[A heads up? This blog post is weird, and I sound like a disoriented psychopath. You may now proceed at your own risk.]
Remember the time I was terrified of my roommate assignment? I got her name first thing this morning, and have been surreptitiously giving her facebook profile the once-over (or sixth-over) since. Lo and behold-- she lives really close to me, listens to the same bad music I like, does theater, is a member of the fan page for chocolate chip cookies, and seems like an all-around nice person. To top it off, I've gotten friend requests from a bunch of girls on my floor, and I've been messaging one of them for the last hour about all kinds of stuff. It's like I forgot I'm okay at making friends. (Online, anyway. We'll see how it goes in person.) But yeah. Freakout = unnecessary to the max.
Anyway, every time I give shout-outs to my commentors, I feel a little bit like I'm delivering some kind of unsolicited prom queen acceptance speech. So waah waah you really like me waah; I'll spare you guys the drawn-out emotion and just say this: thank you for caring about me, thank you for being heartfelt and funny at the same time, and thank you for being awesome. Love goes out to Katie, Sarah, Brad, Kara, Caroline, Catherine, purpleapril, toastburntbread, tigressflowers, rAm, Jen, labyrinthalaska, Kaitlin, ThePeterls, Leah, Robynne, Hannah, an anonymous reader, a different Sarah, Elizabeth, Whatsername, Randi, Karen, Caitlin, Karissa, Nicholas, Caitlin, VTBurninator, partyweetow, Brynne, Kristina, Allison, Allyson, Nicole, Kate, Jennifer, Bridgette, the fb stalker (we'll get to you later!), another Sarah, Tass, and kira902k.
Hidden among the lovely college advice letters and pleasantly quirky messages I received on yesterday's post, I read this adorable comment from an anonymous reader: "I can't help but ask for some advice. I was at a party on Friday and saw a teenage boy who resembled one of the best-looking authors alive... Mr. John Green. Through the stalking tool that is facebook, I found out his name. However, I did not talk to this boy the entire night and merely freaked out from afar. Does the wise Ms. Hoover have any advice? (I'm also kind of thinking that you would have freaked out as much as I did.) Thank you, The FB Stalker."
I've never done this whole... advice-giving thing, but I'll give it a try. *Cough* All right, so your mistake was wasting a whole night thinking about talking to him when you could have either a) gotten to know a cool guy who looks like sex on legs, or b) realized early on that he was a Decepticon in Hot's clothing and subsequently moved on. However, the night is young, and you have plenty of chances to make this right. I suggest you find out in a SUBTLE way (i.e. not friend-requesting him or telling his friends you're in love with him at first sight or anything) to figure out the next party or gathering or wherever you'll get to see him. I once saw a play at a local theater and practically drooled all over myself because one of the supporting actors was so gorgeous. I messaged him on facebook, pretending I'd just glanced at the program, and told him he did a good job. He responded, "I'm gay... and that's scary." THIS IS NOT A GOOD EXAMPLE TO FOLLOW. Instead, find a way to actually talk with him. In person. If it's awkward and horrendous, you're like the rest of us. If he's cool, I'm super jealous and you need to comment with updates. The whole blog is involved now, FBS. You owe it to us.
Love, Hayley
...What in the world just happened? In twenty minutes, I've gone from watching the Degrassi episode where Alex becomes a stripper, to prom queen, to Dear Abby. This is the part of the blog when I bite my lip nervously and slowly back away. Uhh... goodnight?
Sexy: Blackberries! Not, like, the phones, and not "sexy" in a weird sexual deviant way. I'm talking about nature's delicious sweet/sour little drops of heaven. My mouth is ninja-kicking with delight.
Unsexy: My outfit. Hot pink oversized t-shirt, bright orange unrolled soffee shorts, unshaven legs, teal flipflops.
Chipotle burritos this year: 24
S'mores this summer: 3
Subscribers: 18,348
Bye, guys! Hopefully I'll see you tomorrow. <3
Dear Hayley may just become the newest craze, if you start an article let me know, I'm curious the other advice you would hand out...
ReplyDeletewhy do i always not comment every time you give shout outs?!? oh well.
ReplyDeletei would like to let you know that you've sufficiently gotten me obsessed with beating the harry potter 20Q online. so far, it has correctly guessed ronan, professor grubbly-plank, and Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor (on the seventeenth question!!)
but anyway, i don't think you're creepy. you make a wonderful prom queen and advice-giver. actually, you're pretty much wonderful at anything you do.
alright, now i sound creepy. time to end this comment. oh and by the way- FIRST!
nevermind, not first. i took too long.
ReplyDeleteGood thing you have a blog so we don't have to send you messages on Facebook.
ReplyDeleteAlong w/ Greg Holden's voice, which is what hope sounds like, I will sorely miss reading your blog while I'm at camp.
Dear Hayley,
ReplyDeleteI find you to be very inspirational. Not that "go get 'em" kind of inpiration. I mean just in the way you present yourself. You seem very confident. And i admire that.
I agreee with you on what you had to say about Belletrix. I still found her creepy, but there was no real fear surging through me.
I just love the way you write. Very entertaining. Also, what book was your writing published in?
Anyway, I am starting a blog and I was wondering if you had any advice on getting started. It would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for reading! -aleesha.
People don't "stalk" on facebook, they "lurk." Unduh.
ReplyDeleteAt least, that's how people in Parkhill, Ontario refer to it as. And trust me, when it comes to technology, we know Everything.
*cough*
btw, fbs should totally hit up on that John Green mancandy. And it'd be pretty cool if you did start an advice thing, as long as you don't go overboard and it becomes the sole content of your blog, you know?
Later days.
Are you telling the people you meet online about your online identity?
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, I feel like we all stalk you way more than facebook would allow. But you provide for it...
eeep... Thanks for mentioning my fangirlness. :]
ReplyDeleteSo I'm pretty sure everyone facebook stalks at least once in their lifetime.
I know I have.
Yeah... maybe you should start an advice column or whatever.
Or along with sexy/unsexy you could have Do's and Don'ts. It'll be great, no?
And Hayley, even when you're unsexy you're sexy. So...shut up! ...yeah.
I'm double commenting because after I left the above, I decided to facebook search your name for the heck of it.
ReplyDeleteThe first thing that came up was your fan page with over 500 fans. Then your actual profile was halfway down the page.
To start, that advice was pretty good. I can admit to making a mistake that you mentioned for the FBS not to do, so that's good advice anyways.
ReplyDeleteAnd yea, I feel like everyone has facebook stalked someone at some point or another.
And thanks for the shout out Hayley. =] Your blog is like my nightly entertainment.
un-shaven legs ohhhh baby!
ReplyDeletei sincerely hope that John reads that [ "gotten to know a cool guy who looks like sex on legs" ] and embarrasses/rags on you.
ReplyDelete.... but in a good way.
anyway... i'm pretty sure most of the female population of Nerdfighteria nerdfighterlikes John as much as he hates unicorns.
that might've been a few too many vlogbrother references for one comment. :\
ps. FB stalking can get to the best of us. especially when first meeting prospective boythings.
speaking of fruit... I just realized today that raspberry has a p in it. wtf. rasp- berries. I say it like raz-berry, so the p isn't going to work for me.
ReplyDeleteBlackberries are amazing, as are teal flip-flops ;)
ReplyDeleteHah, I'm the second Sarah. I think. There were a lot of them.
ReplyDeleteAnd we all have H's. But you know what, my kooky (but still really young and good-looking) seventh-grade science teacher once asked me if I thought the H added character. I said yes, I did. I really did. And then he responded that he thought the same with his name and that it wouldn't be the same if he were just named "Jon".
Do you think the Y in your name adds character? Or something.
That story about the gay supporting actor...I have no words. That is all sorts of amazing and hilarious and...unique.
Yeah, that wasn't too creepy. I think we've all seen creepier.
What will John say if he sees your comment about the "sex-on-legs"? :) I hope it embarasses him. And flatters him.
But mostly embarasses him.
If you haven't already, might I also suggest the Google-stalk? It really has been neglected since the invention of Facebook, but it has fantastic potential. On Facebook, you see everything he/she wants you to see, while Google let's you see EVERYTHING.
ReplyDeleteMy MOM is my Facebook stalker.
ReplyDeleteSeriously. "Brynne, who is this guy and why is he friends with you?" "You don't know him, Mom." "Well, how do YOU know him?" "I met him at a youth camp." Dot dot dot...
Blackberries are <3.
Excellent advice for the FB stalker. I've never been to keen on adding people on my personal social networks just because i've seen them somewhere.I get all paranoid about it i guess. But truthfully yea i've done the look over peoples profiles thing, i'm sure its normal especially in this situation.
ReplyDeleteOn another note, glad to hear that the whole roommate thing went and is going better than you thought it would go.
Dear, Haley or Ask!Haley may be a new fad here on the blog.
ReplyDeleteI'm excited! :)
I really appreciate you, HayleyGHoover. You're blog posts give me something to look forward to every day, & youtube videos are bonus. You're extremely entertaining & you give me hope. I often fear that our generation is a bunch of slutty partying girls with no morals. However, you remind me that if you try hard enough you can find good people. Thank you tres much! It's scary how much I feel like I know you. You & your friend Lauren may have appreared in my dream the other night :$...
ReplyDelete/wants to live on your res floor next year.
ReplyDelete/is the epitome of a creepy fanboy.
/missed yet another shout out, e-peen shrinks.
/goodnight. <3
"My mouth is ninja-kicking with delight"
ReplyDeleteBlackberry's ARE delicious but I'm not exactly sure how ones mouth ninja-kicks. Demonstration?
I've beaten the HP20Q a few times.
ReplyDeleteI also beat the music one with The Clash and Sex Pistols, but it did guess Sid Vicious right.
The name one however, fails epicly.
I think I'm the only person who hates facebook nowadays xD
And that was real good advice (:
And ha, I got a shout out, I usually never manage to comment and then you give shout outs.
WUZZAH. Wuzzahhhhhh. Wuzzy. It's like 'fuzzy' with a 'w' =D
Uh so jealous, I want a John green looky likey. You go get'um girl!
ReplyDeleteI think I beat the Harry Potter 20q once but it got me in the end :(
Berries in general are the best kind of fruit, apart from Goji berries they taste like fish. BTW this comment is very difficult to write as my cat is trying to get my attention by putting her face over the my hands while I type and keeps stepping on my backspace button. She just stepped on the eject button and a then jumped back after the cd came out terrified! Priceless!
yeay for advice columns! you should go the doctor drew rout and just ask everyone if they have a drug problem of had been abused as a child. How is he right every time?!
ReplyDeletehey you found out the secrete about college... it's fucking awesome and facebook really makes it even better. You'll totally have like 50 friends before you even get there.
If you ask me college is about meeting people. Meeting massive amounts of people. Meet them all.. be friendly till they annoy you then meet some more.
That's so great that you're roommate seems like someone you'll get along with! Dear Hayley seems like a great thing to incorporate into your blog.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the shout out HGH! =)
ReplyDeleteI'm happy to hear you're making college Facebook friends and your roommate sounds like she's not a total biotch which is always a plus.
Couldn't agree more with the blackberry awe-mazingness. I had some wonderful white cherries the other day at my girlfriend's grandmother's house. She said "Sarah, have one of these cherries it's better than sex, better than an orgasm, you won't need her anymore (motioning to my girlfriend/her granddaughter)" Imagine it all coming out of a little Jewish grandmother from Brooklyn and then go out and get some orgasmic white cherries lol
HI!
ReplyDeleteYeah, I think EVERYONE has facebook stalked before. Or Myspace. And you should really start an advice coloumn. PLZ SHARE YOUR INFINTE WISDOM!! he he. And yeah, that 20q game freaked me out. It guessed John Green, and all the HP characteres right. But I always beat it in the music category. ha ha. Take that 20Q!
And yeah. Blackberries= <3 ha ha.
And that's really good that you made friends even before college. Any of them nerdfighters? That would be really cool.
This is why I don't have a facebook ^__^ (well, one of the reasons.)
ReplyDeleteMy 'hot supporting actor' guy would probably be Aaron Tveit (google him!), and if I got a facebook I'd probably stalk his with messages like 'omg great job on n2n i've seen you in wicked last summer, too and you were so great!'. He'd probably respond with a '...thanks? I have a girlfriend, you know that, right? :block:' response. Why is it that everything I've seen him in (Gossip Girl, Wicked, Next to Normal) and in life he's taken?!
< /selfish rant about Aaron Tveit >
Oxymorons aside, congrats on not facing any difficulty with your new peers. (:
Oh, and thanks for the shout-out! <3
lol I wish I could rate your blogs. Five stars for cracking me up!
ReplyDeleteHaha. The ad by the comments says, "Make Him Fall For You". :P
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling that Ask Hayley is going to become a regular thing... xD
Wow. Now thats not creepy at all! I'm being serious...facebook stalking is the secret pastime of America's youth. Checking someone's blog five times a day, however...well that may be a bit weird :)
ReplyDeleteAnyways, I've never commented, but maybe I should! I love reading your blog.
Oh and I have never had a Chipotle burrito. There is a Chipotle in my town, but alas no one in my family ever goes there, and as I don't have a drivers' liscense, I am pretty much out of luck. One day...when I'm 16, maybe I will be able to experience it. Until then...I'll have to rely on Taco Bell. What a sad, sad, world it is.
Dear Hayley may just be the newest Internet sensation. It'll beat out Facebook, Twitter, and Blogging, all at once! Oh dear, I think I'm getting too excited. Oh well.
ReplyDeleteOh, Degrassi. I haven't seen that show in so long.
ReplyDeleteExcellent advice, by the way. I hope everything goes well, FBS!
I'm so glad your roomie sitch has worked out! College is a blast. You'll love it. xoxo
ReplyDeleteHayley, you should become a syndicated column writer.
ReplyDeleteThat's all I've got today.
20Q has been so much fun for me and my b/f. It's a pretty fun way to waste time at work! And excellent that you like Flight of the Conchords, btw. Jemaine is my fave. :)
ReplyDeleteI decided to 20 Question you and it guessed Anne Frank or Mother Teresa. That's pretty cool.
ReplyDeleteOne of the guesses was also Stephanie Meyers. Wrong.
There really isn't anything wrong with Facebook "stalking". Most people are smart enough to only put out whatever information they want others to know anyway.
ReplyDeleteYou're still thinking high school! You're an adult now. It's not a prom queen speech, it's an oscar for best original screenplay speech! Think big! :)
ahahaha
ReplyDelete"sex on legs"
ahahahahahahahahahahaha
that was good =]
<33
Hayley you saucy minx, everyone here knows that no outfit could possibly be more attractive than the one you just described.
ReplyDeleteSurely it's impossible to be unsexy in fluoro colours.
Your outfit sounds like something Claudia from The Babysitters Club would wear... This is a good thing.
ReplyDeleteBahahaha I'm digging the Dear Abby section of your blog. My friends refer to facebook as 'creepbook'. You got your 'creepers'. You 'creep' up on somebody's page. Facebook is designed for stalking/creeping. Anyway, glad to hear about your good news concerning your roommate. My suitemates never bought toilet paper. And they stole my trash can. Bitches.
ReplyDeleteYou should do more "Dear Hayleys" Reading you give advice is not only amusing, but pretty cool.
ReplyDeleteI love the outfit description, by the way. Pretty sexy.
you need more s'mores.
ReplyDeleteyou could have either a) gotten to know a cool guy who looks like sex on legs, or b) realized early on that he was a Decepticon in Hot's clothing and subsequently moved on
ReplyDeleteWe could be friends simply on how that is worded. You, as well as the other girls of
http://www.youtube.com/user/fiveawesomegirls
Have now become my newest fav videos to watch / blogs to read. :)
lol I laughed at your "unsexy" because that's basically what I wear all summer long while at home: some variation of lazy neon clothes :]
ReplyDeleteI like this blog. Who knew Hayley could give such advice?
ReplyDeleteHmm, I'm trying to think if I have something I need advice about.
You should do occasional ASK HAYLEY blogs, like Maureen Johnson. :P
-alex
I loved the advice thing. That girl is lucky. I swear if I saw a boy at a party who looked as nerdcute as John Green i'd be at him in a second. Asking him weird things to find out whether or not he's awesome while trying not to seem crazy. She should definitely try and talk to him :)
ReplyDelete