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Thursday, April 9, 2009

Unloving the Unsexy

In response to yesterday's post, blogger A.J. commented with a link to-- oh my gosh-- an article he wrote for me, entitled "How to Stop Being in Love with an Asshole." It's really funny and well-put; I advise that you all go check it out. Meanwhile, I've put some effort into solving my own problems, and have compiled another list.

Ten tips for getting over an asshole:

1. Stop listening to songs in which the angry girl protagonist reconsiders and decides she still really loves the guy who broke her heart, like this one and this one.
2. Listen only to songs about dying of AIDS and the sexual repression of German schoolboys.
3. Put an end to cheesy romantic internal monologues. Yes, you are looking at the same moon as him. But you're also looking at the same moon as Mikhail Gorbachev and Carrot Top, and how in love are you with them?
4. Curb all self-destructive tendencies!
5. Do not call him just to say goodnight. Ever. Put the phone down. PUT IT DOWN.
6. End all emotional attachments to inanimate objects and food products that are in some way associated with him. Eating a box of oreos will not make you feel better. Quite the opposite, in fact.
7. Start saying yes when other boys ask you out. Follow through.
9. Never read John Donne's "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" ever, ever again.
10. Stop writing incriminating blog entries about him in hopes that he'll read it and give you attention.

Along with A.J.'s blog, I received this amusing comment from reader Eddy:
"Two boys come up to you at the same time and one has a cake and one has a
Chipotle burrito. Written on each item is 'Will you go to the prom with me,
Hayley?' Who would you choose?"

Well, let me put it this way: the second boy could ask, "Will you invade Russia in the winter with me, Hayley?" and if it were written on a burrito, I would say yes.

In youtubely news, yesterday I appeared in Kristina (italktosnakes)'s birthday video for Alex (nerimon), was mentioned in a text message by Kayley (owlssayhooot) in her fiveawesomegirls video, and filled in for a very busy Leah (professorspork) on her collab channel, wizrockateers. I'm planning on making a 5AG video tonight. I won't disclose any of the topics I'll discuss, because I don't want my videos to turn into me reiterating old blog material. But it should be fun.

Sexy: The dark, brooding guy in the corner reading a book instead of participating in social activities/smiling/being polite in any way.
Unsexy: Baggy acid-wash jeans. Or, you know... tight ones.

Weight: 140
Chipotle burritos this year: 10
Subscribers: 14,940
Days left of high school: 30

Bye, guys! See you later tonight. <3
at

22 comments:

  1. tigressflowersApril 9, 2009 at 10:53 AM

    here's a good get over an asshole song :D

    worked for me...

    however, there is one thing, don't get drunk... it erases all get-over-ness of the great song

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HO-Pe9UTj2o

    ReplyDelete
  2. MarkApril 9, 2009 at 11:55 AM

    Hayley,
    What was your opinio of the mosst recent Scrubs episode?
    I know you hated the one before it, as did i, so i wanted to know...

    thanks,
    Mark

    ReplyDelete
  3. JordiekinsApril 9, 2009 at 12:00 PM

    It's currently 14,935, you're almost there.
    =)

    ReplyDelete
  4. VicMorrowsGhostApril 9, 2009 at 12:30 PM

    "Will you invade Russia in the winter with me, Hayley?"
    <3

    War and Peace?
    More like Smores and Cheese.

    ReplyDelete
  5. ShawnaApril 9, 2009 at 2:29 PM

    I let out this spluttery girlish guffaw when I saw your Jess reference. I scared myself actually.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousApril 9, 2009 at 3:14 PM

    I highly approve of your list. Transfer your affections to Jess Mariano immediately. HE IS SO MUCH MORE WORTHY.

    ReplyDelete
  7. AdamApril 9, 2009 at 3:20 PM

    God, Jess is such a dick.

    If you want help with number 5 you can do what my sister did. Get a friend (Leah would probably be best) to take a picture of her making a disapproving face and make it your phone background. Then whenever you plan to make the call you'll see the disapproving face and be more inclined to stop.

    Works wonders.

    ReplyDelete
  8. KatApril 9, 2009 at 5:26 PM

    "2. Listen only to songs about dying of AIDS and the sexual repression of German schoolboys." Word. I am especially partial to the latter.

    Oh, and speaking of Jesses: Dude, also the final Jess Darling books coming out ridiculously soon. Like on Tuesday or something!

    ReplyDelete
  9. goldensnitchApril 9, 2009 at 6:18 PM

    I like your list Hayley.
    Could you write out a summer playlist of songs you're going to really listen to over the summer?

    ReplyDelete
  10. KellyApril 9, 2009 at 6:38 PM

    tip #2 for getting over an asshole: OMG YES! thats EXACTLY what i do. can you be my twin.

    also, you may like In The Heights. is FANTASTIC.

    ReplyDelete
  11. MichelleApril 9, 2009 at 7:03 PM

    "2. Listen only to songs about dying of AIDS and the sexual repression of German schoolboys."

    I think if more people listened to Rent and Spring Awakening life would be a more happier place!!

    ...well..without thinking about the Aids and untimely death of each character...

    ReplyDelete
  12. LeahApril 9, 2009 at 7:23 PM

    I lol'd at number three.




    So now you've written the list. Following it is harder. <3 you can do it.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Meranda M.April 9, 2009 at 9:06 PM

    "2. Listen only to songs about dying of AIDS and the sexual repression of German schoolboys."

    This made me laugh out loud =) RENT and Spring Awakening makes the whole world better. Espically "Bitch Of A Living"

    <3.

    ReplyDelete
  14. PipApril 9, 2009 at 9:07 PM

    Oh, John Donne.
    If you do want to get over an asshole, go read "The Flea" by John Donne. Pretend that the asshole wrote it for you. It's disgusting.

    ReplyDelete
  15. ChristinaApril 9, 2009 at 10:06 PM

    Sexy - SO TRUE. Milo Ventimiglia? Epitome of said sexiness. Kthx.

    +Christina+

    ReplyDelete
  16. MegTaoApril 9, 2009 at 10:13 PM

    Personally, I find the best way to get over someone is to fall in love with his best friend.

    Worked for me.

    ReplyDelete
  17. UnknownApril 10, 2009 at 12:19 AM

    Well, first of all, you know he probably reads this. (And by probably, I'm pretty sure I mean definitely.) It just gives him an ego-boost/satisfaction.

    Also... one through three. Amen, sistah. And MILO! *swoon*

    ReplyDelete
  18. GEORGINAApril 10, 2009 at 1:20 PM

    I wrote some more hints for unloving the unsexy...
    http://way-away.blogspot.com/2009/04/hayley-g-hoover-said-that-to-unlove.html
    Just in case you want them.

    I love your number two!

    ReplyDelete
  19. erin meaganApril 10, 2009 at 2:10 PM

    2. Listen only to songs about dying of AIDS and the sexual repression of German schoolboys.

    Rent and SA, perhaps?
    :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Oh, yeah, that chick AryaApril 10, 2009 at 8:05 PM

    uh oh....... u didn't post!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! post!!!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  21. NatashaApril 12, 2009 at 6:13 PM

    I LOVE Milo Ventimiglia!
    haha I'm a Milo fangirl.

    ReplyDelete
  22. allieApril 13, 2009 at 8:44 PM

    2) was brilliant. It's my new life motto; I hope you're happy. So now when I'm asked, "hey, wanna listen to Flo Rida?" I'll respond with, "Does it involve dying of AIDS or the sexual suppression of German schoolboys?".

    ReplyDelete