Brain-Thudding Thoughtvomit

For the past few years, I've gotten these intense, disabling headaches at fairly random intervals, without notice or warning, that can last anywhere from forty minutes to nine hours. My very sweet and concerned mother insisted that I get a check-up (nothing) and then a visit to a migraine specialist (nope) and then an optometrist appointment (my flinchy phobia of all things ocular made that exciting, but still nothing) and then an MRI, all of which led to the diagnosis: Uh, hmm, well. Looks like you just get headaches. That sucks.

There were pills for a while, but they were huge and chalky and they never seemed to do much anyway, so I eventually threw my hands in the air and resigned myself to an extremely easy and luxurious and blessed life with the occasional bout of cranial misery. I'm a healthy person, I'm a happy person, I'm a lucky person. But the pressure and pounding in my forehead is making me effing insane right now.

Maybe if I sift out some of my thoughts and dump them here, there will be more room in my brain? While I'm not sure if these pains are directly related to stress, having a lot to worry about definitely doesn't make them any more pleasant. What I'm basically getting at, Blog, is that you get to be my medicine tonight. Or, rather, you're my external hard drive. Below are some of the thoughts-- in no particular order-- that I don't currently have room for in the main cabin of my head.

--The harder I work on homework and various projects, the more disastrous my room becomes. My sheet is a crumpled ball at the end of my bed, there are two teal teacups positioned about, my floor is scattered with headphones and pieces of embroidery floss and a single dollar bill and those horrible cardstock inserts from magazines that always fall in the bathtub. Cleaning would be an easy solution to this-- and would probably calm me down-- but movement hurts so shut up.

--I don't think I've spoken to a human being all day. I answered two phone calls (both from family members and both shorter than five minutes) and have otherwise done a spectacular job of playing Hermit Recluse Apparition Hobo for the twelve hours I've been awake. That's... not healthy. I need to get out of Ohio.

--I have to get my car fixed and schedule classes for spring and write a paper for tomorrow and get through this editing stage before Thursday and also wash this mop that was once my hair before an army of flies surrounds me like the kid from Charlie Brown.

--Did I eat anything that grew out of the ground today? At all?

And on a final, less pessimistic note:

--I really feel like I've found my calling in life with this job-- editing/writing for the book, making videos, connecting with people online-- and I'm so, so grateful that I get the opportunity to create things that mean something (whatever that is) to people (however many). There isn't a "but" to this, either. I just had to say it one more time.

...I'm not gonna lie; that really did make me feel a little bit better. My headache is by no means cured, but it's devolved from Volcano of Eye-Squinting Pain all the way down to Irish-Dancer-Bouncing-on-My-Brain. I apologize for being a disjointed mess tonight, but as always, thank you so much for being here to catch my thoughtvomit. I don't know where I'd be without you. <3


P.S. New Answerly video today! I had computer trouble and had to edit the damn thing TWICE in the span of eight hours so, like, I hope you like it.