but the dish is still amazing without it.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Even the Magic Eight Ball hates me.
Good evening, Blog, and welcome to the second installment of Blog Every Dairy-Free Day in April! Two days into my challenge, life without dairy looks remarkably similar to life with it. Breakfast was Kashi cereal with soy milk and a glass of V8 juice, lunch was black bean soup, salad*, two kiwis, a roll, and pineapple juice, "dinner" was salted (butterless) popcorn and a few Oreos, which are surprisingly milk-free!** Avoiding dairy products hasn't been remotely difficult yet. My school's dining halls are very vegetarian- and vegan-friendly, and most dishes are labeled if they contain major food allergens, including milk. I raised half an eyebrow at a friend's cookie dough ice cream, but my abstinence didn't induce any withdrawal symptoms. And as far as calcium is concerned, my bones are still intact.*** I don't want to jinx anything, but as of tonight, Mission: Possible.
In other news, I... um. That last paragraph pretty much exhausted the only topic I'd planned to discuss. I feel like, if this post were a real conversation, this would be the point where we'd all checked our phones and pretended to look around the room. I wish I had some sort of fantastic adventure to relay, filled with... I don't know... boys and, uh... booze and... other collegiate things... but if we're being honest, I'm a little bit pathetic. It's now 9:30PM and I've officially spent the entire day-- save the two hours I was across campus eating with a friend-- sitting placid on my bed. I find myself trapped between the desire to walk outside in the real human world and the calming complacency of doing absolutely nothing at all. Maybe I should go out. Should I go out? Hold on, I'll ask my Magic Eight Ball.
Unfortunately, I just remembered that I don't own a Magic Eight Ball. Hold on, I'll google one.
Found it. I asked, "Should I go out?" It told me to "ask again later." I waited a second and asked again. "Should I go out?"
"Outlook not good."
Geez, Magic Eight Ball. Way to believe in me. Anyway, guys, I think I'm gonna head out. Maybe I'll find something to do, maybe I won't. Either way, I'll update you on my fascinating decision tomorrow. Until then, I hope you all have a lovely evening, a lovelier morning, and a sense of accomplishment about not being as lame as I am. See you tomorrow!
Chipotle burritos this year: 3
Subscribers: 48,120
Nail color: "Onyx Rush," Maybelline
*Spinach, romaine, green/yellow/red peppers, cucumbers, carrots, broccoli, onion, peas, lima beans, seeds, dried cranberries. No salad dressing because-- go ahead and call me crazy-- I don't really like any.
**This fact should gross me out. It does not.
***A note about calcium, since a lot of you were kind enough to be concerned for me: I've charted my vitamin and mineral intake in the past, and I actually receive plenty of calcium from non-dairy sources like nuts and greens. Something else that I find really interesting? It's heavily rumored that Americans receive too much calcium in their ordinary diets, considering that the countries with the strongest bones are those where people consume less milk. I'm obviously not a nutritionist or a scientist or a doctor, so don't take my word as law, here, but it's really a really interesting topic to research.
In other news, I... um. That last paragraph pretty much exhausted the only topic I'd planned to discuss. I feel like, if this post were a real conversation, this would be the point where we'd all checked our phones and pretended to look around the room. I wish I had some sort of fantastic adventure to relay, filled with... I don't know... boys and, uh... booze and... other collegiate things... but if we're being honest, I'm a little bit pathetic. It's now 9:30PM and I've officially spent the entire day-- save the two hours I was across campus eating with a friend-- sitting placid on my bed. I find myself trapped between the desire to walk outside in the real human world and the calming complacency of doing absolutely nothing at all. Maybe I should go out. Should I go out? Hold on, I'll ask my Magic Eight Ball.
Unfortunately, I just remembered that I don't own a Magic Eight Ball. Hold on, I'll google one.
Found it. I asked, "Should I go out?" It told me to "ask again later." I waited a second and asked again. "Should I go out?"
"Outlook not good."
Geez, Magic Eight Ball. Way to believe in me. Anyway, guys, I think I'm gonna head out. Maybe I'll find something to do, maybe I won't. Either way, I'll update you on my fascinating decision tomorrow. Until then, I hope you all have a lovely evening, a lovelier morning, and a sense of accomplishment about not being as lame as I am. See you tomorrow!
Chipotle burritos this year: 3
Subscribers: 48,120
Nail color: "Onyx Rush," Maybelline
*Spinach, romaine, green/yellow/red peppers, cucumbers, carrots, broccoli, onion, peas, lima beans, seeds, dried cranberries. No salad dressing because-- go ahead and call me crazy-- I don't really like any.
**This fact should gross me out. It does not.
***A note about calcium, since a lot of you were kind enough to be concerned for me: I've charted my vitamin and mineral intake in the past, and I actually receive plenty of calcium from non-dairy sources like nuts and greens. Something else that I find really interesting? It's heavily rumored that Americans receive too much calcium in their ordinary diets, considering that the countries with the strongest bones are those where people consume less milk. I'm obviously not a nutritionist or a scientist or a doctor, so don't take my word as law, here, but it's really a really interesting topic to research.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Blog Every Dairy-Free Day in April!
BLOG EVERY DAY IN APRIL? Are you kidding me? I have far too much going on in my life. I need to order my box set of Jersey Shore DVDs, watch Charlie Sheen's live webcasts, apply for a job at Hooters, eat a gigantic, bloody steak. Besides, I've been really moody lately, considering my double pregnancy (my fetus is pregnant, as well-- kind of like conception Inception) and the fact that I'm addicted to heroin. Sorry to get your hopes up, but it's just not gonna happen this year.
You crazy fools. Of course I'm participating in BEDA. I'm as pumped as pumped can be! No, I'm pumpedier than pumped, because this year's BEDA is not just a race-- it's an obstacle course! While I've written a blog post every day in the month of April for the past two years, this year I'm adding another objective to the goal. I'm going to attempt eating a dairy-free diet from today until the 30th. And you're gonna watch.*
Why would you do that, freak?
I've been reading a lot about nutrition lately and there actually appears to be substantial evidence that dairy is not only unnecessary, but likely even harmful to humans. Out of curiosity, I gave up dairy products for a week and a half in March (in total secrecy, for the added thrill) and found that I really did feel more energetic. I want to see what happens after a whole month.
But Hayley, you love cheese!
Ugh. I know I do, Italicized Dialogue. But oddly enough, after holding out on pizza and cream cheese for only ten days, neither has seemed that satisfying since. If I get to the end of the month and find myself salivating uncontrollably over a pile of whipped cream, I'm not going to deny myself! I'm just curious if a detox will change my feelings.
Won't you kind of look self-righteous and preachy?
I hope not! I mean, I'm kind of famous for my ability to eat mass quantities of junk in record time, so I'm hardly a health nazi. Also, I'm willing to put the project on hold if it starts to inconvenience other people. (i.e. If someone invites me over for dinner, I'm not going to abstain from their cooking just to amuse myself. If something of that nature happens, I'll just add on an extra dairy-free day in May.)
What if you turn into a crazy starving rampage monster?
Then my blog posts will be hilarious.
I'll eat more bread, guys. And it's only one month!
I think you're an idiot.
Takes one to know one, Self.
Anyway, that's the plan. I'll keep you updated on a day-to-day basis with my triumphs and struggles, while still providing you (lucky bastards) with the all brilliant and witty anecdotes for which I'm critically acclaimed (remember the time I went to class, did homework, and then went to bed? Riveting!). Let me know in a comment or tweet if you're BEDAing as well. Oh, and are any of you vegan or dairy-free vegetarians? If so, I'd love to hear your advice and stories on the topic.
I hope you all have a lovely day. See you tomorrow, guys!
Chipotle burritos this year: 3
Subscribers: 48,045
Nail color: "Onyx Rush," Maybelline
*I mean, like, if you want to. No pressure. Not too much pressure.
You crazy fools. Of course I'm participating in BEDA. I'm as pumped as pumped can be! No, I'm pumpedier than pumped, because this year's BEDA is not just a race-- it's an obstacle course! While I've written a blog post every day in the month of April for the past two years, this year I'm adding another objective to the goal. I'm going to attempt eating a dairy-free diet from today until the 30th. And you're gonna watch.*
Why would you do that, freak?
I've been reading a lot about nutrition lately and there actually appears to be substantial evidence that dairy is not only unnecessary, but likely even harmful to humans. Out of curiosity, I gave up dairy products for a week and a half in March (in total secrecy, for the added thrill) and found that I really did feel more energetic. I want to see what happens after a whole month.
But Hayley, you love cheese!
Ugh. I know I do, Italicized Dialogue. But oddly enough, after holding out on pizza and cream cheese for only ten days, neither has seemed that satisfying since. If I get to the end of the month and find myself salivating uncontrollably over a pile of whipped cream, I'm not going to deny myself! I'm just curious if a detox will change my feelings.
Won't you kind of look self-righteous and preachy?
I hope not! I mean, I'm kind of famous for my ability to eat mass quantities of junk in record time, so I'm hardly a health nazi. Also, I'm willing to put the project on hold if it starts to inconvenience other people. (i.e. If someone invites me over for dinner, I'm not going to abstain from their cooking just to amuse myself. If something of that nature happens, I'll just add on an extra dairy-free day in May.)
What if you turn into a crazy starving rampage monster?
Then my blog posts will be hilarious.
I'll eat more bread, guys. And it's only one month!
I think you're an idiot.
Takes one to know one, Self.
Anyway, that's the plan. I'll keep you updated on a day-to-day basis with my triumphs and struggles, while still providing you (lucky bastards) with the all brilliant and witty anecdotes for which I'm critically acclaimed (remember the time I went to class, did homework, and then went to bed? Riveting!). Let me know in a comment or tweet if you're BEDAing as well. Oh, and are any of you vegan or dairy-free vegetarians? If so, I'd love to hear your advice and stories on the topic.
I hope you all have a lovely day. See you tomorrow, guys!
Chipotle burritos this year: 3
Subscribers: 48,045
Nail color: "Onyx Rush," Maybelline
*I mean, like, if you want to. No pressure. Not too much pressure.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Playlist Live and Cantaloupe
Do you ever get to that point where you're stretched out on your bed, shirt folded up so as not to constrict the belly you've just stuffed to the brink with pizza, baskets of clean laundry piled at your feet, desk strewn with notebooks and empty cups and a plush alligator? And do you ever find yourself thinking, while in this position, Gee, the most logical thing for me to do right now would be to write a blog post, rather than tend to the hundred little disasters around me? What's that? You CAN relate? Oh, Blog. I knew I liked you.
Since we last spoke, I finished up another academic quarter with brilliant mediocrity, roadtripped to Florida with The Situation, and attended the youtube conference Playlist Live where all my most magical dreams came true, from bonding with Tyler Oakley to hot-tubbing between both members of ALL CAPS to touching Emerson Spartz to eating cantaloupe. The first item in the previous list was stressful (my school limited everybody's internet usage during finals week to save money but, oh, fear not, they didn't limit the five-star hotels for our perpetually losing football team), the second item was fun and relaxing, the third worthy of its own paragraph (below), and the fourth was somehow a six-dollar expense because that's the way Orlando rolls.
But enough about melons; let's gossip. Playlist Live ended up being pretty fantastic. The event definitely had its faults, like setting up a "VIP party" which I attended for about ten minutes before realizing it was more or less a "I bet I can outdouche you" competition between young people with way too much money and even more ego, but everyone I met who doesn't check their subscriber counts every fourteen seconds was lovely as can be. I hung out at the gorgeous outdoor pool where I had sassy bikini-clad girl talk with italktosnakes (control yourselves!), admired Nanalew, Strawburry17 and Meekakitty who all manage (miraculously) to be even more beautiful in person, and asked embarrassing questions of Dan Brown because "you promised to let the internet control your life this year and I am the internet so answer me." I also got to hang out with graphic designer extraordinaire Karen Kavett, my teenage dreams Alex Carpenter and Jason Munday, and a whole slew of Nerdfighters from all over the country (and some beyond), each amusing and awesome and adorable and every other positive A-adjective you can imagine. Dave Days was really polite and seems like a genuinely nice guy, Wheezy Waiter is an all-around champion at life, and at the end of the day, the people I'd expected to be cool were very much cool, and the only people I rolled my eyes at are the ones I've been eye-rolling all along. Internet personalities may not be a perfect reflection of the real people behind them, but they appear to be close.
So yeah, my spring break was an all-around success. I spent a cathartic day at my family's vacation place and wore out my feet (in the best possible way) on a long beach walk with my parents, heard some exciting family news*, talked and laughed with this pianist guy I'm very much in love with, and felt real sun on my face for the first time in months. Even crappy airtravel mini-disasters couldn't undo the pleasant feeling I've been riding since I got home. And that's saying something.***
Anyway, it's now past midnight and the laundrysplosion surrounding my gelatinous self is looking like more of an issue, so I should probably stop typing and go tend to that. I'm starting all new classes this week, so hopefully I'll have news to report about my collegiate adventures in the future. In the meantime, check out this video I just posted on my brand new secondary youtube channel, if you're bored, and I hope to see you around these parts soon!
Chipotle burritos this year: 3
Subscribers: 47,888
Nail color: "Broken and gross" by the I'm Lazy line
Miles run today: -100, +1 pizza
*Can you keep a secret? I mean, you don't really have to, but calling it a secret sounds so much more fun. Guess what. My sister and her husband are finally pregnant!**
**She is technically the only pregnant one, but he helped.
***At one point I was seated between two basketball players, both asleep with his legs spread widely apart, one thigh from each pushing on my skirt-clad legs in a much too intimate way. At another point, I almost went off on a crazy rant when the entire airline staff continually addressed an innocent woman (she was Chinese but speaking perfectly decent, passable English) in that SLOW. LOUD. SPACED-OUT. VOICE. IGNORANT. AMERICANS. USE. ON. FOREIGNERS. Meanwhile, the world's most annoying seven-year-old boy in front of my repeatedly burst into five-second tears over his homework (Yes, kid, Mexico is part of North America. It's not that hard to draw an oval. "Answer" has a W in it.), the overhead compartments were not nearly big enough to hold even my very reasonably-sized bag, and my first plane was so late that I nearly missed the second. *Deep breath.* #whitegirlproblems
Since we last spoke, I finished up another academic quarter with brilliant mediocrity, roadtripped to Florida with The Situation, and attended the youtube conference Playlist Live where all my most magical dreams came true, from bonding with Tyler Oakley to hot-tubbing between both members of ALL CAPS to touching Emerson Spartz to eating cantaloupe. The first item in the previous list was stressful (my school limited everybody's internet usage during finals week to save money but, oh, fear not, they didn't limit the five-star hotels for our perpetually losing football team), the second item was fun and relaxing, the third worthy of its own paragraph (below), and the fourth was somehow a six-dollar expense because that's the way Orlando rolls.
But enough about melons; let's gossip. Playlist Live ended up being pretty fantastic. The event definitely had its faults, like setting up a "VIP party" which I attended for about ten minutes before realizing it was more or less a "I bet I can outdouche you" competition between young people with way too much money and even more ego, but everyone I met who doesn't check their subscriber counts every fourteen seconds was lovely as can be. I hung out at the gorgeous outdoor pool where I had sassy bikini-clad girl talk with italktosnakes (control yourselves!), admired Nanalew, Strawburry17 and Meekakitty who all manage (miraculously) to be even more beautiful in person, and asked embarrassing questions of Dan Brown because "you promised to let the internet control your life this year and I am the internet so answer me." I also got to hang out with graphic designer extraordinaire Karen Kavett, my teenage dreams Alex Carpenter and Jason Munday, and a whole slew of Nerdfighters from all over the country (and some beyond), each amusing and awesome and adorable and every other positive A-adjective you can imagine. Dave Days was really polite and seems like a genuinely nice guy, Wheezy Waiter is an all-around champion at life, and at the end of the day, the people I'd expected to be cool were very much cool, and the only people I rolled my eyes at are the ones I've been eye-rolling all along. Internet personalities may not be a perfect reflection of the real people behind them, but they appear to be close.
So yeah, my spring break was an all-around success. I spent a cathartic day at my family's vacation place and wore out my feet (in the best possible way) on a long beach walk with my parents, heard some exciting family news*, talked and laughed with this pianist guy I'm very much in love with, and felt real sun on my face for the first time in months. Even crappy airtravel mini-disasters couldn't undo the pleasant feeling I've been riding since I got home. And that's saying something.***
Anyway, it's now past midnight and the laundrysplosion surrounding my gelatinous self is looking like more of an issue, so I should probably stop typing and go tend to that. I'm starting all new classes this week, so hopefully I'll have news to report about my collegiate adventures in the future. In the meantime, check out this video I just posted on my brand new secondary youtube channel, if you're bored, and I hope to see you around these parts soon!
Chipotle burritos this year: 3
Subscribers: 47,888
Nail color: "Broken and gross" by the I'm Lazy line
Miles run today: -100, +1 pizza
*Can you keep a secret? I mean, you don't really have to, but calling it a secret sounds so much more fun. Guess what. My sister and her husband are finally pregnant!**
**She is technically the only pregnant one, but he helped.
***At one point I was seated between two basketball players, both asleep with his legs spread widely apart, one thigh from each pushing on my skirt-clad legs in a much too intimate way. At another point, I almost went off on a crazy rant when the entire airline staff continually addressed an innocent woman (she was Chinese but speaking perfectly decent, passable English) in that SLOW. LOUD. SPACED-OUT. VOICE. IGNORANT. AMERICANS. USE. ON. FOREIGNERS. Meanwhile, the world's most annoying seven-year-old boy in front of my repeatedly burst into five-second tears over his homework (Yes, kid, Mexico is part of North America. It's not that hard to draw an oval. "Answer" has a W in it.), the overhead compartments were not nearly big enough to hold even my very reasonably-sized bag, and my first plane was so late that I nearly missed the second. *Deep breath.* #whitegirlproblems
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
In which childhood dreams punch me in the face.
This afternoon, my computer punched me in the face.
I'd been in that typical late-winter mood since I woke up-- you know, when your skin's all dry and your jeans are too tight and you decide the missing leaves from the trees are a metaphor for the missing purpose from your life and waaah-- and I had assumed my typical after-class position, lying down with my laptop propped on my knees. Just a regular day. Watching The Best of Adam Sandler on Netflix, eating simple carbs, wallowing in the quiet misery of being rich and white. It was just when my mind had started down the path of I'm pathetic and wasting my time by getting this useless degree from an institute whose only real claim to fame is being consistently recognized by Playboy.com for its great keggers... when it hit me. Literally. A slight movement caused my aluminum laptop to slide down my thighs and, at full speed, knock me straight in the mouth. All I did at the time was swear and flail, but little did I know: The universe was trying to convey a message to me.
Still, I carried on as usual, having misinterpreted that painful beacon of fate as just another example of gravity wanting to spite me. It wasn't until later, when I was flopping my winter thighs around the indoor track of our school gym, that I finally got the message.
I like to let my mind wander while I run, and perhaps it stemmed from my earlier thoughts about the pointlessness of my Creative Writing degree, but I happened to recall a seemingly random memory from seventh grade Sunday School. Our teacher had asked us to go around the circle and introduce ourselves by saying our names and what we wanted to be when we grew up. I was (shockingly!) a bit of a douchebag when I was thirteen, and I clearly remember trying to overshadow all the would-be firemen and nurses by saying, "I'm Hayley, and I want to write for Saturday Night Live." Truthfully, I had only ever seen the first two sketches of each episode from the foot of my parents' bed before they turned it off and I went to my room, but I always liked what I'd seen, and I knew I'd sound cool for saying so. And I loved that dream-- someday being adult and sophisticated, writing topical jokes about politics I understood, seeing my name on a screen while trumpets played, having some little Maya Rudolph smile. So I said, "And maybe I'll be a cast member, too, but I mainly just want to write."
My Sunday School teacher nodded and said something falsely earnest like, "I'm sure you will be someday!" because she was supposed to encourage us and therefore couldn't have said, "That's cute, but in twenty years you'll be living down the street from your parents, working at the library, and crying yourself to sleep every night while your second husband rubs ointment into his varicose veins." Lately, though, that depressing spiel has been feeling a lot more realistic.
I could see that teacher's face in my head tonight, while I ran laps. I was thinking about it, dwelling on the particular sadness of having been more confident about my career aspirations when I had braces than I am at age twenty... when Fate threw a sign at my head that was much, much, much heavier than a laptop. I was minding my own business when a tall blonde girl entered the track and started jogging out in front of me, and I swear to you, on my Scout's Honor, because I could not make this shit up*... she was wearing a t-shirt... with the Saturday Night Live logo on the back.
Uh, yeah. Seconds after having resigned myself to someday being Ohio's Funniest English Teacher Who Hates Herself, I found myself quite literally chasing my childhood dream. Isn't life hilarious? Somehow, some stranger wearing a souvenir from the NBC giftshop was all it took to restore my seventh grade optimism, at least for a while. Somehow, I feel more inspired to write tonight.
Cue the big band music.
Chipotle burritos this year: 3
Subscribers: 46,565
Nail color: "You Don't Know Jacques," OPI.
Miles run today: 4
Miles run this year: Lost track a week ago. It was fun while it lasted.
*Okay, in actuality, I could make this shit up-- fairly easily, even-- but I did not. This account is all true. My goal is to write for SNL, guys, not Saved by the Bell.
I'd been in that typical late-winter mood since I woke up-- you know, when your skin's all dry and your jeans are too tight and you decide the missing leaves from the trees are a metaphor for the missing purpose from your life and waaah-- and I had assumed my typical after-class position, lying down with my laptop propped on my knees. Just a regular day. Watching The Best of Adam Sandler on Netflix, eating simple carbs, wallowing in the quiet misery of being rich and white. It was just when my mind had started down the path of I'm pathetic and wasting my time by getting this useless degree from an institute whose only real claim to fame is being consistently recognized by Playboy.com for its great keggers... when it hit me. Literally. A slight movement caused my aluminum laptop to slide down my thighs and, at full speed, knock me straight in the mouth. All I did at the time was swear and flail, but little did I know: The universe was trying to convey a message to me.
Still, I carried on as usual, having misinterpreted that painful beacon of fate as just another example of gravity wanting to spite me. It wasn't until later, when I was flopping my winter thighs around the indoor track of our school gym, that I finally got the message.
I like to let my mind wander while I run, and perhaps it stemmed from my earlier thoughts about the pointlessness of my Creative Writing degree, but I happened to recall a seemingly random memory from seventh grade Sunday School. Our teacher had asked us to go around the circle and introduce ourselves by saying our names and what we wanted to be when we grew up. I was (shockingly!) a bit of a douchebag when I was thirteen, and I clearly remember trying to overshadow all the would-be firemen and nurses by saying, "I'm Hayley, and I want to write for Saturday Night Live." Truthfully, I had only ever seen the first two sketches of each episode from the foot of my parents' bed before they turned it off and I went to my room, but I always liked what I'd seen, and I knew I'd sound cool for saying so. And I loved that dream-- someday being adult and sophisticated, writing topical jokes about politics I understood, seeing my name on a screen while trumpets played, having some little Maya Rudolph smile. So I said, "And maybe I'll be a cast member, too, but I mainly just want to write."
My Sunday School teacher nodded and said something falsely earnest like, "I'm sure you will be someday!" because she was supposed to encourage us and therefore couldn't have said, "That's cute, but in twenty years you'll be living down the street from your parents, working at the library, and crying yourself to sleep every night while your second husband rubs ointment into his varicose veins." Lately, though, that depressing spiel has been feeling a lot more realistic.
I could see that teacher's face in my head tonight, while I ran laps. I was thinking about it, dwelling on the particular sadness of having been more confident about my career aspirations when I had braces than I am at age twenty... when Fate threw a sign at my head that was much, much, much heavier than a laptop. I was minding my own business when a tall blonde girl entered the track and started jogging out in front of me, and I swear to you, on my Scout's Honor, because I could not make this shit up*... she was wearing a t-shirt... with the Saturday Night Live logo on the back.
Uh, yeah. Seconds after having resigned myself to someday being Ohio's Funniest English Teacher Who Hates Herself, I found myself quite literally chasing my childhood dream. Isn't life hilarious? Somehow, some stranger wearing a souvenir from the NBC giftshop was all it took to restore my seventh grade optimism, at least for a while. Somehow, I feel more inspired to write tonight.
Cue the big band music.
Chipotle burritos this year: 3
Subscribers: 46,565
Nail color: "You Don't Know Jacques," OPI.
Miles run today: 4
Miles run this year: Lost track a week ago. It was fun while it lasted.
*Okay, in actuality, I could make this shit up-- fairly easily, even-- but I did not. This account is all true. My goal is to write for SNL, guys, not Saved by the Bell.
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