Upset and Angry

Studying Donne in my English class has programmed my mind to spew out a constant string of unconventional analogies. And this, dear readers, leads me to say this: Blogging is exactly like exercise. It sounds frightening and painful when you haven't done it in a while, requires a few minutes of warming up, feels good in the middle, and feels even better when you're done. However, it's also super hard to get back in the habit once you've taken a few days off. Unlike Donne, I have a suspicion that I've already made this same comparison in an early blog. If I have, pretend I haven't. If I haven't, you can go ahead and think to yourself, Wow, that Hayley is just so brilliant. I know. I know.

Anyway, I'm alive. I didn't write on Friday because I was eating mass amounts of pizza and watching stupid movies with Michal in her dorm. I got back late, opened my laptop with the intention of updating, and was pulled away by that football player from my high school, because his girlfriend was visiting, and she was fed up with watching him play video games all night. So, to remedy the situation, I... entertained his girlfriend in a room, surrounded by boys playing video games all night. Not exactly the party of a lifetime, but it was still probably healthier than writing to strangers, alone, and falling asleep in my clothes.

Jess and Sebastian came down on Saturday. We did things the Jess-and-Hayley way, meaning that we ate more calories than any of our bodies wanted, and laughed a lot. Jess and Erin hit it off, as I knew they would, and the two of them went on a little adventure while Sebastian and I had some boyfriend/girlfriend time. Later, the four of us went to the hookah bar with PJ (the lonelygirl15 guy), where Jess showed all of us up with her amazing smoke rings. With a tiny nicotine buzz and some dancing, skipping and other revelry, we went to a dumb, stereotypical backyard party because my hometown friends wanted the true OU experience. This resulted in Jess and I singing "Best I Ever Had" with Solo cups in hand, and Sebastian and I mostly breaking up.

Sunday was hard. Leaving Jess the first time was positively miserable three weeks ago, but watching her leave me was unbearable. I now have memories of my best friend in all my school hangouts, and while other people here are awesome, and I love my new life to death, no one else, anywhere, will ever compare to this unbreakable relationship I started before I could write. A genuine liter of tears poured out of me during our goodbye hug, and as I walked away, I had to cup my hand over my mouth so passersby didn't hear my obnoxious choking sobs. It was all different shades of embarrassing and messy and sad as hell. There's nothing melodramatic or exaggerated about my friendship with Jess. She's the single most important person to me, and no amount of consolation will make this amount of separation fully tolerable.

To top it off, Sebastian and I officially broke up right before they left. Before you jump to conclusions, it was for very good reasons, and while we're sad, it was both unavoidable and nobody's fault. I called him this morning, after I had to walk up a huge hill in the rain, immediately after waking up, with a food hangover. Because he's the person I call when I feel like that, and things between us aren't going to change over something so petty. Sigh. It was inevitable, but it just isn't fun.

To top that all off, I'm vicariously pissed for Kristina, whose life is the opposite of fair right now. We've been talking about how excited we are for her to get back home this week, and it only truly hit me tonight that while she's coming back to the ability to call me, she's not actually coming home to me. Why can't the people we love just be close enough to hug? Or throw things with? In fact, why can't the people we need to throw things at be close enough to vandalize their stuff and break their faces?

I'm sorry. I haven't blogged in a few days, because I was worried it would come out like this. My roommate is asleep next to me with her comforter pulled over her head, and I'm pounding angrily on my laptop with the lights on. My mother is being a nagging psycho and texting me every two seconds, demanding that I call her, because my family has the unrealistic expectation that I want to talk to them at all times, and about everything. Ugh. Stop me from punching a wall or something.

Sexy: Nina Jankowicz. She's a great person, so fun to hang out with, and I've been watching her videos nonstop since I woke up today.

Unsexy: Everything else!

Chipotle burritos this year: 31

Bagel Street visits this school year: 4

Subscribers: 20,580

Bye, guys. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow. <3