Evidence that I'm a woman:
- I can put on earrings without looking for the holes in a mirror.
- I can give you a to-the-hundred estimate of what's in my checking account at any given time.
- I don't feel any desire to buy vending machine candy bars.
- I keep my keys on a hook and my jewelry in a box.
- I keep track of appointments on a calendar.
- I get really excited by Target's kitchen supply section.
- All my coats have a matching pair of gloves in their front pockets.
- I rarely eat anything containing neon food coloring.
- I think jeans belong on the floor. (Anyone who claims it's convenient to fold them over slippery hangers or stack of them where they'll never be seen is pretentious/lying.)
- I don't keep bank deposit slips in my glove compartment.
- Regarding makeup, I haven't yet found a balance between Completely Bare and Crack Whore.
- Sometimes I let empty toilet paper rolls collect into a cardboard tube graveyard instead of just throwing them away.
- I still buy $4 magazines even though I know they're brainwashing and catalogueish and wasteful and satanic and all that.
- I can't make eye contact with the condom/pregnancy test/any-tube-with-the-word-"vaginal"-on-it aisle.
- I recently made my mother convince me there wasn't a murderer in my house.
- I'm, like, really pumped that they're making new Sailor Moon episodes.
I don't have the slightest idea how one is supposed to handle this transition. Ingest illegal substances? Get a mom haircut? Listen to the second track of every Broadway musical recording, wherein the protagonist invariably sings about how something's coming and they've gotta find their purpose and their corner of the sky and their one song glory? I don't know. I don't know. So I'm taking baby steps. Today, I clean out my childhood bedroom.
It's amazing how this room-- which used to be my only sanctuary of semi-privacy, where I could be my absolute self-- is suddenly a hot pink memorial to some kid who doesn't exist anymore. This polkadot rug that everyone said was ugly but I swore represented my unique style? It's ugly. The books that once changed my life are suddenly "cute." I can't decipher the metaphors in old journaled poems, I can't comprehend why something as hideous as this lamp would dare to exist, I can't remember what led me to attempt a "mural" on my closet wall. This room is a time capsule, a museum exhibit... a complete mess.
First task: eliminate any and all clothing that rings even the tiniest bit pubescent. I keep catching myself mulling over sweaters and being all, "Oh, this is still good! I got it during my freshman year of high school! That was only... seven years ago." Nope. Goodbye, tank tops with broken lace. Ciao, good-intentioned tops that look pretty on hangers but don't cover my boobs. I'm forcing myself to toss anything emblazoned with an embroidered seagull or designed for someone awaiting her first period. Discharging all Abercrombie products, pronto.
Sigh. The thing is, I'm getting pretty good at not being a child, but I'm still awful at being an adult. What are women supposed to wear? Like, khakis? I know the applique sweater vests don't come until later, and I think I'm supposed to own a lot of sparkly things for going to bars, but that's as close as I've come to figuring it out. I'll let you know if I wake up tomorrow with an insatiable desire to purchase control-top pantyhose. Until then, it's back to Britney Spearsing for me. I'm not a girl, not yet a woman, and not anywhere near done de-Hollister-izing my bedroom floor. See you guys soon!
46 comments:
I'm a senior in high school an I'm starting to also enter that phase of ami still a kid or women as well. Life is confusing... Well it's just me confusing myself, but still
OKAY SO THEY'RE MAKING NEW SAILOR MOON EPISODES?!
My 22-year old brother had recently linked me to the Britney song so when I read your post title I immediately knew what you were referencing. I am only mildly ashamed.
I can't entirely relate, given I'm only 17 and college-bound, but I think you still capture the essence of being on the verge of something new. Plus, I've been doing a similar overhaul in my room. I'm finding some of the things I've chosen to surround myself with aren't worth keeping. And that's oddly liberating.
Hayley, I am in the same position as you! Being 22 and a recent college grad is a very weird feeling. Good to see other people with the same inner struggles. Been following you on Youtube for years, you're hilarious, keep it up! And as Disney would advise you, Go the Distance, Dig a Little Deeper and in the meantime you'll ask yourself daily, like I do, When will my Life Begin?
-Elissa Clark
I'm 22, graduated college 14 months ago, and am getting married in 10 months. I still wear logo-tees and jeans on a regular basis. Wear what makes you feel comfortable, confident, and looks decent. I don't think there are any set rules that you have to abide by in being an adult, just wear what you want and flaunt it- part of being an adult is being comfortable in your own skin :D
As a 22 year old who is just starting graduate school and beginning student teaching HOLY CRAP I agree with the clothes situation. I keep having to figure out if my clothes make me look like one of the students and I have been trying to find good dress pants for what feels like eons. I don't know how to dress like an adult. And frankly, I don't wanna. I want to wear jeans and fun skirts and wear hipstery clothes every once in awhile. For some reason, I can't seem to pull together a "teacher outfit." Also, same with the hot pink shrine to my teen years, though mine has the addition of 2 ORANGE walls. So 2 pink, 2 orange. I thought this was the height of interior design at 14.
Can I just say ditto. Also, SAILOR MOON! alsdjflasfasj Yeah verbatim to what came out of my mouth when I found that out. True story.
I've kind of been in the same place recently! Except different, because I'm just starting university instead of finishing, so I'm definitely less womanly. Part of me still feels like a kid going back to school, and part of me has to, like, go grocery shopping and make sure I eat something other than toast all day. In some ways I still feel like a kid, because I'm going to be living with my sister, but at the same time now we have actual responsibilities because we have our own place.
So, thanks for this, Hayley! It's kind of nice that you're a few years older than me, because I feel like you're my telescope to the Big Wide World ahead, giving me a heads up on what's coming. Which, it appears, is kind of the same as what I'm going through now, only even more confusing. Huzzah!
Well, I'm 24, and still have some of the same problems that you have..haha. I think you should wear whatever you feel awesome in...if it's yoga pants & a hoodie one day, and a hottie mctottie mini & heels the next..well, that's how it goes.
Don't be afraid to try something new and fun and completely out of your box!
I don't think anyone suddenly makes the transition from kid to adult, really. I think everyone takes baby steps.
Having said that, I'm only fifteen, with a 22 year old sister. She always complains to me about the clothes situation. Apparently some clothes looked fine in the first year of uni, but now make her look like a child.
I guess I've still got all that to come. Hopefully, by the time I'm there, you will have figured it out and I can take your advice! Best of luck with it <3
Hayley, don't worry. All you need is time. And a moment that's yours. No matter what age, we all have a little more homework to do.
Also, this: http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-things-they-never-told-us_p2/
I mean: http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-things-they-never-told-us but I know you're smart enough to figure out I linked to page 2 instead of page 1, oops!
<33
I cleaned out my childhood bedroom over the weekend... except I'm not moving out: I'm moving in. Four months from graduation, I thought I wouldn't be living in Alabama. (Somehow, Ohio seems cooler?) Three months later, not only am I living at home, I'm also taking post-bac classes at the big/public/urban university in my town (big change from my small/private/liberal arts/rural college), working at my old dance school, and grabbing drinks in the evenings with my high school friends (and having grown up slumber parties! with alcohol!). Life is so weird! And the jumper I'm wearing right now makes me look like a Kindergartner. So, I feel ya.
Hayley, I'm a sophomore in college and i'm starting to feel just the beginnings of what you are going though now. For all of my adolescence I've had this big blue plastic container of stuff. Just papery stuff. Through the years it's been overflowing with fanfiction, poems, short stories, photos, notes to myself, notes to others, summer camp memorabilia, and scraps of paper that I tucked away in an attempt to hold onto a memory connected to it...
just junk. every once in a while I would go through this tub, and try to get rid of what I could bear to... It was always just a difficult process because for the life of me, I just can't let go of material things. Things that I'm convinced have some point other than just being overly-sentimental.
Not long ago, before moving back to school, I went through the tub again.... I filed through all the papers and pictures and scraps, and I couldn't help but wonder why the hell i'd kept so much junk. None of the stuff in that tub had the same nostalgic pull that it once did. I didn't once feel a guilty bruise of regret when as I filled up the plastic garbage bag.
It is bizarre to see myself growing and changing. To be mentally present during this transition from child to adult.
I still have an affection for the material, only now my emotions and memories and sentiments take the form of coffee mugs and pictures frames and out of date clothing. I'm still childish enough to indulge in these things to connect emotionally to them, but I'm adult enough to recognize the irrationality.
It's strange.
I really need to go through my childhood bedroom. I don't use most of what's in there. I live back with my parents which has me stuck in perpetual childhood at 24. I mean, I have a decent job and car, and do adult
Things but my mom is still trying to parent me. Part of me doesn't see a reason to leave, but the other part of me knows that once I pay off my car, I should book it out of there.
Uck. I know the feeling Hailey. Except I can't figure out how to make my makeup crack-whoreish enough for clubs yet.
I'll be 27 soon and I feel like you're way, way ahead of me based on those lists.
- I also don't own sparkly things for going to bars. Is that wrong? Someone please tell me I don't need to go out and buy sparkly things...??
- I am so glad that I'm not the only one who gets excited about the kitchen supply section.
- Please don't get a mom haircut, okay?
I'm married and 26 and in an industry defined as "adult" and I still wonder what I'm going to be like when I grow up.
I think two important characteristics of identifying as an adult or grownup are confidence, and the ability to understand that physical things which were once incredibly important to our self-identity (like a polka dot rug) don't actually affect who we are or where we stand in the world. You're still the unique brilliant girl you are, with or without ugly rugs or heinous lamps. I can be an interesting, thoughtful person without communicating that by dressing omfgothic. We develop new, more effective ways to communicate our personality and ideas to the world and we start to care less about whether those ideas will be accepted or rejected by our peers.
That said, I believe that it's important to remember that no matter how much you've grown, learned, and realized the folly of your former habits, the person you were then is just as valid as the person you are now. I think this is something adults sometimes forget, which is when they stop being able to identify with people much younger than them. It's easy to write off their (your) ideas and passions as being a trademark of youth, just like it's easy to see a young person as a fraction of who they eventually will be rather than as the whole, complex person who they are.
That said, I'm glad my high school LiveJournal isn't around to embarrass and haunt me today.
I guess this post is meant to be more about the emotional/developmental experience of being in-between, but I can't help myself from sharing a wardrobe solution for you: shop off-season. I have a nice pile of button-downs, pencil skirts, and sweaters waiting for my grown-up responsibilities in the fall. I bought most of it in July. If you play it right, you can stock up for next summer right about now.
So I guess that fills my chance to add a shallow spin to your post about life dilemmas. I hope it at least helps!
Oh and in case it wasn't obvious the reason to do this is for sales!
They're making new Sailor Moon episodes?! YIPPEE!!
I'll be 25 in a month, and I still don't think I'm a full-fledged adult. I don't think we ever really are. We figure out what works for us, and do that til it's not convenient anymore. I mean, my mom's 53, and she's never balanced her checkbook, nor does she keep her bank receipts. *I* have to bug *her* to do her taxes. But, like, she knows how to jump start a car and cook frozen meat.
My point is just that no one ever has it all figured out, and if they say they do, they're lying.
As a sophomore in college who has recently had a few panic attacks when thinking about life after college, this was perfect. Definitely summed up my feelings as of late and made me laugh :) Thanks Hayley, for always saying exactly what I'm thinking and turning it into something constructive and less frightening.
I graduate in December, and this is the first semester that I'm not playing sports because you only have 4 years of eligibility. Being an athlete is a 7 days a week practicing, working out, or playing. So I have a lot of time on my hands because I no longer have all that, plus my closest friends are still on the team and still are busy. I haven't been able to get an internship because I haven't had time. I am currently trying to do the same thing, because its time to get a Big girl job. Its hard to decide how you grow up. I dont want to completely, and this whole thing generally sucks. I hope we both figure out what exactly were doing soon!
So glad to have you blogging again, Hayley :)
yeah. I'm old... 29. and alot of stuff you just never get good at. also I'm just happy any time some one on youtube starts turning in to an adult.
I'm moving out of my childhood home tomorrow, and sure, it's only to a university dorm room, but it's still pretty surreal for me. The other day I was going through all my clothes trying to decide what to take, and although there are a lot of t-shirts I decided to bring, there are a lot of things that younger me used to wear and when I see them now I'm like, "What was I thinking?"
I'm deciding what things are practical to bring to college and what's going to be a waste of time. I'm worrying about money and financial aid, and I'm applying for jobs. I'm doing somewhat adult things, and I am legally an adult, but I'm also a kid. I guess everyone has to constantly try to find that balance between childhood and adulthood that's right for you at this moment in your life.
However, no matter how much I try, I still have to look in the mirror to put on earrings!
I’m 22, soon to be 23. I just finished 4 years at university and have just embarked on a ‘proper job’ and moved in with the boyfriend (don’t worry it’s been 5 years! Not just a random I picked up in my last month at uni). I still feel like a child but also sometimes feel incredibly adult. It’s such a bizarre feeling. As for my room and wardrobe- I’ve thrown a LOT out but I still seem to have sooo much stuff. The décor in my childhood room… completely understand what you mean about it belonging to someone who doesn’t exist anymore. My room no longer really feels mine, and the purple walls and the dolls house don’t help a lot, plus the fact I’m rarely staying at my parents’ house.
I don’t think there is anything set that a young woman should wear but when I wear formal work clothes I feel so grown up and also a bit of a fraud!
Music wise, nothing will stop me dancing to 90s pop- that was my childhood and I still love it now. Give me Steps, 5ive and S Club 7 and I’m a very happy bunny!
I just turned 23 this summer and was talking to my friend just yesterday about how there are no stores for my demographic. I graduated in the spring and got a job, which I thought would make "dressing like a women" easier, but nope. I find when I am buying "work clothes" I am in stores designed for women in their 40s, and when I am buying "casual clothes" I am in stores designed for teenagers. Good luck figuring it out, and please avoid the mom jeans for a while, at least.
I just went through a bunch of my childhood stuff too. It's funny how you can remember your past, then become faced with actual proof of the things you're remembering and the 2 don't match at all. I feel like every turning point comes with identity confusion; trying to align yourself with this idea of the age you know are along with your idea of what you are. It's helpful to know that both your idea of what you are AND the idea of what you should be at that age are usually both not right.
Hayley I'm so happy to read a new blog post from you. It's also weird because my friend and I were just having a conversation about this the other day. I'm 28, most of my friends are married/in committed relationships, and a lot of them are having kids. Looking through facebook I find myself looking at high school classmates recent pictures and thinking, "oh my god, they look like such a grown up." But I don't feel that way about myself. My friend I was talking with just had a baby, and she keeps saying "I keep forgetting I'm somebody's mom now. Somebody's MOM. What??" It seems all of my high school classmates don't feel like grownups either yet... I don't know when that change happens, but I'm guessing it's gradual, and that we always hold on somewhat to our younger selves. Ela Darling your comment was so amazing and so true.
A couple months ago on my 18th birthday, I rang in the day by going through my desk and nightstand and old papers and throwing out a bunch of old crap. It was interesting to read the names of all of these old television shows and movies written on scrap pieces of paper because I didn't want to forget about them. Now I couldn't care less about some random show.
Also, I think you should pretty much wear whatever you want. As long as you steer clear of shirts with text such as "QT 4Ever" and "<3 Breaker" written on the front, you should be solid.
I'm in a similar process at the moment. I'm moving out of the house I grew up in and getting my own place an hour away next month. It's weird to move things that have been in the same place for most of your life.
Wow it's great to read a new blog from you. You've been missed, welcome back. Also it was so lovely to see you at LeakyCon.
i'm slightly upset because i can really relate to this post. i'm only in my second year of college but i'm gonna have to get a job and all these things now. yesterday i went shopping looking for pair of practical black pumps and i felt really adult
I say you were whatever the hell you want, that's the beauty of being an adult :)
I am so bad at clothes so if someone could teach me that would be great but also I don't want to have to learn so this is the issue I have. Life is hard. I could never be an adult. I'm only 16 though, so that's my (pretty much) valid excuse at the moment. You're awesome. You're doing great so far, Hayley. :)
Hayley, its Emiko. I feel very similarly though about growing up and going to college (not graduating like you however). You should give me a call or email me if you have time
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I feel as though this might be an excellent time for a teenager to visit your local thrift store. They probably just got a shitton of good stuff xD
I'm 17, I've been in college for a few weeks, and I'd say I'm nowhere near being an adult. One of my friends is a college senior, engaged and set to be student teaching next semester. That just seems like a lifetime away for me.
Then again, when I graduate, I'll probably still feel like proper adulthood is a lifetime away.
I didn't read this until today (I kind of forgot that blogs existed for a couple months) but it's funny that this was posted on my last day before I left for my first year of university. I am a woman and an adult but not yet grown up.
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