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Sunday, April 8, 2012

I need an oil change.

You know that ridiculous staple of horrible pop songs, when it digresses into a boys vs. girls chant-off? Like this and this. Lately, I... sort of feel like there's one of those happening in my head. On the one side, I'm working hard in school, taking on a huge project with the book, making videos, running, feeling good about myself. It's like a really enthusiastic Zac Efron wearing pastels and nailing his choreography. But all the while, on the other side, there's this catatonic depressive waste of space who eats a lot of cookies and doesn't get out of bed until noon and finds it physically strenuous to put on pants. The anti-Efron. I've tried to force the latter side out of my brain. I've tried to make the two opposing mindsets converge or battle to the death or something... but as with everything in my personality, this situation is sort of all or nothing. I'm either ON or I'm OFF.

I pretty much took the month of March off from working-- a mental health sabbatical, or something-- but now I'm having a hard time getting my footing again. For instance, this is like my seventh try at writing a blog post. That's nuts. That's just utterly nuts. I've never in my life had a problem vomiting my thoughts here, but tonight? It sort of feels like I'm on an exercise machine and somebody turned up the resistance level to 70,000,000. I keep typing halves of sentences just to erase them, stretching my neck agitatedly, punching my left hand with my right. I don't know how to turn it off. My eye keeps going down to a minimized Word document that contains the blueprints for a video I'd really like to have done, but even with all the free time in the world, I haven't been able to make it. Do I need an oil change?

This year has brought me quite a heaping plate full of personal challenges-- some of them definitely big enough to warrant the occasional breakdown/cookie massacre-- but something really huge occurred to me today. It's April. As in the fifth month.*
As in 2012 is nearly half over. It's one thing to let yourself feel necessary emotions when they're necessary for the necessary healing process, but it's another thing to let an entire year slip by while you're hiding your head under your food-stained comforter. Starting today, I'm renewing my commitment to work through the pain. I'm going to structure my life so tightly that there's no room for wallowing. I'm going to be bigger than the forces trying to bring me down. I'm going to stop playing this
High School Musical song oh dear god why.

Do you guys know of any secret tricks that... kill depression? Is there some kind of aerosol spray I can buy? Is there an app for that? I'm really open to any and all suggestions.

Thanks for putting up with my moody evil twin tonight. Here, have a pretty picture of my college campus, for your trouble. I hope you all have a lovely evening! Sincerely. I'll see you soon.

*Mmkay, so yes, let's take a moment and discuss the fact that I-- for a few minutes--thought April was the 5th month of the year. Go on. Laugh. Get it out of your systems. I'm tired. Screw you.

75 comments:

Anonymous said...

If it makes you feel any better, April is actually the fourth month. So you know... at least there's a little more 2012 left.

Anna said...

Talk to people. Talk to friends, talk to family, talk to anyone you can. I had to deal with depression for two years and the only way I got through it was thanks to my two best friends who sat there and listened to me try and figure out my feelings. I felt better immediately after talking to them.

Do things that make you happy. Read books, go for a walk, do whatever. Anything that takes off the stress. If making videos and writing blog posts is too difficult at the moment, put everything on hiatus. We won't care. We just want you to feel better.

I mean, when it comes down to it, it's just time. To quote Kristina, "It takes time. A lot of time. And sometimes even more than that." It took me two years. I doubt it will in your case, I had an extremely traumatic emotional event that caused it, but time is really the cure for it.

It'll be all right <3 Just find people to talk to and have fun with and try and enjoy yourself. Don't worry about us. You're more important, and you shouldn't have to feel like you need to post things for us. Do it because it makes you happy, not because you have to.

Liz said...

Haley G. Hoover, thank you for putting into your eloquent, quirky language the exact things I've been feeling since the beginning of this school year. I appreciate your wit and humor and self-awareness. I hope I can learn to find those things in myself...somewhere underneath the layers of Cheeto dust and mad reblogging sprees.
Sincerely,
A girl who spent Saturday night eating Fig Newtons and watching "Switched at Birth" alone in her dorm.

Stefan said...

I'm not generally depressed. Most things kinda bounce off me and I don't let it bother me. I have things in the past that I am not happy with but I mostly do a good job forgetting they ever happened.

In general I feel like anything bad I try to cut out of my life. Though I guess forgetting your past life is not very good advice.

Thinking about the dumb stuff I have done in the past is also not making me feel super great so I'll just stop now.

Kristina L said...

i tend to slip into a depressed kind of state after i leave Camp (summer camp that i volunteer at as a counselor, and then at work parties throughout the year). a week at camp = 1-2 weeks of feeling down, missing the place, missing the people etc. i distract myself by going out with my friends that dont go to that camp, i talk about camp and what happened. by getting it out of my head, even just once, it helps, a lot. i constantly talk about it, and eventually my life resumes back to normal.

Molly said...

I believe in you!! <3

Anonymous said...

I noticed you also put the month as 5th in that heterosexual award you made on tumblr, ha. It's alright. You're capable of doing everything well but of course sometimes motivation doesn't come easily! The fact that you're still working and trying is what separates you from the pack! You're already successful but your future is just so freaking bright oh my god. Listen to some motivational music, dance the stress out, and then continue working hard to get what you deserve.

uhospaghettios14 said...

the smallest things(for me atleast) are the best ways to cheer you up. If you like animals, pet one. Watch your favorite funny show or movie just to get your spirits up. Eat a brownie or piece of chocolate:) chocolate actually makes people more happier than kissing. anyways we all get down in the dumps one time or another so just try to push through it and remind yourself of the things that made you happy before!

You're just so funny sometimes said...

I didn't even notice that April is not the 5th month of the year until you said that.
I have so far found no cure for depression other than work. Finding things to do at all times. And changes that you have to face and can't hide from. Eat vegetables and fruit. Do not load up on fat and drink lots of water, two things that I know you're working on already so good job you're on your way! <3

Emily said...

If you find any of that magical "make your brain better" stuff, please let me know where you got it! God knows I could use some too. I've been having a bit of a rough year too. I'm just not in a good place mentally and it's been really hard to bounce back. But I'm trying and I hope you will too. *hugs* And if you ever need someone to sit and eat a whole gallon of ice cream and watch sad movies with, I'm your gal. <3

Lizzy Stapula said...

The amount that you do honestly astounds me. You're awesome. I'd like to add this to a list of epic girl v. boy chanting music videos:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gKe2Bg0vTFk

The Baha Men have got it goin' on.

Sidsel said...

I have never been truly depressed, but there are definitely periods of time, where I don't find much joy in my everyday life. The first few months of this year were like that. Personally I found comfort in the Jessica Darling series (which you introduced to me back in the day by the way. So THANK YOU!).

Sara said...

I'm the worst person to give you any sort of advice on depression, trust me. All I try to remember these days is the fact that my life is not a journey from point a to point b. It's not a to-do list or some grand plan. I have a right to all the sad, horrible moments as much as the happy ones. And if I have more of the former than the latter, then that's nothing to be ashamed of; especially since I can very clearly remember a time when it was the reverse.

I'm okay with being sad about things but when I start getting sad over being sad then that's a deeper hole to climb myself out of.

That being said, I have no doubts when it comes to you. You make me laugh and generally make the internet a better place to be. I trust you so much that I didn't even blink an eye over that fifth month comment. I think my brain was quietly rewriting the order of the months until I reached the very end of your post. That's how much I trust you. You're strong and wonderful and you'll be fine.

kara3373 said...

This sounds so familiar! I've been feeling much the same way for the last 9 months or so because of my depression and anxiety. I actually decided to see a psychologist a few months ago and here are some practical/non-specific things you can do. Maybe you'll find them useful.

- Eat and get exercise. Maybe meditate & listen to calming music for 10 mins a day. If you have anxiety make sure you're getting enough protein.
- Manage your moods as best you can and notice when you start to feel off. Accept that you're feeling that way and try do something productive instead. This is hard but it CAN work.
- Talk to people about what's going on! Don't cut yourself off or hide away because, take it from me, that never actually helps.
- Do things that make you feel good! Even if it's something small, three minutes of laughter is better than 3 minutes of continuing to feel like crap.

Anyway, just I thought I'd add my two cents. I sincerely hope you start to feel better soon. :)

anna said...

I think the best advice I can give is just kind of an add-on to what you already plan to do. You want to cram your life so full of good stuff and other stuff that sadness has no place. So I say to you: happiness is a choice. I know it's not COMPLETELY true per se, but the fact that you are actively choosing to make a change and be better, I think that's a huge thing. It's just hard to remember some times.

Best of luck to you, Hayley. And know we always look forward to seeing your pretty face (read: words) around these parts.

GillianisAslan said...

I really hate myself for thinking of "I'm F***ing Matt Damon" when I saw the "boys vs. girls chant-off." Anyway, as far as feeling depressed, look for a four-leaf clover. If you find one, you'll feel happy. If you don't, you'll have taken your mind off of feeling lazy and realize that you're in the sunshine and at least you have some sort of goal and it's kind of refreshing.

Also, you're the hottest thing I have ever seen. Those wolf whistles you hear are me all the way from Southern Indiana because damn are you fly mmhmmm. I can boost your confidence all day er'ryday if you need.

Rita said...

I feel like avoiding procrastination in all situations would make things a lot better. I'm definitely really good at procrastinating. I have like two and a half chapters that need completing in AP US History before Tuesday, and I spent my day playing sims 3 and watching HayleyGHoover videos. (I've only just discovered you)

So tomorrow will hopefully be filled with lots of homework (yay!) but I'll probably just copy online notes and say I'm done with it. I don't know why I have an AP history class to begin with, I hate history.

So let's all band together to stop procrastination to reduce stress! Yeah!

Hayley, I also want to use this comment as a response to an old blog post I found of yours that relates to Christianity and gays. And I want to say thank you for that because lately I've been struggling with the fact that I strongly support gay rights but I really want to become close to God. So, yeah. I love your videos and personality and stuff.

Please don't be sad! It makes me sad that someone that is as smart and funny as you can be as sad as you are. Bring on the High School Musical version of yourself! I like it better.

From your new fan, Rita. :)

Anonymous said...

"Do you guys know of any secret tricks that... kill depression?"

Foods that have a high fat content seem to have a negative effect on the mind, perhaps because the fat is so difficult to digest, so maybe resources are directed from the brain to the stomach. Avoiding cheese, cream and fatty meat could help. This means no pizza (I know, the whole point of life is pizza).

Getting sunlight as often as possible can help. Exercise too.

Anonymous said...

I regret saying this so bluntly, but I really don't think there is any real head-on cure for depression or suckiness or the anti-Efron. The only thing I've found that works for me is paying attention. For me, depression isn't being sad or doing nothing all day, it's just going through the motions and not paying attention. I forget what I've done all day until I go to sleep and wake up ready to forget another day. But as soon as I stop and notice a few things, like a random act of kindness or a friend of mine doing something adorable, I remember it. Depression doesn't just go instantly, but it's all about getting better. A better day, a better week, a better month, a better year. It's about thawing slightly and learning to wake up again from hibernation. Paying attention to small things and finding the time in the day to laugh is, for me, the best form of a cure I can find.

You only have to thaw.

davidlefool said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kimmy M said...

You simply.... turn it off! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjCfE1n6nW4

(Please watch before you think I'm stupid for thinking you can turn off depression! But it's a song that always cheers me up and makes me giggle, and I was thinking of it while reading this blog post)

Cassie J said...

Hayles,

Have you considered the possibility that you might be biochemically depressed? And yeah, I know, just typing the line is catalyst for a choc-chip-cookie vortex in itself. It's really easy to downplay the anxiety, and you become kind of really really good at the physical and emotional gymnastics used to avoid thinking that you might need to See Someone or Start Meds and that whole gross sideshow.

I'm not talking as someone who has any answers or anything, I guess starting on zoloft and talking some of the black was a way of just throwing a lot of stuff out. Simplication by the means of subtraction.

partyweetow said...

Sometimes, I'll watch a bunch of YouTube videos of my favorite songs from musicals and just sing and dance along. It's great fun. :)

Or else I'll watch a movie that makes me laugh a lot or talk to my sisters or play with my nephew. Anything that I know is always fun. Sometimes you just need a break, no matter how long, and that's okay.

Elisabeth said...

Hayley, your post makes me want to give you a massive bear hug. Your internet presence brightens so many people's lives and I'm sure all your followers will support you in any way they can. WE LOVE YOU. I'm sorry I have no personal anecdotes on depression. As for procrastination, it helps me to remember that the only way to get things done is to do them. Simple but true. Sometimes you just have to tackle life head on and believe that you will get through things and that things will get better, if only because they always have in the past. There are very few instant fix all cures in life. :(

Abby said...

I did laugh a little bit at your "Heterosexuality Award" because you had the date wrong. But it was a good laugh.
I don't have a magical depression cure, but at least you know that you need one. I never recognize that I'm unhappy until I'm happy again.
Anyway. Glad you had a slight wake-up moment, even if it is due to some faulty logic. <3

Sylvain said...

Being in a relationship with a wonderful person is a good way to fight depression.
This and having lots of sex of course.
You shouldn't have any trouble finding someone for the second thing on a campus especially when you are a very pretty girl.

Lys said...

You probably already know this but just in case you don't: you're normal, you're okay, you're a wonderful person, the people who really love you (selflessly and compassionately) always will. Many of us go through dark times. I can so relate to the hiding under the comforter thing. Getting out of bed and into the world is just difficult when you're feeling badly, and becomes a monstrous task when you're depressed.

Maybe you're like me, and the worst part is that you feel sporadically and deeply horrible about yourself. I try to remember some of the things I wrote in the first sentence of this comment. Also, this is sort of a silly solution, and might not work for you, but I feel better when I drink a lot of coffee. It makes me feel more confident, more social, and just better. Whatever works, right?

Lys said...

I also want to add: what you're doing takes courage. The fact that you're brave enough to share how you're feeling inspires me, and I don't think I'm the only one who feels this way. You are a true Gryffindor.

Bridget said...

I think the only way for me to get out of a funk is to just get outside and enjoy myself. Hang out with friends, go places, etc., etc.. Also thinking about the future and how kick ass it's going to be can sometimes help... or make it much worse. I don't know. I'm terrible at advice. I'm just like you on this whole thing: ON or OFF. Anti-Efron is a real pain in the ass!

Nicci Weasley said...

If I could sing (without destroying the lives of those around me), I would sing you a love song. Not one of those about your beauty (though, it is definitely worth singing about) and how your smell takes me to heaven. No, a song about my love for you as an inspiration. About your intelligence and honesty and writing skills and "balls" and awesome awesomeness.
But I can't. It wouldn't be fair to anybody.
I'm probably the wrong person to ask when it comes to beating the negative self down with the help of the positive self, since I feel like I'm exactly how you just described :-/
I do find that the more time I spend around people and places I love and enjoy, the more likely it is that the positive self wins again and again.
Sorry I don't have any better advice. But at least I refrained from singing!
-Virtual hugs!

charlotteemily said...

There is no quick fix to depression. I don't even think there's a fix to depression if I'm honest. I've tried many things as I'm sure you have but I've recently just accepted I will always struggle with this. It might help if you do that too?

I also find that writing down every day five things that have positively happened does change my attitude slightly. It might make you feel more motivated too. Hope this helps!

Anonymous said...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1219330/Stephen-Fry-saved-life-The-touching-letter-comedian-wrote-fellow-depression-sufferer.html

I dunno if that'll be helpful at all, I hope so.

Everything passes.

Erin said...

something that helps me sometimes (not all the times, but sometimes) is, even if I feel like I've just had the worst day or week or whatever ever invented, to take the time to physically write out a list--however short--of things to be glad about, or things I'm thankful about, or things that make me happy generally. they can be anything from sending a friend a postcard to how incredibly delicious the cookie I ate after lunch two days ago tasted.

Afton said...

Hayley, unfortunately there is no magic cure. You're an incredible person and I hope (and pray) that you'll feel better soon. <3

Rosianna said...

I love you so much and wish you all the good oil. You've been making strides these many years I've cyberstalked you, you're learning more and more and more what's good and bad for you (TEAAAAA) so don't let the fact that you're depressed make you feel like you have at all failed at that, or at 2012 for that matter. Remember lady, the taste of broccoli does not in any way affect the taste of chocolate. <3 but for the record "I'm going to structure my life so tightly that there's no room for wallowing" has been my approach to the world for many many many years. It works as long as you take care of yourself, too.

Rose24 said...

I think the most important thing is that you know you shouldn't feel guilty. Everyone has their fair share of ruts they have to get out of.
Take care of yourself and the inspiration will come whenever it comes - even if it takes weeks or months. Your loyal fans will appreciate knowing that you're happy before all else :)

Ida said...

Hope you feel better soon! I also get those moments sometimes when everything feels uninspiring and boring. But it passes as most things do :)

Britty said...

I find taking some time do just take care of yourself in a physical way works wonders. Just realized that sentence sounds like masturbating, but that's not what I meant I promise. I mean, get your nails done, cut/dye your hair, take a bubble bath, get a facial. Something like that seems to wash SO much of my frustration away sometimes. I also highly recommend getting a hold of your sleep schedule. I had a HORRIBLE sleep schedule when I was mega depressed after my breakup and I didn't know how to get it back on track without using sleeping pill so my roommate recommended Melatonin. You take it about an hour before you want to go to sleep and it naturally make you get sleepy.

Lauren said...

I have no idea what to say because I'm going through the same thing right now... <3

kira902k said...

<3
I would hug you if I could.
But I guess a hug wouldn't really help.

In my opinion, the year is not half way (well technically, a third of the way) over. I tend to think of the year in terms of school, meaning that the past (and extremely shitty) year is almost over and the beginning of a new year (of greatness) is about to begin. To me, summer is the best time of the year, so why not make it the beginning of the next year?

I don't know if any of this makes sense. xD Basically, if you're feeling like you've missed out on this year so far, don't worry about it. :)

And to alleviate depression...I really don't know. Besides going to see a professional, the best advice to me would be to take Rosianna's advice from her self-improvement video. Make yourself wake up early and exercise (which you've been doing) and eat healthy so you feel good about yourself...etc, etc. Obviously you've been trying that though, so maybe it's useless for me to say it.

Otherwise...Ze Frank's first video on his youtube channel from today is inspiring ("Invocation for beginners").

I think you're awesome and I genuinely hope things get better for you soon <3

Alex

Kate said...

I can easily fall into a depression in which I spend my time watching three seasons of Hannah Montana and not getting out of bed for a month except to go to class or the bathroom. Depression isn't something that you can just get over. It's a long and often challenging process to find peace or happiness or whatever you're looking for. So I guess...talk to your friends, exercise (it really does help depression) and eat well!

Brianna said...

My usual go-to cures for depression are temporary. But maybe give one of theses a try?
1. Hear a funny story. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZO9tMetxno

2. Look at all the mistakes you haven't made. http://ugliesttattoos.failblog.org/

3. Whenever I'm feeling run down or uninspired I look at what someone else has done in that category. If I want to but don't feel like making a funny video, I watch a few funny videos by other people. If I want to but don't feel like writing an essay, I read a few essays on topics I find interesting.

~Brianna

Holly said...

Hi Hayley,

I've been feeling a bit down since the beginning of the year too.

For me, I think it has something to do with the fact that things are suddenly going well for me - I'm an art student and lately galleries have taken notice of me and have started to ask me to exhibit with them. Great!

...But at the same time there's that old teenage angst thing kicking in, where things are kind of getting out of my control. I have a lot of different deadlines and I'm finding it hard to get in that creative state of mind, especially when I practically know exactly what that piece of work is going to turn into.

I wonder if you are in a similar situation... Also, have you ever thought about being a features writer/columnist for a magazine or newspaper? I think you have some really interesting, but relatable opinions, and you write really well too.

Just an idea... Anyway, peace, love and cookie-binges!

Thea said...

All I can say is that sometimes it helps to force yourself to do the things you don't feel like doing, especially in your social life (though you seem like a naturally social person, so maybe it's easier for you). Even if you don't feel like going out or being around people, it's good just to get yourself there with your friends and go from there. Talk to them when you can, and if that fails, write. And I know from experience, turning off the lights and playing sad music usually makes you feel worse. Instead, pull on those pants, grab a friend or a camera, and go exploring. Turn something into an adventure. Doing something weird and zany can really brighten an empty or sad day.

Maybe I'm not the best qualified to give advice about this - I've had far too many days this year where I withdraw and self-medicate via Netflix and Girl Scout cookies. But I try and balance making myself doing the things I don't want to but should with giving myself a day off. Try not to be too hard on yourself for how you think you should feel... like other people have said, time can give you enough distance to return to normalcy.

Here's to hoping for a successful "oil change"!

Anonymous said...

Don't be afraid to look for help! Psychologists are awesome. There's such a stigma about mental health, but, as my mom says, if you had strep throat you'd go to the doctor and get an antibiotic. Why is mental health any different? Your school probably has a counseling center that can help or can refer you to a psychologist. Lots of people throw around the term "depression" lightly, but if you've been feeling depressed for a while, it's probably because you ARE and there's nothing wrong with that! I definitely would not be as successful and functional as I am today if I hadn't gotten help for depression when I needed it, and I wish you lots of good luck, happiness, and Chipotle!

cait said...

just rip up some magazines and go to town with a glue stick and collage that shit. that's what i do with my grendel-y feelings.

or you could stand really tall and shout "I. AHM. BAH-OH-WUF" cuz that's what beowulf does with his feelings in the movie version.

i don't know why i'm so into beowulf right now.

best of luck with your battles. :)

DefCon5 said...

Try really hard to get your requisite 11 hugs a day. Make sure the real people in your life know you're going through something so they can sympathize/help/not hold things against you for being in a slump. Keep busy, but also get enough sleep/personal time to not go insane. And remember you have family, friends, and fans in person and online that are cheering for you :)

Elly said...

Hey Hayley,

I get these random bouts of depression sometimes, and I cope with them by doing exactly what my counsellor told me to do: finding some playtime. Something that isn't FOR anything or developing or practising anything, but something that is purely playing, like dancing or rollerskating or making collages. It doesn't get rid of it completely, but it takes my mind off it for long enough to be able to cope with it :)

Elly

Anonymous said...

I know how you feel. I've been in a constant state of anxiety and panic pretty much since this past summer.
What has possibly saved my life is hanging out with friends who make me laugh and can make me feel safe. Still, there are a lot of things I need to change in my life, too. Being productive would probably help. Also apparently eating right has a lot to do with emotions (though I personally refuse to give up pizza and sugary things absolutely. There's nothing wrong with something "bad" every once in awhile after all--it can even help your mood sometimes!)
Here's to hoping you get into a better part of your life soon. Know that others are on the same kind of journey.
<3, someone who looks up to you as a person

Anonymous said...

I know how you feel. I've been in a constant state of anxiety and panic pretty much since this past summer.
What has possibly saved my life is hanging out with friends who make me laugh and can make me feel safe. Still, there are a lot of things I need to change in my life, too. Being productive would probably help. Also apparently eating right has a lot to do with emotions (though I personally refuse to give up pizza and sugary things absolutely. There's nothing wrong with something "bad" every once in awhile after all--it can even help your mood sometimes!)
Here's to hoping you get into a better part of your life soon. Know that others are on the same kind of journey.
<3, someone who looks up to you as a person

Anonymous said...

"Do you guys know of any secret tricks that... kill depression? Is there some kind of aerosol spray I can buy?"

The first thing I thought of was INHALANTS! Though it's just a temporary fix and tends to kill brain cells. ;)

Tim said...

time, nothing works better or more effectively than good old time. but if its any consolation there are scores of people feeling the same way including myself...ESPECIALLY at this time of the year. x

Tim said...

time, nothing works better or more effectively than good old time. but if its any consolation there are scores of people feeling the same way including myself...ESPECIALLY at this time of the year. x

Tim said...

time, nothing works better or more effectively than good old time. but if its any consolation there are scores of people feeling the same way including myself...ESPECIALLY at this time of the year. x

Lauren said...

Usually what works for me is a good walk, a change of scenery and a big bowl of watermelon.
Or sometimes really lame jokes. This one is one of my favourites.
Q: What do clouds wear under their clothes?
A: Thunderwear!

EJ said...

Your campus looks a bit like my campus, except cleaner.

I don't know how to fend off depression. Honestly I've been struggling with mine lately. For the past couple of weeks I've found that exercise has helped with my anxiety, and that has subsequently helped with the depression. My anxiety makes it difficult for me to leave my room, even for class, but I've re-discovered night running, which has been a bit successful so far.

Other than that, drawing can be helpful, even if you're not good at it. Focusing really hard for a while on something with tiny details makes it easier to forget the "big picture" (no pun intended...). Even more helpful is watching a show or movie while you draw, because that's an additional distraction. I'd recommend Community, but you've found that now, so I'd recommend watching it all over again, because you've missed half of the jokes (it's rather like 30 Rock in that way). I'm on my ninth time around and it's still not old.

It's really nice to see you back on the blog. I check it more times a week than I'm comfortable admitting, hoping to see a new post. Best wishes to you.

Cath said...

I wish I could help, but I honestly can't.

Aditi said...

I don't really know if this is the best advice, but I dress up when I'm depressed. I wear nice clothes and straighten my hair and wear lipstick. I guess I sort of try to trick myself into thinking that if I look good, I must also feel good. I don't know.

Jana said...

I've been there, but is really difficult to control your emotions with ratio. It's not bad to feel not 100% all the time, but I think you've to watch out for making the down moments bigger than they are (like; 'oow there I go again, I am starting to feel unhappy again' and than become more unhappy than the mood would have been in the first place).
You're stronger than it, and if you want to feel better, try to feel good about yourself in your head ('I am super, I am stronger than those unhappy feelings and I am going to kick their ass for wasting my time and energy.'). I hope it helps a little!

And remember; there a tons of people in your life and on the internet (which means people from all over the world.. believe me, because I'm living over the ocean) who really love you for being such a nice and special person. I think you're great and you really don't have to feel like this because you're an extraordinary person!! And their a times you make my day nicer!

[ooo, and in case this doesn't kill the depression entirely: keep on running, make sure you go to sleep early for a while, try to keep more fruit and less sugar (makes me feel better), set some goals for the day (1 hour things-to-do, 1 hour studying… it makes you feel statisfied), listen to songs that make you feel happy, even if you don’t feel like listening to music (and yes, it is even allowed to play Britney’s first hits), wake-up early every day (which wouldn’t be hard if you went to bed in time), and try to get dressed and have some breakfast before you got started with others things after waking-up]. Got luck with it all!

Loup y-es-tu ? said...

There's only by forcing yourself first that you can feel better. It's difficult, you have to keep trying but in the end you will feel better. You need to go meet people, go out, do new stuffs.
Sadly, people don't like to hang out with the depressed one. They can only give you a good "feedback"/send to you a good image of yourself if you feel good about yourself too, so at first, you have to fake it. Keep doing it, and time heals all wounds as they said :).
And always get dressed right after you wake up, you won't have to say to yourself "you suck, you didn't even get dressed" that way.
You are awesome, and will get through, don't worry just keep going and don't hang out with people that make you feel bad.

nelamonster said...

I've seen the All For One video so many times and I still can't figure out where the freakin' Miley Cyrus is.

Anonymous said...

Hayley, I can relate to this blog post so I'm going to get straight to the point and beg that you read The Happiness Trap by Dr Russ Harris. I can't stress how much this book not only opened my eyes, but saved my life.

V said...

Loving your blog :)

toastburntbread said...

I'v been feeling the same way. I think laughing is the cure and makes life seem lighter, So I suggest rereading a funny book. My suggestions are Georgia Nicolson and Spud.

Emma said...

Hayley - Thank you so much for writing this. I won't pretend to have any solutions to this issue, which I relate to very closely... However, I can tell you that just knowing that someone else can feel so similar to me has greatly improved my state of mind.
Just remember that you are amazing and wonderful and fantastic (from what I can see through my internet fangirling) and just generally an all-around great person. Thanks for this post.

Nate "Pezaroo" Beuttenmueller said...

Hey, Hayley!

I have a suggestion: READ ALL THESE COMMENTS PEOPLE WROTE YOU! :)

Sorry. I don't normally shout at people when I want them to feel better, but these people have left some amazing things for you, and I feel blessed to read them all.

In other news, my biggest recommendation is to avoid strenuous-feeling (both physically and psychologically strenuous-feeling) things when you don't feel up to them. That's your body's way of saying it's not quite ready for them. Listen to it. Do something pleasant and enjoyable and as vigorous as feels good, or take a nap, if you feel you need it, and your energy level will come around.

Don't worry about procrastinating. Be gentle with yourself, and nurture yourself, and your contributions to the community around you will blossom as a result of the nurtured you. They cannot blossom so easily or so beautifully with more strain on you. You might be able to make cool things happen, but your first job on this earth is to make for yourself a happy life. If your life is not happy, what good is any other contribution you can make? IF (and that's a big IF) you manage to make someone else's life better by diminishing your own happiness, then you're not actually making the world a better place, you're just shifting where the unhappiness is. :P

Take care of yourself first, and your life will take care of itself. You got this!

Anonymous said...

Oh wow, I need that magic cure to depression too right now.

I hope you're doing a little mor okay now x

Gwen said...

Something that has been helpful to me lately is giving myself permission to not be okay. Feeling guilty for being depressed makes me feel ten times worse. I'm very, very self-deprecating in every area of my life, and I tend to think "how dare you feel depressed!" But you are a HUMAN. You are allowed to feel happy, and sad, and angry. You have to give yourself mercy. Sometimes I feel pathetic for being depressed. Like what the hell, can't I just be grateful for what I have?! But you can't think that way. It's tiring, but stopping myself when I think that way has been very helpful.

I still try to do things like exercise and eat right so I'm creating good habits that lead to a happier and healthier life, and I still try to cheer myself up when I'm feeling really depressed.
But I've also gotta cut myself some slack. Don't beat yourself up for having the emotions that you do. Let yourself feel them and do your best to keep up with good habits and things that make you happy.

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Kristen Holder said...

Hey Hayley; googles you after my mom told me your parents moved next door at the lake....

Re: depression, two things helped me. 1) Finding my "place" in the world because a lot of my depression was "why aren't I trying harder, doing more, succeeding" (no shit, Sherlock) 2) Consumption of lots of animal fat, especially whole fat grassfed raw milk. (your body manufactures hormones from cholesterol and plenty of fat helps me be happier/more even keel about stuff that usually sends me into a spiral of self-loathing.

Anyway, I'm next door with my family for most of August (and my awesome bro is here this weekend) if you wanna drink beers and sit around the fire pit bingeing on s'mores and being hilarious.

Kristen

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